Am I being too harsh?

[4greatboys]

Yes I agree it was to harsh.

 

[powellrj]

I have read your posts on the budget board about your DHs job loss and how tight money is right now for your family.

I think that you are really sending mixed messages to your kids.

They were wrong. They made a mistake. I agree with your DH. Save the cake and bake it on another day. They may have cried because they are afraid of hurting the families already tight budget. I know when I was a kid, anytime we went through a period of unemployment, it scared me to death.

While the kids were wrong in not following your rules, what lesson did throwing away good food on an already tight budget serve?

 

[LaraK]

I also don't think that you were too harsh, so I'll join the minority. I may have donated the unopened mixes to our church's food bank, but that is thinking in a totally disconnected manner...not with the anger born of kids in an unsafe condition. When it comes to safety, you have to lay down the law.

 

[tonya_leigh73]

Well , like the other's I wouldn't have wasted the un-opened cake mix boxes, but hey you bought them you can do as you please. If your children learned then your dicipline was very effective..... I'm teaching my 8 & 11 yr. old how to use the Stove & Oven, Dishwasher, dryer & washing-machine too (I was at that age.) I prefer that me or hubby are always around when they do turn on something. I also teach, what to do in case a fire starts.
(one of my best girl-friend's wasn't allowed to cook until she was 16-17, and she accidently burned down her parents kitchen completely with a horrible greese fire!) Knowledge is a great thing!

 

[lclark0621]

I agree that they should not have been allowed to bake the cake they were making. They broke a rule.

But what was the point of throwing away the unopened stuff? Are you saying they will never be able to make a cake again? Are they never going to be allowed to bake again? Are you never going to make a cake again?

What was the point in throwing away the unopened stuff? All that was, was throwing money right out the window. It punished your wallet, not your kids.

And when you allow them to bake again, you will just need to buy more mix.

 

[MyZoeJane]

hmm well i think maybe its a little harsh.
up untill i was like 15 i wasnt allowed to use the oven/stove when my parents wernt home. (im 16 now)


if i might, could i suggest an alternative?
you should teach them how to properly use it, and explain to them what could happen if they messed it up, and what to do in case of an emergancy. for the first couple of times let them turn it on, but you stay and watch. after you feel comfortable with them doing it on their own have them ask you if they can use the oven, so at lest your informed and could check in to make sure their doing it properly. but still make it so they cant use it when your not around.(like not home, or sleeping ext.)

thats what i would do.

I agree with every word. But I also understand why the OP would be upset about her kids BREAKING her rules.. regardless of whether they were the rules I'd make or not. I haven't read beyond your post, so someone might have mentioned this... but I think her kids ought to still be punished for breaking her rules. Then, after their punishment, the OP might try confronting her kids and showing them that she also understands the art of compromise. It's important first and foremost that her kids follow her rules... but I think compromise teaches kids a valuable lesson, too.

If it was my situation? My kids would be banned from making cakes for a month for breaking my rule. Then I would sit down with them and say something to the effect of:

"If you feel you are old enough to work the oven on your when when I am home, then I am open to hearing why you feel so and will reconsider my rule accordingly. But breaking my rules because you don't agree with them is never acceptable and will always end in punishment."

 

[JVL1018]

your house your rules.
If it were me I would definitely not have thrown away the boxes of cake mix--not sure about the one ready to get baked.
I think I would have turned the oven off, sat down with them and had a talk about exactly WHY they are not allowed to touch the oven(like turning it on the wrong temp like he did) and what could happen-then I would have sent them to their rooms, made the cake and brought it into work or something.

My husband is a firefighter, so we are very conscious of fire safety also.

I dont let my kids turn on the stove(gas and when the flame pops up I think its too dangerous), but I do ask my DD to turn the oven on for me(shes 7) and she knows to either ask what temp or to look at the recipe and find it.

Arm your children with information and they wont make mistakes like trying to bake a cake at 500.
Trust that they are old enough to start learning how to be responsible in the kitchen.
I know that they WERE irresponsible, but I think if they knew what to do and had the chance to practice with you, they would understand the importance of the rules and not feel the need to do something forbidden.

 

[Tinker74]

I think you were too harsh. It sounds like you scared the children . Explaining the rule ansd safety aspect might work out better. Grounding them or taking away privallages would be better too. than shouting and throwing away perfectly good boxes of cake mix.

 

[MommaPooh]

I think it maybe was not so much harsh, as it was wasteful. You might as well have thrown dollar bills in the trash.
Personally, I think you were a bit harsh. However, those are your kids to raise, and you know them best.
My kids are 13 and 11 and cook complete meals on their own everyday. DS(11 years old) has been making everything from cookies to hamburgers to casseroles to quiches since he was about 8. They have been taught the proper way to use a knife, stove, oven,rice steamer, etc... and I have no worries when they are in the kitchen. I know we are going to have a great meal.

 

[phillybeth]

It seems to me that by overeacting and being so harsh about it that you've just made the oven and stove even MORE tempting to them. Hence the giggling.

I think the 10 YO at the very least could be allowed to cook and bake with full supervision. I understand your childhood fears, but it is not fair to project those fears onto your kids. Besides, that fire was not even the result of improper stove usage.

If you teach them how to use it, and use it properly, the temptation to MISUSE it is gone.

 

[stczt]

I think you over reacted. I would have baked the cake and enjoyed it while they watched. They would not be baking for a while. When we had a gas stove my ds was cooking grilled cheese and ramin when he was 8. He was very careful and I was never to far away. Now we have eletric and dd8 makes herself ramin almost every day. She helps me cook bacon (fake bacon so no greese) every Sunday for brunch. She barely burned her arm on day. Now she is careful not to hold her arm to close and as a benifit my kids know first aid pretty well.

 

[GoofyforDisney3]

Well, the fact that you are asking if other people think you were harsh means, IMHO, that you think you were to harsh. I agree that it is up to you to set the rules and if the kids break the rules then there should be and are consequences to breaking the rules.

What I am not sure I agree with is punishing yourself in the process. Throwing away all of the unopen boxes of unbaked cake mix, plus the icing, doesn't only hurt the kids, but now you are saying that because they broke the rules you can't make a cake either. Or use any kind of icing, which doesn't even require an oven or stove to use. What have you taught the kids by doing this?

I wonder if the reason you have not been able to instill the same respect of safety in your children as you father did with you is in the way it is being done. Did your father calmly and rationally explain to you what and why or was he all emotional and demanding that his rules be followed, but without really giving explainable reasons. At the age your children are, I think you may be past the demanding "follow my rules or else" kind of attitude and may need a different approach.

 

[lorimc]

I do not think you were too harsh. The kids blatantly broke the rules you set forth and need to realize that actions have consequences. I presume that you threw away the unopened cake mix/frosting mainly in the heat of the moment (what parent hasn't be a little extreme once in awhile and possibly experienced a little regret later?) but, not having the worry of them making a cake unsupervised is well-worth the few dollars lost.

9 and 10 are old enough to understand basic rules of safety. Don't worry too much!

me

dh-

dd (2)-

 

[Allison]

Too harsh.

 

[goofymomof3]

I bet they will never again turn on the oven without permission. I do not think you were excessive. I am a teacher and work every day with kids who don't know they rules are made to be followed. I also have teens and in mho teaching them how you will react at 9 and 10 is much easier than sitting up late nights wondering who is still alive and who isn't. A curfew, drinking and driving, drugs, premarital sex, all and many more of these serious issues start way before they actually happen. Your children now know you mean what you say. You may have saved their lives by a wasting a few dollars on cake mix.

 

[Mono~rail]

They are your kids, and it is up to you to discipline them as you feel best. At that age, my DD cooked with me or dh helping her. The oven wasn't off limits - it was part of her cooking and following the directions.

I remember baking with my mom and grandma when I was in early elementary school. The oven or stove never seemed like a big deal. It wasn't something that I played with by myself, but I was allowed to turn on the oven and put stuff in to cook and take it out when it was done.

I don't get throwing out the box mixes and icing though. That is only a few things. . . what about all the rest of the food in the pantry that can be cooked? It would only make sense to throw every single bit of food in the house away.

Your kids probably got freaked out because I'm sure they are old enough to understand that groceries cost money and I'm sure they understand that your dh has had employment problems recently.

ETA: The microwave can be just as dangerous as the oven - sometimes more dangerous.

 

[vhoffman]

Well, quite a variety of opinions here. I still stand by what I did, even if it was harsh.

Yes, I agree, they have to learn how to navigate the kitchen sometime. But that's what we're doing. Taking it in stages I know they can handle. They're allowed to use the microwave and toaster. We're starting to learn how to bake, in stages. They can measure and mix the ingredients without supervision (worse thing is they'll make a mess!), they can use the cake mixer with an adult in the room, but they were told NOT to turn on the oven. Not only is it a rule of mine, but I re-stated it right before they began baking.

Yes, they need to learn how to use the oven/stove properly sometime, and what to do if an accident happens. But they had no idea, we hadn't discussed those aspects of cooking yet. We will get to it when I feel they are ready for it. In the meantime, I specifcally told them NOT to turn on the oven, and they did so anyways, turning it up to about 500 degrees! Then thought the whole thing was a big joke.

The suggestion that I bake the cake then eat it in front of them I feel is plain cruel. To smell the cake, see it, then sit there and watch Mom eat it while they can't, well, what's that prove? BTW, Mom is overweight, anyways. I planned to only have a small portion. The cake mixes I threw away amounted to 2 boxes, bought on sale for 40 cents each, and one can of frosting. The reason I threw them away was because I felt I couldn't trust them not to try to make a cake again without obeying my safety rules. They are quite good at mixing the ingredients and mixing the batter, I was afraid they would decide to get a mix and make a cake again before I had a chance to walk them through the steps of using an oven safely.

My main concern was their total disregard for the expressed safety rules. Those rules are for a reason, to keep them safe. The kitchen is not a playground!

 

[4fireworks]

Too harsh as far as throwing away the un-opened items. I can see in the heat of the moment getting caught up and wanting to do that to "teach them a lesson", but I can't think of what that is really teaching them.
I think it would've been better to donate the items rather than wasting them.
It might be worth checking into some of your local businesses to see if they have any cooking classes. I think sometimes kids can hear you say something a million times and when somebody else tells them the same thing, they get it! They might have fun and really understand why you are so uptight( with good reason!!!) about what they do in the kitchen.

 

[badblackpug]

I don't think you were too harsh. Your rule was "don't touch the stove" they disregarded it, then giggled about it. They proved that they were not trustworthy, and they sufferred the consequences. Nuff said.

I think you are a little paranoid about the stove. I have certainly let my kids, at that age, turn on and set the temperature (with supervision, of course) and the safety goggles thing is REALLY excessive. (I'm an ER nurse, and trust me I have never seen anything like that. Truly a one in a million)

But:
YOUR RULES ARE YOUR RULES. Your kids need to know that there are consequences to actions.

On a side note:
I am also very strict. My 11 y/o was punished from video games for not doing her homework. She took her Gb DS out of my desk and snuck it into her backpack, and took it to school....and got caught. I made her march it out to the trash and throw it and all the games in. (and, no, I did not retrieve them!) My $$$ paid for it and if I want to toss it I damn well will!

 

[barkley]

i don't think it was too harsh (and i may well have done the exact same thing).

btw-my kids are just shy of 10 and 12 1/2. the 12 year old just got permission to use the microwave this year-and neither use the stove or oven. it's not a matter of trust or maturity-it's pure safety. my 12 1/2 year old just got tall enough to be able to put items in/pull items out of the microwave without having to reach overhead-and i don't think it's safe for anyone to pull hot items out of a microwave that can come spilling down on to themselves. they don't use the stove/oven because the controls are in the back and they could not reach them without leaning over the burners. until they are size wise safe to use them i don't care how mature or trustworthy they are-it just won't happen (and if i had any indication that they were not going to eventualy be height wise appropriate we would be looking at a new model stove/oven and finding a place to put another microwave in). they've tried to convince me to let them use step stools or chairs-but for me that's just something i'm not comfortable with (i envision them falling off one onto the stove which is below the microwave ).