Am I the only "mean" mom during the summer?

[punkin]

I do not get why everyone is jumping on Disneyrsh's comments. I don't read them to be disparaging of working moms. God knows I have been one and it is really hard to juggle those responsibilities. Desneyrsh and I are both lucky that we have the wherewithall to make the choices we made. Yes, we gave up a lot financially, but we still have food, housing and clothing because someone else is working a supporting us. Some working moms can't make that choice, others make different choices based on their priorities. This does not make anyone a bad mother...just different. Why is anyone insulted at that statement?

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

I guess the rest of us are so totally wrong for seeing her post for what it was - a compliment. Not a flippant remark like you did.

She misunderstood. So sue her.

And maybe her opinion isn't popular, but she's entitled to it just like everybody else. Or do we only allow PC opinions. That's no fun.

 

[mommaU4]

Burn the witch! Run her out of town on a rail!



Seriously, she's enititled to her opinion like everyone else. This was a misunderstanding. Do you think we can all stop with the jabs? I'm sure she gets it by now that you all think she was rude.

Of course she is. We ALL are.
But she's not just rude. She's coming off as very mean, hurtful and stereotyping others as well. Which again, she is certainly entitled to be, it's just too bad she feels the need to be.

 

[Crankyshank]

Ooh look I have another chapter for my book about how my parents screwed me up. Mom chose work over raising us. Because God knows she wanted that Chevy Nova, paid bills, and food that didn't come out of a can when she could have stayed home instead of leaving me with relatives and a daycare worker.

 

[Mom2Ashli]

She misunderstood. So sue her.

And maybe her opinion isn't popular, but she's entitled to it just like everybody else. Or do we only allow PC opinions. That's no fun.

I agree that is can have her opinion just like everyone else. I never said anything about her stand on things, I just didn't understand the reason for the remark just as I stated. Than to quote me and remark about panties being in a wad.

I am sorry she misunderstood. Maybe next time don't be so ready to be on the defense. Sometimes people really are trying to be nice.

I have never said anything about SAHM or Working Moms. Why because everyone does what is best for them and their family. END OF STORY.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Of course she is. We ALL are.
But she's not just rude. She's coming off as very mean, hurtful and stereotyping others as well. Which again, she is certainly entitled to be, it's just too bad she feels the need to be.

Like I said, she misunderstood. She thought that someone had been mean to her and she jabbed back. Like lots of people went on to do to her. Over and over and over and over.

I'm beginning to see that there are opinions that one just isn't allowed to have here!

Whatever, , I'm going back to to the resorts board where someone can call the Poly a bad Brady Bunch episode and live to tell the tale!!!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

it's a shame you did not see my remark as a compliment.








i'm editing the rest, it's not worth it.

 

[DVCLiz]

Do I judge women who choose (important word, here, not every mother gets to choose to work) to work rather than raise their kids? Yes, I do. I am horrified that women would choose to have a BMW over cleaning up baby puke.

If you're a two income family and you choose to work, you are CHOOSING work over your kids. That's not rude, not judgemental, it's a statement of fact, and you can get as angry about it as you like, I'm not making you go out there.
.

And here's what I think about this...

I know many two-income familioes who choose to keep both jobs because the salary of one alone doesn't cover the needs of the family. And there aren't any BMWs parked in those driveways. Bonuses, benefit packages, and retirement plans may or may not be sufficient on dad's salary alone, so even with stretching those dollars to the breaking point, Mom still may have to earn some income to meet the basic needs of the family.

I think what irritates me so much about this is the idea that working, to you, automatically means choosing something OVER your kids. Whereas I see it as choosing something FOR your kids. It doesn't take very long over on the Budget Board to see what some people's choices now are doing to their lifestyle later. Working for a steady paycheck and a retirement plan that lets you rely on yourself instead of being a burden to your kids is a really worthy goal, at least for me. And I wouldn't necessarily want to be the kid who had the mom who scrimped and got by so she could stay home with me, only to find later that she had no retirement income and no way of providing for herself in her old age. Especially if I had watched that mom and incorporated those attitudes into my own ideas about how a grown woman with children should behave, and I too had chosen the stay at home and struggle method. Hope Dad's (and Grandad's) check will stretch as far as it needs to, then.

 

[Disneyrsh]

it's a shame you did not see my remark as a compliment.
it seemed everyone else did.


that remark and others you made afterwards are very appaling.
as someone said not only can't see a compliment when it is given, you
seem to have a racist attitude and don't understand the many
quality dedicated daycare workers that are out there.

but as i said before, before you made that comment, you should have
asked a few more questions. from my original reply, you can't tell want my home life was like other than me working.

there's a phrase "think before you talk"

I did think before I wrote. I looked at your siggy and saw the repeated stays at the Poly Concierge. You, honey, are not hurting for money, and you don't HAVE to work.

We are not hurting for money, we are very, very, very careful with it. We have our own garden so my kids don't always eat spaghetti from a can (sometimes we do, though, we like Chef Boyardee!). They have money put in their 529's for college. I buy my shoes from walmart and payless. It really comes down to priorities, which is what my statement emphasized. Those are my priorities, and you can gleefully jump all over me all you want, but I have trouble sympathizing with you when you are obviously rich enough to stay at concierge level, repeatedly.

And I don't think 'everyone else' feels the way you do. And I have no problem being the only one, if that were so.

And one more thing; for the woman who posted "frankly, being a stay at home mom isn't that tough", well, then, you're not doing it right.

I'm not a "martyr", I have no plans on dying for my cause, , I recognize, though, that raising kids to go out into the world and make a positive contribution, not just take up space on our increasingly overburdened planet, takes work, forethought, planning, and a he** of a lot of dedication, every day.

So where does that fall under 'not so tough'?

 

[alliecats]

Whatever, , I'm going back to to the resorts board where someone can call the Poly a bad Brady Bunch episode and live to tell the tale!!!

 

[mommaU4]

Like I said, she misunderstood. She thought that someone had been mean to her and she jabbed back. Like lots of people went on to do to her. Over and over and over and over.

I'm beginning to see that there are opinions that one just isn't allowed to have here!

Whatever, , I'm going back to to the resorts board where someone can call the Poly a bad Brady Bunch episode and live to tell the tale!!!

Well, I wasn't refering to her comment about priorities anymore. Her second post was far more telling of the type of person she is IMO. Why say something like that in reference to daycare providers/babysitters. If I was employed as either of those I would not appreciate such a stereotypical comment.

But I'm not so perhaps it shouldn't bother me.

To quote macraven, I am out of here. This isn't worth anymore discussion for me. I do hope everyone does enjoy their summers with their kids however they choose to spend them.

 

[KirstenB]

Delightful. The working mom vs. SAHM debate. Why did this show up in this thread? Why is it even a debate? We're all doing what we think is best for our families. I've been both. Although I'm a SAHM now, I know I'll need to go back to work to help pay for the kids college, etc. Why even judge someone else's situation? It's not like it impacts the rest of us in any way, sheesh!

 

[noodleknitter]

I do hope everyone does enjoy their summers with their kids however they choose to spend them.

A sentiment everyone can agree with!

 

[MUFFYCAT]

I did think before I wrote. I looked at your siggy and saw the repeated stays at the Poly Concierge. You, honey, are not hurting for money, and you don't HAVE to work.

We are not hurting for money, we are very, very, very careful with it. We have our own garden so my kids don't always eat spaghetti from a can (sometimes we do, though, we like Chef Boyardee!). They have money put in their 529's for college. I buy my shoes from walmart and payless. It really comes down to priorities, which is what my statement emphasized. Those are my priorities, and you can gleefully jump all over me all you want, but I have trouble sympathizing with you when you are obviously rich enough to stay at concierge level, repeatedly.

And I don't think 'everyone else' feels the way you do. And I have no problem being the only one, if that were so.

telling me i don't have to work because i've stayed concierge is none of your business.


being a stahm or working parent is everyone's one decision.

no one should tell another what to do.


this thread is over for me.

if there is anything you'd like to talk about pm me



stayin

 

[disykat]

. Why did this show up in this thread? Why is it even a debate?

Evidently people got tired of crucifying someone over 10 minutes of worksheets.

 

[Miss Inga Depointe]

Delightful. The working mom vs. SAHM debate. Why did this show up in this thread? Why is it even a debate? !

I don't see the problem with a debate, the problem is this always turns into a cat fight!

Really though, it's too bad that all professions don't put as much time thinking about and debating methods and theories as much as mothers do. Wouldn't it be nice if the people at the DMV and IRS spent this much time trying to figure out the best way to do their jobs too?

OK, back to your regularly scheduled cat fight!

 

[Crankyshank]

I'm not a "martyr", I have no plans on dying for my cause, , I recognize, though, that raising kids to go out into the world and make a positive contribution, not just take up space on our increasingly overburdened planet, takes work, forethought, planning, and a he** of a lot of dedication, every day.

So where does that fall under 'not so tough'?

Funny how plenty of working Moms have no problem working full time and still manage to raise productive citizens who make positive contributions to society. Anyone that judges working Moms (or even SAHM) and insinuates they are chosing work over their children and are harming their children in some way is really showing themselves to be no more than a self righteous horse's body part.

When I was growing up, SAHM was an unheard of thing. I only knew 1 person who had a mom that didn't work and the Mom really couldn't work for health reasons. Now I'm certainly not discounting the whole SAHM thing (I'm a big believer in you need to do what's best for your family). Women who are able to stay at home are fortunate and are doing a great thing for their children but women that work are far from abusing their kids. I'm fairly certain all of us with uncaring neglectful working moms that managed to make something of ourselves weren't freaks of nature.

and I'll be damned if I haven't had a working Mom, 2 working Grandmothers (yes one who *chose* to work when she could have stayed home when the kids were in school and even still works p/t now in her 70's despite having plenty of money) plus a working Great-Grandmother and still came out ok considering the horrible example they put forth.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Funny how plenty of working Moms have no problem working full time and still manage to raise productive citizens who make positive contributions to society. Anyone that judges working Moms (or even SAHM) and insinuates they are chosing work over their children and are harming their children in some way is really showing themselves to be no more than a self righteous horse's body part.

When I was growing up, SAHM was an unheard of thing. I only knew 1 person who had a mom that didn't work and the Mom really couldn't work for health reasons. Now I'm certainly not discounting the whole SAHM thing (I'm a big believer in you need to do what's best for your family). Women who are able to stay at home are fortunate and are doing a great thing for their children but women that work are far from abusing their kids. I'm fairly certain all of us with uncaring neglectful working moms that managed to make something of ourselves weren't freaks of nature.

and I'll be damned if I haven't had a working Mom, 2 working Grandmothers (yes one who *chose* to work when she could have stayed home when the kids were in school and even still works p/t now in her 70's despite having plenty of money) plus a working Great-Grandmother and still came out ok considering the horrible example they put forth.

No where in my martyr quote did I state that working moms did not raise productive children. The post referred to the fact that raising children is a very tough job that requires a lot of dedication.

That's it.

You are muddying the waters by pulling that old chestnut "I turned out ok".

It has nothing to do with the topic.

Again, when people use words like "abusing their kids" and "uncaring neglectful working moms" the argument devolves as people start accusing each other of actually USING those words on each other.

 

[alliecats]

Again, when people use words like "abusing their kids" and "uncaring neglectful working moms" the argument devolves as people start accusing each other of actually USING those words on each other.

We should all be more careful with our words, I agree. When you used a word like "horrified" to describe your reaction to a mom choosing to work when she can afford not to, it made me wonder what words you would use to describe truly horrifying things, like child abuse, acts of terrorism, etc. If you are truly "horrified" a mom chooses to work for reasons other than financial, then I think you need a perspective check.

 

[dcgrumpy]

I do not get why everyone is jumping on Disneyrsh's comments. I don't read them to be disparaging of working moms.

I'd have to disagree after reading this statement.

If you're a two income family and you choose to work, you are CHOOSING work over your kids. That's not rude, not judgemental, it's a statement of fact, and you can get as angry about it as you like, I'm not making you go out there.