a little advice please...

[meandtheguys2]

Would uprooting your daughter be a good idea. The poor thing already is dealing with so much. If not for her, I would say fly as fas as your wings can carry you, but not with her having such issues. You would be devestated if you caused her harm.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

I think it would be a good idea. Is your hubby going to be deployed too, or just hanging out at home? If she is living on base or in military housing you are going to have to get clearance through the housing authority for the ok for you to move in. We were stationed in Germany for 3 years and I wish so badly that my kids were older so that they could have really enjoyed it. Now that he is out there is no more traveling overseas for us for a while, too expensive, guess we'll have to go to Epcot There are alot of MWR trips that you can take on the weekends and they are really a bargain. Then there is always the issue of what if her hubby is deployed longer than 6 months. If I remember correctly, the deployments can be extended without much notice. Would you come back then, or stay till he got home? If noone is living in your apt on base, for that length of time, then I think you will have to relinquish your housing. Your other option is to get a letter from your husband's commander and probably your friend's commander too, ok-ing the whole situation then maybe they wouldn't make you put your stuff in storage while you are gone. I know how close base housing is, it would be hard to hide being gone that long. When I registered my son for kindergarten in Germany we needed orders in order to register him. Anymore questions, I would be glad to help you out.
Edited to add----- I asked DH and he said you will definately need some type of orders to go there.

 

[meandtheguys2]

One other thought... Running away might seem really appealing right now, but sometimes it isn't the best thing to do. I know that I would be chomping at the bit to get the heck out of dodge, hoping that Remy would just do better with a good geological. But bad feelings and issues don't go away with distance. Time and work are usually necessary. And stability for a child is so important.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Your daughter has been indulging in self-injurious behavior. It would not be a good idea to drag her to the other side of the world while you are getting her stabilized regardless of the opportunity.

Yeah, what she said!

 

[clh2]

I'll go, I'll go - you just stay put and keep your apt.

Obviously, Remy should be your first priority. Keeping your apt. intact should be second. Then - jump on the plane and JUST DO IT. Your opportunities to do something like this come around once in a lifetime IF YOU ARE LUCKY. (I'm still waiting for my once-in-a lifetime chance!)

 

[Boston Tea Party]

I think it would be too stressful on Remy.

Italy will be there when she's better.

 

[720L]

I would worry about Remy too. She is too cute BTW!!!

 

[HeatherH]

Honestly, no, I wouldn't go. If I didn't have kids I would seriously consider it, but pulling my children out of their regular school to go to another school for six months I just wouldn't do. It's hard enough being in a military family (I know), I just wouldn't add to that stress.

Plus I wouldn't want to leave my pets for six months either. Just me, but I hate to leave them for even two weeks.

I'd save Europe for another time, when your kids are older and can enjoy it more.

 

[grlpwrd]

Ditto to what simpilotswife and meandtheguys posted.

Remy's concerns should come first. Her problems should be the priority right now and confronted head on.

Italy will always be there, but then again you all could just make a short trip and perhaps instill some empowerment for Remy by letting her help plan for the trip and research that country.

GL!

 

[remyandhollandsmommy]

Hi guys, first thanks for all your replies. These plans are tentative until after I talk to Remy's therapist (which BTW her therapy is going well and is why I haven't been online lately). After talking to our friends last night, I have decided to go for only 2-3 months, then come back home. DHs commander was at the party last night and said there would be no housing issues if we do go, he would take care of that for us. I have done this before when DH has deployed when we went to Fl to stay with family for a few months so I know housing will permit it. DH will be deploying to Afgahn in late Jan/early Feb so he will be gone (we will be going the same time as he is leaving). Our friends are leaving in late Dec for Italy and either renting or buying off base so we won't have to worry about permission to stay at their house. They will be paying for our room/board (I am buying our plane tickets which aren't that much through the military) and yes, they can definately afford it besides his being a Capt, they have independent money. Uprooting Remy from school isn't too much of an issue as with us being military it happens all the time. She likes going to a new school and meeting new friends (I am lucky there). The school she is starting in Sept is a new one from the one she went to last year. Also our friends have three boys who she is very close to and I think this trip will help her adjust to them being so far away. The oldest boy is her "boyfriend" LOL (how many parents take their kid to visit their boyfriend when he is that far away?!). All this is over 6mos away so we have plenty of time to change our minds and get ready for the trip. There is a class here in town that teaches beginning Italian that I am going to look into (my friend and her kids have been taking it and they love it). I like the idea of having her help me research the trip and she can help decide what she wants to see while we are there. I think it will help us keep our minds off DH being gone again as well. Like I said before we have went on trips like this before when DH was deployed and it helped Remy adjust to him being gone and gave her something to do. But, we have plenty of time to decide what to do, we just told our friends that we were interested in going and explained all the pros and cons. I have to go watch a movie with the girls and will talk to ya'll later.

 

[Lil_Tink]

Your daughter has been indulging in self-injurious behavior. It would not be a good idea to drag her to the other side of the world while you are getting her stabilized regardless of the opportunity.

But on the contrary. It could be good for her. What if she truly loved it..Just an idea.

I'd talk to your girls about it, and if the apartment works, go for it!

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Make sure you find out if you are going to need any orders to enroll her in a DOD school overseas. Also, even though he is a captain, (hubby was a major when he got out) make sure IF he is receiving BAH that everything is cleared through housing before you move in. They call the last shots if you are getting BAH even if you live off base. I remember an issue with a single mom that had off base quarters in Germany that let some "roommates" move in. Just make sure you have everything covered just in case. Also think about what it might do to your daughter having to change schools mid-year if you are only going for a few months. I still think it is a good idea. Italy is beautiful and you can travel to different countries over a weekend. Good luck!

 

[Caradana]

There is no way in the world that I would go on a trip of that duration. When a young girl is exhibiting self-destructive behavior, the #1 priority becomes stability. I am sure her therapist is telling you this, but I'm not sure if you're hearing it. There has been too much upheaval in her life already, with her dad leaving, constantly changing schools, and some weird trip of indiscriminate purpose halfway across the world. She is telling you through her behavior that something is wrong, and cutting isn't a problem that's fixed with a month or two of therapy. Concentrate on fixing that before you move yourself one foot.

I might see an argument for taking her on a two-week vacation - that would be absolutely it. A 2-3 month trip would be more traumatizing than a 6-month; at least with six, she has time to make friends and frantically try to settle in. This is not to mention what kind of an impact either curriculum break would have on her education. She wouldn't leave and come back at the same place in terms of course of study.

I know you married young and had babies young. I know that you never got a chance to see the museums of Italy, and the world, really, on your own terms. Given that you sound like a terrific mom, and however painful it may be, you know that her needs have to trump yours at this point.

Sorry, brutal, I know, but that's my $0.02.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Too good to pass up!!!!

Really and truly too good to pass up.

Take advantage while you can.

 

[meandtheguys2]

But , maybe uprooting them all of the time is part of the issue! Sometimes you have to look past your wants when you have kids. Especially a kid with emotional issues. Keeping some stability in her life is crucial. Your "chance of a lifetime" may very well be your daughter's downfall. Brutally honest, maybe. I know you love your daughter, but running away will not solve any of her/your problems.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

Angela, you know your daughter and your situation better than anyone. Sure, "listen" to the advice you're getting here. Consider the opinions of well meaning strangers. But follow your heart and your gut. You'll know what's right if you do.

 

[palmtreegirl]

But, we have plenty of time to decide what to do, we just told our friends that we were interested in going and explained all the pros and cons. I have to go watch a movie with the girls and will talk to ya'll later.

Sounds like a great opportunity, have fun planning!

 

[Tasha+Scott]

I don't know what I would do! If you didn't have your kids I would say yes, definitely go! I am Italian and would love to visit Italy someday! But you do have kids and they have to come first. I actually think a lot of what Dana said makes sense! Remy has given you a cry for help and she needs to be okay emotionally before I would take her on this trip. However maybe it would be good for her like you said. You know her better than anyone! I think I would think it through a little longer, get plenty of expert opinions on this, and see how Remy is doing before I made any definite decisions. Also...have you asked Remy how she feels about it? I would do that too. Good luck w/whatever you decide! I would probably have trouble deciding at first too!

 

[amyup]

I would go! You will regret it if you don't. You are only going to be gone 6 months, I would love that opportunity. I keep telling my husband to take a temporary job transfer if one is to arise at his work for say England or Australia but so far we have only been offered Honduras and Houson (not happening). GO GO GO !!

 

[simpilotswife]

Listen to yourself. This kid is going to start yet ANOTHER new school and 3 months after that you are going to yank her out of it so you can go to Italy only to bring her back 3 months later to try to pick up where she left off.

I can't believe that you are saying that she loves the life she has. Obviously she doesn't if she is hurting herself and I am not sure why you can't see that.

Your daughter is emotionally disturbed!! She is hurting herself!! A few weeks (or even months) of therapy is not going to make that all better. IMO shlepping her off to Italy in the middle of that is unconscionable and reprehensible.

And as for the people cheering you on in this endeavor.....