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[Disney Doll]

Ya'll are saying "work" like it's a bad thing.

It's takes effort and compromise and love and tolerance and communication and remembering that since you're not perfect you shouldn't expect your spouse to be either.

 

[Saphire]

It's takes effort and compromise and love and tolerance and communication and remembering that since you're not perfect you shouldn't expect your spouse to be either.

Yes, I guess if the word marriage was grouped into a descriptive list like that it would be better, but to single it out and simply say 'marriage is work' does not begin to define what it really is.

 

[lindakmonty]

This is just my own personal experience: My first marriage, which was terrible and abusive, was WORK.
My second and final and forever marriage is not work at all. I couldnt even figure out how to call it WORK.

same here

 

[Steffi]

I don't know that I would call it "work," but it definitely takes a lot of compromise and effort, which can feel like work sometimes.

I agree.

It's takes effort and compromise and love and tolerance and communication and remembering that since you're not perfect you shouldn't expect your spouse to be either.

This says it perfectly.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I think we have to be careful about what me mean by the word 'work' and the connotations.

No, marriage should not be 'work' with any negative connotation.

But, anything in life (besides sittin' on yer bum on the sofa) takes some input and effort.

My husband is one who did not really realize that marriage, and life, sometimes require a little bit of effort.

Everything in life takes maintenance... If you ignore it, time can take it's toll.

Does marriage take a little effort sometimes? YES!!!

Should this be considered as 'work'. Well, if one considers their marriage as 'work', then I don't think that bodes well for their relationship.

 

[NikiM20]

My marriage takes alot of work..........DH is gone 1 mth at a time, and I have seen ALOT of the guys he works with go through horrible divorces. I deeply love DH and do not want us to end up divorced, so I do what needs to be done and adjust to him being gone, then adjust to him being home, then do it all over again. I work to be the best mom and best wife that I can possibly be. And when he comes home and tells me how much he loves me , all the work is worth it.

 

[believe]

I believe every relationship is 'work'. My marriage and family is an area that I don't mind putting 150% in. Both are easier 'work' that my actual job

 

[beattyfamily]

Yep, its work at times, just as its work to tend to a garden, or a plant, or to be a good parent (I'm certainly not perfect so its a work in progress). but its also fun too!

I don't think of marriage as needing 'work' to be a negative thing though. Some people LOVE their work.

 

[phorsenuf]

Couldn't tell you. I've been informed by another Diser that my marriage has lasted because of luck and not anything me or my husband has done.

 

[cardaway]

IMO if anybody is looking at their marriage as work, then maybe it's time to reduce the work load.

Personally I think there are times when things are nto perfect, but I would never consider anything as work.

 

[mickeyboat]

Marriage doesn't just happen and turn out wonderfully just because you want it to. It does take work - as in maintenance and effort, and you have to try in order to make it successful for the long run.

In the beginning, everything came easily and naturally, and it didn't seem like work. But 15 years and two kids later, we really do have to make more of an effort to make us feel like our relationship is successful.

And believe me, there are times when we feel pretty lackluster about one another - after getting caught up in the daily grind. And it takes at least one of us to step up and renew our spark, and remind us of what we liked about each other on day 1.

Denae

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

Nope - marriage is fun!

After almost 11 great years - its been all good.

I think we have it easy because:
We keep up our appearances for each other
we do not have children
we are reasonably well off finacially
we make love constantly
we make each other laugh

We have never had a rough patch in our marriage, and I cannot honestly foresee one. The key is to live your vows each and every day.

 

[elizke]

I've been married going on 21 years, and YEAH I say it's work at times! And not always the good kind either.

I know there are many who have easy going relationships, but many more I think who do have to work more at it.

My parents have been married now for 55 years. They had many a fight and still do. I learned from them that it does not have to be perfect, and that you can have good times and bad and still be strong together.

Also I think the expectation that it should always be easy is one major cause of divorce.

 

[Pembo]

.

 

[jimmalru80]

I don't know that I would call it "work," but it definitely takes a lot of compromise and effort, which can feel like work sometimes.

I feel that way as well.

 

[meandtheguys2]

I would say that my marriage just happens. We don't "work" at it, I don't put time and effort into it, we just live life. We have 3 kids. I wouldn't say that my kids are "work" either. We take things one day at a time.

For those who have to "work" at their marriage, do you have to schedule date night? or plan time to talk? I've never understood that either.

Does fighting constitute the "work" part?

We don't schedule date nights, we just get out together whenever possible.

We do, however, schedule a couple days away a few times a year. Just came back from a lovely trip to Columbus, thatnks to my mom sitting for us.

I don't know that fighting constitutes the work, but sticking it out and listening when I am angry or hurt comes close.

 

[freckles and boo]

I would say that my marriage just happens. We don't "work" at it, I don't put time and effort into it, we just live life. We have 3 kids. I wouldn't say that my kids are "work" either. We take things one day at a time.

For those who have to "work" at their marriage, do you have to schedule date night? or plan time to talk? I've never understood that either.

Does fighting constitute the "work" part?

My husband travels a lot for his job, often up to ten days a month for up to a week at a time. I have to shift back and forth between being on my own like a single parent and him being home. That can get confusing and the rhythms of the household are different when he is and isn't home. I think much of this is semantics. For me "work" in terms of marriage simply means not neglecting one another or ourselves. It just means paying attention so that we aren't just drifting. It doesn't mean micromanaging every aspect of our lives. And it usually isn't difficult stuff. And, no, we don't fight so that isn't the "work" part for us. Shaving my legs... that can be the "work" I feel too lazy to do but do anyway.

 

[CEDmom]

I most definitely think it's work. You have to work at keeping relationships going whether with your spouse/SO, children, parents, friends etc. Sometimes it's fun and easy work and sometimes it's the hardest work you do. BTW, my DH and I have been married for 12 years and have a 7 yo DD. I think we have a very good/happy marriage but if we just went about our own business that wouldn't be so.

 

[HayGan]

Work to me is something that requires effort. Marriage requires effort so yes marriage is work.

 

[believe]

I think the hang up is the word 'work'. If we replace this with effort, I will think it would make more since to everyone. When something takes effort, to me that is considered work. Some work comes easy and some takes more energy.

For those who say if you see it as work then maybe lighten the workload, I find that to be a bit harsh. Please remember people are in different stages in their marriage and have different circumstances. DH and I work opposite shifts and only see each other on Saturday and Sunday. It would be very easy for me to go my way during the week and he his, but we make an effort to keep each other updated on what happened with the kids, while we had them, as well as our plans and thoughts. I personally don't know that this type of set up would work for everyone, but it does for DH and I because we put in the effort that is needed to make it work. When we hit something that is no longer working we talk and find a way to make it work for us. This is work because it takes effort. I can honestly say that because of the effort both of us have put into our marriage it has grown stronger each and every day. I would not want to be in a marriage where we weren't trying to make it better than the day before. We will be working on our marriage until death do us part.