Am I being cheap re a BBQ?

[luvmy3]

I always travel for family BBQs/parties and I have always offered to bring something. It could be something simple like drinks (soda/water), paper goods, pre-packaged rolls, cans of baked beans.
I think "I have to travel, how can I bring anything" is a lame excuse. You don't have to prepare any gourmet dishes and cart them along, you can stop at the store 10 minutes from your destination and grab something.

OP, since you weren't the one who came up with the BBQ idea, but are graciously hosting it for your family, there is nothing wrong with asking everyone to contribute.

 

[ExPirateShopGirl]

I wouldn't accept an invitation for a gathering at a relative's house WITHOUT asking if they would like me to bring the dish I am known for OR something else that would suit the theme for the event. Common courtesy.

Even when I visit my folks whose home on a lake is ALWAYS chosen for family parties for obvious reasons, I go buy groceries to make something for the event AND offer my time preparing other foods. Same with my kids.

OP - if people are reluctant to contribute, you may wish to suggest going to a good BBQ restaurant with lots of space for the family instead and then have everyone over for dessert at your home.

 

[kirstenb1]

We have my 5 siblings and their families plus parents and in laws to our home for dinner Christmas Eve. Since several of my siblings, and my in laws have to travel, I don't ask them to bring anything.

My sibs are traveling with young children, which I always found kind of stressful when our kids were younger. OP, only you know your family.

If I did ask them to bring something it would either be paper goods, or drinks. Absolutely no food----don't want anyone stressing over keeping things hot or cold, or having to use my kitchen (which would already be busy) to prep food.

 

[disykat]

At my close family things, the traveling part of the family doesn't bring but everyone else does. Then the travelers take everyone out for a meal a day or two later.

At all our gatherings with local family and friends everyone brings something - the exception is if you've invited everyone to a party in honor of an individual. Like others have said, graduations and birthdays have different hosting rules.

 

[Poohforyou]

In my opinion it wouldn't be worth possible bad feelings to save a few bucks. If things were really tight I might ask my mom to bring dessert or wine/beer but most likely it wouldn't even occur to me. I'd just be happy to see out of town family.

 

[scrapquitler]

That's a tough one but if it was ME I would definitely ask everyone to bring something. I would do it like this - CALL each person/family invited and say the following:

"Hi Sally! Uncle Bob asked if I could invite everyone to my place so he and family could visit with everyone in one location this weekend. I'm just calling to see if you can make it and to confirm day and time with you. It will be on Saturday evening starting anytime after 3:00. Since we're trying to throw this together last minute I'm just assigning a dish to everyone to save on duplicates, etc. so how would you feel about being in charge of the mac salad or would you prefer dessert?"

Of course, I would not be offended at all by this, but I guess some might. Then again, in our family we ALWAYS offer to bring something, even to more formal events where we have been invited. Since this isn't a formal invitation to a party - no way, IMO, should you be expected to foot the bill (and do all the work) for the BBQ. So I would definitely do it. I highly doubt anyone would be upset by it.

Oh and since it was uncle 'bob's' idea - I would sign him up to bring something too!!!!

Totally agree! In my family, if I called everyone and said "We are having a BBQ here on Saturday so that everyone can visit with Uncle Bob while he's in town, come at 4", everyone would either immediately say "Great! What do you want me to bring?" Or "Sure, we'd love to, should I bring desert?"

In my family, there's always a ton of food for a picnic because everyone brings something (or more than one something) and they get offended if you don't want them to do so.

 

[clanmcculloch]

In my family, I'm the one who lives out of town. I never call somebody to ask them to host something for me when we visit so that in itself seems weird to me. If somebody does put together a family gathering, I make sure we bring a gift for whomever is hosting but it really isn't a contribution to the gathering since we can't really put together a dish and bringing something like paper plates and cups doesn't seem as nice. We're in the US visiting family in Canada so typically we pick up their favourite alcohol for them (SOOOOOO much cheaper in the US). If we had been asked to bring something we would have but I'll be honest, it would have seemed weird and I would ask if it can be something like sodas which travels easily and would bring it but again, I'd think it odd. Remember that the person travelling a long distance has spent a lot of time and money (either gas or flights) to get there. We're not talking about just going across town.

When we lived near family, we always asked what we could bring when invited to somebody's home. When invited to anybody's home where hotels aren't required then we always ask what we can bring. I can't imagine not asking.

 

[MissNurse]

FWIW, I have a sister-in-law who loves to host family gatherings. We always bring something to contribute to the meal, but I do not like having a dish "assigned" to me. In my family we are on a very tight budget, and I need to bring things that I have on hand. I shop no more than once a week, and usually don't have any extra food money (We do Dave Ramsey envelopes). Sometimes she calls and asks me to bring cheese dip (as in velveeta and rotel) and chips. I hate saying that I can't afford to go buy a $5 brick of cheese!!!! She doesn't always do this, but that's my only issue. I try to jump on it quickly and volunteer to bring a dessert or side dish I can prepare from ingredients on hand instead. If I were one of the family members invited to your party, I would not be offended at all if you asked me to bring something. Just ask, "What could I write on my list for you to bring?" Or maybe "What's easiest for you to bring?" Out of towners can easily drop by the store and pick up some drinks or deli potato salad or something.

 

[KELLY]

I would have no problem asking people to bring things. My house is the largest so things tend to happen hear. But I'm not paying the entire bill unless it is something I have planed like my kids b-day party or something along those lines.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think it's just as okay to ask them to bring something as it was for them to ask you to host in the first place. But since they're traveling fairly long distances, I'd skip it next time. Just keep things simple (hot dogs and chips), and if anyone asks you to do something like that again, say "I can't afford to feed everybody on such short notice, but I'd love it if we could all get together at my house."

 

[satorifound]

Well, it wasn't a family bbq, but at the end of the school year we hosted a party and said on the invitation that it was pot luck dessert, but if they couldn't bring one not to worry because we were looking forward to seeing them. Course, we just did hot dogs, chips, soda, pasta salad, and s'mores. LOL

 

[My5Mouseketeers]

I have 5 kids and a biggish house. I am the house that always has the events. Like 12-15 people once a month for Sunday Dinner/BBQ and 25 for birthdays/holidays. I usually send out an email saying the time and a bare bones menu (meat/entree, green salad, 1 side and dessert). I tell everyone that if there something else they think they want they should bring it. It isn't the money, it's the time. I don't want to spend my weekend cooking (it's bad enough I have to clean). When we go to someones house out of town, I always offer to bring dessert and stop at a bakery/food store in that town and get something.

 

[bethy]

Personally, if I'm holding the party, I provide the food and drink. If others offer to bring things I may or may not take them up on it. I would never expect anyone who is traveling from out of town to bring stuff. Generally speaking I don't like having other people bring stuff.

I can see how you'd feel put upon since the bbq wasn't your idea in the first place. But for me, if I agreed to do it, I'd do the food and drink or otherwise I'd decline to host.

I feel the same way. I usually provide all the food and if anyone insists on bringing something then I ask then to bring something easy and readymade like bread, beer or wine. Sometimes I'll suggest bringing dessert.

I just personally enjoy hosting gatherings and I like to feed people. I want people to be relaxed and enjoy a meal that they didnt have to have a hand in preparing. On the rare occasions I go somewhere and I don't have to cook at all it is sooooo wonderful!

I also confess that I sort of like having total control over the menu.

 

[MSSANDRA]

This happens to me a lot! What we have done is we provide the hot dogs and buns and ask the others to bring fixins , chips. drinks, desserts etc. It does not matter where you are coming from, you can stop at the store for a few drinks, or a bag of chips or paper products. We also tend to do pot luck a lot too. KFC for those from out of town. Lately we have been renting a place to get together so I pass the hat to pay for it. Really everyone is happy I am willing to get things together they are happy to do whatever.

 

[SandrA9810]

I like preparing items, but I wouldn't want to cook everything for every one.

My sister one time took pulled pork to our cousin's two hours away. It stayed hot and fresh for the entire ride until it was time to eat it. She started cooking it in a crock pot, and then kept it on warm till it was time to serve. There's a ton of things to cook in a crock pot, even ribs, that people can bring even if they have a bit of a drive.

When my aunt visits Indiana, she calls all the cousins together and says dinner is at Cracker Barrel in the next town over. She tells them all when sitting down that it's her treat and she's paying. But by the end of the meal every one has taken up a collection for their meal, and leaves an extra tip on the table. She keeps it on one tab so she can apply her discount, but at the same time, she's the one coming to visit and invited every one along. Even if we were to hold it at some one's house, she would still be the "Host" and would take care of every thing. Although they'd still be asking what could they bring along to help out.


If the OP's cousin wants to call every one up and say, I'd like to be able to get together with you in town, he should either be asking for everyone to bring food to help or supply it himself, even if the OP's house is the destination.
Maybe you can tell your cousin, you can't have it at your house, and suggest a BBQ place nearby. Then your cousin can pick up the tab or every one can pay for themselves.

 

[Marionnette]

I feel the same way. I usually provide all the food and if anyone insists on bringing something then I ask then to bring something easy and readymade like bread, beer or wine. Sometimes I'll suggest bringing dessert.

I just personally enjoy hosting gatherings and I like to feed people. I want people to be relaxed and enjoy a meal that they didnt have to have a hand in preparing. On the rare occasions I go somewhere and I don't have to cook at all it is sooooo wonderful!

I also confess that I sort of like having total control over the menu.

I love hosting parties, too...when it's my idea to do it. I don't like being coerced into doing it. I sure as heck would resent it if I had a bunch of freeloading relatives who descended on my home like a plague of locusts like my sister had to deal with!

 

[C.Ann]

You were asked to host this event at your home - not throw the actual party - and your acceptance was gracious in itself..

For mom - who insists she can't bring anything because she's traveling - I would tell her you don't expect her to cook something to bring along.. When she gets into town, she can just swing by the market and pick up some paper goods; chips; or sodas..

As for the others, I would call them back and say something along the lines of:

"We're still trying to nail down the specifics of the menu.. Bob & I were thinking we could do the meat portion and everyone else can bring a dish to pass or maybe a dessert.. Is there anything specific that you would like to bring? I want to mark it down on the list as I make my calls so we don't end up with 30 potato salads..LOL.." (And actually laugh..)

If that doesn't get the point across, I don't know what will.. And if you're left holding the proverbial bag, I would definitely go "bare bones".. There are very few people in a financial position right now who are able to throw a bash for an entire group on such short notice without any help from others..

Good luck!

 

[soontobewed07]

We just had a BBQ this weekend and I was happy to host it. I was very upfront with everyone and said we would provide meat and everyone else could bring a dish they would like and a drink they like as I only have diet coke water and juice in my house. Everyone was happy with that and I did make salad and corn just in case. We had way too much food but everyone had something they liked. I also didn't cater to my cousin who is a vegan one day and the next some other diet it's just too much to keep tabs on LOL. It turned out great and everyone had a blast. The best thing was the Smores we offered for dessert YUM!

 

[Cruise]

I always travel for family BBQs/parties and I have always offered to bring something. It could be something simple like drinks (soda/water), paper goods, pre-packaged rolls, cans of baked beans.
I think "I have to travel, how can I bring anything" is a lame excuse. You don't have to prepare any gourmet dishes and cart them along, you can stop at the store 10 minutes from your destination and grab something.

Exactly. Heck, I have a kitchen and I've been known to say "I'll bring some bags of chips and 2 liters of soda" if I know it'll be a hectic week for me and I won't have time to prepare something. And it's not unusual for us to go to a group event and have some of our bachelors show up with deli containers from the local grocery store.

You were asked to host this event at your home - not throw the actual party - and your acceptance was gracious in itself..

And this too. I have always said that if I'm doing the inviting/hosting then I provide everything. However, in this situation, the OP was asked to do it, she didn't just volunteer thinking "Hey, we have extra money to spend on feeding 20 people this month."

I'm also in the camp of people that think it's weird that no one even volunteered to bring anything. I never, ever accept an invitation to something like this without asking if there's anything I can bring. I just think that's good manners. Luckily, we've never been in the financial place where I wasn't able to do this, but if we were, then I would say that too - "I'd love to come, but we're a little strapped for cash right now and I wouldn't be able to bring anything." I doubt this would rescind the invitation, but I'd want the hostess to know why I wasn't offering.

 

[SandrA9810]

I'm also in the camp of people that think it's weird that no one even volunteered to bring anything. I never, ever accept an invitation to something like this without asking if there's anything I can bring. I just think that's good manners. Luckily, we've never been in the financial place where I wasn't able to do this, but if we were, then I would say that too - "I'd love to come, but we're a little strapped for cash right now and I wouldn't be able to bring anything." I doubt this would rescind the invitation, but I'd want the hostess to know why I wasn't offering.

There's a ton of easy toss together things, that only cost a few dollars. The last time I went to a family get together, I made two loafs of bread and a huge pan of roasted potatoes. The bread is something I already make at home, so there was no added cost there. The potatoes cost like $3 for a 5lb bag. I just cut them up into chunks, tossed them in a bag with a couple spoonfuls of pesto (something I keep on hand as well). I actually tossed them with some fresh carrots too, that were only a $1 more for a bunch.

Time wise, it did take a couple hours for prepping and baking. But $4 to feed a dozen or so adults and kids, made it better.


At least the mom could show up a couple hours early to set up and help prepare anything that needed to be done. It'd be some appreciation.