"Adoptive" parents, does it bother you

[ORMom2Four]

When you hear other parents (or yourself) referred to as "Adoptive" Parents, or a child referred to as an "adopted" child?

It irks me when I hear it. Just wondering what others thought?

 

[DVC Sadie]

I was an adopted child and I never heard of myself referred to as being adopted by either my parents or anyone else.

 

[cheermom1]

my dh was adopted and he was never reffered to as the "adopted one" however after he was quite older people would question it only b/c is mother is 12 older then he but he never was offended by it....

 

[ORMom2Four]

It seems most prevalent in the media. For example, they will say "Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman's adopted children" or the latest, the story about the missing boy, "the boy's adoptive parents..." (http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=6588020&page=1)

Maybe I'm having a bad day, lol, but it's bugging me. No one says "Tom Cruise & Katie's birth child Suri" or that a missing child is "the parent's birth child".

We are an adoptive family, so I guess I don't understand the need for the prefix. Does society look at an adoptive family as different than other families?

 

[Todd&Copper]

It irks me that my grandmother calls one of my cousin's daughters the "adopted kids" and the other cousin's daughter her "great-granddaughter".

 

[BoardWalkBelle]

I am an adopted child and it bugs me. The only people who use this term seems to be the media. Parents of adopted children do not make a distinction between adopted children or birth children.

 

[Hoodie]

We are an adoptive family, so I guess I don't understand the need for the prefix. Does society look at an adoptive family as different than other families?

I don't. The media does so much to annoy me and this is one of them. Like there is a difference.

You are your children's parent. It takes no skill to push a child out, but takes lots of skill and love to raise that child properly. That makes a parent, not a genetic map.

For the record, I have many "adopted" friends and none of them put that prefix before their Mom and Dad. It's always "Mom is driving me nuts", never "my adoptive mom is driving me nuts."

 

[cerberus]

Totally bugs me!!!!!! I hear it all the time from friends and co-workers!

 

[Mom2Nick]

My parents had friends that adopted a Korean child and they would always introduce their children they would say "This is Mark, this is Jim and this is Talia - she's adopted". It always struck me as silly since it was obvious she was adopted since they were all blond and caucasian and she was obviously Korean. Every time they did that it just grated on my nerves more and more.

 

[Piglets Mommy]

I'm not an adoptive parent, but it would certainly irk me. Your Children are your Children, no matter how they came to be. I was in a mom's group once where this one woman would constantly ask new members if their kids were "Your own or adopted" I thought that was very rude and pointless.

 

[cerberus]

My parents had friends that adopted a Korean child and they would always introduce their children they would say "This is Mark, this is Jim and this is Talia - she's adopted". It always struck me as silly since it was obvious she was adopted since they were all blond and caucasian and she was obviously Korean. Every time they did that it just grated on my nerves more and more.

That totally bugs me!!!! My kids are just that, mine! I do not introduce them as adopted, but I have had friends introduce them that way Both my DD's will know they are adopted and we are already very open with them (they are 22 months and 3yrs). I have no problem telling people they are adopted if the topic comes up, but I do not share it openly...honestly it is not a thought that goes through my mind all the time.

 

[storzo]

I am an adoptive mother and I really don't hear it all that often in my life. When I do, it doesn't bother me. I don't really give it a second thought. It's true and it's certainly no secret. I don't think anyone means any offense when it is said. At least that's my experience.

 

[Pooh Crew]

It bothers me, too! My cousin was adopted, but no one in our family would ever refer to her as the adopted one! Good grief! What does it matter if someone was adopted or not?! (I mean, of course, aside from medically relevant information). I don't know why the media (or anyone else) feels compelled to point out that a child is adopted.

Your child is your child...no matter how (or by whom) they were conceived.

 

[fortheluvofpooh]

It irks me that my grandmother calls one of my cousin's daughters the "adopted kids" and the other cousin's daughter her "great-granddaughter".

oh that would really tick me off. I am neither adopted or have adopted a child, but my dd's godmother has a son who is adopted, but she is his MOMMY!!!!! I would never say oh here is so and so with their birth child, and here is so and so with her adopted child. UGH. they are your children, it does not matter if the child is born under your heart or in it, they are your child.

 

[chisnpeke]

It bothers me to hear that about Tom and Nicole's kids. They are their children. I don't get why the media feels the need to identify them as adopted.

 

[pfishgirl]

Not only Tom & Nicole but it goes for Brad & Angelina

and Yes, it irks me and No, i'm not adopted

 

[disykat]

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was Tom Cruise. Not only does the media always refer to his kids as adopted, they kept referring to Suri as his first child!

 

[crazyforgoofy]

My dear Isabella is adopted. She knows it, everyone we know knows it. But at times we get asked things like 'oh is this your granddaughter?' (we also have children in their 30s). I smile and say 'no she is MY daughter, she adopted me, aren't I lucky?'

We talk about how lucky we are to have each other and feel a bit sorry for people who haven't adopted or been adopted.

But I am supremely irritated with people who say 'such and such's REAL parents'. That makes me so mad I can't see straight. Once after overhearing someone say that though not about us Isabella came to me and said 'Momma, you're REAL!' And I am, indeed.

 

[mom2kazkids]

My kids are adopted, and they are my kids, NOT my adopted kids. It reaaly irked me a couple years that when my benifit enrollment papers would list them as adopted, not as children. After the second year I called and complained. So it now does say children. The only reference that I will make about my kids being adopted is that I had a paperwork pregnancy.

Barb

 

[Mikelly1221]

I only really hear it in the media, and yeah, it's a bit irritating, but I really don't worry about it. Now, if someone we know continually made a point of referring to DS as our "adopted" son, I'd have to correct them. He is our son, period.

Thankfully, no one ever has.