Advice needed (maybe a little vent too!)

[disykat]

Remembering a birthday when you are invited to a party is waay different than remembering without a celebration. He didn't randomly remember theirs but not yours, he probably only even knew about the other birthday because of the party.

 

[AprilShowers]

I think I am a dissenter here...

I do not think that there is any big obligation to always remember these birthdays... Also, often it is the woman's (grandma's, aunt's) kind of thing to remember and recognize these birthdays. It sounds by the way you said "his wife" that this woman is not the children's grandma.

I see no correlation at all between a friend organizing a big party... and 'expecting' others to solely and individually, on their own, to feel obligated to always remember and recognize these things. It is not like your Dad was planning a big party... He just asked to borrow something...

I just wonder if I am seeing a lot of unnecessary drama here.

If the parent's (such as the OP) want to make sure that as many family members and friends honor their child's birthday, it is up to the parents to organize some kind of get-together/celebration.

I also would not be wanting to set my kids up with any more of a sense of 'entitlement' than many americans already have....

I am reminded of the recent thread where a DISer received an email from a relative (a neice???) wondering if she had remembered to send a check....

I would cut him some slack.
Either find a way to remind him of upcoming birthdays in conversation... or just let it go.
To not say a word until after the fact, and then 'should I make them pay....."

(unless, of coarse, it is the situation where grandparents openly and smugly treat certain grandchildren with excess, while snubbing others... And, I am not thinking that this is the case.

I could be misreading your tone here, but you seem a little judgemental. My stepmom IS my childrens' grandmother. They call her Grandma(insert first name here). She is a wonderful woman, and loves them dearly.
Because I didn't grow up with her, I don't consider her a mother figure to me. I call her by her first name.

Yes, I do expect grandparents to solely on their own remember birthdays.
Mine always remembered my birthday. My dad remembers my birthday, and I remember his. He just forgot the kids last year. It hurt their feelings. With oldest DD, I let it go because we didn't have a party, and I figured in a week or two he would remember and call her. He never did.

I do NOT, however expect gifts, or even cards. A simple phone call to say Happy Birthday, I love you is enough around here. My kids are very well taken care of, and don't have expectations of gifts from others. There is no sense of entitlement at our house.

I NEVER would say something after the fact to "make them pay". That never even entered my mind. I reminded dad about youngest DD's birthday so he could call her. I feel bad when my kids feelings are hurt because grandpa didn't remember her birthday.

As far as drama, there is no drama here. I didn't even mention to my dad that our feelings were hurt. That would only make him feel worse. I am mentioning to people on a message board that my (and DDs') feelings were hurt because I wanted to get DH off my back about confronting my dad.

 

[Cindy's Mom]

OP, you're making way too much out of this. If you want him to remember your kids b-days, and you feel that he forgets them then you have to remind him or have a b-day for your child and then they will remember.

I couldn't imagine getting upset with my parents for not remembering my kids b-day. Even though that would never happen because my kids believe their birthdays are national holidays.

 

[AprilShowers]

I'm sorry, but if you have to 'e-mail' your Dad about birthdays, then I can't blame him for forgetting. He probablly talks to his friends and knows what's going on in their lives because they TALK to him and maybe he was INVITED to the party.

I just found that odd that you only have contact with someone through e-mail and then expect gifts from them. Also, unless you have a party, it's pretty easy to forget.

Why don't you make it a point to TALK to your Dad once a week and let him know what is going on in your life and your families lives.

Good luck!!

I didn't HAVE to 'e-mail' my dad about DD's birthday. He loves loves loves his computer and checks e-mail often. I knew this would be the easiest/quickest way to handle the situation.

I TALK to my dad pretty regularly, but with kids schedules and work and his schedule, we don't talk every week. NEVER in my post did I say that I only have e-mail contact with my dad. NEVER in my post did I say that a gift was expected.

You are making inferences about this situation and then judging me. I love my dad and he loves me. I get frustrated with him sometimes, and this time he hurt our feelings.

Sometimes we talk three times in a week, and sometimes we'll go a month without talking. E-mail is a nice way to send him quick updates, or pictures of the kids, and tell him what's going on.

 

[Camicar]

My father was 53 when dd was born. So, not old. But he not only could not remember her birthday, he could not remember her name. Never got one gift from her.

Best part: He could remember names and dates of his employee's kids. He also bought them gifts.

We remember what's important. I got the message.

 

[NAB]

I can't figure out why birthdays are such a big deal. When we were growing up we got a home made cake and a Happy Birthday in the morning.

Every child seems to have to have that party , card, gift. When do you stop sending or doing these things.

I think you dad was there when someone was planning that party and thought of the machine. Not that they are more important them your children or showing off.

I used to be good at sending out cards but forget more now. Even have them on the calendar. If I didn't send out by that date I just say forget it now.

 

[doxdogy]

My mother always remembered everyone's birthday. After she passed away, I was the designated reminder to my dad. Except for my birthday, then DH would call and remind him.