Your RSVP is too late!!

[Jennabeth]

Ummm, sorry, but nobody is excusing the lame parent..... That is just not the point!!!!

Lame parents are out there...
And, even with parents who are not always lame "LIFE" happens...
IMHO, these days... unfortunately, one will NEVER be able to count 100% on RSVPs.
I can't see how anybody would even go by that assumption.

The point is that the OP is having a freaking coronary because of a kids birthday party.... It is just an unbelievable burden to her to maybe have planned to be prepared for all of the children whom were invited...

This was not an open (to the whole class) invitation...
This was a PERSONAL invitation.
The OP's daughter chose to invite Mary.
And, in this case, friendship and common courtesy should dictate that Mary is welcome to come to the party, RSVP or not.

Yes, this mother may be clueless.
The whole "can you pick her up and bring her home" is just totally and incredibly over the top...

However, we are not discussing this with that mother.
She is not here.
I will refrain from comment about this other mother.

I will say that, no matter how lame or clueless this other mother is... The OP and her daughter issued a personal invitation to 'Mary'.... And, there is no way that I would have been so quick to exclude this child.

Like everybody else has said.
It is a freaking child's birthday party.
Not a $10,000.00 wedding.

The OP is very obviously going to continue to give herself a coronary over this little party.

She is going to continue to justify the whole thing by pinning it on how bad this other mother must be...

But, really... I am like... look in the mirror.

I guess I'm looking at it from my perspective. I see my DD begging for a bowling party. I check into it and find out it's $50 per 5 people and realize that if I limit the guests to 9 we can afford it (including $$ for food, balloons and gift bags). It will be tight, but it will my DD so happy so we do it. All kids but 1 RSVP (not bad). In the mean time, I realize we have an extra spot and I have a friend who is going through a really rough and it would mean a lot to her and her DD to have an afteroon of fun. I know my DD will have fun with an extra girl (kids become best friends so quickly) so I invite her. Mary' mom didn't RSVP and I'm not psychic, how was I to know Mary wanted to come? I guess I see it as once RSVP dealine passes, the invitation has been declined.

I don't think the OP is having a coronay (I think some of us posters are reacting more), but I think she was just super frustrated and needed to vent. Who knows, this party may be stretching her budget as much as a $10,000 wedding, but she wants to make her DD happy.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I might be crazy, but if I were Mary's mom, I would've told Mary - "I'm sorry honey, I didn't call in time for the party. I'll make it up to you, we can go to the movies, spa day (at home), ice cream, something. But it would have been on me. I wouldn't put the hostess in that position! That's just double rude! First don't respond. Then call, and ask for the spot and a ride. Hello! OP's throwing a party here, she has clean up to do after the party. At the very least transporting stuff to her vehicle. She doesn't need extra responsibilities.

The more I think of it, the rude mom (very late RSVP lady) is a lot like my "Maybe RSVP" mom.

 

[contemporarymom]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

Think again. I always respond the day we get the invite.

How about loosening up and getting in touch with the real world. Things happen, people aren't perfect. Learn how to deal . Go with the flow, you'll live longer.

 

[wdwfan16]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

Your sneaking sucpicion is off. Time to recalibrate it.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I don't think the OP is having a coronay (I think some of us posters are reacting more), but I think she was just super frustrated and needed to vent. Who knows, this party may be stretching her budget as much as a $10,000 wedding, but she wants to make her DD happy.

We continue to disagree...
Being 'super frustrated' over a little child's bowling party...

If the OP wanted to make her DD happy, she would have planned to accommodate the friends that her DD had invited.

That is not what happened...
The OP made the mistake of making her daughter's party about 'My friend who is going thru a hard time'.

Again, there would be no way that I would count 100% on RSVP's.
And, there would be no way that I would have been so quick to exclude a friend that my birthday girl had chosen to invite.
And, there would be no way that I would be this flustered over a little child's bowling party.

 

[llaxton]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

Absolutely not in my case, but as I have gotten older I have gotten less judgmental and more compassionate.

 

[taximomfor4]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

Nope Nope Nope. I have NEVER taken my kids to a party we didn't RSVP for. As I stated in my pp, though, during nursing school I DID Rsvp late (and asked the parents if it's ok to still include my child. If they told me it wsn't possible, of course I understood). But NEVER dropped my kids off without RSVP-ing at all, nor did I EVER drop off uninvited siblings. I bet that most are like me, to be honest. Messed up a couple of times, but generally honor RSVP requests.

ETA:generally, my kids' friends KNOW who is coming to the party, anyway...they talk at school.

 

[Wishing on a star]

How about loosening up and getting in touch with the real world. Things happen, people aren't perfect. Learn how to deal . Go with the flow, you'll live longer.

Hey, Tag Fairy!!!!!!

 

[mjkacmom]

Nope Nope Nope. I have NEVER taken my kids to a party we didn't RSVP for. As I stated in my pp, though, during nursing school I DID Rsvp late (and asked the parents if it's ok to still include my child. If they told me it wsn't possible, of course I understood). But NEVER dropped my kids off without RSVP-ing at all, nor did I EVER drop off uninvited siblings. I bet that most are like me, to be honest. Messed up a couple of times, but generally honor RSVP requests.

Put me here, too. I have never not RSVP'd at all (although once we didn't go to a party we RSVP'd to because I forgot!), and I've never brought siblings. However, we get dozens of invitations every year - I'm sitting on 5 right now. I usually RSVP about a week before the party, because yes, something else more important might come up for our family than a 2 hour bowling party.

 

[Carly_Roach]

We continue to disagree...
Being 'super frustrated' over a little child's bowling party...

If the OP wanted to make her DD happy, she would have planned to accommodate the friends that her DD had invited.

That is not what happened...
The OP made the mistake of making her daughter's party about 'My friend who is going thru a hard time'.

Again, there would be no way that I would count 100% on RSVP's.
And, there would be no way that I would have been so quick to exclude a friend that my birthday girl had chosen to invite.
And, there would be no way that I would be this flustered over a little child's bowling party.

Yet look how flustered you are over this thread. Even to the point of telling someone that you continue to disagree with them.

I suspect that my sneaking suspicions don't need to be calibrated. People who say things like that are usually those who are ticked off because I nailed it and they're now trying to deflect.

 

[LunchladyDoris]

Then her mother should have called ON TIME!!!!!!!
I can't believe the people telling the OP that she should go out of her way to accomodate Mary when her own mother didn't bother to. Mindboggling The reason you have an RSVP date is so that you can give a headcount to the establishment and get all the stuff you need to in order (goodie bags, ballonon, etc) in advance of the party. RSVPing late is rude and inconsiderate, and asking the party mom to drive your kid is beyond rude because that mom obviously didn't think that it mattered.

OP you are no longer under any obligation to Mary and her mother. You gave them a date and they didn't get back to you. You decided to make other arrangements, and you had every right to.

How about accomodating her own child? It appears that Mary is the little girl's friend and would probably be a better fit then some co-workers daughter that the Op's daughter doesn't know all that well. Also, it is likely that the mother didn't know the cut off date to RSVP. She probably thought that since the party is on a weekend, it is acceptable to call on Monday or Tuesday. These other "arragements" was choosing a Plan B which is just as rude. The OP put in just as much effort to invite the co-workers daughter as it would have been just to call Mary's mom. If this party was a huge extravaganza I would totally be on the OP's side, but it isn't. This is a small bowling party.

 

[cats mom]

I can't believe you guys forgive (and make excuses for) Mary's mom for not having a "spare second" to RSVP but are flaming the OP because she didn't take the time to call Mary's mom. It takes a lot more time for someone to track down a phone number then it does for a mom to see the number right on the invitation and make the call.

I'm sure everyone agrees that Mary's mom screwed up by not responding by the RSVP date. I don't think the folks who brought up the fact that there may have been extenuating circumstances are saying she is not at fault in this... they're just pointing out that we're all human, we all make mistakes.

If it was too much trouble to find a phone number and call Mary's mom, what about the OP having her DD talk to Mary at school to find out if she was planning on coming before giving her spot away? No, she shouldn't have to do that. But she only had 1 person who didn't respond, so not a huge deal to do a little follow up in my book, and it would have saved her a whole lot of grief.

I went the kid pressure route once when I hadn't heard back from someone and I didn't have a phone number to follow up, it can work quite well. At age 7/8/9 kids are generally very excited about parties and tend to flip out a little if they think they might miss out on a party because mom screwed up. I had an e-mail within an hour of the kids getting home from school that day.

 

[Mermaid02]

Yet look how flustered you are over this thread. Even to the point of telling someone that you continue to disagree with them.

I suspect that my sneaking suspicions don't need to be calibrated. People who say things like that are usually those who are pissed because I nailed it and they're now trying to deflect.

I'll admit it- I've forgotten to rsvp before. Shoot me. I forget things all the time- always have.

You are so black and white- in the real world, there are shades of gray.

 

[Angelhalo]

The people posting in this thread telling the OP to calm down seem FAR more agitated than the OP.

I agree with the posters who have basically said too bad so sad. If the OP doesn't want to fork out extra money for the child someone who couldn't be bothered to rsvp, then I don't think she should be made to feel bad about it. $20 extra could be a HUGE deal for her. Mary's mom should have rsvp'd and I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about telling Mary she can't come. that's life and maybe more kids these days need things like that to happen. I absolutely agree with the person who said this is a life lesson. If the OP tells Mary that she can't come then both Mary AND Mary's mother have learned a valuable lesson about rsvp'ing for events.

This type of mentality where we bend over backwards to make up for other people's ineptitude is exactly why so many kids today feel they don't have to work as hard. No worries, someone will come along and fix it for you.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

My thoughts exactly!

 

[Carly_Roach]

This type of mentality where we bend over backwards to make up for other people's ineptitude is exactly why so many kids today feel they don't have to work as hard. No worries, someone will come along and fix it for you.

MTE. It's what leads to the mindset that it's OK to be late everywhere all the time as long as you have an excuse. A close relative of that mindset is the one that says you should get a prize for just showing up to work.

 

[wdwfan16]

Yet look how flustered you are over this thread. Even to the point of telling someone that you continue to disagree with them.

I suspect that my sneaking suspicions don't need to be calibrated. People who say things like that are usually those who are ticked off because I nailed it and they're now trying to deflect.

Boy is that sneaking suspicion off!!!!


You keep telling others they are flustered. Your sneaking suspicions are telling you that you are flustered and you are not reading the suspisions correctly with your crystal ball.

 

[LunchladyDoris]

I have a sneaking suspicion that the parents who would "forgive" are likely those who are guilty of not RSVP-ing, showing up anyway, and probably bringing uninvited siblings as well.

And my suspicion is that those who wouldn't forgive probably have a throbbing vein in their forehead if the party doesn't come out the way they planned or insist on teaching the other kids a "life lesson" when the situation doesn't warrant it. I also believe that they would probably change their mind if they were put in the same situation as Mary's mother, but then again they would probably NEVER be in that situation because everything is so black and white. But then again, I watch a lot of Psych

 

[LunchladyDoris]

Boy is that sneaking suspicion off!!!!


You keep telling others they are flustered. Your sneaking suspicions are telling you that you are flustered and you are not reading the suspisions correctly with your crystal ball.

The crystal ball is streaked with Windex, that is why she isn't reading it right.

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

The people posting in this thread telling the OP to calm down seem FAR more agitated than the OP.

Good. I wasn't the only one who noticed. I read the entire thread, and as usual, I am baffled at the judgmental posts coming from some of you. The OP has every right to feel the way she does. She should NOT have to put out more money for someone who couldn't follow instructions. And on top of that, this woman has asked the HOSTESS of the party to cart her kid back and forth from it?! Wow. I don't even know where to start with how rude I think that is.

And to the posters belittling the OP for inviting her coworker's daughter...she explained why she did that in a later post (which I thought was a very nice gesture). Don't attack her because you didn't take the time to read the whole thread, and instead decided to jump to conclusions.