Am I being rude?

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I am not only talking about romantic relationships. I guess I should have had a slashtag to differentiate friendship. Such as, when I graduated college, I had a specific friend that I knew I could move in with.

Although, if you're in a commited romantic relationship and you're trying to save money, NOT living together makes no sense. Why pay for TWO apartments when you're going to spend a ton of time at one or the other anyway? I had a roommate who did that and she literally was never at our apartment! What a waste of retirement money!

When you move in you enter yourself into a sticky situation (romantic, roommate or even parental). Statistically speaking those who cohabitate (in romantic relationships) due to fianances have a lower sucess rate for a relationship. Also if a break up occurs and you haven't been adequately accounting for that you may find yourself actually homeless and with little finances to get yourself back up on your feet. That however is a whole 'nother topic. In terms of retirement funds if you're moving in for finances you're probably not even thinking about your retirement funds to begin with lol. But it is possible to contribute to a 401K, live separately and whatnot, you may not be contributing as much as the prior poster's child is at that exact moment but that's what kick started the tangent anyways.

I would count co-living as roommates then if you're not speaking about romantic relationships. That's actually why I think it's more atypical because most find living with roommates as not a big deal even if they come with their own issues, but couch surfing and living in your car isn't the same as roommates.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am not only talking about romantic relationships. I guess I should have had a slashtag to differentiate friendship. Such as, when I graduated college, I had a specific friend that I knew I could move in with.

Although, if you're in a commited romantic relationship and you're trying to save money, NOT living together makes no sense. Why pay for TWO apartments when you're going to spend a ton of time at one or the other anyway? I had a roommate who did that and she literally was never at our apartment! What a waste of retirement money!

Lol I met DH when I was 12, started dating at 22, moved in at 27 (right after we became engaged) married at 28, will me married 25 years in a few months. He had 3 roommates while we were dating, I lived alone, we spent almost every night together for 5 years. He said he would never live with someone he didn’t intend to marry, so we both paid rent, until his dad sat him down and said “sh** or get off the pot.” So he sh**.

 

[mjkacmom]

When you move in you enter yourself into a sticky situation (romantic, roommate or even parental). Statistically speaking those who cohabitate (in romantic relationships) due to fianances have a lower sucess rate for a relationship. Also if a break up occurs and you haven't been adequately accounting for that you may find yourself actually homeless and with little finances to get yourself back up on your feet. That however is a whole 'nother topic. In terms of retirement funds if you're moving in for finances you're probably not even thinking about your retirement funds to begin with lol. But it is possible to contribute to a 401K, live separately and whatnot, you may not be contributing as much as the prior poster's child is at that exact moment but that's what kick started the tangent anyways.

I would count co-living as roommates then if you're not speaking about romantic relationships. That's actually why I think it's more atypical because most find living with roommates as not a big deal even if they come with their own issues, but couch surfing and living in your car isn't the same as roommates.

She’s not living in her car, she’s living out of her car. It’s where a lot of her clothes are, shoes, coats, toiletries... She comes home, does laundry, and switches stuff out. She stays in dd18’s room, a room she gave to her four years ago (dd18 and dd16 shared a room most of their lives in bunk beds, dd16 now has a full bed). Fortunately there are actually two small rooms in the attic, one bed and one futon, when dd18 comes home from college.

 

[Searc]

Let's not go crazy, mjkacmom's kid is not homeless. She's just nomadic. Which is fine when you're just out of college and so are your friends. When I was 21, I moved to NYC and lived with a friend in a studio that was 7 feet wide and 12 feet long (it had a loft!). We lived like that for three months! BUT, I do suggest keeping communication lines open, because she was never really clear with me that she was getting over it and then just opted to leave entirely, when in actuality, it should have been on ME to leave (she had been living there alone before she took me in).

Also, independence is good! Figuring out a way to be independent and not live at home is just fine. So long as it's working for all involved.

She neither independent nor "nomadic", as you so charmingly phrase it. She is homeless, entirely dependent on other people for shelter and other basic human needs.

 

[Searc]

I meant to say independent of your PARENTS. It wasn't mentioned if she chips in for things used while staying with friends, I would assume yes, since those friends seem fine with her staying there. I know I'd probably resent having someone making a solid salary staying with me and NOT chipping in for things. But aside from that, I think pretty much anything is fair game while you're still settling and under 25.

I have a child the same age, who is entirely independent from us (with the exception of his college tuition). If he was in the same situation, I'd tell him to get his **** together and find a place to live and quit mooching off his friends.

 

[skyblue17]

She neither independent nor "nomadic", as you so charmingly phrase it. She is homeless, entirely dependent on other people for shelter and other basic human needs.

I guess I don't find leaving stuff in your parents dining room as homeless! But I still have stuff at my parents house and I am in my mid-30s, I haven't lived there in 16 years and I still call it "home."

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

She’s not living in her car, she’s living out of her car. It’s where a lot of her clothes are, shoes, coats, toiletries... She comes home, does laundry, and switches stuff out. She stays in dd18’s room, a room she gave to her four years ago (dd18 and dd16 shared a room most of their lives in bunk beds, dd16 now has a full bed). Fortunately there are actually two small rooms in the attic, one bed and one futon, when dd18 comes home from college.

I can understand how that may come off as semantics (living in/living out of) and don't disagree normally there is a salient difference.

However, in the situation you've described it comes off the same to me. You're right that it doesn't appear she's sleeping in the vehicle but if no one could take her in for the night she could be because she has no steady place to stay; she relies on others to take her in and her belongings don't have a secure place to be in either and it's all completely willingly. I realize she has your place to fall back on though but I don't know that I view it better because of that; I think I actually view it as worse (and I don't mean to sound mean just trying to convey my thoughts).

Maybe it's because of the aggressive savings at the normally considered high expense that I find myself having a more critical viewpoint as unfair that might be to the discussion I can't negate that it colors my viewpoint. But then again don't take it personal (and I doubt you are ) because I tend to find aggressively saving like some posters on the DIS have discussed just as an unhealthy habit as those who never save period at all (much less consider the future).

 

[mjkacmom]

I can understand how that may come off as semantics (living in/living out of) and don't disagree normally there is a salient difference.

However, in the situation you've described it comes off the same to me. You're right that it doesn't appear she's sleeping in the vehicle but if no one could take her in for the night she could be because she has no steady place to stay; she relies on others to take her in and her belongings don't have a secure place to be in either and it's all completely willingly. I realize she has your place to fall back on though but I don't know that I view it better because of that; I think I actually view it as worse (and I don't mean to sound mean just trying to convey my thoughts).

Maybe it's because of the aggressive savings at the normally considered high expense that I find myself having a more critical viewpoint as unfair that might be to the discussion I can't negate that it colors my viewpoint. But then again don't take it personal (and I doubt you are ) because I tend to find aggressively saving like some posters on the DIS have discussed just as an unhealthy habit as those who never save period at all (much less consider the future).

The aggressive savings is to replace her next egg she used up by studying full time for her CPA exams (passed all 4 in 10 months). She wants to be able to get out of considerable debt, she’d like to start paying more than $1000 a month. While she was in college, we were paying the interest, but now it’s on her, the faster she pays it off, the less she pays. This truly was her friends’ idea, and it’s temporary. It’s certainly not easy for her. When she started her job in August, she already owed us $1000. It’s still better than living with my dad though, I don’t know how she did it. That ended when she found him lying on the dining room floor after a massive heart attack.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

The aggressive savings is to replace her next egg she used up by studying full time for her CPA exams (passed all 4 in 10 months). She wants to be able to get out of considerable debt, she’d like to start paying more than $1000 a month. While she was in college, we were paying the interest, but now it’s on her, the faster she pays it off, the less she pays. This truly was her friends’ idea, and it’s temporary. It’s certainly not easy for her. When she started her job in August, she already owed us $1000. It’s still better than living with my dad though, I don’t know how she did it. That ended when she found him lying on the dining room floor after a massive heart attack.

That's sad about your father and I'm sure terrible for all around

Regardless of the backstory though my viewpoint doesn't change on the entire situation. Temporary or not it's like what was mentioned before--balance. I can totally get behind curbing spending in favor of savings. I just don't advocate for the situation your daughter has put herself in in the name of savings but we're not the ones living it so it's all just talking out loud conversations here

 

[disneychrista]

I guess I don't find leaving stuff in your parents dining room as homeless! But I still have stuff at my parents house and I am in my mid-30s, I haven't lived there in 16 years and I still call it "home."

It's not that she is storing her stuff at her parents house the makes her homeless. It that she does not have a permanent address that makes her homeless.

If her friends or her boyfriend are okay with her "crashing" at their homes, then she should make it a more permanent (even if temporary) arrangement. Pay a little rent and have a place to be.

 

[MikeNamez]

The aggressive savings is to replace her next egg she used up by studying full time for her CPA exams (passed all 4 in 10 months). She wants to be able to get out of considerable debt, she’d like to start paying more than $1000 a month. While she was in college, we were paying the interest, but now it’s on her, the faster she pays it off, the less she pays. This truly was her friends’ idea, and it’s temporary. It’s certainly not easy for her. When she started her job in August, she already owed us $1000. It’s still better than living with my dad though, I don’t know how she did it. That ended when she found him lying on the dining room floor after a massive heart attack.

My head just exploded. Is this your daughter or just a family friend thats living in their car?

 

[skyblue17]

It's not that she is storing her stuff at her parents house the makes her homeless. It that she does not have a permanent address that makes her homeless.

If her friends or her boyfriend are okay with her "crashing" at their homes, then she should make it a more permanent (even if temporary) arrangement. Pay a little rent and have a place to be.

But she has a car, which means she has a driver's license, which means she has an address she considers permanent for the time being, even if it's not the one she is utilizing full-time.

I'd agree that having a full-time home would be a priority for me over saving money, hence why I paid $300 to live in literally as much space as my body took up rather than more for, well, more space. But you do off-beat things when you're in your early 20s.

 

[disneychrista]

But she has a car, which means she has a driver's license, which means she has an address she considers permanent for the time being, even if it's not the one she is utilizing full-time.

All that really means is she did when she got the license. Not that she currently does. My guess is most people don't even think twice about the address on their license.

I honestly have no issue with how or where she chooses to live. I do find it odd that someone with a 65k salary is CHOOSING to be homeless. But that is her choice and no one else's (other than the people she is choosing to crash with.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

But you do off-beat things when you're in your early 20s.

I moved from apartment to apartment (from my college town to after I graduated) to a rental house and just was lazy in changing my address with the DMV from my mom's address until we had our house built. Changing the address with the DMV was free but you had to carry a piece of paper around unless you wanted to formerly change the actual driver's license and pay a fee. While I was in college and the 9months after I graduated after that I lived back home my mom's house was my permanent address. After that no it wasn't. It was laziness on my part. Maybe she does consider her parent's place as permanent but don't assume because the address on the DL is what it is that it means a permanent address.

The reason the individual is doing it is to save for their retirement. It would seem atypical at my age (31) just as it would if I were in my 20s. It would seem atypical at age 40, 50 and so on. What is being described isn't an off-beat thing. I get that you think this is somehow more IDK expected because of the age but it really isn't.

I know people who when they were in their teens and their 20s (and now a few right around my age with not ideal living situations) and did what they had to do to live in a somewhat reasonable living situation (though not having hot water seems pretty bad to me) and it wasn't all pretty for them. They wouldn't take kindly in all honesty to be compared as an off-beat thing they did in their youth as a way to be cavalier with their living arrangements.

 

[mjkacmom]

My head just exploded. Is this your daughter or just a family friend thats living in their car?

Did you just read that one post? My daughter is not living in her car, she is living out of her car. I’m guessing she has close to $10,000 in her bank account and is paying over $1000 a month in student loans. She is planning on getting an apartment in a few months after saving enough money to fall back on in an emergency. Shouldn’t every adult have 6 months in savings to fall back on?

 

[kiddo76]

Did you just read that one post? My daughter is not living in her car, she is living out of her car. I’m guessing she has close to $10,000 in her bank account and is paying over $1000 a month in student loans. She is planning on getting an apartment in a few months after saving enough money to fall back on in an emergency. Shouldn’t every adult have 6 months in savings to fall back on?

Do the friends your daughter is freeloading off of know she has that much in savings, plus retirement?

 

[LSUmiss]

Did you just read that one post? My daughter is not living in her car, she is living out of her car. I’m guessing she has close to $10,000 in her bank account and is paying over $1000 a month in student loans. She is planning on getting an apartment in a few months after saving enough money to fall back on in an emergency. Shouldn’t every adult have 6 months in savings to fall back on?

Yeah & most probably would if they didn’t have pesky things like utilities & housing costs getting in their way.

 

[mjkacmom]

Do the friends your daughter is freeloading off of know she has that much in savings, plus retirement?

Absolutely! The original plan was that she would get an apartment with a friend. This group of friends told her that since she didn’t have two nickels to rub together, she should wait until she had savings again. The original plan was for her to live here, but her friends/boyfriend were annoyed she couldn’t hang out or go out during the week because she was too far away. I don’t know what you mean by retirement, I’m sure she is not aggressively funding it, but I’m assuming her company has a 401k so she would be having some money deducted from her check (her dad is a CFP, so this has been drilled into the kids’ head as a necessity, like always having health insurance). The 6 month plan was to build up her savings. She lived in the same area with these friends for over 4 years, they get together socially a lot.

 

[DisneyKoyote]

Yeah & most probably would if they didn’t have pesky things like utilities & housing costs getting in their way.

Personally I only have a couple thousand of savings at most in my bank account and anything over goes into my brokerage account. There's no point in hoarding so much when you can invest it for greater returns!

 

[TipsyTraveler]

It sounds to me like the girl still lives with her parents and just spends a lot of nights “out.” She has a room, a bed, and most of her stuff at her parents’ house, with an overnight bag or two in her car. She does her laundry there and I would guess that’s where her mail is delivered as well. A few nights a week she sleeps over at her boyfriend’s place and she crashes with her friends after they go out partying. This sounds like a pretty typical “20-something still living with mom and dad rent-free” situation.