Advice/Help for traveling with 3 generations and differences

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Why not ask to plan out the days ahead of time and be together as a group if that's what you want?

Because it's not only about the OP meaning what they want is not the only thing that should be considered in a family vacation. It's 3 separate families coming together for a trip and you have to be of the mindset of that to be able to have any a shot of a harmonious trip.

That's the biggest hurdle for the OP back when they created this post is simply recognizing that the way they want to do amusement and theme parks is not the only way. If your adult child says they would like to allow their own children the ability to do what they want what does that say about you (the grandparent) to say "being happy doesn't mean only going on the rides that they want to go on, and they should be learning how to have fun doing what others want. I said Disney should be a family trip." ? It means you are overstepping in your boundaries and that's not going to make for a trip where each person feels heard and listened to.

The OP's family has to work on communication with everyone so that people aren't left feeling frustrated with phone tag all day but unless you can relinquish control of your adult child who is making decisions for their own family you're setting yourself up for exactly what the OP has encountered.

 

[miksicnarf]

I suggest a different type of trip if your goal is family togetherness. Maybe a beach, or mountain cabin? There are too many options at WDW to expect everyone to be on the same page. Good luck!

 

[tom1944]

My wife decided to stay home this year so it will be me (67), our daughter (35) and granddaughter (6). Luckily my granddaughter is tall enough and fearless enough for every ride.

We will stay together the entire day and leave or rest depending on my granddaughter's needs

 

[mamaofsix]

Because it's not only about the OP meaning what they want is not the only thing that should be considered in a family vacation. It's 3 separate families coming together for a trip and you have to be of the mindset of that to be able to have any a shot of a harmonious trip.

That's the biggest hurdle for the OP back when they created this post is simply recognizing that the way they want to do amusement and theme parks is not the only way. If your adult child says they would like to allow their own children the ability to do what they want what does that say about you (the grandparent) to say "being happy doesn't mean only going on the rides that they want to go on, and they should be learning how to have fun doing what others want. I said Disney should be a family trip." ? It means you are overstepping in your boundaries and that's not going to make for a trip where each person feels heard and listened to.

The OP's family has to work on communication with everyone so that people aren't left feeling frustrated with phone tag all day but unless you can relinquish control of your adult child who is making decisions for their own family you're setting yourself up for exactly what the OP has encountered.

Yes, if that's what the son wants to do. But it sounds like they haven't even had a conversation about it at all. Maybe the grandkids and kids really do want to stay together all day - but they just don't know how to plan things and it ended up being a big flop like at the amusement park.

If they have a conversation about it and the son comes back and says "we don't really want to spend the day together," then that sets a more realistic expectation. But the grandparents shouldn't feel they have to spend thousands of dollars on a vacation where they're not welcome to tag along with their grandkids to watch them on rides.

I was just trying to propose an alternative to the "norm." A lot of families actually do enjoy staying together for the day, and it's very possible to make it happen. I would never want to plan a trip where my parents didn't feel welcome to come along with us for rides or that they were left sitting alone and confused as to where everyone was. They might as well all take separate vacations in that case.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes, if that's what the son wants to do. But it sounds like they haven't even had a conversation about it at all. Maybe the grandkids and kids really do want to stay together all day - but they just don't know how to plan things and it ended up being a big flop like at the amusement park.

If they have a conversation about it and the son comes back and says "we don't really want to spend the day together," then that sets a more realistic expectation. But the grandparents shouldn't feel they have to spend thousands of dollars on a vacation where they're not welcome to tag along with their grandkids to watch them on rides.

I was just trying to propose an alternative to the "norm." A lot of families actually do enjoy staying together for the day, and it's very possible to make it happen. I would never want to plan a trip where my parents didn't feel welcome to come along with us for rides or that they were left sitting alone and confused as to where everyone was. They might as well all take separate vacations in that case.

I do agree that the experiences of what each family unit was wanting was not fully fleshed out but that doesn't remove the OP's actual thoughts that what they want is how it should be and since it's the OP asking (albeit months ago) that's the person we can speak to. They have to let go of only allowing what they want to drive the trip (kinda the main point of my previous comments). The OP's son already said in a nutshell they don't want to spend the whole day together. The lines here are blurred IMO because of the at home childcare situation so the OP takes on the parental role even when the actual parents are there able to take and lead the experience of their own children.

There's nothing in the OP's words that makes me think the adult son actually told their parent they weren't welcome on rides but if the OP is making a stink about seeing the 3 year old's first ride on the log flume at the same time as complaining that they are repeating rides because their adult son (the actual parent) was unable to see their 1 1/2yr old's first rides one can probably imagine how the conversations went when it came time to rides.

And let's not forget that after a situation occurred on their first trip the "they all felt terrible, apologized profusely, my daughter-in-law ran and bought me a glass of wine" followed by "it never happened again." and a second situation where the OP said something and "I said to my son - hey let's not do that again. And it didn't happen again" which tells me a lot more than one probably would have thought by sharing that seemingly insignificant detail (the apologizing, the wine and the repeated it didn't happen again) tells me this family probably acquiesces to the OP much more than the OP wants to admit.

 

[Rory607]

Everyone should do what’s best for their family and their vacation, of course. As long as it works for them, go for it! But the thought of spending every minute of every day of a Disney vacation (or any trip) with a group of 20 people would be a nightmare for me I don’t care how much I like them, I need a break from people.

 

[justme0729]

Disney Cruise Line might be a better vacation choice. You can eat dinner and go to the shows together every night, go to Castaway Cay/ Lookout Cay together as a family for a beach day, and spend the daytime doing what everyone wants to do individually but its easy to meet up because you're all in a small location vs. spread out all across WDW.

Vacationing with a big group is hard unless you have the mindset that you are ok joining with others' plans or happy to be doing your own plans with the possibility that they might join in. Rides are subjective- some kids are scared to ride certain things, not tall enough, or just don't enjoy certain experiences and unhappy kids means parents are having an unhappy time too. You told your son "lets not do that again" when his wife took their child on a different ride than the group... so you would rather have the 4 year old child just sit and wait instead of get to do something they enjoy? And you also told your son that being happy doesn't mean going on the rides they want to go on and they should learn to do what others want to do? Your examples of splitting up are based on age ranges/ height requirements- little ones going to dumbo, bigger ones to space mountain. Bigger one going to Tron, littles going to Mine Train/ Little Mermaid. That is what families with big age gaps have to do I'm sure... I split up my 1 and 3 year olds between me and my husband often to do what they want to do. Example- My 3 year old was scared of the Nemo show so DH took her to see characters while I stayed with 1 year old. Would you enjoy the day if you had to do what others wanted to do on their schedule all day long instead of a few things for yourself?

If you do still want to do WDW, maybe pick a dining reservation and 1 ride each day you want to do as a family and allow everyone to do what they want for the rest of the day or be happy just tagging along with others' plans. The priority should be keeping the kids happy... let the kids and their needs lead the day.

 

[Rory607]

Disney Cruise Line might be a better vacation choice. You can eat dinner and go to the shows together every night, go to Castaway Cay/ Lookout Cay together as a family for a beach day, and spend the daytime doing what everyone wants to do individually but its easy to meet up because you're all in a small location vs. spread out all across WDW.

Vacationing with a big group is hard unless you have the mindset that you are ok joining with others' plans or happy to be doing your own plans with the possibility that they might join in. Rides are subjective- some kids are scared to ride certain things, not tall enough, or just don't enjoy certain experiences and unhappy kids means parents are having an unhappy time too. You told your son "lets not do that again" when his wife took their child on a different ride than the group... so you would rather have the 4 year old child just sit and wait instead of get to do something they enjoy? And you also told your son that being happy doesn't mean going on the rides they want to go on and they should learn to do what others want to do? Your examples of splitting up are based on age ranges/ height requirements- little ones going to dumbo, bigger ones to space mountain. Bigger one going to Tron, littles going to Mine Train/ Little Mermaid. That is what families with big age gaps have to do I'm sure... I split up my 1 and 3 year olds between me and my husband often to do what they want to do. Example- My 3 year old was scared of the Nemo show so DH took her to see characters while I stayed with 1 year old. Would you enjoy the day if you had to do what others wanted to do on their schedule all day long instead of a few things for yourself?

If you do still want to do WDW, maybe pick a dining reservation and 1 ride each day you want to do as a family and allow everyone to do what they want for the rest of the day or be happy just tagging along with others' plans. The priority should be keeping the kids happy... let the kids and their needs lead the day.

The only thing about a Disney cruise is making sure all the kids are over 3 and potty trained, otherwise they can’t go in the pool. This was how we ended up on our first large extended family Disney World trip. That was what everyone else wanted to do, but I said no because my youngest was under 3. No way was I taking him on a cruise and dealing with meltdowns because all of his cousins and siblings were in the pool everyday and he wouldn’t be allowed to swim.

 

[Disneydawg74]

Would love to hear from @Moomduck1 on how the plannng went.

 

[bluezy]

Everyone should do what’s best for their family and their vacation, of course. As long as it works for them, go for it! But the thought of spending every minute of every day of a Disney vacation (or any trip) with a group of 20 people would be a nightmare for me I don’t care how much I like them, I need a break from people.

That's exactly how I feel. We're an extended family of 14 and while I love every one of them, we all need our space. We've rented an Airbnb together (and are doing that again next month), and 3 days together under one roof basically spending all day together at the house or out sight-seeing was about my limit. Each family unit had their own bedroom, so we had a little privacy, but doing everything together meant that no one got to do exactly what they wanted to -- we all got to do *some* things we wanted to, but we also had to do things we didn't really care about doing just to stay with the group. We will never do Disney that way. Spending a little time together every day and doing our own thing the rest of the day works perfect for our family. If other families prefer to stay together every waking minute at Disney, good for them enjoying their time together...but that's not for us. We all get along really well and laugh A LOT when we're together -- it's not like we don't get along and need to get away from each other. We truly love being together, but we also love doing our own thing. Maybe I'd feel differently if we were scattered all over the country and didn't see each other often. But 12 of us live within a few miles of each other and see each other often. The other 2 live over 1,000 miles away but fly home several times a year.

 

[justme0729]

The only thing about a Disney cruise is making sure all the kids are over 3 and potty trained, otherwise they can’t go in the pool. This was how we ended up on our first large extended family Disney World trip. That was what everyone else wanted to do, but I said no because my youngest was under 3. No way was I taking him on a cruise and dealing with meltdowns because all of his cousins and siblings were in the pool everyday and he wouldn’t be allowed to swim.

I took my 2 and 1 year olds on DCL and they had a great time at the splash pad but we didn't have older family in the normal pools for them to be upset about.

 

[Rory607]

I took my 2 and 1 year olds on DCL and they had a great time at the splash pad but we didn't have older family in the normal pools for them to be upset about.

If none of the kids can go in the pool I’m sure it’s fine! But my son is the youngest sibling and cousin, so he’s had major FOMO his whole life, lol. He's always wanted to do what the big kids are doing.