A Wedding WWYD?

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I actually planned my wedding for a very, very inconvenient date. But then I absolved everyone by not inviting them.

We ended up with a very small wedding. Something that we wanted.

Many relatives ended up sending gifts. Something that was totally unexpected.

 

[RedAngie]

Another year, another wedding drama thread. Excellent!!!

WW<I>D? Stick with my original plans and not give the matter a second thought. I wouldn't "express my concerns" that the date is inconvenient to me, my parents, my cousin's college-aged daughter, or anyone else.

If the couple and/or their parents have a problem with me not cancelling my vacation to suit them, oh well. I don't want or need those people in my life anyway. Buh bye.

I wouldn't attend any event that involved an outhouse, even if it was my own kid's wedding

I'd probably leave quickly after learning of the bathroom situation. Wasn't there a wedding thread some years back about the bride providing buckets for the guests to use?

 

[Christine]

So, people who have school-aged family members should only get married in the summer or during winter break? I'm not understanding this problem, unless the wedding is on a Friday, but most picnic-style weddings are on a Saturday.

Of course people shouldn't pick dates to satisfy school-aged kids. But the vibe I'm getting from the OP is that he (the brother and his wife) are going to be "furious" if certain people don't attend. And the venue seems to be pretty far from everyone so classes would have to missed to get to a Saturday wedding.

So, yeah, no one needs to skip school or miss their vacation. OP's brother doesn't get to be furious either.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I wouldn't change or cancel anything at this point, since it doesn't seem like the actual wedding date is etched in stone at this time. If it does change to a time more convenient for you, then you can obviously do both the wedding and the cruise.

It does seem like you have an attitude towards your brother, which may or may not be justified. I can understand this, having a difficult sibling myself. I try not to engage with him--it's easier for me, perhaps, because he lives in Germany.

As to the venue--it might not be your favorite, but your comments come across as perhaps snobbier than you mean them. Don't misunderstand--a park with no facilities wouldn't be a place I'd want to spend a few hours. But, this park may be meaningful to the couple--it sounds like you don't know them all that well, especially the bride. It may be all that they can afford--and isn't it lovely that a couple would have a tight budget, but still want to celebrate with friends and family? I find that much more commendable than going into piles of debt to throw a party. Even if they have the funds, perhaps they're saving for something that has greater importance to them than the wedding reception.

If it truly comes down to you having a conflict, go on the cruise--you planned it first, there are others involved, your life shouldn't have to revolve around the choices others have made. Wish the couple well, send them a nice gift if you feel so inclined, make a special point of asking them about the big day when you see them afterwards. Show them how adults deal with the twists and turns of life.

 

[Skellingtonj]

I have learned you can never ever plan around others.

This. We didn’t check with anyone when we planned our wedding. Nor have I ever even heard of that. There seems to be bigger issues here then just the wedding day. I’d skip and go about your plans

 

[sk!mom]

I was originally planning to cancel the cruise for the wedding, but I have looked up where they are planning to have the wedding, and it is in a small picnic pavilion in a state park with no facilities. There is simply a small roof over a dozen picnic tables, a small grill, and two outhouses. I am not thrilled with having to cancel all of my plans to attend a picnic wedding, but I am sure if I don't go my brother and his wife will be furious and will probably not attend anything in the future that I plan. Nobody is thrilled about going to this wedding due to timing since it is after school goes back in the fall. My other brother has two children in college that he doesn't want to skip classes for this wedding. Even the groom's sister is not sure if she can skip college classes to go to this wedding. And then there are my elderly parents who no longer travel. It would have been difficult to get them to travel to begin with, but I don't see them willing to go now that we know it is just a picnic in a park.

So there is my dilemma. Would you cancel the cruise and go to the wedding, or stick with the original cruise plans?

But it isn't just a "picnic in a park" it's the marriage ceremony of two people. I've been to touching meaningful weddings in humble locations.

That aside, if you are close to your nephew or your brother and value the relationship then go to the wedding. It seems that you feel really negatively about this wedding though so it might be better for their celebration if you declined. But maybe don't talk it down to other family members.

I am very close to my 3 unmarried nephews and my sisters so it would be an easy decision for me. I absolutely would not want to miss their weddings so I would change my vacation plans. However, it's always OK to decline an invitation if you have other plans So decline if you want but it likely will damage the relationship.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

This. We didn’t check with anyone when we planned our wedding. Nor have I ever even heard of that. There seems to be bigger issues here then just the wedding day. I’d skip and go about your plans

Dh and I did not check with anyone either glad we are not alone on that but our date had a special meaning to us

 

[Skywalker]

I don't know why this is dilemma for you, OP. You hate the venue, you don't seem to like any of them very much anyway, and you legitimately already had a vacation booked. You just give your regrets and life will go on. No need to be that disapproving aunt clucking in the corner, and no need at all for this power struggle of who is going to cancel for who.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would not do a lot of checking with others, either!
But, I think it goes without saying that I would probably check with a few of those that are closest to me and that I wanted to be able to be there.
And, I can def. understand taking some things into consideration, such as those who have inflexible seasonal work schedules, college finals, etc.
If I were being married, and I knew a sister would be done with college/finals by a certain date... or I had a brother who would be returning from a work/military assignment or contract... I would def. want to take those kinds of things into consideration.

Having said that, I would NOT plan/schedule my current cruise plans around others.
No way, that would not be wise.
The OP could cancel the cruise, and then suddenly the happy couple could decide on an alternate wedding date.
(of course, if that were to happen, the OP might benefit by rebooking an incredible last minute fare... Or, they might lose out on the cruise altogether. One never knows!)

I tend to think that this kind of thing is personal and subjective.... I tend to give more consideration and respect to others who show consideration and respect.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Go on the cruise. Your nephew and the bride will be too busy getting married to miss you!

Send a great present, and don't get sucked into any drama.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Of course people shouldn't pick dates to satisfy school-aged kids. But the vibe I'm getting from the OP is that he (the brother and his wife) are going to be "furious" if certain people don't attend. And the venue seems to be pretty far from everyone so classes would have to missed to get to a Saturday wedding.

So, yeah, no one needs to skip school or miss their vacation. OP's brother doesn't get to be furious either.

And who knows if the brother would really be furious or not. Too many inconsistencies in the telling to figure out what is accurate.

 

[clh2]

My DD is getting married on Saturday...in Wisconsin.

There were very few people involved in the date selection, it was based with some input from the mothers of the bride and groom.the mom of bride, the wEdding date was selected and venue booked primarily based on when both the chosen photographer and chosen venue were open. Actually, venue was booked several months before they were officially engaged at the end of June. So-there already were people with conflicts.

My sister changed plans for a Cancun vacation, and they needed to pay a penalty for this. This surprised me. Other aunts/uncles that we thought wouldn’t venture from sunny Florida to come up in January are, and other aunts and uncles that we thought for sure would come are not.

At the end of the day, no ones feelings are hurt about the aunts/uncles that are not coming.

 

[mom to minnie&mickey]

My dh feelings would always win over my brother's, always! Enjoy your cruise.

 

[Procrastinate]

Thanks to all. You have actually been far easier on me than I expected.

I have not and will not ask anyone to change a wedding date.

I have not and will not complain about the venue choice to anyone other than my DH. (And this will be my last post on this subject here. I have done my venting and I thank you for "listening" and providing me some things to think about.)

I have not and will not cancel my cruise before I know that a date is firm. I will make my decision at that point.

I will let my daughter decide whether or not to book at this point. I only asked her to wait a few days so I could find out if wedding plans had actually been made.

I am not going to ask my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law or my nephew any more questions about wedding plans. They can let me know when something is final.

I have been holding off on making any cruise-related plans. I am going to go ahead and start researching hotels, flights, and excursions. I don't want to miss out on any good deals while I wait for them to figure out there plans. I only book things that can be cancelled anyway.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I get the impression your family is quite the picnic (no pun intended ok well maybe but the phrase seemed to fit)

Either way we're only getting your side but it seems evident that the venue, date, heck all the choices seem to be inconvenient for you. I really do hope you let this go once the wedding actually occurs.

Go on your cruise. It seems you very much want to go on this cruise so just make the decision to go on it and stick with it. I'm sure they don't want years later to be reminded that you cancelled your cruise for their more simple affair not to your liking (not saying you would actually say anything to them but IDK seems like an interesting relationship going on with neither side completely innocent).

 

[kimblebee]

This thread is only a few posts away from turning into a repeat of the EPIC backyard wedding/porta potty thread.

 

[ols386]

I would cancel my cruise plans as long as I could get a full refund on the cruise.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

This thread is only a few posts away from turning into a repeat of the EPIC backyard wedding/porta potty thread.

I hate it when people start talking about other threads that I have no idea about or have forgotten about..it makes me want to hunt for them (that is if they are still around)

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Would you cancel the cruise and go to the wedding, or stick with the original cruise plans?

Stick with the original cruise plans.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I will admit that I am also a little miffed that they were going to have it near where my sister-in-law's father lived so he could attend, but now that he has passed, there has been no thought given as to whether or not my elderly parents can attend.

That is a bit hurtful that they considered some people, but not your elderly parents. But it is their wedding. They can accommodate who they want to, but also people have the right to stay home.

I will say (and call me selfish), I would not travel 7 hours to attend a picnic in a park with an outhouse. That is basically a destination wedding, with the destination not up my alley. When you expect people to travel for almost a day, you should provide a place that at least has a bathroom with a flushable toilet. Five year engagement and they couldn't find a place with a bathroom? No. Not for me. The thought of an outhouse makes me want to gag. If that is pretentious, sign me up!

Go on your cruise, send a card, and if someone gets mad no biggie.