"You can tell them no..."

[brockash]

No flames from me, I totally agree with her in that situation too. I do think there are times where one does need to share, like when you invite a friend over to play, or you are in a place with "community" toys and things.
When you bring your personal stuff to a park, no you do not have to share with complete strangers.

Totally agree and also STRONGLY agree that the rude manners are on the other side...I would never expect or allow my kids to go run up to a child they don't know at a park and ask for their personal toys.

 

[Pixiedustaway]

We don't bring toys to the park. Seems like a simple solution. This moms self righteous attitude bothers me.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Well you certaintly seemed to be implying that by her telling her son he doesn't have to share that she shouldn't be surprised if kids don't want to play with him....unless you needed to wait before hitting post because you were reacting to her as a person rather than the point of the story.

Well all be darned guess the DIS is full of liars given how often people go to the extremes to make a point. You seem hung up on analyzing her post. Do you care about what she has to say or just don't like her as a person and that's what you took away from her story?

I don't believe I said all situations. Now you're exaggerating my post

No I absolutely think her son not sharing could be a reason kids decide they don't want to play with him.
As for the rest, omg. I actually think you might be this woman. You seem really upset that I think some random woman is a jerk.
I don't think I'm exaggerating your post. I never said you said all.
If that story about been started as a thread here, it would've been pick apart. People get called out all the time for exaggerating.
Again, if you have to make up a situation to back up a point, then you probably don't have one.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Totally agree and also STRONGLY agree that the rude manners are on the other side...I would never expect or allow my kids to go run up to a child they don't know at a park and ask for their personal toys.

Really? I guess I allow my kids to be rude then. I mean, mine don't run up and ask to only play with a toy, but I don't have an issue with them nicely asking another kid if they can play with them(toys or no toys).

Like I said before, the other kid says no. That is perfectly fine.

It's all part of normal childhood socialization IMO.

***Edit- I just reread your post and you did say "run up and ask for their personal toys" so my response might not quite fit with what you're saying.

 

[Hikergirl]

Well...

I found the tone of the post rather strident.

If her child wanted to play with these boys, then he'd likely have to share his toys with them. Since he didn't want to play with them, he didn't have to share.

However, a big part of "playing nicely with others", as both a child and an adult, is explaining yourself in a way that isn't offensive to others. The author was technically correct, but her approach (loudly - and passive-aggressively - announcing to her child that he doesn't have to share) carries implications of "Nasty, greedy boys! We don't want anything to do with them!" I'm not surprised their mums' were offended, and I suspect it had very little to do with whether or not the child chose to share.

Perhaps she could have explained that the toys were a surprise for another child who had not yet arrived.

An even better approach might have been to keep the toys tucked away out of sight until the little girl showed up, then to bring them out as a proper surprise. After all, it's not as if the author's son was planning to play with them by himself.

To be honest, I've never encountered this issue with my children. They played extensively at our local park, with many children some of whom they knew and some they didn't, and for some reason sharing was never an issue for us. At least, not that ever made enough of an impression on me to remember.

She wasn't being passive aggressive, she was speaking to her son who was looking at her. She reassured him that it was ok for him to stand up and speak up for himself.

And to the bolded, no, just no. A better approach? Come on, you are saying its better to hide your toys away at the park so that he didn't have to tell those other boys "no"? Please tell me that isn't what you are saying.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Kids need to learn how to deal with situations like this. They should know how to say "no" to other kids, and they should be confident enough to approach other kids to play! This is why kids have little to no social problem solving skills now.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

No I absolutely think her son not sharing could be a reason kids decide they don't want to play with him.

Then why say- "There could be any number of reasons the other kids decide they don't want to play with him."

As for the rest, omg. I actually think you might be this woman. You seem really upset that I think some random woman is a jerk.

really...didn't know that Mackenzie Click-Mickelson is the same as Alanya Kolberg. I don't have some clever DIS name sooo yeahhh..Please stop exaggerating my statement or else I might think you might actually be this woman

I'm not actually upset that you think the woman is a jerk.

You said the woman in the story didn't need to be so aggressive..why are you so aggressive against her then? You've called the woman a jerk, self righteous undisboards approved word, said she hopes she remembers her attitude, dramatic, thrown in a curse word that was astrisized and aggressive..

Again, if you have to make up a situation to back up a point, then you probably don't have one.

Well then I feel like I should pay more attention to your posts from now on..

I'm not saying you lie at all when you tell stories or make comments I was more meaning exaggerating to make a point.

 

[brockash]

Really? I guess I allow my kids to be rude then. I mean, mine don't run up and ask to only play with a toy, but I don't have an issue with them nicely asking another kid if they can play with them(toys or no toys).

Like I said before, the other kid says no. That is perfectly fine.

It's all part of normal childhood socialization IMO.

***Edit- I just reread your post and you did say "run up and ask for their personal toys" so my response might not quite fit with what you're saying.

I mean I think if they've been playing together for a little bit and they ask nicely, that's very different to me, then what I thought it sounded like.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

She wasn't being passive aggressive, she was speaking to her son who was looking at her. She reassured him that it was ok for him to stand up and speak up for himself.

And to the bolded, no, just no. A better approach? Come on, you are saying its better to hide your toys away at the park so that he didn't have to tell those other boys "no"? Please tell me that isn't what you are saying.

After a normal kid interaction that happens probably thousands of times a day in the U.S. if not more, she went on the internet and called the other kids names. Seems rather passive aggressive to me. I'd have thought absolutely nothing of the other kids asking and nothing of the kid saying no. They can ask, he can say no, and they can chose not to play with him.

 

[Hikergirl]

After a normal kid interaction that happens probably thousands of times a day in the U.S. if not more, she went on the internet and called the other kids names. Seems rather passive aggressive to me.

The poster I quoted was not talking about what she posted on the internet, go back and read her post.

 

[sunshinehighway]

Then why say- "There could be any number of reasons the other kids decide they don't want to play with him."

really...didn't know that Mackenzie Click-Mickelson is the same as Alanya Kolberg. I don't have some clever DIS name sooo yeahhh..Please stop exaggerating my statement or else I might think you might actually be this woman

I'm not actually upset that you think the woman is a jerk.

You said the woman in the story didn't need to be so aggressive..why are you so aggressive against her then? You've called the woman a jerk, self righteous undisboards approved word, said she hopes she remembers her attitude, dramatic, thrown in a curse word that was astrisized and aggressive..

Well then I feel like I should pay more attention to your posts from now on..

I'm not saying you lie at all when you tell stories or make comments I was more meaning exaggerating to make a point.

Are you serious? You honestly sound insane. You're going to pay attention to my posts? Why so you can follow me around harrassing me on threads? That's honestly what it sounds like.
If I bother you that much you should just put me on ignore.

 

[DisneyOma]

We are working on this. My friend came over with her daughter. She is 3 and my son is 3 1/2. She wants to play with everything, and my son didn't want her to. We discussed what he could share, or helping her find a different toy. We always discuss that a toy might be special to another child, so no they do not have to share. I am not going to force another child to give you their toy. If there are not any toys you want, find something else to do.

We always made sure toys my girls did not want others to play with (or the dog to chew on) were put away. The kids coming over were not allowed to just go open up drawers and storage containers and take out whatever was in there. Toys would be out to play with, games were available on open shelves, etc. Arts and craft stuff was on the table, but they couldn't go in the closet to rummage through my craft supplies. There was plenty to keep kids busy, and the special stuff was safe.

When we used to go to a local beach, I had a bag of sand toys for my girls. It was the usual stuff, but solidly made, a bit expensive but made to last. I made sure to write our last name on every piece. The other kids at the beach would come over to play, which was fine as long as my girls got to use the stuff too But when we left, I'd find every bucket, shovel, scoop, mold, and sifter. I'd ask kids to stay close with the toys, and if one tried to walk off, I'd call him back and ask him to leave the piece behind. So many kids thought they could just take our stuff and use it at the other end of the beach! And I even had a few parents get huffy when I asked for something back as we were leaving. Like I was supposed to leave a $5 scoop because they couldn't be bothered to get stuff for their own kid to play with?

I see where this mother is coming from - did the other kids bring toys into the deal, or did they just see something and think they should have access to it? There is sharing, and there is entitlement. Some kids are learning the entitlement card from their parents (who probably feel they are owed something for some reason to begin with) and it's obnoxious. I bring snacks to the kids I work with. I pay for them myself. Some of them are so greedy - they want multiple servings, want them served immediately, and complain that they are 'healthy snacks, why don't you get Doritos!' Other kids are very appreciative, polite, and respectful. So I'd hate to stop bringing snacks just because some kids feel it is an entitlement. They are so used to being given things that they don't appreciate anything, IMO. I think they would be shocked if I only served the polite kids. They wouldn't understand why.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

The poster I quoted was not talking about what she posted on the internet, go back and read her post.

I already read it thank you very much.

Here is the first line of it.

"I found the tone of the post rather strident."

Further, as this is a message board open to the public, you don't get to limit the scope of my posts.

 

[Hikergirl]

I already read it thank you very much. And this is a public message board. You don't get to limit the scope of my posts.

Um, ok. So you read her post and my response to what she said? She wasn't being passive aggressive on the playground, I didn't comment on what she wrote in her FB post. But I guess if you want to win an argument the best thing you can do is put words in people's mouths and tell them they are wrong. So, you win, I'm not going to argue with crazy.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Are you serious? You honestly sound insane. You're going to pay attention to my posts? Why so you can follow me around harrassing me on threads? That's honestly what it sounds like.
If I bother you that much you should just put me on ignore.

Dude seriously you are totally exaggerating and blowing what I said out of proportion. I think you're calling the kettle black here. You don't like it if the woman in the post exaggerated but you're willing to do the same.

Really? Follow your posts so I can harrass you? Come on now that is an exaggeration. I said I would pay more attention to your posts because you said if people exaggerate then they are liars. Clearly you took state of following your posts in a extremely serious way my goodness.

And I'll ignore your jab of calling me insane.

ETA: And quite honestly it's really not worth it anymore to continue going back and forth we'll just agree to disagree and move on.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

No I absolutely think her son not sharing could be a reason kids decide they don't want to play with him.
.

Nobody has to play with anyone and if he won't share well nobody is going to want to play with him.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Um, ok. So you read her post and my response to what she said? She wasn't being passive aggressive on the playground, I didn't comment on what she wrote in her FB post. But I guess if you want to win an argument the best thing you can do is put words in people's mouths and tell them they are wrong. So, you win, I'm not going to argue with crazy.

You act like it's my fault you tried the go back and read her post blast and it ended up blowing up in your face.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

 

[Hikergirl]

 

[tcufrog]

Anyone want to take bets regarding how long until the thread gets locked? I have a strong opinion about the original topic but I don't think it matters at this point.