15 yo boy going to be a father...wow

[poohandwendy]

I think adoption should be talked up far more than abortion. I'm glad the option is there, but why not make it a badge of honor to have carried your child to term and then have offered it as the most loving gift you could, to a family who would raise it better than an 18 yo could?

I could not agree more.

But, you have to consider the mindset of a young person who is facing this. If she is continuing the pregnancy, she has decided the baby has worth. If she continues the pregnancy, she is subject to public ridicule and all of the concessions that come with being pregnant at a young age. How many are going to have the maturity level and the selflessness to hand over their own flesh and blood that they have made such sacrifices for and become emotionally attached to? Especially when they still have the mindset of a child, where the world revolves around their personal experience?

What you describe is easier said than done. And it is far less likely to happen with very young girls who lack the maturity level to see it as a positive experience, rather than something being taken from them. The ones who really do not have the skills and are probably the best candidates, are usually the least likely to make that choice.

 

[TammyAlphabet]

The girl who grew up next to me had a baby when she was 15; her boyfriend was 14! She could be a grandmother by the time she is in her lower 30s.

This is considered quite normal in the rural Tennessee town where I grew up. When I was a senior in high school, there were 43 girls in total in the sophomore class, of those 43, five were pregnant at the SAME time. Several of those girls have grandchildren in elementary school. I am only 42.

 

[RUDisney]

I could not agree more.

But, you have to consider the mindset of a young person who is facing this. If she is continuing the pregnancy, she has decided the baby has worth. If she continues the pregnancy, she is subject to public ridicule and all of the concessions that come with being pregnant at a young age. How many are going to have the maturity level and the selflessness to hand over their own flesh and blood that they have made such sacrifices for and become emotionally attached to? Especially when they still have the mindset of a child, where the world revolves around their personal experience?

What you describe is easier said than done. And it is far less likely to happen with very young girls who lack the maturity level to see it as a positive experience, rather than something being taken from them. The ones who really do not have the skills and are probably the best candidates, are usually the least likely to make that choice.

You are absolutely correct. The shame in the whole thing is that the grandparents get emotionally attached, too, and don't help these young girls to make the best decisions for themselves and for their babies. So often, the grandparents have no means to help to support the baby, but they don't encourage their own child to consider adoption. Their daughters do not receive an education that they need to earn a good wage because there is no one who can watch the baby while the mom goes to school. The cycle starts here, or continues with her. It's all very sad.

Couple that with the statistics that say that children living in a household without their birth father are more likely to be abused than children living with their birth father and this decision that a young and immature 18 yo makes has even bigger ramifications for the child's life.

I get so angry by the number of people who believe that a teenage pregnancy is automatically a life sentence and the child parent is destined to poverty and hardship... when decisions can be made to make things better for the child.

I agree with what you said about the immaturity and the emotion and physical changes that lead a lot of these women to make the decision to raise their own child. But, I think we, as a society, don't do enough to encourage and applaud when the young girl makes the decision to let a stable family adopt her child. Don't you think the mindset of this country is that she has failed more if she doesn't try to raise her own child? I think that in a nutshell has to change.

 

[chobie]

I think adoption should be talked up far more than abortion. I'm glad the option is there, but why not make it a badge of honor to have carried your child to term and then have offered it as the most loving gift you could, to a family who would raise it better than an 18 yo could?

I dislike this idea about who is better fit to raise a child, because where does it end? Should poor people be "encouraged" to give their children up to a fmaily that can send them to college?

And what is a "better" family? Two married people? A single mom who wishes to adopt and has the money to support herself and a baby? Two gay people? Or is a "better family" only a middle-to-upperclass heterosexual married couple?

Many women on this board have told stories of becoming pregant as a teen and raising their baby. Some got married, some had family help, some did it completely on their own. Were they "selfish"? I don't think so.

I think adoption is AN option, but not THE option. JMHO.

 

[ryka]

Ok I hear alot of he is 15 she is 18 and an adult. What if she just turned 18? What if she got pregnant at 17 and then had a birthday? Would that change anything? I think if 2 people have sex even protected they should know that there is still a risk of getting pregnant. Nothing but abstinence is 100%.

I think if there was a law that said a man has the right to say I told her I didn't want a baby and I shouldn't have to pay then they will be alot of babies out there without a father and the financial help they need. I think alot of guys will have unprotected sex then and if she gets pregnant then say she knew I didn't want a baby and I don't see that as being right. I don't think it should ever be about the mother or father. It should be about this baby that had no choice about being born or who it's parents were.

I said it before and will say it again. If you are old enough to have sex then you are old enough to accpet the responsibilities that come along with it.

 

[andromedaslove]

I think alot of guys will have unprotected sex then and if she gets pregnant then say she knew I didn't want a baby and I don't see that as being right.

Yeah, but wouldn't that then be her responsibility too. She knows he doesn't want a kid, and she doesn't want a kid, so if he wants to ride bare back then she has to be able to say tough ****.


I guess the biggest problem I have with guys not having any choice once a pregnancy occurs is that so many women are so manipulative. It happens every single day, women trap men by becoming pregnant, or faking a pregnancy, they swear the daddy is one person when in fact they have no idea who the daddy is. At some point in time something has to be done to discourage this type of behaviour.

 

[chobie]

I guess the biggest problem I have with guys not having any choice once a pregnancy occurs is that so many women are so manipulative. It happens every single day, women trap men by becoming pregnant, or faking a pregnancy, they swear the daddy is one person when in fact they have no idea who the daddy is. At some point in time something has to be done to discourage this type of behaviour.

First of all, I don't agree with that, I think women like that are few and far between. JMHO

However I just wanted to highlight that statement for the next time someone tries to cry "male bashing" is going on.

 

[andromedaslove]

First of all, I don't agree with that, I think women like that are few and far between. JMHO

However I just wanted to highlight that statement for the next time someone tries to cry "male bashing" is going on.

I believe that those type of women aren't as few and far between as you wanna think. I am a chick and I have seen those types of situations WAYYYYY to often.

As far as male bashing, there probably hasn't been as much as I would expect to see usually , but there has been some. My biggest problem with guys are the ones who tell you they love you, and that if your got pregnant it would be ok cause they would always be there for you, then as soon as your turn up pg scream about how you can't make them be a Daddy!! That tends to happen quite a bit, or like one of my friends years ago was sleeping with her boyfriend and the condom broke and he lied to her about it. He didn't tell her the truth until it was too late for the morning after pill and she did end up pregnant. She had a beautiful baby girl, and the father signed away all his rights, even though it was ALL his fault, and she has raised her little girl all by herself.

 

[chobie]

I believe that those type of women aren't as few and far between as you wanna think. I am a chick and I have seen those types of situations WAYYYYY to often.

As far as male bashing, there probably hasn't been as much as I would expect to see usually , but there has been some. My biggest problem with guys are the ones who tell you they love you, and that if your got pregnant it would be ok cause they would always be there for you, then as soon as your turn up pg scream about how you can't make them be a Daddy!! That tends to happen quite a bit, or like one of my friends years ago was sleeping with her boyfriend and the condom broke and he lied to her about it. He didn't tell her the truth until it was too late for the morning after pill and she did end up pregnant. She had a beautiful baby girl, and the father signed away all his rights, even though it was ALL his fault, and she has raised her little girl all by herself.

I'm a chick too, albeit an older one. And I have never met any woman who has done/ tried that, but I do know of many women that have not had their child support paid by the fathers. I'm not denying that type of woman of exists, but as you pointed out scum knows no gender.

There does seem to be a double standard though. There have been several comments on this thread as well as others about "manipulative women" and I have never ever heard anyone cry "female bashing". It seems like men are the only ones allowed to be bashed. When it comes to statements like that about women that it is "the truth".

 

[RUDisney]

I dislike this idea about who is better fit to raise a child, because where does it end? Should poor people be "encouraged" to give their children up to a fmaily that can send them to college?

And what is a "better" family? Two married people? A single mom who wishes to adopt and has the money to support herself and a baby? Two gay people? Or is a "better family" only a middle-to-upperclass heterosexual married couple?

Many women on this board have told stories of becoming pregant as a teen and raising their baby. Some got married, some had family help, some did it completely on their own. Were they "selfish"? I don't think so.

I think adoption is AN option, but not THE option. JMHO.

The best "fit" of a family is one that is financially and emotionally stable. One that each complements the other between the financially and the emotionally parts. I grew up poorer than poor but my parents never let that affect us. We knew that we had to do without some of the things that others had, but we never felt deprived of love or support. My parents struggled to make ends meet from paycheck to paycheck but never got a dime from public assistance because they were too proud to take anything and they didn't want to show us that it was easier to not work and get paid than it was to struggle to earn a living. Each of my siblings has put themselves through college without help from our parents who could not afford it. It bugs me when people say that they can't afford college. The only reason that they can't is because they don't want to work for it. So really, the poor excuse doesn't cut it. It's the entitlement crowd that ruins it for everyone else.

I don't think most people look at adoption as AN answer. I don't think it's encouraged and most women (and society) would feel like they failed if they pursued the adoption route even though there are so many people waiting to offer their homes to someone else's birth child. Many others would fault the young girl for not trying to keep her baby.

 

[chobie]

The best "fit" of a family is one that is financially and emotionally stable. One that each complements the other between the financially and the emotionally parts. I grew up poorer than poor but my parents never let that affect us. We knew that we had to do without some of the things that others had, but we never felt deprived of love or support. My parents struggled to make ends meet from paycheck to paycheck but never got a dime from public assistance because they were too proud to take anything and they didn't want to show us that it was easier to not work and get paid than it was to struggle to earn a living. Each of my siblings has put themselves through college without help from our parents who could not afford it. It bugs me when people say that they can't afford college. The only reason that they can't is because they don't want to work for it. So really, the poor excuse doesn't cut it. It's the entitlement crowd that ruins it for everyone else.

I don't think most people look at adoption as AN answer. I don't think it's encouraged and most women (and society) would feel like they failed if they pursued the adoption route even though there are so many people waiting to offer their homes to someone else's birth child. Many others would fault the young girl for not trying to keep her baby.

True, but many would fault the girl for having an abortion (murdering her child and/or taking the easy way out) and others would fault her for keeping the baby ("it's selfish-she should give to a good family").

And of course almost everyone would fault her for "spreading her legs" (to quote the person who thinks this thread is male-bashing).

I don't think adoption is anymore frowned upon than any other route, but maybe because I personally don't think adoption is the best answer for everyone.

 

[sgtdisney]

And of course almost everyone would fault her for "spreading her legs" (to quote the person who thinks this thread is male-bashing).

Well, I guess that would be me. Although I don't think I said it quite like that. My point was I get tired of hearing how the guy should have known better, the guy should have considered the possibilities. They both should have. It takes two people to make a baby, not one. Just as the guy should keep it in his pants. (I have seen that comment a lot on these forums) the woman should keep it in her pants too. Is that better, a little more PC?

If the woman has the legal right to terminate her parentage, so should the man. If I were writing the laws it would be more restrictive than I have read here. If a woman can have an abortion up to 5 months (or 6) or maybe 8 1/2 for you late term abortion fans out there, the guy should have the same window. The man has to be informed in that time and allowed a choice, so the woman can make a decision as well. If the baby is born and he changes his mind after 1 second, then it's too bad. If the woman refuses to name the father before the child is born, then he has a choice at the time, even 10 years later, that he finally is told.

I also think, in this situation a paternity test is very well in order. If my underage child had this happen I would want to be sure before he assumed it was his child. There is nothing more heart wrenching and disgusting to be a parent to child you were told was yours only to find out 1, 4 or 15 years later it was all a lie. And it does happen. The son of one of my mother in law's friends was married to a woman and he had three kids with her. Two were born before they married, but they were in love and of course they were his. They married and had a third child. As it turned out, after all was said and done, the first two weren't his but belonged to two other men. Nice girl, huh?

 

[chobie]

Well, I guess that would be me. Although I don't think I said it quite like that. My point was I get tired of hearing how the guy should have known better, the guy should have considered the possibilities. They both should have. It takes two people to make a baby, not one. Just as the guy should keep it in his pants. (I have seen that comment a lot on these forums) the woman should keep it in her pants too. Is that better, a little more PC?

If the woman has the legal right to terminate her parentage, so should the man. If I were writing the laws it would be more restrictive than I have read here. If a woman can have an abortion up to 5 months (or 6) or maybe 8 1/2 for you late term abortion fans out there, the guy should have the same window. The man has to be informed in that time and allowed a choice, so the woman can make a decision as well. If the baby is born and he changes his mind after 1 second, then it's too bad. If the woman refuses to name the father before the child is born, then he has a choice at the time, even 10 years later, that he finally is told.

I also think, in this situation a paternity test is very well in order. If my underage child had this happen I would want to be sure before I saddled him with a child. There is nothing more heart wrenching and disgusting to be a parent to child you were told was yours only to find out 1, 4 or 15 years later it was all a lie. And it does happen. A shirt-tale relative of my wife's was married to a woman and she they had three kids. Two were born before they married, but they were in love and of course they were his. They married and had a third child. As it turned out, after all was said and done, the first two weren't his but belonged to two other men. Nice girl, huh?

Ok, late term abortions are only done for severe health reasons for mother and or/fetus. So, no a guy should not be able to decide up until that point.

And yes, for every story or a not nice girl there is a story of a not nice guy.
And we have heard plenty of stories about "manipulative/lying women" on this . I'm willing to bet it there were as many comments about men lying and or skating out on their child support people would be crying "male bashing". I have yet to hear anyone say there is female bashing going on. Maybe its because we're used to it.

And I don't care what you call you it I was just pointing out that is what people say.

As far as being PC, "male bashing" is as PC as you can get IMO.

 

[sgtdisney]

As far as being PC, "male bashing" is as PC as you can get IMO.

I agree, it seems to be very much in vogue these days to bash men.

 

[chobie]

I agree, it seems to be very much in vogue these days to bash men.

No its PC to label any comment about men that is not gushing as being "male bashing". Like I pointed out people can go on and on about "lying/manipulative" women and no one says a word other than "ITA! Women are so horrible" etc.

 

[andromedaslove]

Maybe it's because alot of us women know for a fact how manipulative many women can really be?!

 

[sgtdisney]

No its PC to label any comment about men that is not gushing as being "male bashing". Like I pointed out people can go on and on about "lying/manipulative" women and no one says a word other than "ITA! Women are so horrible" etc.

I'm sorry, but I will have to respectfully disagree with you here. I have read a number of posts here where we hear one side of the story and the majority are the first to jump on the "that guy's a jerk" band wagon. Maybe it is my perspective as a male that I notice it more. I have noticed people being called out on it on some threads. Others not.

I do realize that 80%+ of this board is female, so I am sure that a lot of it has to do with perspective. I could go and dig for posts and show you examples. But that would probably be overkill. One I remember recently was where the Disney Cast member reported 3-4 men raped her. I can't remember how many posts were calling for the men to be jailed, killed, castrated whatever. There were some people who spoke up for innocence before guilt, but the vast majority had condemned those guys as monsters before the truth came out. The truth was that the woman wasn't raped as she claimed but a willing, albeit, drunk participant in the activity. I didn't see most of those people admitting they were wrong about the men, the subject was dropped.

 

[chobie]

Maybe it's because alot of us women know for a fact how manipulative many women can really be?!

l

Maybe. But now that we have established how horrible women are why don't talk about rape and domestic violence statistics and all the horrible violent men things to do women and each other. Because statistically speaking men are much more likely to commit violent acts.

 

[andromedaslove]

l

Maybe. But now that we have established how horrible women are why don't talk about rape and domestic violence statistics and all the horrible violent men things to do women and each other. Because statistically speaking men are much more likely to commit violent acts.

Ok, maybe I am missing something here, but.... this thread was about a 15 yr old boy that got an 18 year old girl pregnant, right? Not about rape or domestic violence. In topic with this thread we have brought up how this girl may be lying about the pregnancy, or in some other way manipulating this 15 yr old boy. We have also brought up how often things like this happen. Again, it has nothing to do with Rape or Domestic Violence. It seems to me that these two things are not related at all.

 

[chobie]

Ok, maybe I am missing something here, but.... this thread was about a 15 yr old boy that got an 18 year old girl pregnant, right? Not about rape or domestic violence. In topic with this thread we have brought up how this girl may be lying about the pregnancy, or in some other way manipulating this 15 yr old boy. We have also brought up how often things like this happen. Again, it has nothing to do with Rape or Domestic Violence. It seems to me that these two things are not related at all.

My point was that this was not a male bashing thread because more comments were degrogatory toward the girl and females in general. Male bashing and this thread are not related either.

FTR, I agree in this case the boy should have a DNA test, but not because I think females are inherently deceitful but becuase it will give both of them peace of mind as well as the child who will never had it thrown back in his/her face that the person they call Daddy might not be.