You're a big, fat pig.

[Kallison]

That is what a boy said to one of my students in the cafeteria today. My student has ADD and has gone off her meds, she has gained some weight this year. I know she is self conscious about it. I tried to talk to her about not letting a boy control how she feels about herself. Especially since this is a boy she doesn't care a fig about. I said "Is he perfect", she said "He is skinny". SIGH -- middle school kids are so darn MEAN to each other. I swear I'm gonna take out the next boy that comments on a girl's weight. One of the cheerleaders almost passed out because she hadn't eaten for three days. Moms talk to your pre-teen and teen sons, let them know how damaging this is to girls. I hear them all the time in the hallway calling the girls fat cows etc. I've had it, tomorrow is lunch DETENTION day for any boy that makes the slightest comment.

 

[Buckalew]

I have heard those type of comments out of my 15 yo nephew before. His sister is 12 and very thin and he has even said it to her. Honestly, she is so tiny yet when he says it, she believes it. How, I don't know. But, it is so sad... Good for you taking a stand!

 

[jamsmom]

Children of all ages are so mean. It really can hurt self-esteems.

 

[ByTheSea]

ooooohh... I'm with you... it makes me so angry when I hear kids calling other kid's names like that.

My DS is not "fat" - he is not skinny, he is big boned and stocky, but he has no body fat to speak of. But a number of kid's in his class (3rd grader's) are much thinner and faster and a few times he has been called fat and get's very upset about it, want's to diet, etc. Last time he had to go to the doctor we discussed it so he understands that people are built differently. I remind him to look at his grown cousins, big football players at 6'6" and 6'4" tall - and explained that some families are bigger. The doctor grabbed his knees and said "just look at how big your knees are compared to some kids - you have very large bones, you will always be bigger than some of your friends, and you will probably have some friends that will always be bigger than you" - it helped a bit.... but just yesterday he joined a group of kids in the playground playing some sort of tag game, an older kid (5th grader) was playing with them and made a comment, "Oh, the fat kid wants to play" - I heard about it from my DH - DS was very upset and wouldn't eat dinner last night.... it's probably a darn good thing I wasn't there at the playground to hear it myself.....

 

[HunnyPots]

I've found that the girls can be more hurtful than the boys. When my dd was in jr high and was the "new girl", it was always another girl that would have her in tears. Whether it is about weight, a speech impediment, big ears, funny name, or just being new, young teens will find reason to rip each other apart. It's all about being insecure and having to tear someone else down to build themselves up. I know it's hard to watch, but I don't think it will ever go away. It may be better to teach them about staying strong and not seeing themselves through the eyes of their tormentors.

 

[DonnaS]

It is so sad and if I remember correctly from being around that age, it matters little what your parents, teachers, doctor tell you. The impact is made by what your peers say.

 

[Buckalew]

I agree about girls being as bad or worse than boys. And adults can be as cruel as anyone else. My thoughts were just that boys can have such an influence on girls at that age. Not more harmful, really. I know my niece 'fights' with her brother a lot but at the same time, she looks up to him and takes what he says to heart.

 

[goofymom23]

Kids are mean everywhere these days. My daughter was picked on in AWANAS the other night. I mean in AWANAS, this is supposed to be a great place for kids to get together and share in the joy of Christ and she was picked on. This girl told her she was geeky. Now I remember what we used to think geeks were and she is not one. If kids can't even get along in a church environment without picking on each other what else is there?

 

[house_of_princesses]

I know it's not for everyone, but the "what else is there?" that goofymom23 asks for is home education. I have my four DD's home with me not for this reason alone, but it sure does encourage me to know that our family is doing what's best for our family. It tears me up, hearing what these children go through. I wouldn't want to be held accountable for what I may say or do if I heard a taunter in action. I hope it's ok with all of you, I'm holding these children up in prayer.

 

[Mr.MouseFan]

I suffered through a lot of this as a child and, quite frankly, being a big person, I still suffer through it and have got some pretty serious issues when it comes to self-esteem, self confidence and depression. I don't think anyone truly understands the devastating effects such teasing and name calling has on the victim. I've built up some pretty serious walls around myself and very rarely let anyone in to the real me. I'm always happy on the outside when, a lot of the time, I just want to cry on the inside. Just the other night on the bus ride home from work, I had to endure a 15 minute ride with two people blatantly staring and laughing at me. It's hard to sit there and ignore such a thing. So, before I get myself all worked up again, let me just say that I truly admire this year's Miss America and her platform issue, "Preventing Youth Violence and Bullying: Respect Yourself, Protect Yourself". If you want to read more about Erika Harold's platform, check out www.missamerica.org.

So, to all your DS's and DD's, tell them to do for themselves what I never did for myself, tell them to hold their heads up high and to celebrate the things that make them a unique and special person.

 

[Piper]

Unfortunately, it isn't only teenagers who name-call and bully--and a bully doesn't have to be a boy.

I have a group of 5 girls in my class (second grade!) who have made this year a nightmare for me because they are so mean to each other. I have had them to the counselor many times, talked to them, and to their parents. Unfortunately--the parent's attitudes let me know where the kids got theirs-----they don't care if their kids hurt others--in fact one parent encouraged it and another's comment was "Oh, well, that's just the way she is!" Even office referrals haven't helped because the girls parents aren't supportive.

I have never had a problem of this magnitude before and sincerely hope I never have it again!

 

[snoopy]

Grrrrrrr! This is so sad.

I know one thing, if it were my kid who slung that kind of insult, he'd be paying for it dearly. The one thing I will NOT tolerate from my kids is deliberate cruelty to other kids. I wonder if this boy who said this mean thing to the girl learned that kind of talk at home.

 

[Pooh93]

I know one thing, if it were my kid who slung that kind of insult, he'd be paying for it dearly

Well, I'm with you 100% on that one. My dd's are not allowed to call each other names and they no darn well they better not call other kid's names for any reason. But then again, my girls think "stupid" is a bad word. I guess I'm doing something wrong by alot of other people's standard's!

I wonder if this boy who said this mean thing to the girl learned that kind of talk at home.

I'd almost bet on it as the apple usually does not fall far from the tree!

 

[Mermaid02]

Did any adult hear this comment? I wouldn't wait for a second offense.... he'd be in trouble NOW. Zero tolerance is the only way to go.

My dd is heavy (always has been) and my ds is very thin. It's so hard because my weight obsessed mil is always saying, "Jack you are so skinny." She actually told my niece who is 8 the other day that she wasn't as skinny as Jack.... and the sad part is my niece looked CRUSHED. It's hard to teach your kids to judge people by the content of their character and not the size of their waistline when dealing with people like that in your own family.

I have another niece who is almost 2 and is built just like my dd was at that age. My dh's Nana said (when she was a baby) "Oh she will slim down when she starts walking" I said, "And if she doesn't should we send her back????"

 

[Disney Doll]

I was a big kid...not fat(although I am now )but just big boned. I didn't go through too much stuff as a kid, maybe because I went to a Catholic school and that kind of stuff was squashed quickly if one of the nuns or lay teachers heard it. When I was in 7th grade, a new boy came into the school who was also a tall kid, although not fat either. He used to make fun of me for being big, but by 7th grade I was also athletic and fairly strong so one day I decked him while we were walking home from school(I made sure we were off school property-I was smart as well as big ) and he never bothered me again. He did run home and tell his parents, but his father and my father were policemen together, and his father told him that he probably did something to deserve it. That was the end of that! Those were the good old days though, and if the same thing happened today, I'd probably get sued.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

It's comments like those that can hurt you for a lifetime.

I remember my middle school years being the worst of my life, my father was sick, he passed away, I had glasses, braces, very badly permed hair, a bit overweight, in the band, I was not a very fashionable dresser, and to really bring it all together, I was painfully shy. There were about a million things that kids could pick on me about and they did and that included making fun of me because my father passed away.

I have learned how important self esteem is. And judging people on the way they look is just so sad. Though I even catch myself doing it now and then (and then feel guilty).

Over the years I have thinned down, grown my hair out, got contacts (then had LASIK), better dresser, etc. But still that sad little girl lives inside of me.

Parents, I beg you to please, please instill self esteem in your children. Tell them how much you love them because of who they are not how they look. Tell them that they are special because of what they are. I'm not advocating ignoring weight issues if they do exist because HEALTH is so important, and you do need to be concerned. But present it in that manner.

 

[Buckalew]

Originally posted by snoopy
Grrrrrrr! This is so sad.

I know one thing, if it were my kid who slung that kind of insult, he'd be paying for it dearly. The one thing I will NOT tolerate from my kids is deliberate cruelty to other kids. I wonder if this boy who said this mean thing to the girl learned that kind of talk at home.

Well, I know my nephew has heard it from his dad who thinks I'm big. Well, I'm not skinny by no means but I'm a size 10 and 5'4". He thinks girls should be skinny, I guess. So, yeah, I suppose your assumption is very often correct Snoops. How sad.

 

[CamColt]

That is just so sad and can be so dangerous. We have a friend of the family, who like your student has ADD and is on medication. She is also a little big and has taken some slack for it from other kids. Over the past couple of years, it has completely spiraled out of control and ended up with her trying to kill herself a few months ago. Shes 14 and her life is so messed up! Its awful!

 

[MAC3]

Kids can be so cruel, as can adults.

I told my daughter at a very young age that if I ever caught her teasing anyone for anything she would reap hell's fury from ME! With that being said she is a very nice child who gets picked on herself. Only we know the person we are on the inside, I truely believe that radiates externally.

Most importantly she Loves herself and I think that is important.
Bravo for protecting those children they will never forget you!

 

[jwsqrdplus2]

Piper said...

Unfortunately--the parent's attitudes let me know where the kids got theirs-----they don't care if their kids hurt others--in fact one parent encouraged it and another's comment was "Oh, well, that's just the way she is!"

As I was reading through this thread, the thought that the parents are at fault kept sitting in my mind. Sometimes we don't even realize what we do. DH uses 4-letter words as a natural part of his language. It used to bug me some before we have kids. Now it really bothers me, yet he doesn't understand when I get mad at him for using that language in front of DDs. Same with fat comments. He'll say something right in front of DDs, then I look like the bad guy when I won't let DDs repeat what DH says.

He is much better than when first DD was born, but then he has had 4 1/2 years practice now.