"Adoptive" parents, does it bother you

[Mrs.Toad]

I'm an adoptive mom and yes, it bugs me when I hear this. Like others have said, my kids are my kids, I do not distinguish between the biological one and the adoptive one (unless it's relevent).

Does society look at an adoptive family as different than other families?

I don't think most of society does, but obviously some people do, or they wouldn't feel the need to include that info when it's not relevent. Some will even (after being questioned as to why the info is offered ) insist that it is indeed relevent. Which just makes them look even more biased.

"Adoptive child" in most cases sounds as ridiculous to me as "IVF daughter" or "broken-condom son" would.

I even wrote to some magazine about Nicole Kidman. It said, "she gave birth to her first child" recently. Um, no I don't think so. She gave birth for the first time, but it was her third child.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I'm not adopted, nor are my children, but it still irks me. There's no need for labels other than mom and dad and child. After all, that's who they are regardless of how they came to be that way.

 

[cerberus]

I
"Adoptive child" in most cases sounds as ridiculous to me as "IVF daughter" or "broken-condom son" would.

I am so going to say that to one of my co-workers that had a baby through IVF! Next time she asks me how my adoptive daughters are doing, I will say "And how is your IVF son?"

 

[beckmrk04]

I always noticed it in reference to Tom and Nicole's kids, too! BUT- I was reading the December Glamour (Nicole Kidman is on the cover) and I was so pleased in the article when they mentioned "her children." Not "her adopted children." It's pointed out SO often that it actually stood out to me that "adopted" wasn't mentioned. Go Glamour!

Aggie- your comment cracked me up!

 

[bubie2.5]

We just adopted a baby boy, I do not tell people "look at my beautiful adopted baby boy", he is my son.

"broken-condom son"

 

[bumbershoot]

The first thing I thought of when I saw this thread was Tom Cruise. Not only does the media always refer to his kids as adopted, they kept referring to Suri as his first child!

I have ONLY seen this when they say that she is Tom AND KATIE'S first child. Which she is.

I even wrote to some magazine about Nicole Kidman. It said, "she gave birth to her first child" recently. Um, no I don't think so. She gave birth for the first time, but it was her third child.

See I read that as "she gave birth to her first child...that she gave birth to". Which Sunday is. She didn't have anything to do with the birth of the others, therefore to my mind, the sentence "she gave birth to her first child" is correct.


Also, the media probably says it to avoid 18,000 letters saying "are you kidding? those kids are adopted, you should have said that" or "I didn't know they made babies together, when did that happen" and so on. To my eyes, they are probably just trying to be as fully accurate as possible.


I have friends with kids that are obviously adopted, and they are bombarded with "where did you get them" sorts of questions all the time. So for the PP who introduces their Korean child as adopted, they might just be so used to the follow-up question that they just put it right out there. Pre-emptive strike.


Then again, even though I love all 4 of my sibs the exact same amount, I refer to the 3 youngest as my half-sibs whenever I talk about them. And if I mention my (full) brother at the same time, I refer to him as my full brother. It's accurate, the 3 youngers are our half-sibs, and the one closest in age to me is my full brother. It's just how I do it.

LOL, I did introduce DS, when he was a baby, as our honeymoon baby...so I could imagine doing something silly like that with a baby we adopt, if we can get the moola together to do that (we 100% want to, have wanted to since before we met each other, it's just the money that stops us), but I don't know what form it would take.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

We just adopted a baby boy, I do not tell people "look at my beautiful adopted baby boy", he is my son.

"broken-condom son"

I don't introduce my first dd as "my oops the bc didn't work for us Daughter"....

I had a kid in my class who had an older sister and a younger sister. Even though his younger sister was Korean, I didn't make the connection that she was adopted until I was in 2nd grade. She was just his sister.

 

[lemondog]

It bugs the CR*P out of me!!!! I hate, hate, hate it when the media always refers to adopted celebrity children as such, as in "Angelina Jolie's adopted son Maddox." You know what? Maddox is her SON, plain old son. No different than Shiloh. Grrrr.

Can you tell this is a sore subject with me?

 

[disykat]

I have ONLY seen this when they say that she is Tom AND KATIE'S first child. Which she is.

I saw it specifically refering to his first child in an interview of him, not both of them.

 

[DancingBear]

To my eyes, they are probably just trying to be as fully accurate as possible.

In that case, I'd expect to see a lot of celebrities' children described as "his/her ******* child".


Edited: Okay, it was bleeped, but it's an accurate word for describing a child born out of wedlock.

 

[lowie]

"broken-condom son" would.
QUOTE]

hey i have one of those!!

anyway, my husband adopted the daughter i gave birth to.. she's not mine, she's ours and i'd kick his butt if he ever referred to our kids as 'his son and adopted daughter'

regardless, i don't have to worry about it. my family is whole, not half, not step, not adopted. we are just a family.

 

[chisnpeke]

In that case, I'd expect to see a lot of celebrities' children described as "his/her ******* child".


Edited: Okay, it was bleeped, but it's an accurate word for describing a child born out of wedlock.

Not everyone feels the need to be married.

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I'm adopted and my mother's standard (and mine when I was, uhm, precocious enough) was "Yes. She's adopted. We chose to have her."

So it didn't bother me to be called adopted. And I would happily tell anyone being adopted was better than being just born to somebody, because nobody had to take me. My parents made a choice to take me.

 

[ZachnElli]

Yeah, it sometimes bothers me too. I have bio kids and an adopted one and their is no difference in how I feel about them! I saw the article when it said Nicole Kidman's first child and I was irritated. Also, the way they describe some of Angie and Brad's kids. I know Marie Osmond won't tell the media which of her kids are adopted, go Marie!!

 

[funkehouse]

i can tell you what Irks me as Semi Adopted Child.... My mother had me during her first marriage and quickly got a divorce, she remarried and since i had no contact with my natural father, my mother new husband Adopted me. he didnt want to just be a Step Father, he went the extra mile. I have NO memories of my natural father, only my REAL Dad. he is the best Dad i could ask for. but some people, one friend in particular always seems to use the word Step Dad, and Adopted when talking about me. it really pisses me off. i tell people over and over, HE IS MY DAD. the only DAD i have ever known. SO BACK OFF !! it gets me so mad when people dont get this.

 

[quasar4legs]

I am adopted and my younger sister was born to my parents 12 months after my arrival.
On a family outing when we were kids my dad ran into a work collegue. The work collegue asked my dad "which one is yours"? Dad just said "they are both mine" and that was the end of the conversation.

I have one son we adopted as an infant and to be honest I have never heard anyone refer to him as our 'adopted son'. Not to our face anyway.

Trish

 

[Mrs.Toad]

See I read that as "she gave birth to her first child...that she gave birth to". Which Sunday is. She didn't have anything to do with the birth of the others, therefore to my mind, the sentence "she gave birth to her first child" is correct.


Also, the media probably says it to avoid 18,000 letters saying "are you kidding? those kids are adopted, you should have said that" or "I didn't know they made babies together, when did that happen" and so on. To my eyes, they are probably just trying to be as fully accurate as possible.

See, this is why they could have said "she gave birth for the first time." That is the accurate way to say it concisely. The way they said it simply isn't. She did not give birth to her first child. She adopted him/her.

Yea, they probably meant "gave birth to her first child that she gave birth to", but since that doesn't flow too well, shouldn't a journalist be able to use his brains and think of a way to say it that doesn't ignore the existence of her first two kids? How hard is it to come up with "she gave birth for the first time", or "she gave birth to her first biological child"? That would have avoided the letters from both sides.

Yeah, it sometimes bothers me too. I have bio kids and an adopted one and their is no difference in how I feel about them! I saw the article when it said Nicole Kidman's first child and I was irritated. Also, the way they describe some of Angie and Brad's kids. I know Marie Osmond won't tell the media which of her kids are adopted, go Marie!!

I've read that Marie Osmond's answer to "which were adopted?" is "I forgot". I've been dying to use that one ever since. But luckily, I haven't run into anyone IRL who seems to think it matters.

 

[ALittleDisneyFan]

It's obnoxious when the media uses the term. In our life, no one to my knowledge has referred to DD as the adopted kid- and while I'm happy about how she came to be my DD I would also give said person an earful.

 

[Family Fun Mom]

The term "real" mom or dad, or son or daughter, bugs me more than "adopted." My friend learned at age 26 that the man that raised her wasn't her biological father. If someone ever asks about her "real" dad she gets mighty miffed. Her real dad is the one who put Band-Aids on her skinned knees, the one who read bedtimes stories to her, the one who taught her to drive, the one who caught us drinking behind the garage when we were 17 and took me home in the middle of the night to explain to my parents what we had been up to That's her Daddy. The other guy is her biological father.

 

[mommy*RN]

As an adopted child myself I don't like the term. I can't specifically remember scenerios when I heard myself referred to as an adopted child, but I know that there were some. I just ignored it.

I always hated when people would ask me if I ever wanted to find my real mother. I'd reply, "Why do I need to find her??? I LIVE with her!