A question for Moms

[LaurenLC]

When did you know that you would or wouldn't be returning to work? What made you choose the option you did?

Please know that I am not trying to start a debate by asking this... I don't think there is a right or wrong answer to these questions. I think every mom should do what is best for them and their families.

I only ask because I have ended up on bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy which is eating into my leave time. I had always thought that I would return to work, but now I can't imagine returning when I would have to. It just doesn't seem like it will be enough time.

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

 

[MIGrandma]

I wasn't working outside the home when DS was born. Back when DH and I got married not a lot of women HAD to work and we decided it would be better for me to stay at home while our children were young. Our DD came along a couple of years later and I think she was 7 before I went back to work, and then it was only part-time.

I felt very fortunate to be able to stay home when my kids were little. I know many women don't have that option. But I think it's great, for the entire family, when it's possible to do that.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

For me, staying home with my children was an easy decision. It was what was modeled for me both with my own mother and my close relationships with my sister and SIL. My sister and SIL were both SAHM and once I saw the amount of work and also the amount of joy they got from being at home with their kids, I knew that I wanted to do that too. I also wanted to breastfeed and knew that staying at home was the easiest way to do that. When my youngest was small, I did continue to work a few hours a week and left my son with my mom and dad; I wouldn't have done it otherwise. When my kids got older, I did register them for two-day Mother's Morning Out programs at a local church and I worked a few hours a week that way. I still do that, but I consider myself "a SAHM who freelances." I can't call working 5 hours per week "part-time" with a straight face!

Even now that my oldest is in elementary school and my youngest is in preschool 2 days/week for a few hours, I still don't ever see a time that I will go back to work full-time. It's enough to have the chaffeuring of back and forth to school, the extra-curricular activities, and still keep up with the cleaning and grocery shopping and things that *I* want to do for myself. My husband is gone a lot and I just don't want the stress of having to work and handle everything by myself.

When my boys were babies, I did always make sure to get out somewhere most every day - to visit my mom and dad, to Target or the grocery store, to have lunch with my husband, something, so I never felt like I was trapped at home or that I was losing my identity.

It's a tough decision for many moms. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and best wishes for a safe delivery!

 

[golfgal]

Honestly, we decided long before we ever got pregnant that one of us would stay home with the kids and since DH was making WAY more money than I was and had greater earning potential, I stayed home. I wanted to anyway so it wasn't really an issue. I only recently went back to work too.

 

[Daisy&Max]

I'm just the opposite. I knew before I had kids that I could not be a stay at home mom. I knew I wanted to take my 12 weeks but after that I knew i had to go back to work. My kids were born in April and May and so I missed the last few weeks of school (I'm a teacher) and then had the whole summer off with them. I loved being off with them but I felt like I needed a life outside of them so I couldn't wait for school to start.

I also breastfed my kids, I pumped at work, and I had no problem doing it at work. My oldest nursed until 11 months and my youngest till 6 months.

I still look forward to the end of summer to go back to work after being off and at home with them all summer.

good luck to you and making your decision.

Good luck to whatever

 

[celestialred]

I knew before I even had kids I would be working after they came along. Financially, we would not be able to live the way we do without two incomes. Also, while I was growing up I watched my mom literally sacrifice herself as well as her identitiy as a person for her family to the point that now she is completely dependent on immediate family for her social life and no one else. I realize now that maybe that's not the most healthy way to approach being a SAHM but it really made me, well, afraid (for lack of a better word), to lose my own identity when I became a mom.

With my dd1, I was in a job where I traveled a lot and was in a horrible work environment with a toxic boss, so getting out of my contract by becoming a SAHM with her was my best option. I eventually found work about 9 mos. after having her. With dd2, I had the luxury of working for a good company with paid short-term disability leave, which I used. I still work for the company but now since maternity leave get to work from home instead of an office.

Do I feel guilty for my choices? Financially speaking, no way! Do I wish I had more time with my kids, heck yes! But we all do what's best for our families, regardless of what other people think we "should" do.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I had twins and daycare options was slim to none. Plus we figured that I would be working to pay taxes and daycare and that's about it. We made the decision to sacrifice all the finer things in life and 30 years later, so happy we did.

 

[DisneyDizzy]

We always knew I'd stay home with our kids. That said, I had a very nice career as an editor before we had our son. I made a good bit of money, had a college education, nice clothes, nice car and lots of friends.

We struggled financially for a while but now it has all paid off. I am home with my son (and one on the way) and I wouldn't change it for ANYTHING. We did it when my husband made a third of what he is making now. Being able to get ready for this baby is a cakewalk compared to when our son was born. We sacrificed a lot of "nicer" things for many years. I think it was worth it.

I don't regret giving up my career. I always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I feel my college education and work experience makes me well rounded and gives me an appreciation for my role here. My husband loves having me at home as well. During some of the leaner years I offered to go back to work and he always said we'd find a way to make it and we always did.

I LOVE my job.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I actually went back to work.

In the short time I went back, the following things contributed to my decision to leave the job:


1. Working conditions--posted about on the disboards prior, so I won't rehash here. But teh short story--trained a village idiot, blamed for her stupidity, bumped from my position, then went on maternity leave when she was subsequently fired b/c what do you know--I was actually right. I went back early and though I "saved the day" so to speak--I was no longer fulfilled at that place of employment.

2. In about a 6 week period...discovered I had PPD, that I only made $1 an hour after employment costs (childcare, gas, etc), and DD's daycare provider was on her 3rd person to have crib room detail to only have to fire her for lying to another mom. I did try to find a replacement daycare but due to everything combined, the PPD got worse and I gave up and left (after medical/counselor consult recommended that I finish my maternity leave that I had cut short).

3. My job was held for 6 months, the PPD got better, but I felt much better staying home that trying to work and didn't miss it one bit.

I don't regret the decision.

 

[vegasnative]

Both me & my hubby were always on the same page as far as me working after children. We both wanted me to stay home. As soon as I got pregnant I knew I would not go back. I did go back 1 time, that was for a seasonal position, and I only did it because I new it wasn't permanent and it was for extra Christmas money! The company I went to work for was Costco, a great company, imo, they called me back the March after and asked if I wanted full time/permanent and I declined. Since then I haven't taken any other jobs. Being a sahm is more than a full time job, imo.

My mom stayed home with me until I was about 12 or 13. My husbands mom also stayed home, so since it was something we were both brought up on I guess it was never an issue as to what to do.

We have made sacrifices living on 1 income, but the rewards are plenty!

 

[NMAmy]

My wacky dd insisted on eating every day so I went back to work.

 

[Buckeye Princess]

We knew from the time that we were dating that we both wanted a stay at home mom. The clincher though was when we did a financial analysis and realized how much money could be saved by me staying home. I actually made a very generous salary but with the cost of work clothing ( I worked in an industry where you were expected to be stylish), gas, childcare, taxes, etc it added up. Additionally being home made nursing easier so I didn't ever use formula. I also made all of DD baby food from scratch. I cook all of our meals from scratch, sew a number of DDs clothes. Things like that. My husband works really really long hours and not only does me at home mean I get more time with DD, but he does too because when he comes home his only responsibilities are taking out the trash, cleaning the cat litter, and spending time with his family.

 

[padams]

I had intended to go back to work. We had bought a house with a nanny suite to make it work. I really couldn't imagine staying home until...

Six weeks before DS#1 was due, one of my work buddies (she was 33, I was 30) was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. She had a toddler at the time, and had been the average workaholic attorney with a nanny. I thought it was so sad that she had missed so much of her son's first year and a half, and then he was going to grow up without her. I decided that I didn't want to miss anything (the first smile, the first steps, the first words, etc.) and I would stay home. Since there is no guarantee of a tomorrow, I knew I'd rather be with my son than practicing law.

 

[Acklander]

I always knew I wanted to continue working after having kids. I've always enjoyed it, I'm good at it and I find it quite fufiling. If I had stayed home I wouldn't have been happy. I've been fortunate in that I've been able to find a balance between work and home and have great support from DH in keeping the home front up and running. I've never regretted my decision.

 

[freckles and boo]

When my older daughter was born in March 2000, I was 80% vested in my 401K. I went back to work when she was eight weeks old and the main objective was to get the time in so I could be 100%. After a few months (and when I was fully vested) I tried to negotiate an arrangement so I could work from home part time and be in the studio part time but they weren't willing to work with me. My husband's income was twice mine, my child was in daycare 11 hours a day, and I was miserable so I opted to leave. Within weeks of "retiring" my former boss called and offered me freelance work that I could do from home. I have only done freelance work that works with my family's schedule since.

I never anticipated being a stay-at-home parent and it has sometimes been tough. I am not the most domestic person in the world. However, my husband travels a lot for work and we have a child with special needs. I don't think that I would be happy carrying the weight of a full-time job and handling the vast majority of the parenting, plus managing the finances and the household.

 

[simba20]

I had been working on getting into Grad School beofre DD was born. However, with the timing of everything, I did not get in until 6 months after she was born. However, there was no way I could have started grad school the immediate Fall semester after she was born (semester started in August and she was born in July).

I worked a part-time retail job. I did the math and figured out that by taking out student loans, I'd have as much money for the year as I was making working retail. Yes, I'm taking on some debt, but I means I don;t have to work in a job I didn't really like. I only was working a part-time retail job in the first place because when I started I had planned on starting grad school soon after I took the job, and going to grad school and having a part time job was a good balance. Later stuff occured in the workplace, that made me see my coworkers for who they were, and how the place was run, so that's when I began my grad school pursuits to get out of there, and then I became pregnant with DD.

Anyway, looking back, with the way her birth went and how things were after (she's my first), if I had to have gone back to work at six or eight weeks, there was no way I could have. I would have been an emotional wreck, to the point of anxiety attacks.

She's almost three, and I started her in daycare at 13 months. Over time I have worked her from goign part-time to full-time (she's sooo social). She and I are in a good place, and I have to admit that I am getting burnt out in my grad studies, so I am thinking about going back to work in August. Why August? Well, we've bought a house, we'll be moving, we have our Disney vacay, more house stuff to do int he new house, and my daughter's birthday. So I am booked with things until the middle of July.

I am happy that I could stay home with her as I could. Staying at home was not what I thought it would be, but I have enjoyed it. However, I am dying to get out and do something on my own, something for me, and something that gives us a bit more money coming in.

 

[SDFgirl]

I have been both a SAHM and a working mom. I taught 3rd grade until my oldest DD was 8 months old, then I stayed home with her and had another baby. That brings me to today.

I've decided to return to teaching in August. It was always the tentative plan for me to take only two years off, which I've done. I suppose that if I had strong feelings about staying home longer, I would discuss it with DH, but it feels like the "right time" for me to return to work.

There are a few reasons I'm excited to go back to work:

1. I love my job. I really, really love teaching. It gives me a lot of fulfillment and pleasure. Yes it is stressful and difficult at times...but it's the right job for me. And, it's a great job for a mom (with all the breaks). I think that if I didn't LOVE my job, going back to work would be harder!

2. While I have loved staying home with my two kids, I'm kinda tired of the monotony of it all. Sometimes I just feel house-bound and weary of the endless tasks of taking care of two kids under 3, day in and day out. I wish I had play dates and museum trips organized every day, but the truth is, I'm not that structured. Don't get me wrong...I adore my girls and we have lots of fun throughout the day. But there are times when I NEED to get out and have some adult interaction/different responsibilities. I need a change.

3. I'm excited to have two incomes again. DH has supported us just fine - we've even managed two Disney trips in two years! But, things are always tight. We're always talking about bills, and how to afford this-or-that. Most paychecks, we have some pretty "lean" days in the time leading up to payday. That is getting really old. We're both excited to loosen up a bit and not feel stressed about money all the time!

I hope that helps a bit. I'll definitely miss my kiddos when I go back to work, but I think I'll enjoy working again too. I always said that you can never "know" how you'll feel about working or being a SAHM until you actually do it!

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!

 

[SC Minnie]

Mine was a decision made for me.

When I was 4 months pregnant Dh was told his job was being centralized and he would not be moving with it. He was able to stay there until DD was about 3 months old. DD was born with a birth defect that was going to need surgery eventually (actually ended up 5 surgeries but...). I had to return to work so we would have insurance. We couldn't afford COBRA. DH did find another job when DD was 6mo but they wouldn't cover her for her surgeries plus their insurance was more expensive with less coverage. The first surgery alone was over $70,000.

 

[kristilew]

DH and I both knew that we wanted me to be a SAHM, for several reasons:

We didn't want to bring a child into the world and then have someone else raise it. I want to be the one who responds to a good or bad day at school, who helps DD figure out how to handle and react to things, who shapes her attitudes and values. You can't schedule when teachable moments come up and I don't want someone else to be the first responder when they do.

I taught middle school before I got married and I could go down the rows and tell you who had a parent at home and who didn't, just by their behavior and attitudes.

Also, as a corollary to the teaching thing, I'd had lots of theoretical training on raising kids, (and certainly had my puffed up ideas of what everyone else was doing wrong ) and I was eager to put my own program into action.

Those were the main reasons ahead of time. Over the years, we've found another great benefit: me being at home allows us to have a way less stressful life. There's no rushing in the door at dinner, with all of us having been gone all day, there's no issue when DD is sick or needs a parent at school, there's no wasting money on things for convenience's sake (which means more for WDW!). DH always says I'm not just a mom, but a home economist, and he's thrilled with the way I run our home. I think our marriage is better too, with both of us appreciating so much what the other does, and with being able to spend so much quality time with each other every evening because the house work is done during the day, and DD has enough attention without needing to stay up late.

Having said all that, I do believe completely that there are some women who are much more tempermentally suited to working outside the home, and are better mothers for it.

It's such a personal decision. You just have to go with your gut at first, and then pay attention to how it's working for you (no pun intended.) If everyone is happy and doing well, yay. If you're talking to yourself, time for a change.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just the fact that you're giving your choice serious thought means you're well on the road to being a great mom!

 

[mom2aredhead]

I was on the fence about going back to work after my son was born. My whole pregnancy we (hubby and I) debated pros/cons, made up budgets, tried to pay off as much as possible, etc. etc. We just weren't sure.

I ended up having terrible, awful post partum depression. (Some of which I attribute to guilt about not breastfeeding, but that is a whole different thread) At that point, I could not imagine adding the stress of juggling work while I felt the way that I did.

Fast forward about 8 months, and I was feeling that I was back to my normal self, but still not completely 100% happy being home all of the time. Someone previously had mentioned the monotony, and I realized that was what was starting to get to me...feed, change, laundry, cook, sleep, repeat. My family does not live that close, and honestly everyone I knew was at work during the day. I was new to the area, so did not have any SAHM friends, or really any local friends for that matter.

I was very fortunate that the company I worked for had a 1 year (unpaid leave) which allowed me to return to work when my son was about 10 months old, and I was able to negotiate a part time schedule with my employer whom I had been with for 9 years prior to my maternity leave. It honestly was the best of both worlds.

My son, although still little, was in a daycare situation that I was 100% comfortable with, but he was only there 2 days/week so it wasn't a budget buster. I gave up one of my weekend days to go to work, but my son got a "daddy day" out of it, and it was one day I could work with no daycare expense at all.

So I guess the answer is that I decided to go back to work when I felt both physically and mentally well enough to go, on my terms, working a schedule I was comfortable with.