abusive parents..

[cindys_castle2011]

I think I may have just made a mistake by asking by boyfriend if his parents hit him.. as some may remember his parents seem like they are never proud of him. We were on the phone about an hour ago and his mom walked in and started yelling at him over some homework. He got in trouble because he made a B in one of his classes, and it wasn't his 'absolute best'. I love his parents, they are so nice and sweet to me. In public you would never think they were like this, but at home I guess they are.. he's always getting screamed at for nothing. I don't see how he juggles; baseball practice, about to be baseball games, football practice, me, friends, every church event, family, and still manages to have AB honor roll every six weeks. Hearing what I heard tonight I just got the thought of maybe they don't just yell at him.. after a while he put the phone on mute, and literally 12 minutes later he came and said he had to get off the phone.. and he would text me if they didn't take his phone. So about ten minutes ago he finally texted me.. here's how it's going:

him: hey baby.
me: hey babe.. mmm, what went on a while ago?
him: ugh just more stuff about how im not my absolute perfect in school.
me: its not like your failing.
him: i have AB in every class, every six weeks.
me: why do they do all that then..?
him: cause i ain't perfect.
me: you pretty much are
him: not to them
me: you need to talk to them!
him: i can't cause ill say something that will be wrong like always and they'll take my phone.
me:well you have to do something.
him: i cant!
me: what's the worse they'll do?
him: ahh idk.
me: nothing bad I hope...
him: no no.
me: you promise?
him: yes I promise.
me: well okay then.. remember that I am proud of you.. no matter what.
him: but they aren't.
me: but I am.
him: but that control me..
me: well I guess it really doesn't matter than that I am.
him: it does.. im just saying..
me:well idk what else to say if your just gonna keep shutting it down, but i am proud of you.. I don't see how you can juggle everything that you do, and still manage to do great in school!
him: thanks babe.. but like the principle, and all the teachers always tell me im doing a good job and everything, but.. then my parents just tell me im doing just enough to get by..
me: you need to get the counselor or someone to e-mail them or something.. they need to realize how good your doing in school.

sorry it was so long, but its not that I think they might hit him, it was just an idea.. and I hope I didn't hurt his feelings or something by asking him that. what do you think? and have you ever been close to someone that has been abused or you thought they were being abused?

 

[bananda]

he probly realises that you're just worried, and with good reason. for me, i wouldn't be hurt if someone talked to me like you spoke to him.
i dont know anyone who's been abused, as far as i know, so i dont have any advice on how to handle this. i think you're doing a good job of it. i'll be praying for the situation, if you want

 

[BabyPiglet]

I'd say he was just embarrassed about it all and/or didn't want to talk about it.

He probably muted his phone because he didn't want you to hear his mom yelling at him, maybe he didn't want you to get the wrong impression.

I don't know what to tell you, sweetie. Just try to talk to him (in person) about it.

 

[KitKat_Tink]

can i be honest and tell you that it seems to me that a differnet kind of abuse is going on. Its called Mental/Verbal abuse. IF you ever suspect anything more, like hitting and stuff, PLEASE call CPS...The number is generaly in the front of the phone book.

 

[Disney Dork]

can i be honest and tell you that it seems to me that a differnet kind of abuse is going on. Its called Mental/Verbal abuse. IF you ever suspect anything more, like hitting and stuff, PLEASE call CPS...The number is generaly in the front of the phone book.

And, believe it or not, verbal/mental abuse is even worse than physical in some cases. That's actually why a lot of kids end up killing themselves...because they just don't think they're worth it and their parents aren't helping the situation any by what they're doing (not that I think that your BF would ever do something like that).

Also, if it does get worse and you find any marks on him at all that you suspect are from his parents, you NEED to go to a teacher/counselor/Principal/etc. They are required, by law, to report any suspected abuse to CPS-and can do so anonymously so that the parent's won't have any clue as to who did it.

 

[Huit]

If he can deal with it, it might be better to not say anything. It is completely terrible to be abused, but putting him into foster care or moving him might not be the best idea. He's a teenager, he has a life, he has friends and a girlfriend who loves him. He's probably preparing for college. He has sports and church. Foster care would mess everything up. It has emotional damages too. It's a long, cruel process. And if he's moved to someone he doesn't like, it'll be a long process to get him moved again. He might prefer to just stay where he is now. Don't assume.

But I really am sorry that he's being hurt like that. Abuse or not, it's terrible.

 

[cindys_castle2011]

Well thank you

I don't really think he's being physically abused, and i really don't think he's being "mentally abused". His parents are just very strict on him, because of mess that
his his brother has gotten into. If you remember which you probably won't- back
in June, before me and him even started talking at all.. his brother was drinking, and in a truck with another boy drinking, and they hit and killed a 6 and 7 year old. I think I told the story on here. But I suppose that's just why they are so strict on him about everything.. they just don't want him to turn out like his brother.