Another family vent.

[Serena]

My ex-mil asked me to come to thanksgiving a month or so ago. Since I hadn't made any plans yet, or any available excuses, I eneded up saying yes.

Ok, I told my dad and my sister than I was not going to be here for thanksgiving, way back then. They still don't know what they are going to do, since I didn't plan it, they may or may not have thanskgiving this year.

Ok, the way it tends to go is that when my ex-mil does this, I make sure to have the next holiday dinner here. The rest of the year doesn't seem quite so important, so it ends up thanksgiving with one side of the family and christmas with the other.
That would be ok, if my family could do anything without me. I feel like I'm responsible for everything. I'm used to it, but sometimes it just gets frustrating.

btw, my dad's broken rib is doing ok. He likes the pain killers. But, he still is driving himself around. He says that doesn't hurt.

 

[snoopy]

Its hard when you are the responsible one. I know that scenario all too well.

Have a nice Thanksgiving Laurie.

 

[Serena]

 

[Sleepy]

I think it is great that you still have a relationship with an EX-mil. if you made plans a while ago to spend the day with her, then that is where you should be. There is no reason these days, for a person to NOT have a Thanksgiving meal. Grocery stores, Boston market, etc have ready prepared meals. if you can't bother to go buy one, you don't need to eat. You should not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for having a life seperate from theirs.

 

[Serena]

My ex-mil insists on a relationship. She's been my mil for 22 years, and since my mom died about 13 years ago, she sort of wants to be there for me. And especially now. I'm going to have a hard time convincing her to let her son be happy, even if it's with someone else.

As for my family, yeah, they will figure something out. And if not, then it wasn't that important to them. But I will hear about it, for months.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I understand!

I am starting to feel like I am the responsible (ie. organized) one for BOTH families. I guess I kind of set myself up for it though since I HAVE to plan ahead. Things usually fall to me to have people decide (ask the right questions and get them thinking) what they are going to do more than a week ahead of time. This is especially true with DH's family since we live by them.

I am hoping that I have started a new tradition this year. I am having DH's family here the weekend before Christmas for dinner and gift exchange. I like everyone coming to us for a change.

I'm glad your Dad is doing ok.

 

[Serena]

Jenn Lynn, that's what I had decided to do for christmas, years ago. It solved a lot of my problems. Just invite everyone here. But with the divorce, I just don't know what to do.

 

[snoopy]

Laurie, you are so blessed when it comes to your ILs. Having lost my parents when I was just a kid practically, I always wished for that same sort of relationship with my ILs. Unfortunately, it was not to be.

Count your blessings, sweetie. Have a great day tomorrow. Try not to worry about anyone but yourself. (I know, easier said than done -- but tomorrow, make it a Laurie day! )

 

[Serena]

But, but, but, I don't know how not to worry about other people. It's just part of me. I take care of people, it's what I've done for ever. I don't know how not to.

But I'm willing to take lessons. lol




Judi, I do count my blessings. Especially when I'm feeling sad. It helps to put things in perspective. I am sorry about your parents, and really sorry about your inlaws.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Laurie-I think you should invite who YOU want to invite. If it is everyone, great. If it is just your family, great. If it is just you and the girls, great. Do whatever will let you have the best holiday.

 

[snoopy]

Laurie...its hard to let go for those of us "responsible" types who are used to being the "Mommy". I know it is for me. DH would love to leave town for Thanksgiving, but I struggle with that....part of me knows my siblings would go on without me (they'd have no choice!), part of me feels guilty knowing they all sort of depend on me. I know exactly how you feel. Try to let it go, if just for tomorrow.

 

[Serena]

thanks

 

[4nana]

Serena, Some of us are just a glutton for punishment!!
I am the oldest sibling and as many, also play the responsible roll.

First we are just responsbile for just ourselves, then most of us marry, and low and behold you have someone else to consider, all too soon, it's the pitter patter of little feet, then before you know it, it's all the wonderful spouses they choose, and you're blessed with sweet little itty bitty grandchildren, and sooner or later, it's your dear elderly parents or IL's who brought you into this wonderful world, that truly need you.

Yep, that's life sweetie!! I count my blessings and try to make the best of the situation. I enjoy and love every minute of life I can and have learned not to sweat the small stuff! For the day no one needs me and I don't have to plan something or go somewhere, I will probably just lay down and
it will very sad day.

Now....back to my pineapple upside down cake in the oven.

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Sandie

 

[Freyja]

You seem like an incredible woman. Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and that everything works out fine.