WWYD?

[sam_gordon]

OK, this could be interesting...

Oldest DD told us over Christmas she's expecting their first child (our first Grandchild). DW & I were actually among the last to know (that's another story), and DD isn't even through her first Trimester, so .

Here's my situation...
I travel occasionally for work. For 2026, it's SUPPOSED to be on the road for two weeks, a week home, then back on the road. Of course, it won't play out the simply. And by "on the road", most trips are by plane. We barely have the schedule for January, so no telling what's going to be happening later in the year.

How would you handle this? I don't think trying to plan work trips around a due date is the right way to do things, what if the baby is early/late? But I also don't think it's right to tell my boss "I need to block out three weeks where I don't travel." So, that's situation #1.

Situation #2, is what happens if the baby comes while I'm on the road? The week would (in general), travel Sunday, check things out Mon-Wednesday, put the systems online Thursday, clean up Friday morning and head home Friday evening. Should I cut my trip short if DD goes into labor?

And just to be clear, DD is married, so DSiL will be there, DW is ~30-45 min away, DSiL's parents are two hours away (by car, but his mom is a traveling nurse and is in town 3-4 days a week), siblings are between 20 minutes - an hour away.

Yes, it's planning WAY ahead, but it's going through my mind.

TIA.

 

[leebee]

I don't know... I lived across the country from my mother AND my mother in law, when DD was born. Our closest relatives were an 8 hour drive away. Friends from work supported us as needed but none of the relatives could afford to fly out. I guess what I am trying to say (and not doing a great job of it) is that it sounds like your DD has plenty of support for whenever she goes into labor. I'd talk to my boss, explain the situation and try to plan my weeks "home" to be around the due date, if possible, and if the baby comes while you are traveling, can you cut things short, or just come home when the week is over? Honestly? I didn't miss having my mother/MIL present when I was in labor, and I wouldn't have wanted male parents in the room anyhow. Do you have any idea how your DD feels about this?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

To me the only right answer is to wait a while and check in with your daughter and her spouse over time about what they wish you to do.

There's too much ahead of them at the moment to IMO be even thinking about this and the only party's thoughts on this that matters is hers and her spouse's.

 

[BrianL]

I've never really been in that situation, but my general thought is that while it would certainly would be nice if you could be there and make that work, you also don't need to be there at that moment if you can't be. It's great if you can work it out, but don't put pressure on yourself. You will see the baby - a lot I am sure. It sounds like she has others to be there and help out. It's all good. That's my take anyway.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Honestly? I didn't miss having my mother/MIL present when I was in labor, and I wouldn't have wanted male parents in the room anyhow

That's one of the things I immediately thought of. My sister-in-law is incredibly close with her father but there's being very close and then there's being right there when the baby is born. People are much more conscientious about who they want in the room as well as right after birth than they may have been before, nothing against the OP but they may be assuming a lot about how their adult child feels and feelings can change as time gets near. (not to mention any health concerns that either may adjust the due date or how the couple feels about family being right there right then).

 

[sam_gordon]

I don't know... I lived across the country from my mother AND my mother in law, when DD was born. Our closest relatives were an 8 hour drive away. Friends from work supported us as needed but none of the relatives could afford to fly out. I guess what I am trying to say (and not doing a great job of it) is that it sounds like your DD has plenty of support for whenever she goes into labor. I'd talk to my boss, explain the situation and try to plan my weeks "home" to be around the due date, if possible, and if the baby comes while you are traveling, can you cut things short, or just come home when the week is over? Honestly? I didn't miss having my mother/MIL present when I was in labor, and I wouldn't have wanted male parents in the room anyhow. Do you have any idea how your DD feels about this?

Honestly I don't. I don't know that she's thought that far ahead.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should be in the room when she gives birth, but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

 

[tvguy]

Well, the first question I have is WHEN will even be allowed to see your grandchild?
Things have changed since covid.
My first Grandchild, born here in 2019 we saw the baby for the first time the day after being born. But our DIL made it clear months before the baby was born Grandparents would be notified when to come meet baby and that she did not want them at the hospital the day of birth so SHE could recover a bit from the C-section. Her parents live an hour away by plane, and they waited until baby was a day old to fly in.
However, my two other Grandchildren were born in 2022 and 2024 and covid changed the rules. The recommendation now, and spelled out by a flyer given out by my DILs OBGyn to give to Grandparents, is to wait until the baby is at least six weeks old and had a chance to build some immunity before but anyone but mom, dad, medical staff and siblings were around the baby.
So THAT is a question you need to ask before doing any preliminary planning.

 

[Christine]

Honestly I don't. I don't know that she's thought that far ahead.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should be in the room when she gives birth, but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

Absolutely not wrong for you not to be there. But everyone is different. Frankly, after I gave birth two times, I didn't want all those people there. My hormone drops were raging and I couldn't take all the people and by "all the people" I really couldn't tolerate anyone more than my mother and my husband. I was over that in about 2 weeks though.

I'm probably the wrong person to take advice from because I can be far too "practical" for some people, but if I were you, as the father of the mom-to-be, I wouldn't change anything and just let it ride. Your wife and SIL will be there and you can show up at the very first opportunity.

Congrats though on the grandchild to be! I don't think it's ever happening in my family.

 

[BrianL]

Honestly I don't. I don't know that she's thought that far ahead.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should be in the room when she gives birth, but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

I would say no, it is not "wrong" for you not to be there.

 

[AussieFan8]

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should be in the room when she gives birth, but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

I think it depends on how your family/daughter is. I did not assume any of the grandparents would be there when I gave birth, but my husband and I are very independent. My retired parents, who live a few hours' drive away, arrived a couple days later. If they could not come right away, I would have been fine with it. I would not have expected any of the grandparents to change their work schedule based on my due date. I would just be happy to see them when they could come meet the baby.

Others in my family would expect all grandparents to be there and to help out immediately.

 

[lanejudy]

Honestly I don't. I don't know that she's thought that far ahead.

And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should be in the room when she gives birth, but is it wrong for me to not be "there"?

It's not "wrong" for you to be there -- or to want to be there. It really comes down to what your DD (and DSIL) want. My parents were 8 hours away, Mom was working, and they didn't arrive for a couple of days -- and that was an emergency c-section. I had no need nor expectation of either my parents or my in-laws to be waiting at the hospital even if things had progressed "normally." I don't believe my parents were physically at the hospital for any of my nephews/nieces births. But again, it comes down to what the expectant parents would like.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I think you're well-meaning, but overthinking things a bit. I know you're excited! Follow your daughter's lead. Explain things to her, like you have here--you want to be as available as she would like. Give her time to think about what, exactly, that is. Let your boss know the due date (not that babies follow anybody else's schedule), and discuss how things might work. My oldest is a plane ride away--she's not interested in having a baby any time soon (just married in August), but I hope to go up, stay in a nearby hotel, and relieve her at nights so she can rest. Oh, and make some freezer meals while I'm there. But, I haven't discussed any of this with my daughter, since she's not in baby mode.

Once you have your ducks in a row, you can concentrate on more important things, like what kind of grandparent bonding things you'll be doing.

 

[sam_gordon]

overthinking things a bit.

Just wanted to call this out. Not because you're wrong, but you're % right. It's just what I do.

 

[Kitty 34]

I was out in Colorado when I had my Dad's first grandson (45 yrs ago) Many miles separated us but his love for his grandson was soooo close.

Congrats!!

 

[Mommb]

I agree that before making any plans you should talk with your daughter about what she would like.

Right after the birth, she may get a lot of visitors, so she may prefer that you come in a bit later. Or, she may want to you to see the baby and provide support to her as soon as possible. Since she may not have a good idea yet of how she's going to feel (and may not know until after the birth), the best approach may be to say something like "I can't promise, but I can try to be available as soon as the baby is born. Let me know if you decide you'd like me to try, or if you'd rather I wait to come in after you're settled at home." That gives her time to think about things.

When I had my kids, I was completely exhausted for the first week, and didn't want more people around, even my immediate family. After my husband was back at work, though, I welcomed company (as long as they wouldn't complain about the condition of my house). But each mother is different, and I know some like to have lots of people to help with watching the baby or doing everything else.

 

[Southernmiss]

I only wanted DH with me when I had our four children.

Our daughter-in-law had our first grandchild in 2024. She is by nature a very private person. She only had our son with her in the hospital.

We were careful to wait until they told us that it was okay to come visit which was actually the next afternoon and worked out perfectly for us.

They live an hour away and the baby was born at night.

We continue to wait until they recommend us coming to visit. Which has been about every other week, if not more often.

My husband and I have been very careful to not assume anything about caring for and feeding the baby, etc. So much has changed in the 25 years since we had our last child.

There's an app for everything!


Congratulations to you and your wife. It is a very exciting time and so much fun to be a grand-parent.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I think it is fine if you are not right there, that day or some days following. There is enough support available.

And congratulations, gramps!!!

 

[Allison]

Lots of grandparents don't see their grandchildren immediately. I think you are fining moving forward with your normal schedule. It is way too hard to plan around these things.

 

[kdonnel]

I think you need to be flexible.

She may want you there, might not.

Might want lots of help right off, maybe not until later, maybe not for a long while.

If you get any feeling they don’t want you around, just leave without hurt feelings.

 

[Christine]

Just wanted to call this out. Not because you're wrong, but you're % right. It's just what I do.

Your wife is lucky to have you--it's rare I come across a man like that! Love it!