Your RSVP is too late!!

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, of coarse, everyone here recognizes this other mother is at fault..

But, that is NOT the point....

What we are discussing is how the OP has handled it.

Go ahead... if it makes you feel better, sit on your high horse and point fingers...

 

[Jennabeth]

I can't seem to find the original quote now, maybe it got edited...this thread has also gotten long so it is possible I just couldn't find it. However, I know the OP mentioned she invited her co-worked and daughter because they were going through a tough time. She also mentioned that they had only met once or twice but was sure they would become good friends because kids make friends quickly. Not necessarily...sometimes kids don't get along even when we want them to. May I be so bold as to ask how much $$ 1 more child costs. She stated "Mary" also lives in the neighborhood so it's not like you have to drive far to get her. I get the second car is inconvenient. When it comes down to it, it is your decision. Good luck with it.

I'm not sure the OP made that comment, but I did. I know that my girls (7 & 10) see some of my friends' children occasionally, but when they are together they get along very well. I've also seen my girls instantly form "friendships" with girls they meet at hotel pools. I'm actually amazed by it, especially since I know in a few years this will not be the case.

 

[luvmy3]

How about accomodating her own child? It appears that Mary is the little girl's friend and would probably be a better fit then some co-workers daughter that the Op's daughter doesn't know all that well. Also, it is likely that the mother didn't know the cut off date to RSVP. She probably thought that since the party is on a weekend, it is acceptable to call on Monday or Tuesday. These other "arragements" was choosing a Plan B which is just as rude. The OP put in just as much effort to invite the co-workers daughter as it would have been just to call Mary's mom. If this party was a huge extravaganza I would totally be on the OP's side, but it isn't. This is a small bowling party.

But it wasn't okay, hence the RSVP by date. The OP isn't obligated to put any effort above and beyond sending out the invitation and its amazing to think that there are people out there that think she does. The fact is the mom didn't RSVP by the date required by the OP (doesn't make any difference what the party is for, its was the OP's decision to have that date for a reason and Mary's mother chose to ignore it). The OP was therefore released from any obligation to accomodate Mary and was free to invite someone else in her spot.

The people posting in this thread telling the OP to calm down seem FAR more agitated than the OP.

I agree with the posters who have basically said too bad so sad. If the OP doesn't want to fork out extra money for the child someone who couldn't be bothered to rsvp, then I don't think she should be made to feel bad about it. $20 extra could be a HUGE deal for her. Mary's mom should have rsvp'd and I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about telling Mary she can't come. that's life and maybe more kids these days need things like that to happen. I absolutely agree with the person who said this is a life lesson. If the OP tells Mary that she can't come then both Mary AND Mary's mother have learned a valuable lesson about rsvp'ing for events.

This type of mentality where we bend over backwards to make up for other people's ineptitude is exactly why so many kids today feel they don't have to work as hard. No worries, someone will come along and fix it for you.

Very wise words, Angelhalo

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Wow! This thread is getting UGLY!

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

Wow! This thread is getting UGLY!

LOL!!! What is that thing??

 

[mjkacmom]

It doesn't matter if they've met one time or 100 times. My point is that nobody here should assume the girls aren't friendly with each other. And good grief, how "cliquie" can 6 and 7 year olds be?

It doesn't matter what you or anyone else thinks is acceptable. The OP wrote a date to RSVP by on the invitation, and the woman ignored it. Not the OP's fault! This is not a party at her house, where more people wouldn't be a problem. This is a party where she needed to know how many would be attending.

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assume I've attended more 7 year old girl birthday parties than you have (having 3 girls over the age of 7 myself). A lot of times, it will be all the girls from school, and a random girl (girl from another school, a cousin). That girl usually stands out - these girls have yet to develop the social skills of trying to make a stranger feel comfortable.

 

[Wishing on a star]

The OP was therefore released from any obligation to accomodate Mary and was free to invite someone else in her spot.

Ohhh good Lord, now a little girls birthday party is subject to such legal-speak!!!!!

Don't know whether to , ,

 

[MELSMICE]

That is the way our bowling parties work here. We have our limit and to add another child means serious bucks.

I have to disagree with some of the other posters, mainly for this reason & your inconvenience in picking up the child.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm a cold hearted witch also, but I deal with parents like this on a daily basis. There is no concept of deadlines & then you are made to feel bad because you can't or won't make an exception for their child. Sometimes you just can't make the exception, as much as you would like to.

This is not your fault, OP. It is the parent's fault & she is the one that has disappointed her child.

Good luck & have fun at your DD's party.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Wow! This thread is getting UGLY!

OMG!!!!

 

[SundaeAfternoon]

I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assume I've attended more 7 year old girl birthday parties than you have (having 3 girls over the age of 7 myself). A lot of times, it will be all the girls from school, and a random girl (girl from another school, a cousin). That girl usually stands out - these girls have yet to develop the social skills of trying to make a stranger feel comfortable.

Assume away. You guys are good at that here.

 

[luvmy3]

Ohhh good Lord, now a little girls birthday party is subject to such legal-speak!!!!!

Don't know whether to , ,

If you think thats "legal" speak I'm guessing you never actually read a legal document. I guess your post may be construed as a personal attack on my choice of dialouge. Perhaps I should confer with my legal team

 

[bettymae1121]

Sorry, I'm with the OP on this one. Mary's mom didn't miss it by an hour or even a day, but four days. If I'm paying for 10 spots no matter what, I may as well invite another child so they can have fun, even if it's a child my kid doesn't know very well (hey, a new friend!).

If it was a situation where an extra child could be added for no or VERY little expense, sure I can see doing it. But having to transport the child plus a signifigant extra cost, no, sorry.

If I was the one RSVPing late, and I was told "no, I'm sorry but when we didn't hear from you after FOUR DAYS we invited someone else", I'd totally understand it was my fault, and I would apologize to my child and do my best to make it up to her. Hopefully Mary's mom will feel the same way.

Someone else may have suggested this, but perhaps you could let Mary's mom know that if there is a last minute cancelation, Mary is welcome to come as long as Mary can get a ride from someone else.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Wow! This thread is getting UGLY!

I agree. I was wondering why I kept reading. THIS lovely creature is the perfect send off for me. Thanks for it!

 

[Carly_Roach]

I have to disagree with some of the other posters, mainly for this reason & your inconvenience in picking up the child.

I'm sorry, maybe I'm a cold hearted witch also, but I deal with parents like this on a daily basis. There is no concept of deadlines & then you are made to feel bad because you can't or won't make an exception for their child. Sometimes you just can't make the exception, as much as you would like to.

This is not your fault, OP. It is the parent's fault & she is the one that has disappointed her child.

Good luck & have fun at your DD's party.

Amen. Hopefully the OP has worked this issue out and will be looking forward to her child's party this weekend.

The main thing she needs to remember is that it doesn't matter what any of us say on the DIS. The OP needs to keep her own priorities in her own real life straight and live by the best advice she can get from real life friends and family.

Besides, this whole issue is something that we're batting around because we're bored, have cabin fever or have PMS and need someone to take it out on. After all, there ain't nothing on TV, right?

 

[need2cruise]

I know of one bowling alley here, where you pick your party teir and that shows how many lanes are reserved. Usually it is 5 kids per lane at a party. So to add one more, would be paying the increase tier amount and having a whole 3rd lane. And most of the time, the bowling alley is full so changing a party last minute isn't allowable due to lane constraints.

 

[luvsJack]

Her daughter is 6 years old and is not in a position to make decisions that would cost her parents more money.

Is that the norm now? I sure didn't have any deciding power when I was six!

Oh, for heaven's sakes. No but from looking at this thread, it must be the norm to be snarky over a kid's birthday party.

If the party is so expensive that she couldn't add one kid, maybe the answer was in not having the party there to begin with. I just simply do not believe that the bowling alley cannot just add the cost for one kid to the party. That would be stupid on the alley's part. How many times does a sibling or sudden out of town guest show up? And if they "simply cannot", go in and say "I want to pay for one person to bowl" and when the hot dogs are served go to the concession stand and buy the kid a hot dog. And to even go into a goodie bag or cost of a balloon is just being cheap.

Maybe the time to have asked her daughter was before she invited a child who is not friends with her daughter? Maybe her daughter would have had the forethought to ASK Mary before filling her spot.

 

[chocovrdmicears]

I only read the first page, so I probably missed all the Dis drama.

My wife and I disagree on this one. I would tell the mother that called late that the party is full and you have no more room - maybe next time.

My wife would do whatever it takes to include the extra little girl.Not much help...

Me too...

 

[Pea-n-Me]

perhaps you could let Mary's mom know that if there is a last minute cancelation, Mary is welcome to come as long as Mary can get a ride from someone else.

Seriously? If you said this to me I'd probably tell you to Stick It.

 

[luvsJack]

It doesn't matter if they've met one time or 100 times. My point is that nobody here should assume the girls aren't friendly with each other. And good grief, how "cliquie" can 6 and 7 year olds be?

It doesn't matter what you or anyone else thinks is acceptable. The OP wrote a date to RSVP by on the invitation, and the woman ignored it. Not the OP's fault! This is not a party at her house, where more people wouldn't be a problem. This is a party where she needed to know how many would be attending.

To the bolded part: VERY I think little girls are just born that way, actually. I remember girls in my class of 4 year olds being very "cliquie" and not wanting to include any "outsiders" in anything.

 

[Carly_Roach]

Seriously? If you said this to me I'd probably tell you to Stick It.

It's entirely possible that Mary's mother has this same attitude, hence the lack of empathy from the OP for Mary's mother.