elaineteresa
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2006
- Messages
- 1,746
She asked him if he would be in trouble at home and be punished and he told her that he would be he didnt care.
He then spent the rest of the day not listening, destroying the art work of other kids in the class, etc.. He was just out of control. All they could do was send him to time-out which is a joke to him and he spends the time laughing hysterically and trying to get the other kids to laugh too.
After hearing all of this at school I was just devastated and I cried pretty much the whole way home. I was so mad, angry, sad, upset, shocked you name it.. and I just could not (can not) process it all. When we got home Nathan had a very quick dinner, a bath (basically just DH washing him off in the tub no playing) and then he went straight to bed. I was so upset that I couldnt even begin to figure out how to punish him for this.
Becka I hope things are better with Nathan. I think the post xmas season is a tough one because all the specialness returns to the ordinary and it is probably a let down for kids. Also, since you mentioned that Allie is sowing some wild oats
maybe Nathan is seeing this and competing for attention.We have used positive discipline because Giona also had many difficulties in school where Jaea had almost none. You are not responsible for your chld's difficulties. As Angie said what you can provide is love and consistency.
Positive discipline looks not for punishments but ways to encourage good behavior. Get Nathan to role play some fun games he can lead on the playground and point out that games where kids get hurt are not fun. Give him more responsibility at home - help unpack the groceries, help make dinner
etc. Giona always likes the ego boost of being told that he is needed.
Every child wants to please even while saying they don't care. The acting out is their way of getting attention, or saying something is wrong. Punishing this acting out just gives him more attention. Encourage his good behavior - show him that it is much more fun to be part of the group than sitting outside it. The timeouts really need to be a way for them to re-group and re-join the group when their behavior is friendly. If he is within sight of the other kids than he is just getting attention in time out and not focusing on calming himself.
The school should not be talking to him about punishment at home, that is not their role. They could also try and start outside play with some directed play that includes girls and boys and is positive. This sounds like a coffee break for the teachers while the kids come up with their own negative amusements. Have you ever stayed for some length of time there to see their approach? - maybe it is not the corrrect one for Nathan.
think about surprising him the next time with a different approach. send him to his room to play with his favorite toy, love himself and then emerge when he feels better - then welcome him back, ask for his help with something and love him. what child would not want to repeat that cycle? he is testing you not to come up with a great punishment but to see if you still love him. punishment is an easy answer - surprise him with a more complex one.
as John said this growing up stuff is a lifelong process - if you break it down into each incident you will be crying all the time - I know I did. Pick a path with Nathan and stick to it - it will always guide you - otherwise kids keep upping the ante and looking for that surprise element of what will the old folks do this time? lol.
love gives you confidence - punishment just gives you poor self esteem.
I hope you find a solution that helps you both with this difficult time.
elaine
He did tell me that he knows that I love him but that "I need to let him do what he wants". 
I have a feeling we are in for a really rough ride. 
The actual being sick lasted about 10 hours. OY! I'm over that now, but still feel dizzy and weak. Spent most of the day on the couch. Thank goodness I have one more day before I have to go back to work. DD also was sick wee hours of the morning. Hope Dennis does not get it, but it is not looking good since everyone else around us had had it. 
