Your RSVP is too late!!

[Kit'smommy]

I generally roll with whatever and I expect people to not RSVP and show up anyway, show up with extra guests, etc. But I still get irritated by others' thoughlessness.

It is disgraceful that someone thinks it is ok to just ignore an RSVP date for a party and then call later thinking they can guilt the OP into having their child anyway. Oh, by the way, can you also provide transportation? The other mother should have explained to her child that she missed the date to sign up for the party and moved on instead of putting this back on the OP.

I don't think the OP did anything wrong with inviting a second guest. She was trying to do something thoughtful for someone who probably appreciated the gesture after the first mom did not bother to RSVP.

I feel kind of bad for the first little girl, and things do happen. But everything is a life lesson and perhaps that little girl will grow up to be one of the parents who bother to RSVP.

ETA- I have been in exactly the same situation with a pump it up party and my 5 year old. Oops! I missed the date, told my son it was my fault, did something with him that day and haven't missed a date since. We all got over it and the world is still turning...

 

[OceanAnnie]

And my suspicion is that those who wouldn't forgive probably have a throbbing vein in their forehead if the party doesn't come out the way they planned or insist on teaching the other kids a "life lesson" when the situation doesn't warrant it. I also believe that they would probably change their mind if they were put in the same situation as Mary's mother, but then again they would probably NEVER be in that situation because everything is so black and white. But then again, I watch a lot of Psych

No, I wouldn't change my mind. I don't see things in black and white. But I would have handled this much differently if I were Mary's mother. I quoted myself below.

I might be crazy, but if I were Mary's mom, I would've told Mary - "I'm sorry honey, I didn't call in time for the party. I'll make it up to you, we can go to the movies, spa day (at home), ice cream, something. But it would have been on me. I wouldn't put the hostess in that position! That's just double rude! First don't respond. Then call, and ask for the spot and a ride. Hello! OP's throwing a party here, she has clean up to do after the party. At the very least transporting stuff to her vehicle. She doesn't need extra responsibilities.

The more I think of it, the rude mom (very late RSVP lady) is a lot like my "Maybe RSVP" mom.

 

[ccgirl]

Who is this party for you, or your DD? Sounds like your DD isn't that friendly with your friend's daughter but is friends with "Mary". You should be looking to make her happy not your friend. In my opinion, it was your mistake you invited your friends daughter. This happened to me before (the mom called the day before the party) because she was looking for someone to transport her DD. I said, no problem I would be happy to do it because my DD really liked this girl. Afterall, it is HER birthday, not mine. I tend to "over-prepare" so I already had a goody bag prepared anyway. This meant we had to take two cars as well but come on now, how inconvenient is it really??? Life happens. Think of your daughter first and your inconvenience last.

 

[taximomfor4]

Oops! I missed the date, told my son it was my fault, did something with him that day and haven't missed a date since. We all got over it and the world is still turning...

I WILL say I have done this as well. It tends to be the parents we know pretty well, that we call and ask if it's too late to include our kids. For less-known people, we did same as the pp I quoted. Then again, we have the kids choose parties to attend...and it's not necessarily every party they are invited to.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I only read the first page, so I probably missed all the Dis drama.

My wife and I disagree on this one. I would tell the mother that called late that the party is full and you have no more room - maybe next time.

My wife would do whatever it takes to include the extra little girl.

Not much help...

 

[luvsJack]

My word! Such stress over a kid's birthday party! This is why we don't do parties that "require" RSVP. We ask for it, but if they don't give it--no biggie.

I have had kids parties for most of 28 years and have NEVER had a place tell me that it would be "costly" for one extra kid. At most its a few dollars over the "per guest" amount figured in the party. Our local bowling alley just charges X$ per lane, so it just depends on how many lanes you need for the group to bowl.

I would have NEVER held a party in any place that would charge me a lot to add a kid or two. Stopped doing goodie bags long ago. Just have candy at the party and put some in baggies for the kids to take home or something like giving each kid a free bowling game or free night at the skating rink

There are way too many ways to do stress free parties. I have absolutely no desire to be a crazy person once or twice a year over something this non-essential.

As for the taking a kid to the party, I have actually transported the entire party before. If I or dd calls to see if someone is coming, many times we just ask "do you need a ride".

I figure the party is for dd and if she wants someone there enough to invite them to the party, I want to make sure they get there if possible. But, I am certainly not going to stress about it or even think long and hard about whether someone can come or if I will give them a ride.



And that would be my advice: What does your child want to do? Does she want Mary there? Its her party, do what she wants you to do.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

And that would be my advice: What does your child want to do? Does she want Mary there? Its her party, do what she wants you to do.

Her daughter is 6 years old and is not in a position to make decisions that would cost her parents more money.

Is that the norm now? I sure didn't have any deciding power when I was six!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Since we are all confessing here. I have been a day late and totally missed RSVPing to 2 parties. The day late was totlaly my fault. I know the mom and told her the day was going to be tough so I didn't have an exact answer for her yet and I would let her know (this was in passing before the date at school.) However in the trying to arrange for 3 kids to be 3 different places I let the date pass me. She called the next day or I did, can't remember to talk about something else and I told her that I would make it work one way or another because it was a good friend of my DD. She was very nice about it, I felt awful (that is the kind of person I am, fell awful when I do something and try not to sweat it when someone else does.) Second time (actually it happened first, but anyway.) We were gone for 2 weeks in the summer. DH was here but the kids and I were at grandma's. DH pretty much took out the bills and left the rest of the mail. We got home and there was an invite for a party that had happened the weekend before (by the way, the invite couldn't have come more then a week before the party.) Anyway, I felt bad, called the parents and appologized.

Otherwise, if I know my kids is going I call right away (once I even had a mom ask how did I get the invite so fast? She had just mailed them that morning, guess the PO works fast.) If I don't know I put the RSVP date on my calender so I know to call. So no, I am not one to ignore the RSVP and it annoys me a bit when people do, but really in the grand scheme of life, it isn't something to worry too much over. And cost wise, we had people RSVP late to our wedding and a couple bring dates they did not RSVP for. Did it ruin my day? Nope, not something to stress over.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

My wife and I disagree on this one.

I would tell the mother that called late that the party is full and you have no more room - maybe next time.

My wife would do whatever it takes to include the extra little girl.

It just goes to show how different we all are.

There's no rights and wrongs, really (IMO), just differences of opinion.

 

[Angelhalo]

Her daughter is 6 years old and is not in a position to make decisions that would cost her parents more money.

Is that the norm now? I sure didn't have any deciding power when I was six!

Ditto. the person paying should make the decision

 

[wdwfan16]

The crystal ball is streaked with Windex, that is why she isn't reading it right.

That what you get when you buy knock-off Windex.

 

[LunchladyDoris]

That what you get when you buy knock-off Windex.

Bindex. "Just as good as Windex!"

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Who is this party for you, or your DD? Sounds like your DD isn't that friendly with your friend's daughter but is friends with "Mary".

Where did you read that? Must have missed that part.

 

[taximomfor4]

Where did you read that? Must have missed that part.

OP says she invited a co-worker's daughter, that had only met her own dd once (or something like that) because the coworker and daughter are going through some rough times.

 

[taximomfor4]

My co-worker's DD has only met my DDs once. Co-worker is going thru a hard time right now. Since I had an extra spot, I invited her and her DD along so they could have a distraction.

To the pp who wondered where we got that the birthday girl and coworker's dd are not friends...I quoted the op's post where she explains.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

OP says she invited a co-worker's daughter, that had only met her own dd maybe 2x (or something like that) because the coworker and daughter are going through some rough times.

I read that post, and it's a far stretch to assume the two girls aren't friendly with each other. Growing up, my parents had lots of friends with kids my age, and we'd get together with them every so often. Just because we didn't see each other every day in school didn't mean we didn't get along great.

 

[mjkacmom]

I read that post, and it's a far stretch to assume the two girls aren't friendly with each other. Growing up, my parents had lots of friends with kids my age, and we'd get together with them every so often. Just because we didn't see each other every day in school didn't mean we didn't get along great.

She said they met once. The OP's dd will be hanging around with all her little friends from school - I have a dd7, and would never bring her to a bowling party if she only met one of the girls there, once. She'd be very uncomfortable, because even girls this age tend to be "cliquie."

I happen to think RSVP'ing 5 days before a bowling party is acceptable, and as someone who has hosted tons of these parties, it is the norm.

 

[AlleyKat]

This type of mentality where we bend over backwards to make up for other people's ineptitude is exactly why so many kids today feel they don't have to work as hard. No worries, someone will come along and fix it for you.

 

[ccgirl]

I can't seem to find the original quote now, maybe it got edited...this thread has also gotten long so it is possible I just couldn't find it. However, I know the OP mentioned she invited her co-worked and daughter because they were going through a tough time. She also mentioned that they had only met once or twice but was sure they would become good friends because kids make friends quickly. Not necessarily...sometimes kids don't get along even when we want them to. May I be so bold as to ask how much $$ 1 more child costs. She stated "Mary" also lives in the neighborhood so it's not like you have to drive far to get her. I get the second car is inconvenient. When it comes down to it, it is your decision. Good luck with it.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

She said they met once. The OP's dd will be hanging around with all her little friends from school - I have a dd7, and would never bring her to a bowling party if she only met one of the girls there, once. She'd be very uncomfortable, because even girls this age tend to be "cliquie."

I happen to think RSVP'ing 5 days before a bowling party is acceptable, and as someone who has hosted tons of these parties, it is the norm.

It doesn't matter if they've met one time or 100 times. My point is that nobody here should assume the girls aren't friendly with each other. And good grief, how "cliquie" can 6 and 7 year olds be?

It doesn't matter what you or anyone else thinks is acceptable. The OP wrote a date to RSVP by on the invitation, and the woman ignored it. Not the OP's fault! This is not a party at her house, where more people wouldn't be a problem. This is a party where she needed to know how many would be attending.