A Wedding WWYD?

[Gumbo4x4]

I would go on the cruise. You have a prior commitment with the other couple. I would not have asked the nephew to change his date.

 

[Jeannie]

We had the exact same thing happen to us! We were booked 18 months out for an Oct 2016 cruise with two other couples. In Oct 2015, we were told our nephew's wedding date was the day we would be returning. It was in another state, so we wouldn't be able to make it. We told the parents we wouldn't be able to attend. After sleeping on it, my husband and I realized that we didn't want to miss being with our nephew as he exchanged his wedding vows! Our daughters were both getting married in 2016, and we knew that they would be very disappointed and hurt if any of their uncles didn't attend their weddings. We cancelled our cruise and went to the wedding. It was the right thing to do for us and our family, and we had no regrets at all. You can like or dislike the date, venue, type of wedding, etc. It comes down to whether you want to be present or not for a special moment in someone's life.

Only you really know what the right decision is for you!

 

[Procrastinate]

This nephew has been engaged for five years. I have always assumed that I would travel to the bride's hometown ( a 10+ hour drive) when they got married. My nephew lives about five hours away, so it would be a bit of drive wherever they have the wedding. I let them know my vacation dates when they first started planning the wedding months ago. The date they picked is incredibly inconvenient for everyone on my side of the family since it would mean pulling cousins and his sister out of college to attend. I will admit that I am also a little miffed that they were going to have it near where my sister-in-law's father lived so he could attend, but now that he has passed, there has been no thought given as to whether or not my elderly parents can attend. The assumption has just been that everyone on our side will drop everything to attend. And I realize that it is their wedding and they can choose what type of wedding and reception they have. If it wasn't for the cruise, I would go without hesitation.

 

[mom2rtk]

I would go on the cruise. But your comment about the venue seems odd. Why does that matter? Maybe that's all they can afford?

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

I would speak with your nephew and let him know that you're very sorry, but you've already booked a vacation for the weekend that he's scheduled his wedding. Let him know that you hope it's a wonderful ceremony and ask him if he'd like to have his gift sent out to the wedding or get it prior, or afterwards. This gives him the change to remark that the date is just tentative, if it is, and to let him know directly that you will be unable to make it. It's up to you if you want to let him know that your friends you've booked with are unable to reschedule, although I wouldn't lie about the trip being refundable, just let him know that you'd scheduled this prior to the wedding being scheduled.

Quit talking with your brother about it, it sounds like he enjoys making his siblings dance to his tune, so just refuse to get on that turntable and talk directly to your nephew. You may find that the date hasn't really been set, and that it's a completely different situation.

 

[Poohforyou]

I wouldn't change plans for any wedding except my daughter's. We had family unable to attend our wedding. It would have been nice to have them there but it didn't take away from the day in amy way.

 

[Hikergirl]

This nephew has been engaged for five years. I have always assumed that I would travel to the bride's hometown ( a 10+ hour drive) when they got married. My nephew lives about five hours away, so it would be a bit of drive wherever they have the wedding. I let them know my vacation dates when they first started planning the wedding months ago. The date they picked is incredibly inconvenient for everyone on my side of the family since it would mean pulling cousins and his sister out of college to attend. I will admit that I am also a little miffed that they were going to have it near where my sister-in-law's father lived so he could attend, but now that he has passed, there has been no thought given as to whether or not my elderly parents can attend. The assumption has just been that everyone on our side will drop everything to attend. And I realize that it is their wedding and they can choose what type of wedding and reception they have. If it wasn't for the cruise, I would go without hesitation.

Do your parents live near the bride's hometown? If not and you've always assumed that the wedding would be there why would it now matter that your elderly parents don't travel? Isn't that something that would have been known within the last 5 years?
I think when it comes to weddings there will always be one side that is more inconvenienced, especially if the bride and groom are not from the same area. In this case it seems that it is your family's turn. Maybe the next family wedding you guys have it will be the other side, which I'm sure at that point you won't have any issues.

 

[Wishing on a star]

GO ON THE CRUISE.....
No delemma here.
No questions asked...
No regrets....

PS: Sounds like you have been subject to letting your brother plan, and cause scheduling problems and disappointment, for far too long.
Either bow out of these 'family' plans, or maybe get a head start and be the one who does the planning????
(Of course, this is the nephew's wedding with his future wife involved in the planning... I am talking about some of the other things you have mentioned within your own family.)

Actually, We just had to cancel our upcoming cruise, due to my DH having an emergency medical situation.
I have to admit that this has made me feel sad and disappointed...
We have been looking forward to this.... Actually just moved our cruise date up so we could sail soon.
Just made final payment when this all happened.

 

[Procrastinate]

I am not snotty and have been to weddings in parks before. I would have no problem going to this one if I didn't already have plans although I will admit that I would have preferred a park with better facilities. There are other parks with indoor pavilions and indoor plumbing. I have never been given any indication that this date is significant. I am actually from a small close-knit family, but this particular sister-in-law tends to not consider other people's concerns. I don't know who is paying for the wedding and I consider that to be none of my business. If my nephew and his fiancé are paying for it, budget may definitely be an issue.

 

[nkereina]

I agree that the comments about the wedding venue sound judgmental. Whether it's in a park or a 5 star hotel, it's still their wedding day and it shouldn't be diminished because you think it's "just a picnic in a park". What you prefer is irrelevant because it's not your wedding day.

That said, I would simply decline to go because you already have plans. I surely wouldn't expect them to change their wedding date to accommodate your vacation. If your brother and nephew take personal offense to it, then so be it. I had an aunt, uncle, and their three kids no call no show to my wedding because one of the kids had a hockey tournament. It sucked, but it's a year later now so we're over it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I agree, OP....
I don't think that plumbing is too much to hope for.
(notice I said 'hope for', not require or demand....)

You really do not have to try to justify yourself here!!!!!!
Just 'duck'

 

[handinpocket]

The date doesn't have to have "significance", it they want that date, they should have it. From your posts, it is becoming fairly obvious that this has nothing to do with the wedding, but rather your contentious relationship with your brother and sister-in-law.

 

[nkereina]

I agree, OP....
I don't think that plumbing is too much to hope for.
(notice I said 'hope for', not require or demand....)

You really do not have to try to justify yourself here!!!!!!
Just 'duck'

If the bride and groom chose this pavilion, there is a reason. Either they have a plan for bathroom facilities on their wedding day or their budget is such that this is all they could afford. Either way, not attending the wedding solely because of the facilities seems pretentious. I'd bite the bullet and go under normal circumstances. BUT in OP's scenario, I think the cruise is a valid excuse.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Did you even READ my comments...
I never, EVER, said that this would be the sole reason for not attending a wedding.

I also do not feel that OP needs to provide an 'acceptable' valid excuse.
'Acceptable/valid' is very subjective.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I would say "I'm sorry, but we have already booked a cruise for X date and are unable to attend the wedding." The venue would have nothing to do with it though.

Yes, but I would add, there is no reason to explain why you aren't going.

Simply make your regrets known. "I'm sorry, but we won't be able to make it." If someone is crass enough to ask why, you have two choices. You can pull the dear Abbey response and act insulted. Or you can simply say, "we already have plans."

There is no law saying you have to go to every wedding for which you receive an invitation. It doesn't matter how "close" your family may be or from whom you receive the invitation.

Just say "no."

 

[cluvsdisney]

In your shoes, I would stick with the original vacation plans. There's no reason to bail on friends and forgo a long planned vacation for people who seem to go out of the way to make things difficult for you to attend.

 

[mjkacmom]

When DH and I got married, we went to the church to see what dates it was available, and contact siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents, to see when they were available. My sister even planned her destination wedding during spring break (so much more $) because my aunt is a teacher. I’d go on the cruise.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I have learned you can never ever plan around others.

 

[firecracker725]

When my husband's only cousin planned her wedding for a date we would have been terribly inconvenienced to attend, we took it as a sign that they didn't really want us there and simply sent a gift. Worked out well.

 

[gillep]

I would stick with the cruise and send my regrets and a nice gift, there is never going to be a date/location that works perfectly for everyone when planning a wedding with more than a couple attendees, I would hope that most brides/grooms/families would understand this.