Am I Being Unreasonable?

[momof2inPA]

The in-laws should have called and said stepbrother wants to come and the girls don't like the dog, can you find someone to keep the dog? I never said the other family shouldn't come, just that maybe they should be the ones staying at the hotel. Plus the stepbrother could bring his family for Christmas, since they only live 2 hours away.

MIL and FIL should have called as soon as they knew the other family was coming so the OP could have found a kennel or pet sitter, but (if the pet was able to stay home) no one should have had to sleep in a hotel. Having your kid squeeze in bed with you for a few nights isn't gonna kill ywon't kill you. We do that all the time a grandma's or the kids camp out on the floor. As long as they get to see grandma, they don't mind, and my husband and I don't mind.

And why not have the whole family together for Thanksgiving, instead of having one come one holiday and the other the next? Oh well, looks like they solved the problem.

 

[Lisa F]

I've done the trip from MD to NY for thanksgiving and I'm assuming that some of the roads for you will be the same. A 6 hour trip on thanksgiving weekend is not a 6 hour trip unless you drive overnight or something. A 6 hour trip on thanksgiving weekend is probably at least 8-10 hours, could be as much as 12 (it has taken me 12 hours to get from NY to MD before and it's normally a 4 hour trip). Now that I live near family you could not pay me enough to make a long distance trip on this particular holiday.

 

[MariettaC]

If it's going to upset you this much - stay home and go another time.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You know, I am glad your dh saw the light. So now, what are you making? Time for YOU to get his secret recipe huh?

 

[Mermaid02]

Glad your dh made his decision and you were able to "stay out of it". That being said, I don't think you were unreasonable in the first place. The dog could have stayed in the bedroom while the niece was there, it's the overnight part that wouldn't have worked out.

 

[Sleepy]

Herein lies the problem. Our ds would be sleeping in the pack n' play and dd would be sleeping on the floor (which I know she would pitch a fit and she would end up in bed with us)...........

I find it odd that you would add the fact that your daughter would be sleeping on the floor as part of your vent. So what if she has a fit. My brother and I always slept on the floor when we visited family. My parents raised us to just deal with it and be thankful we were visiting family. Mom made it a fun thing by making the floor extra padded with lots of pillows, etc. There was no sleeping with mom and dad no matter how much we disliked the floor. Since there are other children coming to the grandparents house, I am sure your daughter would not be the only one on the floor. When you pay nothing for a place to stay, you really don't have room to complain. Staying in a hotel is your choice, however, I think your husband should be the one to decide where he and the children sleep.

 

[poohandwendy]

Yeah, I think you are being slightly unreasonable. It's a holiday...I agree with TM2, family members come first. I would find someone to watch the dog and go enjoy yourselves with your family.

But I think if it is that much of an inconvenience to you, there is nothing wrong with your deciding to stay in a motel and shorten your stay. But remember, that is your choice, noone is forcing you to do so.

 

[VSL]

I find it odd that you would add the fact that your daughter would be sleeping on the floor as part of your vent. So what if she has a fit. My brother and I always slept on the floor when we visited family. My parents raised us to just deal with it and be thankful we were visiting family. Mom made it a fun thing by making the floor extra padded with lots of pillows, etc. There was no sleeping with mom and dad no matter how much we disliked the floor. Since there are other children coming to the grandparents house, I am sure your daughter would not be the only one on the floor. When you pay nothing for a place to stay, you really don't have room to complain. Staying in a hotel is your choice, however, I think your husband should be the one to decide where he and the children sleep.

Maybe she wouldn't have had to sleep on the floor if her SBIL wasn't visiting at the same time

I don't understand your last part - DH should be in total charge of where the kids sleep, and the mother should have no say?

 

[poohandwendy]

Maybe she wouldn't have had to sleep on the floor if her SBIL wasn't visiting at the same time

It's a holiday for goodness sakes, it's not like the SBIL are crashing a private party. And isn't it up to the hosts, who is invited to stay?

 

[VSL]

I was just offering a suggestion as to why the OP was venting about it.

Sorry..

 

[believe]

I see a decision has been made, but I did think you were a bit unreasonable. Air mattresses aren't bad to sleep on, just take one of those for the kids. Going in January doesn't allow your kids to spend time with the cousins they rarely see. At my house I have 30-40 guest. No one has a say in who is invited or who spends the night. They love being together and spending time together. Unfortunately if I invited someone who couldn't be around dogs I would have to ask the individual who usually brought their dog to make other accomodations. Everyone needs to give on the holidays. I bet your DHs parents were just thinking about having everyone together at the same time, which sounds like it rarely happens. I know my MIL gets excited when all her sons come home at once.

I hope the ILs understand when you tell them you aren't coming.

 

[Sleepy]

Maybe she wouldn't have had to sleep on the floor if her SBIL wasn't visiting at the same time

I don't understand your last part - DH should be in total charge of where the kids sleep, and the mother should have no say?

I find it amazing that people would have a problem with kids sleeping on the floor. Who cares who came first. It's almost about as bad as arguing over who should get the bed and who should get the couch. Again, it's a free place to stay.
I feel that if it is the mother's decision to go to a hotel because SHE has a problem with the sleeping arrangements, then yes, the father should be able to decide where he and the children sleep.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

My kids would think sleeping on the floor at someone else's house was fun.

It's not necessarily that easy to get someone to come and take care of your pet. Our dog is a VERY protective German Shepherd, and if the same person he tolerated at someone else's house came into OUR house, we'd have a lawsuit on our hands. He does fine at the kennel, but they're professionals who know how to deal with him too. Also, we live out in a semi-rural area, and don't ever see our neighbors. And just because I live near someone, through no choice of my own, who seems like a nice person, doesn't necessarily mean I want them IN my house when I'm not here.

We've made plenty of trips over the years, round trip (8 hours) in the same day with our kids, and they do fine. Mostly, they'd sleep. We even got stuck in the traffic of an oil truck accident and spill for many MORE hours on the way home one time; the kids did fine...it was DH who swore he'd never do it again.

If the OP really doesn't think alternative plans for going on Thanksgiving will work out, then they should tell the ILs they're sorry they can't come because they can't find a place for the dog at this point, but that they'd like to come in January. Maybe the ILs can come up with a solution if they still want them to come for Thanksgiving.

How about a kennel near the ILs?

 

[maciec]

I guess I should pop back in here and answer a couple of questions.

My dd sleeping on the floor - there is not enough room in the bedroom for an air mattress. My dd would pitch a royal fit about sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag because it's terribly uncomfortable. I wouldn't sleep on the floor for the same reason. We would have been couped up in the car for 6+ hours ~ traffic permitting.

The dog ~ a lot of responders seem to be focusing on the dog. I could have found a sitter or at worst taken her with us. This really isn't the issue. The issue is that FIL didn't tell us and probably wouldn't have knowing his track record until the last minute. Ideally what would have been nice is if we would have known this and could have gotten her into the kennel.

The Grand Scheme ~ BIL and family live 2 hours away and get to see IL's a lot more than we do. I didn't think that it was fair to my kids who only get to see their grandparents twice a year to spend 6+ hours in a car to see their grandparents for 6 hours only to spend the night in a hotel and drive back another 6+ home. I didn't think that it was so unreasonable to want my kids to have more quality and undivided attention from their grandparents.

We can't live our lives for the what if's. Otherwise our lives would be filled with a lot of regret.

Thank you to all that posted. I appreciate your honest answers. Thankfully, I didn't have to say much to dh because he came up with what he thought was a reasonable solution. This is his family and I would have gone depite my feelings and we would have had a nice Thanksgiving.

 

[Buckalew11]

The Grand Scheme ~ BIL and family live 2 hours away and get to see IL's a lot more than we do. I didn't think that it was fair to my kids who only get to see their grandparents twice a year to spend 6+ hours in a car to see their grandparents for 6 hours only to spend the night in a hotel and drive back another 6+ home. I didn't think that it was so unreasonable to want my kids to have more quality and undivided attention from their grandparents.

I see what you are saying because my BIL feels the same way about his kid's time with my parents. I don't agree with him but I know he feels that way.

 

[robinb]

The Grand Scheme ~ BIL and family live 2 hours away and get to see IL's a lot more than we do. I didn't think that it was fair to my kids who only get to see their grandparents twice a year to spend 6+ hours in a car to see their grandparents for 6 hours only to spend the night in a hotel and drive back another 6+ home. I didn't think that it was so unreasonable to want my kids to have more quality and undivided attention from their grandparents.

Thanks for the clarification. I was one of the people who thought that the dog was the problem. Now I understand that you don't want your kids to share the grandparents with their cousins. IMO, that is pretty unreasonable. I think there is something else going on with the BIL that we don't know about.

 

[maciec]

Thanks for the clarification. I was one of the people who thought that the dog was the problem. Now I understand that you don't want your kids to share the grandparents with their cousins. IMO, that is pretty unreasonable. I think there is something else going on with the BIL that we don't know about.

There is nothing else going on with the BIL because I don't even know him. I have only ever met him twice. I think the last time I met hime was prior to my dd being born 5 years ago.

 

[ObsessedwithWDW]

I think you are being reasonable considering the circumstances. When you have plans made and then another family member comes along and makes everything change and puts you out it's irritating. My thought is this isn't the first time there has been an issue with the sibling and being selfish and inconsiderate. Around the holidays you have to book a kennel WEEKS if not more in advance to insure care. (Incase I am not clear I feel your pain I have issues like this come up all the time with brother in law and inlaws in general and I always feel like I am the bad guy) Though I must say I WOULD KILL to just go for one night and come home. BUT the point is everything changed and that would absolutely send me off the deep end this late in the plans. Hope it works out and you have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday! Just think DISNEY is just around the corner.

 

[spelunker]

Sounds to me like we don't know the entire background with the OP and her in-laws.

 

[disykat]

It is nice to spend time with the whole family - however, when you only get to see family twice a year it is nice to have some time that isn't "shared" with everyone else.

I don't get the whole depriving the grandparents of the holiday thing, my parents would be more upset if the only time they saw my kids was at that holidays when they didn't have time to focus on them. Fortunately for me, my whole family agrees on the way we time our visits - not at holiday time.