Your RSVP is too late!!

[Mickey Fliers]

I would do the same. And I would tell Mary, in front of the mother, "Mary, here is your goodie bag. It's a little different than the other girls bags, but we didn't think you were coming!" (This is assuming that you can add Mary on for a reasonable price, and Mary's mom can drive her...)

Fill her bag with a few pieces of candy and some small token.

Better yet, why not give your co-worker's daughter, the one having a hard time, a SPECIAL gift in lieu of the goodie bag, and give good ol' Mary THAT goodie bag!

Seriously! You would give a little girl a "lesser" goodie bag because of something that was completely out of her control? On top of it, you would intentionally single her out in front of her friends? That is horrible, vindictive and just plain mean!

 

[disney1990]

I would definitely call the bowling alley and talk to them about adding 1 additional child to the birthday party. I would tell Mary's Mom that you cannot drive Mary back and forth to the bowling alley. Then I would make up a goodie bag for Mary, even if it meant going to the Dollar store and picking up a couple items to put in it.

Obviously you daughter wanted Mary there, not the daughter of a coworker that you daughter doesn't really know.

 

[JUJU814]

Seriously! You would give a little girl a "lesser" goodie bag because of something that was completely out of her control? On top of it, you would intentionally single her out in front of her friends? That is horrible, vindictive and just plain mean!

so agree....not to mention obnoxious

It's a little child's birthday party for goodness sake! It's really just not smart to not plan for extras..make a couple extra goodie bags. big deal

 

[AKL_Megs]

Seriously! You would give a little girl a "lesser" goodie bag because of something that was completely out of her control? On top of it, you would intentionally single her out in front of her friends? That is horrible, vindictive and just plain mean!

Whoa. Okay, no. I am offering suggestions to ANOTHER poster who doesn't want to pay for another goodie bag. Remember?

Look at my FIRST post. I said she should just go and order another balloon and buy more favors. She doesn't want to, so I am offering alternative ideas.

 

[Stacerita]

I must be a ***** then. I would not pick up or drop the child off. And sorry, no RSVP, no party. Its sad, but you know what, she didn't RSVP in time. And yes its a bowling alley, but when you have a set number and bump it up one more, the price jumps to the next tier. So its not "one" more you are paying for, its for the next five maybe. I know its not the girls fault, but you know what, sometimes kids dont' get to do everything they are invited to. I do understand things come up. But come on, RSVP early and you won't have to worry about things.

 

[Briarmom]

I would do the same. And I would tell Mary, in front of the mother, "Mary, here is your goodie bag. It's a little different than the other girls bags, but we didn't think you were coming!" (This is assuming that you can add Mary on for a reasonable price, and Mary's mom can drive her...)

Fill her bag with a few pieces of candy and some small token.

Better yet, why not give your co-worker's daughter, the one having a hard time, a SPECIAL gift in lieu of the goodie bag, and give good ol' Mary THAT goodie bag!

Yeah OP, give nasty, classless Mary the crappy goodie bag and MAKE SURE she knows she's getting it.

 

[JUJU814]

I must be a ***** then. I would not pick up or drop the child off. And sorry, no RSVP, no party. Its sad, but you know what, she didn't RSVP in time. And yes its a bowling alley, but when you have a set number and bump it up one more, the price jumps to the next tier. So its not "one" more you are paying for, its for the next five maybe. I know its not the girls fault, but you know what, sometimes kids dont' get to do everything they are invited to. I do understand things come up. But come on, RSVP early and you won't have to worry about things.

You're right..but the whole problem could have been avoided if OP had just had the common sense to call the mom to follow up before inviting another kid. Late rsvp's happen all the time. This isn't a wedding for crying out loud!

If she called to follow up and either 1) got a "no" or 2) didn't get a return phone call...then that's one thing. But to just go and invite someone else because she didn't hear back by the date when the party is still several days away..I think that is just as rude as not rsvp'ing

 

[AKL_Megs]

Yeah OP, give nasty, classless Mary the crappy goodie bag and MAKE SURE she knows she's getting it.

One minute you all say to tell "poor" Mary, forget about you, your mom is a lazy *****. You get nothing.

Someone suggested (because OP clearly doesn't want to spend a dime on Mary) making a "lesser" bag for the poor girl, so at least she has something, I agreed, and now I am getting crucified? You people are never happy!

And I don't know why this is my fault now! I was one of the first people to tell OP to go out and include Mary!

 

[Briarmom]

One minute you all say to tell "poor" Mary, forget about you, your mom is a lazy *****. You get nothing.

Someone suggested (because OP clearly doesn't want to spend a dime on Mary) making a "lesser" bag for the poor girl, so at least she has something, I agreed, and now I am getting crucified? You people are never happy!

And I don't know why this is my fault now! I was one of the first people to tell OP to go out and include Mary!

I never said that. I said the OP would be a ***** if she didn't include Mary.
Get your facts straight.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

Yep, I would pay the extra or try and negotiate with the bowling alley. With such an air tight invitee number, I probably would have called Mary's mom when I didn't get an RSVP...a week early. I would have tried to get an answer from my daughter's friend, before offering up the precious 10th spot to a child my daughter doesn't know. I would understand that stuff happens and not RSVPing to a precious birthday party invite doesn't make anyone "classless" or "lazy".

I agree with the first part of your post..I would have called Mary's mom, too. But I also disagree just as strongly with the last part of your post. "Stuff" doesn't happen 24/7 for a week straight. (Assuming the OP sent the invites out at least a week before the deadline.) So yeah, Mary's mom either lacks class, or is lazy, or lacks knowledge of common etiquette..and no, we are not talking Emily Post wedding level of etiquette...we are talking about basic common sense. When an invite says, RSVP..it does NOT mean "whenever" or if you feel like it.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Wow, you had 9 out of 10 RSVP by the date you requested? I'm impressed! My numbers have sometimes been much worse than that.

This may be neither here nor there, since it's too late now, but maybe something to consider in the future... since it seems you have a very strict limit on the number of attendees, and only 1 child who didn't respond, I would have called Mary's mom to find out what her plans were before offering her spot to someone else. Should you have to do that? Absolutely not! But RSVP etiquette, or lack thereof, being what it is today (just do a Dis search for threads on the topic) I think 1 phone call might have saved a whole lot of stress and possible heartache.

Making one phone call could've easily prevented this situation. I can't believe it took 78 posts for someone to make this point. It was my first thought.

 

[cats mom]

What exactly is the point of putting an RSVP by date on the invitation? If someone doesn't answer by that date its safe to assume they are not coming, you gave them the courtesy of giving them time to contact you, if they don't then the party mom is free to invite anyone else in that child's place.

*Bolding above mine

I disagree

R.S.V.P. is a request for the invited guest to respond and let the host know whether or not they plan to attend the party.
It does not mean to respond only if you're coming
It does not mean to respond only if you're not coming
It means the host needs a definite head count for the planned event, and needs it by the date specified on the invitation, and you should respond whether you plan to attend, or not.

Mary's mom was absolutely wrong for not reponding by the date specified. No doubt about that.

But by not following up with the 1 person who had not responded, and by offering that child's spot to someone else instead, I think the OP committed a bit of a social faux pas as well.
Sorry

 

[Mish19]

Why should the party thrower hold the parents hand and call to see if their child is coming to the party? I am undecided on whether Mary should suffer for mom's mistake but I don't see why the OP should call the invited guests.

 

[handinpocket]

I never said that. I said the OP would be a B if she didn't include Mary. Get your facts straight.

Poor little girl. I think the OP already decided to exclude her. This is one reason, I just don't do birthday parties. Too many crazy parents and hurt feelings all around - we do family parties and that is it.

 

[AKL_Megs]

I never said that. I said the OP would be a B if she didn't include Mary.
Get your facts straight.

Okay. So we are on the same page.

IMO, if you are going to screw over a kid, it would just be better to screw them over with a "lesser" goodie bag than to screw them over and give them nothing because their mom is rude and didn't RSVP, and the host mom is unwilling to shop for another balloon!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have not read all the replies yet, I will but I just had to reply.

I hate that some people don't RSVP, but some don't at all and still show up. One party we had 2 strange ones. I am trying to remember how old she was, it was my middle DD and I am thinking it was her 8th. Anyway, one kid didn't respond at all then I got a call right when the party was starting and they had tossed the invite and couldn't remember the adress of our house. They were on our street. Same party, about an hour later a kid showed up whose mom DID RSVP, that he WASN'T coming. He had gotten invited to 2 parties and chose the other, then decided it was boring so his mom picked him up and brought him to my DD's. She dropped him off then ran to Walmart for a gift and brought it when she picked him up. I had an extra treat bag for the one girl who I never heard from as a just in case, but not for the boy who wasn't supposed to be there so I had to scramble and there were only a couple boys there so I had bought exact numbers of things for their bags since I didn't need as many of theirs. I think I mostly threw a bunch of candy in a treat bag as I recall. That year was strange.

Anyway, you were lucky to get 9 out of 10 to reply. The more parties you throw the more yo uwill find problems with RSVPs.

 

[manning]

With the answers you have been getting I have to ask....why bother with RSVP.

Folks, you have RSVP so you can make plans. It looks like there is an 8 YO who is going to be disappointed because of an inconsiderate adult. Sometimes lessons are disappointing. And there are many disappointments in life.

 

[kirstenb1]

Making one phone call could've easily prevented this situation. I can't believe it took 78 posts for someone to make this point. It was my first thought.

Why assume the OP has everyone's phone number? For years dd handed out invites to her entire class (per school rules), but we only had a classroom directory with phone #s the last 2 yrs.

 

[3prettyprincesses]

But by not following up with the 1 person who had not responded, and by offering that child's spot to someone else instead, I think the OP committed a bit of a social faux pas as well.
Sorry

I disagree. The whole purpose of putting down an rsvp is so that people will rsvp by a certain date. IMO it's quite rude if you don't when asked. Mary's mom is the one at fault, not the OP. Why should the OP call to make sure Mary is or isn't coming? Talk about micro-managing. I have never called a mom if she hasn't rsvp-ed. I assume maybe they have other plans, can't afford a gift or perhaps don't want to come. Can you imagine the awkward conversation that would be? So IMO if someone doesn't rsvp, I automatically assume they're not coming. And I can't believe she thought it was ok for her to ask the OP to pick up/drop off Mary too. Some people are clueless.

It's too bad that Mary's mom didn't remember till now but if the OP has already given that spot away, then it is what it is. If it were just a party at home, it wouldn't be such a big deal and I'd most likely say sure, bring Mary. But I wouldn't want to pay $50 for one extra girl who's mom didn't let me know sooner. I do feel bad for Mary though, I'm sure she'll be disappointed and it's certainly not her fault. I'd definitely offer a playdate with her though and probably give her a treat bag then. Good luck OP!

 

[FoundMyPrince]

I would do the same. And I would tell Mary, in front of the mother, "Mary, here is your goodie bag. It's a little different than the other girls bags, but we didn't think you were coming!" (This is assuming that you can add Mary on for a reasonable price, and Mary's mom can drive her...)

Fill her bag with a few pieces of candy and some small token.

Better yet, why not give your co-worker's daughter, the one having a hard time, a SPECIAL gift in lieu of the goodie bag, and give good ol' Mary THAT goodie bag!

Wow. Why don't you just let her bowl by herself a few lanes away from all the other girls?