WWYD? Summer job for DS

[Ziva]

Can I ask a question?

I think it makes sense to try to get him away from her and explore other avenues.....

However, what makes everyone think that those so called "babes on the beach are any safer."

I think a job away from home at the shore for the summer is more likely to produce an unwanted pregnancy (or worse some kind of disease) and you won't even know who the girl is ahead of time......

True. Also what if one of these "European babes" decides she wants to stay here in the USA and your son comes home married? I only ask because my brothers best friend met his ex-wife while working up in NJ at the boardwalk for the summer in that exact same way.

Also about the GF "trapping him" by getting pregnant, shouldn't he be using condoms anyway? If he chooses not to wear them, then he's contributing to the possible "trapping" isn't he?

Good luck, my mom raised 3 sons and they gave her many grey hairs along the way!

 

[minniecarousel]

Knowing how difficult the summer job market is, I would highly recommend helping him secure a summer job. That alone is a terrific idea! The fact that he'll be away from Ms.Clingy is a side benefit! However, he will probably have to line up his living arrangements for next school year ASAP. Is it likely that he'll go back to dorm living?(I'm assuming that's where he is now) Or is there a group of guys he can get an apt with?

 

[Alicnwondrln]

save him

 

[Poohnatic]

It sounds like he likes the idea, so you're doing fine. Methinks that deep down, he knows this relationship is too stifling. A couple of months away will probably kill the relationship.

Suzanne

 

[simpilotswife]

If you haven't already, you should sit your son down and talk to him about condom use and then show him the right way and explain the wrong way to use them to him. He should have that information whether he continues to day this young lady or not.

Rather than tell him he could wind up married at a young age, explain to him that if he gets anyone pregnant he will have a financial obligation until the child is 18 (or 21 depending on the state). In NYS that financial obligation would translate to 17% of his gross pay (less FICA) as well as medical insurance if the court ordered it.

Just whatever you do don't push him. Believe it or not he will get tired of the clingy female all by himself.

 

[barkley]

If you haven't already, you should sit your son down and talk to him about condom use and then show him the right way and explain the wrong way to use them to him. He should have that information whether he continues to day this young lady or not.

Rather than tell him he could wind up married at a young age, explain to him that if he gets anyone pregnant he will have a financial obligation until the child is 18 (or 21 depending on the state). In NYS that financial obligation would translate to 17% of his gross pay (less FICA) as well as medical insurance if the court ordered it.

Just whatever you do don't push him. Believe it or not he will get tired of the clingy female all by himself.

excellant point-i saw da/family support put earnings leins on 15 year old boys! the child support owed built up while they finished high school (and accumluated interest) so they entered adulthood oweing tens of thousands of dollars from day one.

not to say the boys are "innocents" in this-but i cannot forgive the girls (and some older women) who lay in wait for the gullible kid who looks like a potential meal ticket.

 

[DisneyTarheel]

Have him spring rush one of the campus fraternities. That should take care of the clingy gf. Though, being his mom, you may feel that the cure is worse than the disease.

 

[Disney Doll]

Realistically, there are very few 19 year olds who are adults, in the sense of self-supporting, and not needing any help whatsoever from thier parents. This is definitely true of the majority of college kids. While, as in everything, there are the exceptions, I believe that the general rule of 19 year olds is that they are not totally independent adults.

That being said, they should be taking some responsibility for their lives and decisions at that age. If this girl winds up pregnant, it is because your 19 year old son chose not to wear a condom. Prevention of pregnancy is as much the man's responsibility as it is the woman's. He already sounds as if he's "onto" her a bit, as far as realizing that she's lazy etc., so tell him not to be stupid and get himself permanently attached to her by getting her pregnant. If they are having sex, he should be wearing a condom, every time, no exceptions.

Now, as far as your idea of him going to NC for the summer, I think it's great. Get him away from her, expose him to the other fish in the sea. The girl sounds like a whack job, and her mother doesn't sound much better. Tread carefully,though, be careful not to bad mouth the girlfriend, continue to be supportive of him. If he discusses with you the fact that GF is saying "Why do you want to go?" I would just say "Well, if your relationship with her is solid, it will survive the separation and if it's not, then better to find out so both of you can move on". You can certainly speak to a 19 year old in a matter-of-fact manner, without bad-mouthing the girl personally. I mean, that is basic relationship advice, regardless of who the people involved are and how much you like or dislike either one. When I had boyfriends, my mother's favorite line was "If it is meant to be, it will be", and she was right (but don't tell her I said so ). I mean, what terrible thing are you doing here? He's going to have the opportunity to go to a fun place for the summer and earn money. And if he and this girl are meant to be, they will be, the relationship will survive the separation and go on.

Ahh...to be 19 again!!!!

 

[minkydog]

If you haven't already, you should sit your son down and talk to him about condom use and then show him the right way and explain the wrong way to use them to him. He should have that information whether he continues to day this young lady or not.

Rather than tell him he could wind up married at a young age, explain to him that if he gets anyone pregnant he will have a financial obligation until the child is 18 (or 21 depending on the state). In NYS that financial obligation would translate to 17% of his gross pay (less FICA) as well as medical insurance if the court ordered it.

Just whatever you do don't push him. Believe it or not he will get tired of the clingy female all by himself.

As a matter of fact we have had a similar conversation (much to his eternal embarrassment--I'm nurse; I can talk about anything ) My kids grow up knowing how babies are made AND how to prevent them. One of the things I made sure to mention is the fact that raising a baby takes about 20 years, which means he'll be doing that and nothing but that until he's 39. Instead of buying video games and guitar equipment, he'll be spending his cash on Pampers, formula, tennis shoes, and ear infection medicine. Twenty years seems like a very long time to him right now and he knows he's not ready. i think that's the reason he has been reluctant to sleep with his girlfriend(so far--Oy! the things he tells me ) I think he senses the danger.

I promise not to push DS He's a good kid with a lot of people sense. I'm sure he will see the light eventually.

 

[Beth76]

I don't think you're out of line as long as you're not forcing him to do that. I think he'll have a great time. But keep in mind the girlfriend may want to go along and I don't see what you can do about that, if your son wants her to go. Ultimately, he's going to be the one responsible for breaking off the relationship, if that's going to happen. And I agree with the others that say some of the girls on the beach could be even worse. I hope your son ends up doing what he's comfortable with.

 

[minkydog]

I don't think you're out of line as long as you're not forcing him to do that. I think he'll have a great time. But keep in mind the girlfriend may want to go along and I don't see what you can do about that, if your son wants her to go. Ultimately, he's going to be the one responsible for breaking off the relationship, if that's going to happen. And I agree with the others that say some of the girls on the beach could be even worse. I hope your son ends up doing what he's comfortable with.

Very true, and I don't want to orchestrate his love life. If she follows him, then he'll just have to deal with it. I do not like the fact that he stays overnight at her house(with her parents full approval ) but i don't say anything negative. Don't want to give any reason for him to glom onto her more. Right now he lives at home and goes to a local college, but in the fall he plans to transfer to a school about 90min from home and live in the dorm. Hopefully, living at the beach will be just a great good time. My family has been in the Outer Bnaks for over 150 years, so we're related to at least half the natives. I'll have to warn him about kissing cousins

 

[Kae]

I bet he wants to go. I just hope her mother does not help her go with him.

I guess what would freak me out the most is that GF's mom thinks they should live together.

Kae

 

[CamColt]

While I dont think you are wrong to help him get a job, be careful no to push them too far apart.

I know of a similar situation(she wasnt lazy or clingy though) where after years of dating and getting engaged, the mother finally succeeded in breaking up the couple. This mothers biggest fear the whole time they dated was of her son becoming a father. This was 12 years ago. It has recently come to light that this guy now has an 11 year old DD, conceived about 1 month after they broke up. In this case it wasnt the girlfriend who was going to ruin his life, it was the rebound after the break up.