"Adoptive" parents, does it bother you

[Jsme]

You obviously haven't seen The Royal Tenenbaums. "And this is my adopted daughter Margot."

Kidding aside, I'm adopted and have almost never had anyone refer to me as "the adopted child" or my parents as "my adopted parents." What I have had happen on occasion, which always ticks me off, is when people ask if I have tried to find my "real parents." I am quick to point out that the people who raised me are my real parents.

Yeah real are the parents who raise me and my biological parents are the ones who created me.

 

[Mrs.Toad]

The article I saw on that didn't meantion it by the headline.

http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=6588020&page=1

That's why I mentioned it in my post

Oooh, sorry! The article I had seen said it in the headline, as did the thread on it here.

The one you linked still bugs me a little bit, though. I still think the first two "adopted" references are unnecessary, but that's a minor quibble.

 

[Holly]

I never introduce my daughter as adopted, and as a matter of fact, when some ill mannered person asks me in front of my children which one is the adopted one, I always say that I can't remember.

 

[famofsix]

I have older siblings and since I am adopted and they are not I don't look like anyone in my family. I don't have a problem saying my parents adopted me.

adopted is not a bad word it is just how you got into the family

but I am not an adopted parent so I don't know how my parents dealt with questions when I was younger

 

[Philadisney]

Reading this thread reminded me of a funny incident from when I was 7 years old. My 2nd grade teacher called my parents house in a tizzy. She said "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I thought you should know that Kelly has been telling the other children that she is adopted." My parents were so confused. "Yeah, she is adopted! Is that OK?"

 

[EmmersIsTheMommy]

Reading this thread reminded me of a funny incident from when I was 7 years old. My 2nd grade teacher called my parents house in a tizzy. She said "I'm so sorry to tell you this, but I thought you should know that Kelly has been telling the other children that she is adopted." My parents were so confused. "Yeah, she is adopted! Is that OK?"

WHAT THE

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

It bothers me, and I know people (I wouldn't call them friends) who do this constantly. I have three children, one of whom didn't happen to come out of my uterus. People call my eldest two the "real" kids and laugh like I'm being ridiculous when I correct them. I tend to avoid these people.

I am in the same position. My son who is adopted is black, the rest of us are white, so the fact that he was not born to either myself or my dh is blatantly obvious to anyone with eyesight. The question we get all the time is "are your other children yours?" Um, they are all mine.

I do say adopted sometimes to qualify a story (moreso online or something where people wouldn't know). It would sound wierd if I said "I am so excited for my 2 yo's first Christmas with us" to someone without them knowing we adopted our son at 2. Or I did in a coversation with some other moms at the older kids school about potty training. They knew I had another child but it was the beginning of a new year and they did not know him, so it sounded wierd when in response to being asked if he was potty-trained, I said he came to us that way. Thats about the only times I can think of that I use it.

Our son's mother died giving him life, and his father... I don't want to share his whole story, but there is no question in my mind that he is a real father. He loves him and cares for him deeply. So in regards to real parents my son has 4 "real" parents, 1 of whom is watching him from Heaven. He refers to the first two as mommy and daddy in his first language, and us as mommy and daddy in English.

 

[Shugardrawers]

I'm not an adoptive parent but my mother married my dad (not my bio father) when I was 15. I wasn't legally adopted but did have my name changed to his. He's always been my dad and he's never referred to any of us as anything other than HIS CHILDREN. There's no "step" or "adopted" or any other explanation necessary. To refer to him in that way would be an insult to the 30 years of courage, love and commitment he's given us all.

His sister on the other hand, has ALWAYS referred to us as "Louis's EXTENDED family This is his 2nd wife Mary, and HER children Shug, Jane and John DOE". Doe is not my dad's last name

I've never felt so belittled in my life. It's like coming right out and saying we're 2nd hand trash and not good enough to be a part of her family.

Why does there have to be a distinction? If the parent doesn't make one then there isn't one.

Sleepy It bothers me as much as hearing someone use the word "step". If they are part of your family, what difference does it make if you gave birth to the child or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philadisney
I would think that for the child, if you already have a mother and a father, you would not call the father's wife "mom" so you would probably not want them to refer to you as their "son".

I was thinking that if you are the parent of that child, you wouldn't want them referring to the other mother/father as their mother/father and that you'd prefer for them to use the step-reference.

Let me clarify this by saying although my bio father was still alive (he died 4 years later), and I did and will always love him very much, his personal issues kept him from being much of a part of our lives. For all intents and purposes, we did not have a father figure in our lives for many years.

 

[RUDisney]

His sister on the other hand, has ALWAYS referred to us as "Louis's EXTENDED family This is his 2nd wife Mary, and HER children Shug, Jane and John DOE". Doe is not my dad's last name

I've never felt so belittled in my life. It's like coming right out and saying we're 2nd hand trash and not good enough to be a part of her family.

Truth be told, she sounds like she isn't good enough to be part of your family.