Adult children and their partners visiting parents …

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

If these people have a lasting relationship, should a couple nights sleeping apart make a difference?

I actually don't think it's about the strength of the relationship and the idea that it's frail enough to not last a few days apart. It's usually about the feelings of you see me as XYZ not as ABC. At some point the dynamics change in a parental/adult child relationship. I can see how the adult child may feel if their parent doesn't accept what their adult decisions are. That's an oversimplification there

Shouldn't both sides be trying to get along?

Funny you say that because I totally agree but if you look at the comments which "side" is trying to get along more?

 

[MrsPete]

So much of the stress could be avoided with a hotel stay. The guests can visit during the day, relax at the hotel after. Everyone is comfortable.

Sure, assuming this is even a blip on anyone's radar. I don't really see why it would be.

 

[AndreaDM]

Well, I'm 51 and have been with my SO for 6.5 years, lived together for over 4. I can't imagine any family member insisting we don't share a bedroom while visiting just because we haven't signed a legal document lol. But come to think about it, we've only ever spent the night at someone's house when we visit my brother in CO from OH. All other family is local-ish and never had a reason to stay there.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

I actually don't think it's about the strength of the relationship and the idea that it's frail enough to not last a few days apart.

That was similar to what I had when I read that. I didn't see anyone mention that they would end a relationship if sleeping apart for a few days ended up happening so I didn't know where that came from.

f these people have a lasting relationship, should a couple nights sleeping apart make a difference?

Because I was wondering, have you met couples who have said this? That their relationship wouldn't last?

 

[Marrila]

Sure, assuming this is even a blip on anyone's radar. I don't really see why it would be.

And this is why a nice comfortable hotel is helpful. Really, folks come to visit, not to get into a house rules discussion. While the parent has the right, the adult child may see it as unkindly belittling.

 

[Darcy03231]

Our adult children and their partners have slept in the same room. I wouldn't have occurred to me to separate them.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

not to get into a house rules discussion.

Well except if we're talking about beer pong

**That was me trying to interject humor into the conversation

 

[Orion Nebula]

My wife and I met in the 1900s (just barely) when we were in college.

I think times have changed as do societal "norms".

I agree, the world is a different place compared to the early 1900's.

 

[MrsPete]

Because I was wondering, have you met couples who have said this? That their relationship wouldn't last?

What? That's an odd twist on words.

And this is why a nice comfortable hotel is helpful. Really, folks come to visit, not to get into a house rules discussion. While the parent has the right, the adult child may see it as unkindly belittling.

I assume the child would know the parents' thoughts /feelings on premarital sex, and they would see separate bedrooms as an extension of the parents' personality ... not a comment on their relationship. A reasonable adult child would see it as a "not yet" rather than belittling.

 

[Heigh-Ho]

What? That's an odd twist on words.

Okay then what did you mean by saying if this couple has a lasting relationship? I guess I don't understand

 

[Marrila]

What? That's an odd twist on words.
I assume the child would know the parents' thoughts /feelings on premarital sex, and they would see separate bedrooms as an extension of the parents' personality ... not a comment on their relationship. A reasonable adult child would see it as a "not yet" rather than belittling.

I disagree.
The parent can be as stringent as they like. But fully grown adults may wish to be treated respectfully. And while they are quite aware of their parents views, the visiting adults may feel the teaching phase of the parent child relationship has passed.
The polite compromise may be a nice hotel.

 

[mjkacmom]

I disagree.
The parent can be as stringent as they like. But fully grown adults may wish to be treated respectfully. And while they are quite aware of their parents views, the visiting adults may feel the teaching phase of the parent child relationship has passed.
The polite compromise may be a nice hotel.

And let’s be honest, the couple is much more likely to get busy at a hotel than in the parents guest room!

 

[Marrila]

And let’s be honest, the couple is much more likely to get busy at a hotel than in the parents guest room!

I was think a lovely pool would be a nice bonus. But there are others...lol.

 

[DLgal]

This thread is so funny to me. People can be so uptight about sex. We have a guest room and another sofa bed downstairs. I couldn't care less what happens in either bed when we invite people to stay in our home.

 

[loves to dive]

Hubby and I have been together for almost 30 years. I call him hubby but we are not legally married, I wear a wedding band and we don't go around announcing we aren't married (cause it's not anyone's business). When we first started living together and went to visit his parents, we offered to sleep in separate rooms as they are super conservative. They, however, had no problem with us sleeping in the same room. I'm pretty sure they have forgotten by this point that we aren't married. My parents never had a problem with any of us 6 kids, sleeping in the same room with our significant other. I certainly didn't have a problem with my son sleeping with girlfriends and/or his fiancee any time they stayed with us. We pretty much go by the my house my rules premise. It certainly wouldn't stop us from visiting someone if they didn't want us to sleep in the same room, frankly after almost 30 years of sleeping together, a night without fighting snoring and kicking isn't a bad thing.

 

[luv2cheer92]

This thread is so funny to me. People can be so uptight about sex. We have a guest room and another sofa bed downstairs. I couldn't care less what happens in either bed when we invite people to stay in our home.

Agreed. Legitimately perplexed that this was even a discussion. Had no idea that there were people who wouldn't let grown adults that live together sleep in the same room just because they haven't signed a piece of paper.

 

[jrmasm]

I find it amazing that people still think it’s ok to impose their views on others especially when going against their views has zero affect on them.

 

[Orion Nebula]

I find it amazing that people still think it’s ok to impose their views on others especially when going against their views has zero affect on them.

That's what happens when you open up a controversial discussion. When I read the title I could smell the popcorn. I will say though it's amusing to have such heated debates on a Disney forum.

 

[Uncle Coaster]

I don’t think asking adults to sleep in separate rooms/beds is necessarily imposing your views on them. Especially from what I’ve read in this thread it seems to me that people are very accepting of how others live their lives…just not in their house.

Personally, I’m a slob who doesn’t care about cleaning up after himself and often gets home at 3:00 am on weekends. The few times I’ve stayed at other people houses who weren’t like that I adapted and never felt that people judged me for my lifestyle choices.

I recognize that pre/non-marital relations is a more sticky subject than “being clean” and “not being out until the early morning” but I think it’s a similar feeling.

 

[belle032]

Just a question for those who would not allow unmarried couples to sleep in the same room. Does age play a part? Some are saying they would not allow "kids" in their twenties even if they've been together for years to share a room, but would you require unmarried couples in their 50s or 60s to sleep in separate rooms?

Just curious. My parents were more on the traditional side when DH & I were dating in wanting us in separate rooms, but once we got engaged, it became a non-issue.