Well I can't lie to all you wonderful people who have shown me so much support. My husbands aunts passed away and today was the funeral.
It was a very long and hard 3 days for everyone in my family.
All of my children are very close to my in laws and seeing their grandmother so upset over loosing her sister was a lot on all of us but really hard for my DH.
Everyone in his family smokes and it was really hard to be around it as we have positioned ourselves to stay as far away from it as we can because its still very hard for us. I want everyday and always managed to find something to distract myself but today, standing ourside with everyone, watching everyone so upset and just totally heardbroken, I did it.
I grabbed my SIL smoke and took a long drag.

It felt really good for a second and then I felt really sick and light headed and handed it right back to her.
I was so stupid. The good news is, I didn't like it at all.
I am not going back but I definitly need to find something else to calm me in stressful times like today because next time what if I like it again and don't get dizzy?
Sorry for letting you all down but I assure you no one is more disappointed in me then I am in myself.
I am not going back though, today I realized I AM AN EX SMOKER!
