Am I the only "mean" mom during the summer?

[AdventurerKat]

Don't worry Muffycat, we've all got your back.

I'm thinking the person who said that needs to spend less time damaging her skin getting "lean and brown" at the pool and more time with increasing her reading comprehension (then maybe she wouldn't have been so quick to spit in the face of a nice poster) and more time learning not to be judgmental, patronizing, and rude. Just a suggestion!!

Maybe the poster can do both.

She can check a book out at the library on that and read it by the pool. I'd make it a priority.

 

[makinorlando]

But, yours are just being educated in a different form. Their brains are being stimulated, as well as their bodies, charactor and souls. Sounds like it works well for your family. Each family needs to do what works best for them. IMO.

Have a lovely trip to Mexico! We've been to Haiti, and Jamaica and the Honduras for rebuilding after various disasters. It profoundly affected all of us!

ITA! Teaching and learning can be done in so many different ways. There is not right or wrong here, just personal preferences and the fact that we as parents know our children and their learning styles the best. What is wrong is the judgement of each other's styles!

My DD is a hands on type, and a sponge when it comes to learning through hearing things. She rarely forgets a fact about something she has heard, however, she does not learn well if I just give her a book and a worksheet!

I also agree with the Mom who mentioned it is great NOT to have to worry about homework for awhile. It was exhausting some evenings!!!

DD learned how to peel and devein shrimp yesterday when we made dinner together. She thought that was great fun!

She is also learning about volunteering, as we are fostering a puppy from a local rescue this week. Daisy (that's the name we have given her) is DDs responsibility - she was even up with her at 4:30am Tuesday morning, as she was sleeping in DDs room!

She helps me grocery shop, so she is reading the labels, and uses her math skills.

She will be going to VBS at a school friend's church next week.

Today we will go to the library on my lunch hour and find a book or two on the summer reading list. They have been out of school two weeks yesterday, and I gave her that time OFF. Her school has a reading challenge for x number of books or minutes over the summer. As long as she reads a little each day, I will not force her to meet the challenge, unless she is so motivate to! She unfortunately does not LOVE to read like some kids.

For the most part the kids in our neighborhood don't play outside too much during the heat of the day, so other than walking the dog or riding her bike/scooter around the block her daytime activities are indoor or in our pool (I can watch her in the pool while working on the wireless laptop)

Not so bad while working full time too! (Oh and I was doing laundry, sweeping the floors and emptying the dishwasher at 1am!)

Oh and I LOVE to read while floating on my raft in the pool!

 

[mommaU4]

Wow! From some of your posts I've read in the past, you tend to post some of the most ridiculous, rude statements. I certainly hope you are not passing this "trait" on to your kids. Remember, the acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

I agree with this.

It is odd that someone who seems to care so much for her DD's and goes to such great lengths to ensure they are well rounded and have such an enjoyable summer, would then turn around and say something so rude to another poster who was only complimenting her.

I certainly hope she doesn't say things like that in front of her DD's at home, or all that other hard work and teaching she is doing for them won't mean much in the end.

 

[Missy1961]

ITA! Teaching and learning can be done in so many different ways. There is not right or wrong here, just personal preferences and the fact that we as parents know our children and their learning styles the best. What is wrong is the judgement of each other's styles!

My DD is a hands on type, and a sponge when it comes to learning through hearing things. She rarely forgets a fact about something she has heard, however, she does not learn well if I just give her a book and a worksheet!

I also agree with the Mom who mentioned it is great NOT to have to worry about homework for awhile. It was exhausting some evenings!!!

DD learned how to peel and devein shrimp yesterday when we made dinner together. She thought that was great fun!

She is also learning about volunteering, as we are fostering a puppy from a local rescue this week. Daisy (that's the name we have given her) is DDs responsibility - she was even up with her at 4:30am Tuesday morning, as she was sleeping in DDs room!

She helps me grocery shop, so she is reading the labels, and uses her math skills.

She will be going to VBS at a school friend's church next week.

Today we will go to the library on my lunch hour and find a book or two on the summer reading list. They have been out of school two weeks yesterday, and I gave her that time OFF. Her school has a reading challenge for x number of books or minutes over the summer. As long as she reads a little each day, I will not force her to meet the challenge, unless she is so motivate to! She unfortunately does not LOVE to read like some kids.

For the most part the kids in our neighborhood don't play outside too much during the heat of the day, so other than walking the dog or riding her bike/scooter around the block her daytime activities are indoor or in our pool (I can watch her in the pool while working on the wireless laptop)

Not so bad while working full time too! (Oh and I was doing laundry, sweeping the floors and emptying the dishwasher at 1am!)

Oh and I LOVE to read while floating on my raft in the pool!

Sounds like a nice summer. She's lucky to have you as a mom!

 

[paslea_pooh]

Until this past year I homeschooled 9yodd, so we would school year round and take off time as appropriate. Well she went to 3rd grade this year. Imagine her surprise when I handed her work to do daily during the summer.

Here is what I require:
1 page of grammar
1 page of math
1 page of a punctuation/grammar review
3 days a week a short page of reading comprehension questions
20 minutes of piano
30 minutes of reading

Honestly looking at 1 hour, maybe 1 hour 10 minutes on a bad day. She also has to empty the dishwasher in the morning (OH WOE IS ME!!! DRAMA!! DRAMA!! ). She makes her bed daily, hangs her laundry which is about 1-2 times a week depending on how often I wash, and is required to do a daily pickup of her room and playroom---oh that is a killer and resulted in hysterics in the floor tonight. She was actually holding her head between her hands and screaming about how she "only has 2 hands. How can you make me do so much." And no she wasn't kidding. It was an actual meltdown. Yes, she is 9 not 3.

On days she doesn't have a scheduled physical activity (cheer, tennis) she must walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes--usually only 2-3 days a week.

So is she right? Is she the only child abused in this manner? Do I work her like a slave? Does every other child get to spend all of their day how they want...which in her case would be whining about how bored she is......HAHA

Our kids don't do homework during the summer. If they want to read they can. I don't make them. We have one rule. We don't speak about school ALL summer. We don't even say the word school!!! It's summer and they work hard all year. I think they should be kids. I do expect them to help out around the house. Make their beds, take turns walking the dog. My 9 year old walks the dog every other day and makes her bed. Other than that she doesn't really do much. If she makes a mess in her playroom she is expected to clean it up.

 

[monsterkitty]

well, we all have our priorities...

Hi, Dr. Laura!

 

[noodleknitter]

It surprises me how many find "work" to be so horrid/hard. I always found that if I gave the impression that doing a job and doing it well is a postitive activity that our kids enjoy it too. We have always tried to stay busy, with busy being anything from cooking and cleaning, to family bike rides to sending the kids into the woods on neighborhood scavenger hunts, or hanging in the treehouse with an awesome book.

Not saying the word "school" makes school (and thereby education) to be a negative. What good does it do to perpetuate that idea?

 

[maxiesmom]

Yes, and also summer is about letting a child do a little thinking and exploring by himself.

When I was a kid, our imagination ran wild. Now, the moms imagination run wild and then organizes creativity for kids.

It's great to make keep the learning going in the summer, but too many moms just can't relax enough to let kids have a creative thought of their own. I'm not saying that this is true about the OP. I'm just saying I saw alot of it. Now that I've seen these kids grow up, they are either wound tighter than a clock, or have totally rebeled.

Thanks for saying what I couldn't find the right words for. I agree with you! It has become all about the parents and how they can have the best, smartest child. Like the parent with the child that does the most wins.

 

[Planogirl]

A lot of kids seem overscheduled. I often wonder how they will learn to use their imaginations if everything is planned out for them.

 

[Disneyrsh]

By the way, while you are taking your 6 and 7 year old girls and helping them to get "lean and brown" I hope you are remembering to use sun screen on them as the number of skin cancer cases in young children is on the rise.

Yeah, we use the Gator brand, it doesn't have chemical sunscreens in it; it's only physical barrier sunscreens. They turn into little ghosts when I smear it on them because of the zinc and titanium dioxide. We usually go to the public pool (it's free) after 3 pm so the sun's not so hot and all the daycare/camp hordes have cleared out.

 

[Bbgrizzle]

Well, since we have year-round school, I've never had to worry about this before. But, we are moving to Virginia in two days, and they don't have year-round school. This will be the first year my kids have had the summer off.

No way will I have them do work-sheets. I am a teacher and I know kids get burned out and they need that break. But my kids' summer will be educational. I will have them read daily and practice math facts using flashcards and Bingo games. And I'll be taking my girls around Washington, D.C., Mt. Vernon, and other historical places. We've never lived near anything historical before, so we are all looking forward to it.

I hope we all help our kids have a GREAT summer.

 

[Disneyrsh]

What exactly does that mean in reference to the post you quoted? I didn't think her posted called for that kind of remark.

Some people work because they always have or want to. Other because the HAVE to. Does that make them bad parents? I think not.

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.

I CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. It's very, very, hard work and every day I look at the things I don't have so I can stay home with them. I have a house that I have to repair myself (I fixed the ceiling in the girls' bathroom that was falling down yesterday), I have a ten year old computer, we drive cheap, used, paid for cars, and our lifestyle is significantly less affluent than it would be had I chosen to keep working outside of the house.

So it makes me very frustrated when I get those flippant posts about how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky that I have two wonderful daughters. Luck, however, has nothing to do with why I stay at home.

The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

 

[alliecats]

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.

I CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. It's very, very, hard work and every day I look at the things I don't have so I can stay home with them. I have a house that I have to repair myself (I fixed the ceiling in the girls' bathroom that was falling down yesterday), I have a ten year old computer, we drive cheap, used, paid for cars, and our lifestyle is significantly less affluent than it would be had I chosen to keep working outside of the house.

So it makes me very frustrated when I get those flippant posts about how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky that I have two wonderful daughters. Luck, however, has nothing to do with why I stay at home.

The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

Let me see if I have this right. In other, more succinct words, you projected. You took out your frustrations on her, based on past interactions on this issue. Rather than see if that is what she indeed meant, you jumped to conclusions and went straight for the hateful remark. Got it.

Oh, and by the way, I don't think this opinion is becoming unpopular. I think it may just be the sanctimonious and judgmental way in which you express that opinion that is unpopular.

 

[daisy_77]

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.

I CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. It's very, very, hard work and every day I look at the things I don't have so I can stay home with them. I have a house that I have to repair myself (I fixed the ceiling in the girls' bathroom that was falling down yesterday), I have a ten year old computer, we drive cheap, used, paid for cars, and our lifestyle is significantly less affluent than it would be had I chosen to keep working outside of the house.

So it makes me very frustrated when I get those flippant posts about how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky that I have two wonderful daughters. Luck, however, has nothing to do with why I stay at home.

The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

The more you try to explain, the more rude you seem to be. I don't understand the hostility. Sorry that you don't like to be called lucky. Poor you. It's gonna be ok.

 

[macraven]

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.



The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.



While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

i started to see what you meant when i glanced through this post.
but, when i reread it, the attitude came through clearly.

by starting out with a flippant comment about people's panties made me realize there is a double meaning in the post.
and by ending it with the way you did by telling us we can think you are rude deflated the meaning you are trying to get across.


the problem with some threads that make it become controversial is not being able to read them with the intention the poster had in mind.

muffycat made a statement which was a compliment to you.
you did not see it that way. your choice was to read it as a negative statement. instead of smoothing things over in this thread, you come back and are flippant.

i am out of here.

this thread is not enjoyable anymore for me.
i see it as watching a tv show. if i don't like it, i switch the channel.
i will share my thoughts on other threads. i prefer to stay away from threads that end up this way.

 

[DVCLiz]

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.

I CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. It's very, very, hard work and every day I look at the things I don't have so I can stay home with them. I have a house that I have to repair myself (I fixed the ceiling in the girls' bathroom that was falling down yesterday), I have a ten year old computer, we drive cheap, used, paid for cars, and our lifestyle is significantly less affluent than it would be had I chosen to keep working outside of the house.

So it makes me very frustrated when I get those flippant posts about how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky that I have two wonderful daughters. Luck, however, has nothing to do with why I stay at home.

The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

This kind of ignorant, stereotypical attitude is why stay-at-home moms and working moms seem to be at odds with each other constantly.
Personally, if my ceilings were falling in and I was as much on the financial edge as you indicate you are, I'd have to wonder if that was the most reasonable choice to make.

Quite frankly, it's not that hard to be a stay at home mom. I've done both, and it's much easier to get the quality work of parenting done when you can make your own schedule, adapt your wardrobe to the needs of your children rather than the requirements of an office, make your schedule based on what's best for you instead of working around someone else, etc. I never understand this martyr attitude of the stay at home mom. Everyone who's a mom has the same job to do in raising her children - to imply that it's grueling when you do it all day seems misguided to me. And to tell someone she doesn't have her prioities straight is the typical ignorant response I hear over and over from stay at home moms with some kind of ax to grind.

I have lots of stay at home and working mom friends - we all seem to move in and out of the work force and away from and back to home over the course of raising our children, and everyone has done about the same quality of job. I do find a correlation between the more successful kids and the parents who had a little more tolerance for differences. Something about that closed mind seems to trickle down...

 

[mommaU4]

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

Unbelievable!
Wow, not only are you rude but to me that now sounds racist to boot!! And by the way, you don't give any credit to the many wonderful daycare providers/babysitters that are out there.

I am a SAHM too and it is hard to raise a family of 6 on an income of under $25,000. That's right. Under. Wages in the area where we live are terrible and we have a strict budget and I do without many of the same things as you. But like you it is a choice we make.

However I would never say some of the mean, hurtful and judgemental things you said about moms who, for whatever reason, do work. I am just speechless.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Burn the witch! Run her out of town on a rail!



Seriously, she's enititled to her opinion like everyone else. This was a misunderstanding. Do you think we can all stop with the jabs? I'm sure she gets it by now that you all think she was rude.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

Ok, since we've all got our panties in a wad over this, I'll explain a bit. I read her compliment to mean, wow, it's great you're doing all those cool things with your kids. I choose to work rather than be with my kids, so my kids don't do any of those things. Aren't you lucky.

I CHOSE to be a stay at home mom. It's very, very, hard work and every day I look at the things I don't have so I can stay home with them. I have a house that I have to repair myself (I fixed the ceiling in the girls' bathroom that was falling down yesterday), I have a ten year old computer, we drive cheap, used, paid for cars, and our lifestyle is significantly less affluent than it would be had I chosen to keep working outside of the house.

So it makes me very frustrated when I get those flippant posts about how lucky I am. Yes, I am lucky that I have two wonderful daughters. Luck, however, has nothing to do with why I stay at home.

The statement had nothing to do with judgement, just that I didn't see an honest compliment, I saw a flippant, 'how nice for you' post that really didn't involve a lot of thought.

Raising kids is an enormous amount of work, and I believe strongly in not abrogating it to a 20 year old guatemalan girl that lives in your basement or a bored daycare worker who measures the minutes she watches the kids as just that much more time to her next ciggy break.

While this opinion is becoming increasingly unpopular in this day and age, I'm sticking with it, and if you think I'm rude, or that I judge, well, you're welcome to. I'm not doing what I do for you.

I guess the rest of us are so totally wrong for seeing her post for what it was - a compliment. Not a flippant remark like you did.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Let me see if I have this right. In other, more succinct words, you projected. You took out your frustrations on her, based on past interactions on this issue. Rather than see if that is what she indeed meant, you jumped to conclusions and went straight for the hateful remark. Got it.

Oh, and by the way, I don't think this opinion is becoming unpopular. I think it may just be the sanctimonious and judgmental way in which you express that opinion that is unpopular.

Well, you say project, I say interpret. It's all semantics.

Do I judge women who choose (important word, here, not every mother gets to choose to work) to work rather than raise their kids? Yes, I do. I am horrified that women would choose to have a BMW over cleaning up baby puke.

Moms who are sole breadwinners and must work DO make their kids first priority because they are PROVIDING for them, so my comment was NOT directed at them. Most of the people who are moms who work who are single moms on this post make a point about including that *very important* fact in their post. I felt like that particular bit was assumed.

If you're a two income family and you choose to work, you are CHOOSING work over your kids. That's not rude, not judgemental, it's a statement of fact, and you can get as angry about it as you like, I'm not making you go out there.

I see, also, that the moms in my circle that have to work because of divorce put extra effort into making quality time with their kids than the moms who are "lifestyle workers" don't.

So, for all the people that read my four little words and projected, oops, interpreted all sorts of nasty stuff on me without asking for clarification, there it is. Either my comment was directed at you and you're mad at me, or it wasn't.

I am very sorry for hijacking this thread, it was more of a personal annoyance at the inconsiderate nature of the 'compliment', for me. I should have pm'ed her.

Oh, hey, have to add about the guatemalan girl: It's CRUEL to keep a nanny in your basement! They make that poor girl watch three kids under the age of three, with no breaks, no vacations, nothing. They go on vacation and LEAVE HER IN THE HOTEL ROOM! She should be out getting an education, having fun with her friends, not under the thumb of some crazy high powered lawyers.


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