Adrian Peterson

[Tiggeroo]

I was spanked as a child and spanked my children, on rare occasions and never anything remotely like that. Apparently, my sons would fake yell so I could think it hurt them a little and I would feel like I did something. However, it is one of the biggest regrets of my life. I tell my kids this often. I tell them I would never do it now. I have a spoiled dog who I could never even swat on the nose. If I can't hit a dog how can I hit a child. I have apologized to them and asked them to never do it if they have kids. Unfortunately, right now one of mine thinks it is the right thing still. But this one never wants kids, at least now. However, I can see how if you were raised this way, attend a church where it is considered the right thing... it seems perfectly normal. What concerns me is he knows he went way too far and still says he will spank.

 

[luvsJack]

Funny, people talk about 9 times out of 10 they didn't mind the beating. Doesn't sound like the beating was very effective as a discipline measure if it had to be done over and over and over. Now we know that hurting children physically is not effective at changing behaviors. It's not too hard to figure that out, but we have finally seen that physical abuse of children is wrong and ineffective.

And putting them in time out over and over again is different? You put a child in time out for one thing he/she did wrong and they never do anything wrong again? Really?

Or how about grounding again and again? So if you ground a kid for oh, say sneaking out of the house; they won't ever act up in school or something else that will constitute another grounding?

Please, tell me a discipline tool that doesn't need to be done more than once. That doesn't mean they don't work. I used time out. I used rewards more than punishment . And I also used spanking. Any time they broke a rule or were disrespectful or acted out in school, something was done. The tool used was determined on a case by case basis.

My kids were never beaten. They were spanked. They were not abused. Nor was dh abused. And the licks given by a paddle at school was not abuse.

I have had the heartbroken misfortune of seeing and knowing children who were abused and I can promise you that it is a whole different thing. Until you actually see the difference and stop putting judgement where it doesn't belong, you aren't going to see the difference.

I had an abused child in my care in a child care center. It was pitiful. The child's mother voluntarily removed herself from the home. This child had burns between his fingers and a slap mark across the side of his face. He was 5 before he would even talk. And was terrified of certain women. This child stayed by my side for the entire 3 years he was in my child care center. Do not compare what that child went through to another getting a few swats on the behind.

Adrian Peterson was wrong for breaking the skin, he was wrong for where he switched the child. He was wrong for letting his anger guide what he was doing. But that doesn't make spanking a child wrong in every case.

 

[Jedana]

I can't help it, the visual of a baby biting a cat is cracking me up.

DS was probably 15-16 months old, so he would pick her up and carry her around the house, like a stuffed animal. She would just lay there, draped with her middle over his arms and head and tail hanging down, and let him tote her around.

DS was in a biting phase--stuffed animals were his favorite target, at that time. We would take them away (or the pillow or whatever he was biting at that time) and tell him firmly NO BITING. He tried biting humans a couple of times, mostly me and the day care ladies, and did manage to land a good one on a little girl at day care. (That room was like a pond full of piranhas with a cow knee deep in the water--the ladies would pull one kid away and put them in the time out circle and as soon as they turned their backs, another kid would bite someone else.)

She was laying next to him on the floor. and he just put her tail in his mouth and chomped.

She jumped out of his arms and did that loud RRROOOOWWW noise, and ran off. He was crying (I think the noise scared him). I tapped his butt (hard enough for him to feel it through the diaper, not hard enough to leave a red mark) and told him NO BITING.

He didn't bite the cat again.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I have an anti-spanking friend with a very strong willed hitting child. She still uses time out but they don't work. If they were effective, then it would work, right? Adopted as an infant, never laid a hand on him--yet he is a thrower and a hitter. I'm sure one day he will be a nice well mannered young man, but for now he is a holy terror at times. Your solution is not the be all end all of discipline and doesn't work for everyone. You were just lucky it worked for your children. Declaring it as an absolute "if done correctly" is wrong because it does not take into account the different personalities of children. If it takes years to condition the behavior, it really isn't effective, is it?

Spanking is to parenting as a sledgehammer is to carpentry.

Every carpenter has a sledge hammer.

Not all jobs require a sledge hammer - most in fact, do not.

Many jobs are made worse by the sledge hammer.

Some problems aren't even in the carpenter's area of expertise. Sometimes, you need outside help, like a plumber.

And some carpenters may never take their sledge hammer out of the shed - ever.

But the fact remains, when used correctly, the sledge hammer is an effective tool. And some jobs just can't be done very well without it.

 

[luvsJack]

I totally agree with this. Spanking a strong willed child can escalate into abuse pretty quickly when parents don't get the desired result.

Kudos to you robinb for realizing that you needed to find a different kind of discipline for your child.

It can but it doesn't have to. My middle child is about has un-complacent as they come.

When he was younger, spanking was the only thing that would work. As he got older and realized the benefit of earning rewards that he liked, that worked. As a teen taking away his car or the computer worked. But spankings did work.

I never, ever spanked when I was angry. If whatever he did caused me to be angry, then he was sent to his room first and I would actually go to mine until I calmed down. If I decided to spank him, I wasn't going to do it while I was angry.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Spanking is to parenting as a sledgehammer is to carpentry.

Every carpenter has a sledge hammer.

Not all jobs require a sledge hammer - most in fact, do not.

Many jobs are made worse by the sledge hammer.

Some problems aren't even in the carpenter's area of expertise. Sometimes, you need outside help, like a plumber.

And some carpenters may never take their sledge hammer out of the shed - ever.

But the fact remains, when used correctly, the sledge hammer is an effective tool. And some jobs just can't be done very well without it.

Agreed. She has a special needs adopted older child and I think it does play into it. But of she is willing to have the patience for the long haul, we all say nothing. But I would never have a play date with her child under present circumstances because he clearly has not processed that the conduct is not acceptable. But apparently he has in incredible aim and will likely make an awesome baseball player one day. So there is that.

 

[kidshop]

The Minnesota Vikings have placed running back Adrian Peterson on the Exempt/Commissioner's Permission list, meaning he will take part in no team activities until his legal situation is resolved.

More details to follow. http://www.tsn.ca/nfl/story/?id=461970

A step in the right direction, I guess they felt some of the pressure. Hmmm, looks like Peterson gets a time out for his punishment, rather than a bloody beating.

 

[luvsJack]

Spanking is to parenting as a sledgehammer is to carpentry.

Every carpenter has a sledge hammer.

Not all jobs require a sledge hammer - most in fact, do not.

Many jobs are made worse by the sledge hammer.

Some problems aren't even in the carpenter's area of expertise. Sometimes, you need outside help, like a plumber.

And some carpenters may never take their sledge hammer out of the shed - ever.

But the fact remains, when used correctly, the sledge hammer is an effective tool. And some jobs just can't be done very well without it.

Love this. And so true.

Its one tool in what is hopefully a well stocked "tool box" of discipline measures.

 

[kimblebee]

Time outs DO work, if done properly. My children were never, ever spanked or otherwise physically disciplined. They are well mannered, reasonably polite (for teenagers....LOL!) teens. They have had ZERO discipline issues in school. I've had nothing but compliments from other adults on what nice young people they are.

I used time outs when they were little. Once they reached about 5 or 6, I used different methods, appropriate for their currency at the time. Right now, for example, my DD is disciplined by removing electronics from her, by being made to skip "fun" social activities, etc. But never have I struck her.

Both my teens have been fascinated by all the coverage of AP. They simply have never imagined that kids were beaten by their parents. It's mind-boggling to them. And, horrifying.

I will say that it has given them both a new found appreciation for their parents.

We'll have to agree to disagree. If timeouts worked so well, you wouldn't have to use it as a tool over and over and over again.

My daughter looks at kids who get time outs and can't imagine that people think that it actually works. It's mind boggling to her.

It also has made her appreciate me and the way I raised her.

 

[kimblebee]

And putting them in time out over and over again is different? You put a child in time out for one thing he/she did wrong and they never do anything wrong again? Really?

Or how about grounding again and again? So if you ground a kid for oh, say sneaking out of the house; they won't ever act up in school or something else that will constitute another grounding?

Please, tell me a discipline tool that doesn't need to be done more than once. That doesn't mean they don't work. I used time out. I used rewards more than punishment . And I also used spanking. Any time they broke a rule or were disrespectful or acted out in school, something was done. The tool used was determined on a case by case basis.

My kids were never beaten. They were spanked. They were not abused. Nor was dh abused. And the licks given by a paddle at school was not abuse.

I have had the heartbroken misfortune of seeing and knowing children who were abused and I can promise you that it is a whole different thing. Until you actually see the difference and stop putting judgement where it doesn't belong, you aren't going to see the difference.

I had an abused child in my care in a child care center. It was pitiful. The child's mother voluntarily removed herself from the home. This child had burns between his fingers and a slap mark across the side of his face. He was 5 before he would even talk. And was terrified of certain women. This child stayed by my side for the entire 3 years he was in my child care center. Do not compare what that child went through to another getting a few swats on the behind.

Adrian Peterson was wrong for breaking the skin, he was wrong for where he switched the child. He was wrong for letting his anger guide what he was doing. But that doesn't make spanking a child wrong in every case.

I absolutely agree with everything you have written, especially the bolded.

For the record, I should say that I think what he did was wrong and far beyond what constitutes spanking.

 

[luvsJack]

Time outs DO work, if done properly. My children were never, ever spanked or otherwise physically disciplined. They are well mannered, reasonably polite (for teenagers....LOL!) teens. They have had ZERO discipline issues in school. I've had nothing but compliments from other adults on what nice young people they are.

I used time outs when they were little. Once they reached about 5 or 6, I used different methods, appropriate for their currency at the time. Right now, for example, my DD is disciplined by removing electronics from her, by being made to skip "fun" social activities, etc. But never have I struck her.

Both my teens have been fascinated by all the coverage of AP. They simply have never imagined that kids were beaten by their parents. It's mind-boggling to them. And, horrifying.

I will say that it has given them both a new found appreciation for their parents.

I can say the exact same thing about two of my kids and the compliment part about all 3.

One did get in trouble at school and when I finally told the principal that I wasn't coming down there, to give him some licks; guess what? It stopped.

I can't say that spanking works for every child and you can't say with 100% certainty that time outs work for every child.

 

[Fortune Cookie]

DS was probably 15-16 months old, so he would pick her up and carry her around the house, like a stuffed animal. She would just lay there, draped with her middle over his arms and head and tail hanging down, and let him tote her around.

DS was in a biting phase--stuffed animals were his favorite target, .

As a parent, you should not have allowed him to carry the cat around. I think so many of these issues can be taught with “active parenting”.

Kids fighting over video games? Time to shut down the game, and go outside with your kids and toss a ball.

Have a biting baby that enjoys biting stuffed animals? He should not be allowed to carry around a cat.

I could not even begin to imagine hitting a 15 month old child Do you allow the daycare workers to hit your baby since it works so well?

 

[Fortune Cookie]

One did get in trouble at school and when I finally told the principal that I wasn't coming down there, to give him some licks; guess what? It stopped.

What could a child do that was so horrendous his principal had your permission to hit him

 

[luvsJack]

As a parent, you should not have allowed him to carry the cat around. I think so many of these issues can be taught with “active parenting”.

Kids fighting over video games? Time to shut down the game, and go outside with your kids and toss a ball.

Have a biting baby that enjoys biting stuffed animals? He should not be allowed to carry around a cat.

I could not even begin to imagine hitting a 15 month old child Do you allow the daycare workers to hit your baby since it works so well?

Daycares are not allowed by law to spank a child. We had parents that would ask us to spank their child if they misbehaved and even said they would sign something saying it was ok. Couldn't do it. So that question is moot.

Somehow I would imagine that 15 month old probably would have continued to go back to carrying the cat around. I probably would have said no a half dozen times, removed the cat and finally given a swat.

The suggestions you give are great. Most people who spank do not only spank They do stop the video game and go out and throw the ball (although, I really wonder what mom is supposed to do about that chicken she's frying for dinner while she is throwing the ball. ) They do use "active parenting" and spank as a last resort.

Contrary to popular belief, we aren't all standing around with a belt in our hands waiting for the first opportunity to start wailing on them.

 

[luvsJack]

double post

 

[kidshop]

As a parent, you should not have allowed him to carry the cat around. I think so many of these issues can be taught with “active parenting”.

Kids fighting over video games? Time to shut down the game, and go outside with your kids and toss a ball.

Have a biting baby that enjoys biting stuffed animals? He should not be allowed to carry around a cat.

I could not even begin to imagine hitting a 15 month old child Do you allow the daycare workers to hit your baby since it works so well?

I have to agree. A baby can 't make good decisions and should n't have access to the cat to bite it. You have to know what is developmentally appropriate.


'Active parenting'. I hadn't heard that before but it s exactly what you need to do the first years...get up, get in there immediately and make what you want to happen, happen! They learn you mean what you say every time.

There shouldn't be bleach around to drink, the sockets should have covers in them, and around traffic the child should be restrained in a stroller or by the hand. Then there is no reason to spank for this. This is exactly what I did.

I can't think of one time I regret not hitting my child or one issue it would have made better. I guess my kids are compliant, but maybe I helped make them that way too. If spanking is off limits you do manage to come up with other effective solutions.

 

[kidshop]

Daycares are not allowed by law to spank a child. We had parents that would ask us to spank their child if they misbehaved and even said they would sign something saying it was ok. Couldn't do it. So that question is moot.

Somehow I would imagine that 15 month old probably would have continued to go back to carrying the cat around. I probably would have said no a half dozen times, removed the cat and finally given a swat.

The suggestions you give are great. Most people who spank do not only spank They do stop the video game and go out and throw the ball (although, I really wonder what mom is supposed to do about that chicken she's frying for dinner while she is throwing the ball. ) They do use "active parenting" and spank as a last resort.



Contrary to popular belief, we aren't all standing around with a belt in our hands waiting for the first opportunity to start wailing on them.

I would never have SAID no a dozen times to a baby. Only once while I was removing the cat or the baby from the situation.
End of problem.


Also I would not be angry. That baby is not being bad. He doesn't know biting hurts. I would say something like"uh oh! We don't want to hurt the kitty!" While redirecting or giving something else to chew on.

 

[luvsJack]

What could a child do that was so horrendous his principal had your permission to hit him

he couldn't keep his mouth shut and he was arguing with another student. I had already been down there the day before. He was sent to the principal's office again and I was called. it wasn't horrendous but it was enough that he was disrupting an entire class. He wasn't learning and he was keeping everyone else from learning--something I don't think the teacher should have to put up with and I am not going to.

He got three licks. Didn't go back to the principal's office for a very very long time.

It worked. It was 3 licks with a paddle. He was not abused. He was not traumatized but he did learn a lesson.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

A lot of women in abusive relationships don't believe they're being abused. "I shouldn't have made him mad. He doesn't really mean it. He loves me. It's just sometimes..." They make every excuse in the book. But they ARE abused. The marks on their bodies tell you that.

Just because you don't think you were abused as a child, doesn't mean it didn't happen. "Mom loved us. This was just her way. We all knew what the belt meant and it was okay." Nope, still abuse. Whether you want to call it that or not, that's what it was.

Call me judgmental if you want, but there is NEVER, EVER a reason to hit a child with a belt, a switch, a garden hose, or anything else. All you're teaching your child is the way to solve a problem is with violence. "Don't like what someone else did, hit them. Didn't get your way, get the belt. People will listen to you if you hit them enough." This is the lesson that comes across, whether it's meant that way or not.

 

[luvsJack]

I would never have SAID no a dozen times to a baby. Only once while I was removing the cat or the baby from the situation.
End of problem.

And when the baby continued to get the cat?

Or are you suggesting that you would keep the cat or the baby locked away so they wouldn't cross paths?