Am I being too harsh?

[vhoffman]

I don't think you were too harsh. Your rule was "don't touch the stove" they disregarded it, then giggled about it. They proved that they were not trustworthy, and they sufferred the consequences. Nuff said.

I think you are a little paranoid about the stove. I have certainly let my kids, at that age, turn on and set the temperature (with supervision, of course) and the safety goggles thing is REALLY excessive. (I'm an ER nurse, and trust me I have never seen anything like that. Truly a one in a million)

But:
YOUR RULES ARE YOUR RULES. Your kids need to know that there are consequences to actions.

On a side note:
I am also very strict. My 11 y/o was punished from video games for not doing her homework. She took her Gb DS out of my desk and snuck it into her backpack, and took it to school....and got caught. I made her march it out to the trash and throw it and all the games in. (and, no, I did not retrieve them!) My $$$ paid for it and if I want to toss it I damn well will!

BTW, the safety goggles are only used when cooking with oil or grease that can splatter. Its just common sense to me, grease can splatter! Remember the story I heard from my ER nurse friends about the lady who had both eyes badly burned from grease splatters? You'd use safety goggles under other conditions that warrented them, such as using power tools, etc. I just want to state that I'm really not paranoid about the kitchen---I don't cook in an abestos suit

I would have thought throwing away the game boy and all the games a little excessive. But that's how you chose to handle it! I would have taken them away for awhile, then let her earn them back. But the point you made (and I'm sure she learned) is not to break rules and sneak behnid your back. I probaby would not have thrown them away, I might have sold them on Ebay! Certainly would bring more money than a cake mix!

 

[StephMK]

Nope, I don't think you were too harsh. DD12 has been cooking for a few years but that's her. My younger two are partners in crime & not sure I'd trust them as early - pairs have a way of creating more mischief. Turning it on w/o permission would have gotten them a dumped mix & giggling - yeah, I would have been ticked & tossed the rest as well.

It took a few years early on but I've found my middle child needs hard & fast rules & very specific consequences so I can definitely see where you're coming from. My son tends to follow her lead so I'm very careful to follow through when they break rules. Baking it later or baking it then eating would not have the same effect as turning oven on W/O permission = no oven or cake. I think they will remember disobeying & having the mix dumped much better and hopefully think next time they are around the oven.

 

[va32h]

Yes, they need to learn how to use the oven/stove properly sometime, and what to do if an accident happens. But they had no idea, we hadn't discussed those aspects of cooking yet. We will get to it when I feel they are ready for it. In the meantime, I specifcally told them NOT to turn on the oven, and they did so anyways, turning it up to about 500 degrees! Then thought the whole thing was a big joke.

The suggestion that I bake the cake then eat it in front of them I feel is plain cruel. To smell the cake, see it, then sit there and watch Mom eat it while they can't, well, what's that prove? BTW, Mom is overweight, anyways. I planned to only have a small portion. The cake mixes I threw away amounted to 2 boxes, bought on sale for 40 cents each, and one can of frosting. The reason I threw them away was because I felt I couldn't trust them not to try to make a cake again without obeying my safety rules. They are quite good at mixing the ingredients and mixing the batter, I was afraid they would decide to get a mix and make a cake again before I had a chance to walk them through the steps of using an oven safely.

My main concern was their total disregard for the expressed safety rules. Those rules are for a reason, to keep them safe. The kitchen is not a playground!

Maybe they thought it was a big joke because you apparently have never explained that ovens are for getting food hot and therefore they are hot? I'm confused.

Is the rule "don't touch the oven because I said so and you don't need any other explanation" or "don't touch the oven because it could be dangerous and I am concerned that you won't be able to use it safely."

Your children are 9 and 10. Isn't that old enough for a reasoned explanation of why a rule is in place?

I have to admit I am also confused at this business of "walking them through the steps of using an oven safely." What steps? You turn it on, you turn it off. It's not rocket science.

Your house, your rules, but you asked for opinions, and mine is that ages 9 and 10 are old enough to be treated as intelligent, competent creatures that can understand why an oven should be handled with care and not just told "NO!!" like a couple of toddlers.

Oddly enough, I should mention that our microwave caught on fire this morning, because my 10 year old thought she was setting the timer on it, but instead ran the thing at "high" with nothing in it for about 10 minutes. So microwaves aren't necessarily any "safer" than ovens.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

I don't believe you were too harsh at all, that is JMO. I, personally would not have thrown away unused frosting or cake mixes, but that is me. However, it is blatant disrespect when they giggle/laugh in your face when you are in the middle of reprimanding them. Then the added fact that the stove was on 500 degrees! I wouldn't allow them to bake again, for a very long time- it doesn't matter who's idea it was to turn the oven on, they are both old enough to know better.

 

[WildGrits]

Whether you were harsh or not I think is besides the point.

I don't know anyone who in the moment of fear doesn't react in a way that is different than if they had the ability to think it over before responding.

I think the real question is where do you go from here?

An oven and stove can be very dangerous. There's no denying that. From what you posted, it sounds like what they did was to get a rise out of you. It sure worked.

So other than, because Mom says so, how do you make your point to them in a way that they will hear?

I think before there was anymore helping in the kitchen, I would have a sit down, and have them explain to ME why is this rule in effect? I would also like to know why the temp was set at 500 and not the temp that is stated on the cake mix box?

If they cannot come up with reasonable answer, or you just get the good ole kid standby, "I don't know". Then I would tell them, "Well I'm sorry but it is my job to keep this family safe and until you can show me that you have the maturity level to make another cake, then I think we are going to have to call it quits for awhile on your privlege of making dessert."

But if by chance they do have an understanding of what they did wrong, maybe it might be time to give them another step in the cake making process. Maybe you could be there when they get the cake mix out of the pantry and go through the directions on the back of the box, letting them turn on the oven while you are standing there, then let them proceed thru all the step up to putting the cake in the oven. Then tell them if they follow the rules, in a set amount of time you will give privlege of putting the cake in the oven and so on.

After those steps, if they pulled another stunt like that again in my house, I would set up a trip to the local burn unit. Or get in touch with your local fire department and see what they have to offer.

Good luck to you

I'm rooting for you.

 

[PrincessasMommy]

My oldest is 11, very mature but not allowed to use the stove for safety reasons and she does know where to get and how to work the fire extinguisher in our home but she's just too young to be cooking unsupervised imo.

I think you gave your kids a chance, they abused the opportunity and you taught a lesson. I wouldn't second guess yourself on this.

 

[Mainebound]

There are two separate questions:
1. Is the rule sensible -- YES
2. Did the punishment fit the crime?

In my opinion, the answer to #2 is also YES. Safety rules are the most important rules in our house. The only way to show this to children is to have a punishment that fits the crime. Personally, I would have refused to let them eat the cake, and then exacted some other punishment, like time out in their rooms or loss of game cube for a few days. Personally, I would not have discarded the cake mixes in the cupboard, but then again, when I am mad at my kids I have been know to do some wacky things! But this is not to say what you did was wrong in any way, just pointing out differences in parenting styles.

as to the basic question, you did the right thing IMHO.

 

[rt2dz]

NOTE: I have not read beyond the first few posts. Sorry if I'm missing something.

My first response was: "Yikes! At that age they can't use the oven at all!?!" Granted, they should use the oven with supervision, but they should KNOW HOW to use the oven--and properly. Maybe then the 500 degree thing wouldn't have happened. And, disrespecting you wouldn't have happened. Afterall, I bet most kids their age can use the oven somewhat, if only with supervision. I know many, many, kids that age who are responsible as part of their chores to cook the entire dinner once a week. You have to start teaching themselves how to take care of themselves at some point and the more practice they have, with you there to help, the better off they will be as they get older. There is no magical age where suddenly they can just do things--life is a learning process. Plus, you would have much less to worry about if you knew they knew HOW to use the oven.

My second thought was: What a waste of money by tossing all the extra, unused items. Couldn't you have put them up where they didn't know where they were? Geez. But, in our house, every penny counts. It also seems like a bit of an extereme reaction.

On further reading: Throwing out the batter was probably justified. They did break a rule, whether anyone agrees with it or not. This was a case of the punishment fitting the crime. Not only did they get to not finish the cake because they broke the rule, they don't even get to eat the cake at a later date and time because they didn't show remorse when caught, but thought it funny.

 

[dbmarie]

I can see in the heat of the moment getting caught up and wanting to do that to "teach them a lesson", but I can't think of what that is really teaching them.

Every parent is guilty of this and yes I believe you may be. I think it's important to step back and evualuate how you felt when you reacted by throwing the cake away. Were you angry about your kids being defiant and wanted to teach them a lesson or were you really worried about their safety? You can always step back and realize I overreacted and simply say your sorry and then use these as a way to teach them two things. One everyone overreacts and makes mistakes and two what your concerns are regarding the oven and kitchen safety overall.

 

[KirstenB]

Not too harsh. I've read some other posts of yours, and it sounds like your kids can be strong-willed. My 8 yr old isn't strong-willed, she's a pretty easy, compliant kid, and the baby is too little to tell. Anyway, I do have friends with strong-willed kids. They tend to be tougher on them because these kids will push the boundaries. And NO KID can push the boundaries with safety. Your stove is a safety issue. I think you were exactly right.

I'm extremely strict with anything safety-related. I think 12 may be a safe age to use the stove in our household. I think you did the right thing.

 

[momz]

anytime you ask a child "why did you do that?" It immediately puts them on the defensive. and in this case "why did you turn on the oven?" seems like an incredibly confrontational thing to say. Well, they turned the oven on because they were baking a cake. I think you missed a great teaching opportunity with your kids. you could have helped them to read the instructions, then shown them how to carrying out the instructions. It could have ended up as a possitive experience for you and your kids. Perhaps you can review "your rules" and make them a bit more reasonable. kids are more likely to show respect if they are given more priveledges and responsibilities as they grow, rather than being treated like per-schoolers.

 

[tjmw2727]

While I think you were a bit harsh I understand how that happens in the heat of the moment. I would not have let them continue with the baking but I probably wouldn't have thrown out the rest of the cakes.

Having the benefit of only reading your post and not having been there it sounds like your kids were laughing out of nerves. My kids sometiems giggle when they are backed into a corner - that or cry. My dd's are 10 and 12 and have been cooking with me for a while. I could consider taking a step back and talking to them about why they decided to break that rule. You may find they wanted to surprise you or show you they could be respsonsible. I find my kids usually have some type of reasoning that makes perfect sense to them after explained but none to me. I would still have punished them for breaking the rules but it helps me if I can see their point of view.

This isn't a judgement but an observation based on your post - so if you don't agree I understand but...

I think if I were you I would work on developing trust in your kids. From your posts it sounds to me like you don't trust your kids and they are responding in kind. Consider giving them more responsibility in other areas and a real chance to live up to it. Once they gain your trust they will feel responsible and trustworthy and will work hard to keep it. Perhaps come up with a plan together to earn the privlidge of cooking back - with proper supervision of course.

I know it took courage to post a situation that was less than ideal so I hope you get some benefit from doing it.

TJ

 

[perdidochas]

I think you over reacted. I would have baked the cake and enjoyed it while they watched. They would not be baking for a while. When we had a gas stove my ds was cooking grilled cheese and ramin when he was 8. He was very careful and I was never to far away. Now we have eletric and dd8 makes herself ramin almost every day. She helps me cook bacon (fake bacon so no greese) every Sunday for brunch. She barely burned her arm on day. Now she is careful not to hold her arm to close and as a benifit my kids know first aid pretty well.

I'm with you. I would have enjoyed that cake (and probably given half of it to my neighbors).

 

[snowman]

btw-my kids are just shy of 10 and 12 1/2. the 12 year old just got permission to use the microwave this year-and neither use the stove or oven. it's not a matter of trust or maturity-it's pure safety.

Wow - I'm surprised by the number of kids 10-13 who aren't allowed to cook or to turn the oven on. DNephew has been cooking meals over an open fire since he became a Boy Scout at 11. Before that he was helping cook his open fire meals as a Cub Scout (more adult supervision - ages & stages).

 

[Daydreamer64]

Whats done is done-

I have an electric stove/oven. My boys have been cooking since they were able to stand on a chair and "help". Now they can cook full corse meals- it's really helpful too! My 13 year old has more cook books then I do and he watches the Food Network all the time- I'm a bit worried about that one but he may grow up to be the next great chef!

However, they are both rather short and I insist that they call an adult to take out/remove/drain any items that are liquid or that may spill/splash hot fluid on them like juices from baked meats.

If I had a gas stove you bet I would have waited until they were older because of the open flame. They are not allowed to cook while we are out. They may cook any time without permission as long as an adult is present in the house.

They also do their own laundry! That I insist on it I waited to teach that though because kids can lose limbs/digits while the aggitater sp? is going.

Removing all of the cupboard cakes....that reenforces that they are not trustworthy and that they will not be given another chance to show you that they can be responsible. Why did you stop at just the cakes? IF they are going to break the rules again- they are kids- expect it, they will find something else to bake- then you would have to lock up all of the food all of the time??!!

Just a thought-

It's easy to sit back and think "did I do the right thing?"- there's been plenty of times that I questioned my reaction to any given situation.

 

[perdidochas]

Wow - I'm surprised by the number of kids 10-13 who aren't allowed to cook or to turn the oven on. DNephew has been cooking meals over an open fire since he became a Boy Scout at 11. Before that he was helping cook his open fire meals as a Cub Scout (more adult supervision - ages & stages).

Everybody has their own tolerance for things. I let my 8 yr old use the microwave, but not yet use the stove or oven. At age 7 (and his brother was 5) we allowed them to cook open fire meals as part of cub scouts as well (adult supervision, of course).

 

[frayedend]

I haven't read all the posts and a lot has been covered.

I think the punishment was a bit harsh. Maybe just the one batch should have been tossed.

On the other point there are many opinions on whether the child is old enough to use the oven or not. With adult supervision and proper guidance it should not be an issue. In my opinion, it would be better to teach a child of this age (11 being old enough to understand) how to safely use an oven and know that it must be used only with supervision.

Please let me tell you of 2 recent news stories that are much more serious than using an oven, and the outcome of each. These are true stories.

Story 1: (popular in the media, you are sure to have heard similar stories in the news as they are usually anti-gun) A child of 12 found a loaded pistol on the ground. He proceeded to pick it up, point it at his friend and while laughing and joking, he shot the gun, killing his friend. He has been in therapy ever since.

Story 2: A child of 12 and member of the junior rifle club at a local gun club, and his friends found a loaded pistol. When the police arrived they asked the boy what had happened and if they had touched the gun. The boy stated (not a direct quote, as I've lost the story somewhere, but close enough)... "I was running out here with my friends when we saw this gun laying here on the ground. I told my friends not to touch it and I would call the police. My friends wanted to look at it and wouldn't listen to me so I picked up the gun, made it safe by removing the magazine, making sure the chamber was empty and holding it until you got here. Then I put it down when I saw the cops come because I knew my friends wouldn't touch it then."

My point is that if we teach a child how to safely use something, and what the dangers are, we are much better off. Simply restricting something from a child is asking for trouble. Kids want to do things they are told not to do. But if they know the dangers, they are much better able to handle it.

 

[disneymom3]

Wow - I'm surprised by the number of kids 10-13 who aren't allowed to cook or to turn the oven on. DNephew has been cooking meals over an open fire since he became a Boy Scout at 11. Before that he was helping cook his open fire meals as a Cub Scout (more adult supervision - ages & stages).

Me too. I always worry that I am overprotective of my kids but DS has been making his own oatmeal in the microwave since he was 5 and using hotpads to get it out and DD has been making full dinners for the family since she was 8. She does not like to take things out of the oven actually as it makes her nervous, but it never occurred to me to not let her turn it on. Not judging BTW, just surprised by this info.

OP, I think you did the right thing. I too would not have throw away the other cake mixes but you can bet they would not have been allowed to make a cake for a good long time after they broke the rule. For sure, I would have thrown away the cake batter they had just made. I think you showed them that the rule is the rule and there are consequences.

 

[disneymomej]

You did good mom. The issue here is not the oven at all, IMHO. You had a rule, it was broken. The kiddos then need to realize that a consequence WILL follow when a rule is broken. Letting things slide will make them test further. I can't tell you how many kids I see that simply needs a parent who loves them enough to insist on obedience. As long as you respect them, they should respect you.

When you think they are ready (emphasis on YOU) teach them how to properly use the oven. I must agree though, 9 and 10 is simply too young to do that, especially if it is a gas oven. My DS had big trouble the other day when he turned on the gas fireplace. NOT OK! Stick to your guns. Just remember to be loving all the time. "I'm sorry you made that choice, I know you must be sad about not being able to bake the cake. Perhaps in a few days I will be able to trust you again." Yellin' doesn't do any good, but consistent consequences speak volumes. Good job.

 

[disnutt]

They broke the rule they need to pay the price. I would have kept the boxed cake mixes because I would want the cake later!

My 11 yo is learning to cook. I let her adjust the oven while I watch. She's still too scared to reach in to put anything in or take it out so I do that too.