But crappy ones.
You asked for it. You got it.
Thank me later.
After our lunch in France we stood outside in the hot sun for about two minutes. Then I started to feel sick. Like I was sweating butter. Onion. And garlic. I'm sure I smelled just great. Like a Bloomin' Onion.
It's time to rate our Chefs de France meal: It's four thumbs up from four happyhaunts. Although three thumbs are up for the Fish and Chips from the UK take-out stand. Instead. Mellyman gave the food a full thumb up. The service left something to be desired. He felt. I give the service a big thumbs up. But my stomach began to roll. Like Mellyman's eyeballs... as soon as we walked out of the place. It was a good thing he had eaten most of. Everything. Three tums, a little rest on a bench while my stomach cramped up and a stop in Morocco for the restroom and all was well again. Still... my thumb is DOWN. I loved the food and the service. I just felt a little "icky" afterwards.
Like I had broken down and BOUGHT the Pirates of the Caribbean Johnny Depp T-shirt.
You know?
Well... if you read my last trippie carefully... you DO.
That's all I'm sayin' about that. Now.
We looked around Morocco for a little bit.
Calvin: Do they have a Moroccan Kiss?
Me: Morocco is a Muslim country so... NO. No way. Actually, I think that men who know each other well kiss each other on the cheek when they meet. Men also can walk and hold hands, there. But men and women... no kissing. At all. Capish?
Calvin: Let me get this straight, Mom? Men can kiss each other and hold hands. That's fine. But it's not good to kiss women on the lips?
Me: Pretty close, my friend.
Calvin: I'd rather go to France.
Me: There's a
Disneyland in Paris. Did you know?
Calvin: You'd rather go there too.
Me: Yep.
Calvin: Daddy doesn't want to go back to France, though. Does he?
Me: Nope.
(Mellyman walks up)
Calvin: Mommy and I are going to Paris. You're gonna go to Morocco and kiss guys.
(Mellyman turns abruptly and walks away)
Me: Come back, Mel! I promise we won't fill you in.
(Mellyman comes back)
Calvin: The waiter guy liked Mom, huh?
Mellyman: He doesn't know her.
Calvin: Well... if he knew her like you do... would he like her?
Mellyman: No way.
Me: La La La La... Don't phunk with my heart!
Then Mellyman smiled and leaned down and kissed me. But not like in France. It was much more Moroccan. Of sorts.
We continued on to Japan. Where we noticed something VERY exciting.
The Candy Lady! The Crazy Candy Lady!!!! Was OUT!
Making candy animals! Whoooooo hooooo!
We hurried over and joined the crowd. There was quite a crowd. Trying to get picked to get a candy animal. The three kids deftly slid in front of her behind the ropes and the smaller kids. Tommy was allowed to make his way right to the front. Mellyman and I hung at the back of the group. Sweating butter. Still.
In my last trip report I told you that the happyhaunts will generally get picked out of a crowd. To join in. Things. If people are getting picked. I believe it's because we walk around with signs on our foreheads that read "Pick Me!". Except for Mellyman. His reads "Leave me alone. Pick my wife instead." It's true.
Because the Candy Lady picked Calvin for the next animal.
In her singsong voice she asked him what he wanted.
He wanted a blue dog.
So she started, "Pretty blue doggie. Ruff ruff. Nice blue doggie. Bark bark. Blue doggie blue doggie blue doggie:
Nice collar for a nice doggie. Nice yellow collar. Pretty pretty collar. Pretty pink and yellow collar for the pretty pretty doggie. Ruff ruff. Ruff ruff.
Nice doggie. Good doggie. Happy doggie. Bark bark.
Doggie wants some green grass to stand on nice doggie. Pretty doggie. Friendly doggie. Bark bark. Happy doggie.
At this point Mellyman leaned over and whispered, "Big beer. Big beer. Nice beer. Cold beer. Big man go to Germany. Happy man. Bye bye."
He headed off. To Germany for beer. Apparently. Leaving Me(l) to go through two more candy animals. While Calvin's was drying.
And drying.
Still drying.
Still.
Whew. Finally it was dry.
Then we sat through a pretty, pretty pink kitty. Pink kitty. Pretty kitty. Happy kitty.
For Beth.
And a nice elephant. Big elephant. Purple elephant. Lucky, lucky, happy, happy elephant.
For Tommy.
The kids were thrilled. I felt like my mind had turned into a Kaki Gori.
Rainbow flavoured.
I was insane and sweating butter and cheese.
LOOK AT ME NOW!!!!! FRENCH GUY!!!!!!
Whew.
Anyhow. This is what we ended up with:
And:
And:
And:
That last one took a while. FYI.
La La La La... Don't phunk with my mind! Candy lady.
Love the Candy Lady!!!! I think.
I spied my beautiful bride returning. From Germany. With a blonde.
Ale. That is.
We showed him our pretty happy animals. I asked him if he wanted one.
The answer was "No". Thanks.
I added the thanks. In my head. I do that sometimes. To make people sound nicer than they really are. To me. It makes me happier. And nicer, too.
Happy happy Mel. Nice Mel. Pretty Mel. Happy happy blond Mel. Blah blah yada yada. Blah.
The kids noticed Mellyman's beer right away. And asked for a "treat". I immediately suggested a Kaki Gori. I'm not sure why. But I think the Candy Lady is melodically lulling us with subliminal messages from the Kaki Gori Group. Of merchants.
Who knows? Really.
But I was a melodically mellow melancholy Mel. At this point.
It was time to motor. We had FASTPASSES for Maelstrom!!!!
Psyche!
You don't really need to bust through the gates of Epcot at opening time and run like the wind. To Norway. For Maelstrom Fastpasses.
Just a tip. From a Disney junkie.
We were going to pass that way. On the way to Test Track.
And... I'm sure we wouldn't be the FIRST. To pass that way.
Unfortunately.
To be continued. Up next: Maelstrom sucks. Big surprise. There. Test Track rocks. We go swimming. Tommy aka Mr. Pee Machine urinates in the wilderness aka the bush beside the Clown Pool.
Great TR!
. DH still has an issue with France - but I'd go back in a heartbeat.
(Not such a good thing when I'm supposed to be working. Quietly. 
