An Interview for Mothers... Please!

[Tasha+Scott]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
Waiting until you AND your partner are both ready emotionally and financially. It is hard when one of you is ready and the other obviously isn't but it makes things easier if you wait until you both are!


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That it is easy from the start. Despite the advertisements, babies aren't always a ball of sunshine. Mine can be quite demanding and irritable when she wants to be. I don't know that this is the biggest myth, just the first that came to mind. I think there are a lot of myths actually.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
I don't know if there are advantages or disadvantages but I went to public school and am a pretty well-adjusted person. My children will also go to public school and we will hope they turn out okay too!


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
Learning that it isn't all about me anymore. Your child has to come first and you end up giving most of yourself to that little person. I can't tell you the number of times that entire days have just flown by and I had done nothing for myself or around the house b/c I was taking care of dd all day long and meeting her demands...um, I mean needs!


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
The unconditional love I have for my dd is indescribable! I have never felt bonded to someone like I do with her! Every smile, giggle, and coo warms my heart and makes me temporarily forget any problems or worries. It is also awesome to see how in love with her my dh is. I have never seen a man so shamelessly wrapped around a baby's finger before! The worst is when they are cranky, irritable, or don't feel well and you have tried everything you know to do with no success. You just want to make them feel better and don't know how!

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
That's a personal decision. I chose to stay home while dd is small but will eventually go back to work. A lot of women don't have that option. It is hard to get by on one income these days. Truthfully we had to make a lot of huge adjustments so I could stay home. There is no right or wrong decision on this one IMO. Whatever makes the mother comfortable and as long as the baby is happy and well taken care of.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
Age isn't really relevant. It depends when the couple truly knows they are ready. I had dd at 24 and I was more than ready. Dh was 26 and ready. Some people are not ready until their 40s and that's okay too.

What is the best way to raise a child?
There is no best way. It depends on the child, the mother, the environment, etc. What works for one family won't necessarily work for another. (I wish women didn't feel the need to criticize others when they don't do things the same way they did them.)

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
God, yes! I couldn't imagine my life without her. As a matter of fact I love being a mommy so much that I plan to do it again in a couple years. I wouldn't change anything as I am happy with the way it worked out. Some would argue that I should have finished my degree and had a stable career with more money first. But I am fine with the way we did things. I did not know what I really wanted to do career wise but I knew I wanted to be a mother. I plan to go back to school once my children are in school. I think having a career first would have been harder for me since I would have felt the need to keep working probably. This way I get the best of both worlds...the chance to stay home with my kids and then the chance to pursue a career later. Again, not for everybody but ideal for our family.

 

[MinnieM3]

Mothers,

If you have a minute, could you please fill out this interview. I'm doing a project about starting a family. Your help is greatly appreciated!

Thanks!


_________________________________________

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? The feact that we may start trying and think it will happen immeidately, and even if *it* does, you're still almost a year from the reality! If it doesn't, it tests your desire to keep trying and trying and trying. It can be stressful.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That your child will be just like the baby of everyone you know! Your baby is UNIQUE and is not a cookie cutter baby! And yes, it hurts like all get out. But you get over it. I never got over how small my smallest was... at 7lbs. 4 oz. my other 2 were 8 and a half.



How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? I have had kids in both at various times. I think that sschools that are based on your religious beliefs may be beter for you if you want your child brought up that way. If you're in a "good" school district, I think public is fine. Most importantly, in either case, be an outspoken advocate for your child.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? NO Sleep. No sleeping in on the weekends. The great balancing act of working and letting go of your child to someone else. It's like tearing your heart out, literally.


What is the best thing about having a baby? How every stage is THE BEST stage! You can't think it can get any better and then WOW it does! The worst? When your child is ill, or hurt in some wayl And when they turn teenagers!


Should a mother stay at home with her children? If she wants to and it's financiallly feasible.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? When you're in a stable relationship with a loving man who hold the same values as you..... and hopefully that's around age 26!


What is the best way to raise a child? With a feeling of safety and security and love no matter what happens. You must be their rock that they can ALWAYS count on. You must forgive. Use your head AND your heart.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Change: not yelling do much.

 

[Patricia]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
Trying to figure out if it is the right time to have a baby.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That the baby will make everything wonderful in your life. Babies are about love but they also create a great deal of stress in a marriage. If your marriage is not strong, the addition of a child may weaken it more. I have seen too many couples fall into this myth.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? This depends on the family. My children are in private schools and I know families who are spending their last dime to keep their kids there. It is extremely important to them. I also know families who do it simply because it seems like the "thing to do" who know nothing about the public schools in our area. For me, it was important to give my children a strong religious foundation as well as a work ethic that was superior, so we sent them to a school that fit the bill. It is not the same for all.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? How much I wanted to stay home with her. I was new to my career and thought I would be a woman of the times and that I could work and be a mommy with no problem. My heart literally broke leaving her and I found myself thinking of little else but how to get off to be home with her.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? Tough one...
The best is probably the pride you feel in watching your child conquer fears or challenges.
The worst is having them grow up and leave you.. .that is hell.


Should a mother stay at home with her children? If possible yes. I count the 7 years I was home as a tremendous gift.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
It is different for all, but I think the late 20's to the late 30's.


What is the best way to raise a child? WIth love and patience. Lots of sense of humor too.



Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
I have thought about this one a lot lately. FOr me, I would have to say yes. Despite the pain I have now in having my oldest go off to college and becoming an independent woman,watching my middle child become a true teenager, while still enjoying the unconditional love of my son, just 10, I would have to say I would do it all again in a minute. Just the way I did. I am blessed and lucky to have the life I do with my kids.

Good luck with your class.!!

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Yesterday, 10:20 PM #2
Miss Kelly
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 730 *Bump*

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Last edited by Miss Kelly : Yesterday at 10:40 PM.

 

[Ratpack]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? Lesson learned here recently- when you start a family..you have to realize that you have to take time for all relationships that are in the family. You and the children, you and the spouse, and you with YOU! Some mothers tend to focus all attention on the children that they forget the other parts of the family. You must take care of your own needs too- health (physical, mental, spiritual, etc.) And, take care of the spouse relationship. Once the children are gone off to school, marriage, etc.- you are once again left with each other. The time in between has to be maintained or it may be a relearning period for the both of you. This is usually around "midlife crisis" time and many divorces happen during this time.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That you have to wait until you have money. You NEVER have enough money! Once the baby comes, the lesson is to learn how to balance your money, budget to adjust to daily needs- insurance, clothing, etc. You seem to want the best in everything they wear, eat, etc. But then you learn how to provide for the needs first..the wants are just extras.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? Being a public school teacher- I vote public. However, If I lived in a district where schools were not reliable or accrediated- I would consider private. You, the parent, have to be involved in your child's education regardless of where they go to school. The schools can only deal with what they have been dealt. They must have support from the parents in every classroom. Make learning an experience at home as well. 6 hours a day of school will not be the only learning time for your child.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Finding time to still remain a "couple" first. Your attention is so focused on that little one's needs and wants, that you seem to forget the needs and wants of being a couple too.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? The best....seeing all of the beautiful changes that your child goes through, watching them grow...
The worst...seeing all of these beautiful changes go by so fast!


Should a mother stay at home with her children? Only if that is her choice. I chose to work because I love what I do. It is a great job to have children since I am working around a school schedule- summers off, etc. I don't think this has to be such an issue in society. I don't think I have missed out on anything by working, but some mothers feel that they want to be the ones to experience it all. It totally depends on the family situation.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? When you and your husband have decided that is what you want to do. It takes two to make and raise that child- sure, it is an adjustment- so you really need to be ready.


What is the best way to raise a child? My modeling what you expect them to do: showing manners at the table, on the phone, etc. They really seem to like some type of structure or routine- but not too strict, so that they can't be flexible in case something happens. Keeping an open communication line with them at all stages. And just love them and spend time and make time for them.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Absoultley! I can't remember what my life was like before them. I, guess, looking back the only thing I would have done differently...is probably been so stressed over trying to be the "supermom" like I thought other women were..once I learned that others have their problems, stresses and issues too- I really decided that I have to do what is best for my family only!

 

[Miss Kelly]

Thank you all so much!

 

[Disneynutbsv]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? Being responsible enought to start a family.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That it gets easier as they get older.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? I cannot answer as my kids have only gone to public school.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Hmmm, you just learn to deal with things and multitask


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
Unconditional love Trying to be a supermom is the worst.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
I think it depends on the mom...I stayed home with my kids for the first 2 years, but I'm also one that needs to work.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
I'm glad I had my kids young, I wish I had waited another year or two, but I feel like I can keep up with them better.

What is the best way to raise a child?
I can't say there is a correct answer to this...everyone raises their children differently, not incorrectly.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? I would do it all over again, I regret nothing.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

For me, I was a single mother. And barely 21 at that. I didn't know how to be a mom, and I was overwhelmed by the idea at first. I realized I needed to be responsible all the time, not just some of the time, and I had to grow up fast.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

Not everyone looks like the cover girls for Motherhood Maternity, and not everyone wants to hear about your cravings, your urges to pee and see your ultrasound pictures every 5 minutes!

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

I think it really depends on a lot of things. It's a personal decision. Personally, if I didn't live in an area with good schools I might consider it. I think there advantages and disadvantages to both.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

I had to give up my freedom - no more partying, hanging out friends, doing what I wanted when I wanted. My child became my life.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?

The best thing - being a mother is the best feeling in the world! The worst: sometimes being a mother is the most overwhelming thing in the world.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?

If financially she can, then yes. I don't understand why anyone would pass up the opportunity to be home and raise their children if they are able to do so. But sometimes a mother has no choice but to work, and that is understandable.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

Optimal time would be when you're in a position to financially, emotionally and physically care for a child, but that's not always the case. Sometimes that comes later.

What is the best way to raise a child?

There are many wrong ways, and many right ways. Whatever works for you and your family is what's best for you. I always tell my kids, my first job is to be your parent. We can be friends later.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

Given my circumstances, I would have liked to have been older and married before I had a baby, but I wouldn't have changed a thing.

 

[lecach]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? Money. Having a child is very expensive. Also, knowing that when you conceive you dont know what is going to happen - whether the baby will be healthy, or if you'll be able to carry the pregnancy the whole time.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That once its born everything is wonderful and you'll bask in the glow of motherhood. Being a mom is HARD. Especially if you're breastfeeding and if the baby has colic. The only glow I had was the glow of sweat because I didnt have time to shower.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? Our child is only 10 1/2 months so I dont really know the answer. A lot depends on how good the public schools are. Our child will go to public.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Knowing that my time was no longer my own. Every waking minute is consumed with being a Mom. Im not complaining - but it was a huge adjustment.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? Best is seeing your child smile and reach for you, knowing that he loves you unconditionally. Worst? The lack of sleep and lack of time for your self.


Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Depends on the Mom. I always thought I would want to stay home but I was ready to go back to work. My job is easier than being at home. I love being with my son but he wears me out.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
When you have been married at least 2 years and you're in a somewhat good financial place. If you wait til the time is perfect it'll never happen.

What is the best way to raise a child?
With love, and discipline. You have to make sure that your child knows you are the parent and not their best friend. But you shouldnt be distant either.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? If you had asked me during the first 3 months I would have said no - I would not do this again. But now I am completely in love with my DS. I would definately do this again. What would I change? I would make sure I was more prepared for the reality of having a newborn. And I would make sure I had lots of food in the freezer. And I would have told all those visitors to hold off a bit - the first 2 weeks I had someone visiting every day. It was too much - especially recovering from a csection.

 

[Lynn CC]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

We all have these dreams that everything is going to be perfect with our new baby, but that is not always the case. The most challenging aspect can be when things don't go as planned, such as your health during pregnancy, babies health while your pregnant or after it is born or mother's blues etc...
If everything goes as planned then your very lucky, but the majority of families run into some sort of problem.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That you will fall in love with and make a connection as soon as you give birth. I didn't feel that connection until I got home, I think I was a little overwhelmed in the hospital. I couldn't understand why, but I think that connection comes at different times for mothers, it's very personal.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
I think children of all ages get a better "real world" experience whent they go to public secondary school. My son went to public from K-12 then private college. I think in a private institution your are more sheltered in a lot of different aspects.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
I think the biggest adjustment is getting used to worrying about another human being ALL the time. From the time they are born your worries arn't just about yourself anymore, they are all about your child.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
The best thing is spending time with your child, watching all the firsts and letting them become independent responsible individuals.
The worst is when they leave home to go to college. Your happy that they are starting their life, but sad that they are leaving your house, you feel empty after having them there for 18 years. No one prepares you for that loss when you are thinking about starting a family.


Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Yes, I did and I don't regreat a minute of it. I stayed home for 18 years.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
24 years old


What is the best way to raise a child?
As part of the family, someone you enjoy being with, and have fun with and include the day to day family activities. A close knit family is best.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I would do it all over again, but I would try to prepare myself for the heartbreak of sending them off to college a bit more.
Other than that I wouldn't change a thing, I have a terrific child who is a responsible person, a person that I am proud to say I raised!
It is my life's greatest accomplishment so far! I can't forsee anything else that is going to make me smile as I do when I look at my son.


This is a great project to be a part of, Thanks for sharing!



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[zalansky]

Just subscribing right now - Ill be back to answer tomorrow

 

[DisneyPhD]

Just subscribing right now - Ill be back to answer tomorrow

It was your sig that I qouted in my 1st post. (on the 1st page.) I forgot you had it, I wanted to give credit to you. I think that really sums it up!

 

[RUDisney]

An adoptive mother's perspective:

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

The biggest challenge was the home study. It's a bunch of bureaucratic BS that IMO doesn't truly prove that someone is ready to be a parent.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

I dunno. We wanted older children because it fit our lifestyle better. Truly, we didn't want a baby, but a child.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

Right now, my kids are in public school because their private school closed and my DD needed additional assistance that the public school could offer instead of another private school. Once she doesn't need that help anymore, they will transfer back to private school. IMO, they will be better prepared for the private preparatory school that we want for them to attend and they'll academically be better prepared for college.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

I had to learn to trust my DH's family to help care for them.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?

The best thing about having a child is sharing in their accomplishments and actually having the "right" answers when they need comforting. The worst is how frustrating they can be when they won't listen.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?

If a mother can afford to live the lifestyle that she and her DH decide to lead while still staying at home, more power to her. However, if my kids want to go back to private school, go on good vacations and not have to have mom and dad worrying about where money will come from to pay the bills, then, mom has to work.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

When you are established in your career and marriage.

What is the best way to raise a child?

While plenty of love and praise and encouragement.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I wouldn't change a thing. As I tell my kids when I'm putting them to bed at night, "out of all of the children, in all of the world, that we could have found to make our own, we got so lucky to find them."

 

[ceiligh1]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
I think the most challenging aspect of starting a family is the communication between the couple. Both parties should want to start a family but it goes on from there. At each step along the way the couple must find agreement on issues and enforce them. Even something simple can take a long time to discuss and come to agreement on.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That there is a right or wrong way to do anything. There are many experts out there who have written a lot of books. There are a lot of parents out there with children. They all contradict each other. You have to do what is right for you and your child, not just what is on nanny 911 that night.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
I think that it depends on the child. I know some children who excel in public school. I also know some children who need a different type of school be it private or alternative. I think the advantage with any school is that it fit the learning style of your child. The disadvantage is that the type of school that fits your child is not always the easiest one for you to provide.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
The biggest adjustment for me was staying home. I love to work, the longest I had ever been without a job was 1 month after I moved from another state. Now I work at home and that is valuable to me, but I miss the fast pace, the outside contact and external validation to my work that I no longer have now that I am home. I also miss the ability to take a break from it whenever I felt like it.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
Having a child can be difficult at times but it can also be a lot of fun. The best thing is when the fun exceeds the difficulties.
The worst is when they are upset and there is nothing you can do to make it better.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
I think any parent who can stay home and wants to should. I was raised for many years by a stay at home dad. Not every family can have someone stay home, but every child should have love and security.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
It depends. Both parents should be ready to focus on the family not just themselves. That being said many of our friends have had trouble having children. Age isn’t the only difference but it is a big factor in not only fertility but genetic issues so I believe if you are ready that younger is better.


What is the best way to raise a child?
The way that you and your partner feel is best, but always with love.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
Yes I would. However I would wait a little while. We would have explored a little more of the world before we had to introduce a child to it.

 

[Stitchfans]

Mothers,

If you have a minute, could you please fill out this interview. I'm doing a project about starting a family. Your help is greatly appreciated!

Thanks!


_________________________________________

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
Making sure both of you are ready for the responsiblity of raising the child/children

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
Not sure, but I can tell you as painful as it can be you do forget. Know it doesn't make sense but you have to experience it to understand

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
With DD24 she started out in private school. Private school is quite a bit ahead in academics so if the child is a C average student they will struggle and fall behind. At least that is what we discovered with DD. Public school has far more help if needed. If the child needs extra help public school has far more to offer.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
Really didn't have any big adjustments that I can think of

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
The undescrible feeling you feel when you look into that tiny face. Worst? None that I can think of.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
If possible imo yes. In some cases due to money problems they can't I was lucky I was able to stay home for both DDs until they went to school

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
When both of you are ready and agree

What is the best way to raise a child?

Love them, teach them to be honest, hard working, and caring people.
Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Wouldn't change a thing. My daughters are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I thank God every day for them.

 

[2cutekids]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

It depends on your situation. Our biggest challenge was the actual "getting" pregnant part. If you can make it through those years of trials and disappointments, chances are that you have developed an extreme amount of patience!


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

That you automatically have a motherly instinct. I knew immediately that I loved my babies and wanted to protect them, but I was at a total loss as what to do once we were home from the hospital! Some of us just have to learn as we go.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

What about homeschooling? For many families, it's a perfect combination. The tuition to private schools can be a financial impossibility for some and some public school can be a acedemic, spiritual, safety, etc. impossibility for others. There are so many choices now days and there are pros and cons to all. No ONE choice is right for everyone.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

We had twins, so our biggest adjustment was having to satisfy two babies at once! That.......and NO SLEEP!!!!


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?

The best thing....that is impossible to say!!!! There are so many WONDERFUL things!!!! I think most of of think that the children themselves are the BEST thing! Or.....the best thing is the love will feel....there is no way you can comprehend it beforehand. The worst is the fear/worry you will feel (their health, safety, fear of failing them, etc)....there is no way you can comprehend that beforehand, either.


Should a mother stay at home with her children?

If at all possible and she WANTS to, that would be great. I can't imagine working and being away from my kids so much. On the other hand, I know some terrific women who I think are good mothers but they say they couldn't stand being home so much. I guess it depends on what kind of support "team" you have for your kids. I really feel for the mother's who would LOVE to stay home and can't.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

After you have been married a couple of years and have adjusted to that. Then......BAM!!!!!!!!!! Time for another adjustment!


What is the best way to raise a child?

With PATIENCE, Love, discipline with mercy, but mostly...lots of hugs and "I love You's".


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

Would, I? In a heartbeat. I would change that I listened to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE else's advice on what I should do, when, where, why, how.....and listen to my own instinct more. I could have prevented a lot of stress.