It really bothers me when someone says that they stay at home because they didn't want someone else raising their kids.
I guess dads that work outside the home don't raise their kids? I guess that school age kids educated outside the home are no longer raised by their mom?
It does come across as insulting to many moms who work outside the home. Both of us work outside the home. We are known at my DD's school because we have both held offices in PTO (I'm immediate past president) and other parent groups. We are at EVERYTHING at the school.
I don't regret a thing. I just hate that moms can't support each other's choices enough to say something so rude.
it's not meant to be rude. I guess what I meant was that for all the millions of times over the past 12 years that DD has brought up situations looking for a reaction, or asked about how to deal with something, or shared her own thoughts on an issue, or was happy or sad about something, I wanted to be the one who got first dibs at reacting to that, to inculcate my values and to train her up in the way I think she should go.
The fact is, Dads who aren't home with the kids aren't directly raising them for that time they're gone. They get filled in by the mom (or at least my DH does) at the end of every day. "DD had a good day because....DD is struggling and here's what I told her....DD need redirection here, do you think I did the right thing" I can't imagine that a daycare provider or nanny gives that kind of constant background. When would that happen?
It's also true that tons of other people are raising our kids all the time. Their peers, their teachers, anyone they spend time with reflects the world back to them. I wanted more than equal time.
One area that serves as an example: I've spent years studying the latest research on how girls interact and what works and doesn't work to help girls navigate their often difficult world. I don't want DD to talk about those issues with a daycare worker who hasn't had the benefit of that research, and really doesn't have a stake in how my girl turns out. The likely repsonse will be "just ignore it" or "girls will be like that." And I'd likely never hear about it by the time we got together. Or at least, there'd be one more voice mine was being compared to.
I think everyone has their own "thing" when it comes to their kids. Stating that mine is about being my child's primary caregiver doesn't mean I don't support other people's choices. We all think our way is right
for us, that's why we do it our way. But that doesn't mean that someone who chooses a different "right" for themselves has anything to do with our own choice. I don't worry about moms who work when they wonder what I do all day. That's just them reflecting their own stance. It's not rude, it's human.
BTW: there's a fascinating book called
The Opposable Mind. It has nothing to do directly with parenting, in fact it's a business book, but it's got an amazing section on understanding stance. Any armchair shrinks reading this thread would love it.
because he wouldn't be able to BF for almost a year like his sister.) and right medication (adult dosage 
) so that he was comfortable and happy on a daily basis.
), in the long run fabulous vacations, private schools, and the best nanny/daycare in the world can't replace being there for first steps, snuggles, stories, and being the one to kiss the boo boos--IN MY OPINION.
