WWYD? Roommate Question

[BeachGirlFLA]

My roommate is very close with his dogs...takes them to work most days, etc. And I have gotten close to them since I got here too...one of them sleeps with me every night (the other one sleeps with him.) He has said that he's so glad he finally has a roommate that he can trust with his dogs, that loves his dogs, etc. And there are times that he's gone for an entire week and leaves the dogs alone with me.
His long-distance girlfriend is staying for two weeks right now and although she pretends to like the dogs when he's around, the second he's gone to work (he's gone a couple of times in the past week without them) or just out of the house, she completely ignores them, shuts them off downstairs, etc. One of his biggest complaints about his other roommates was that one of them ignored the dogs and the other didn't make sure they had enough water, would shut them outside, etc.
Would you say anything to him when she's gone about it (I've pretty much reconciled myself to not say anything unless he asks about her)? I'm not interested in him in the least, before anyone gets the wrong idea. I've got a boyfriend who I'm completely in love with and my roommate is absolutely not my type.

 

[happygirl]

No, I wouldn't he will find out for himself. You might mess up a good roomate deal

 

[anniemae]

I wouldn't say anything unless she is doing something harmful to the dogs, or if your roomate asks you directly what his girlfriend does with the dogs when he leaves. It's not the worst thing in the world if she is not a dog person, and he will most likely find it out for himself. Many animal lovers have great relationships with non-animal lovers.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I'm more worried that they're going to get really serious, he's not going to know anything about how she feels about the dogs, she's going to end up moving in, I might end up losing my place to live, and then she'll show her true colors. It would be one thing if she was up front about not loving the dogs but it's the fakeness that bothers me.

 

[happygirl]

I'm more worried that they're going to get really serious, he's not going to know anything about how she feels about the dogs, she's going to end up moving in and pushing me out, and then she'll show her true colors.

I still wouldn't. Are you afraid if she moves in you will have to move out?

 

[diznygirl]

Ask him if he gave her permission to lock them up downstairs while he is out. Tell him you miss having the dogs around, but you wanted to check with him first before letting them out yourself.

That should be enough.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm more worried that they're going to get really serious, he's not going to know anything about how she feels about the dogs, she's going to end up moving in, I might end up losing my place to live, and then she'll show her true colors. It would be one thing if she was up front about not loving the dogs but it's the fakeness that bothers me.

In that case I would keep quiet. If you say anything about his GF you will be out sooner than you expect.

If he is a dog person he already gets her vibe. Right now he is blind to it. Nothing you can do to make him "see". Love is blind.

 

[GoldieSaysMeep]

Ask him if he gave her permission to lock them up downstairs while he is out. Tell him you miss having the dogs around, but you wanted to check with him first before letting them out yourself.

That should be enough.

I could not sit idly by and watch a friend be lied to by someone they love and just mentioning this is innocent enough to not cause a wave.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

happygirl, yeah after talking to her a little I can see that that's what she would want but it bothers me more to think about losing the dogs (because I really do love them) than to think about losing the place to live. Places around here are easy enough to find. diznygirl, that's a good suggestion.

 

[aristocatz]

My roommate is very close with his dogs...takes them to work most days, etc. And I have gotten close to them since I got here too...one of them sleeps with me every night (the other one sleeps with him.) He has said that he's so glad he finally has a roommate that he can trust with his dogs, that loves his dogs, etc. And there are times that he's gone for an entire week and leaves the dogs alone with me.
His long-distance girlfriend is staying for two weeks right now and although she pretends to like the dogs when he's around, the second he's gone to work (he's gone a couple of times in the past week without them) or just out of the house, she completely ignores them, shuts them off downstairs, etc. One of his biggest complaints about his other roommates was that one of them ignored the dogs and the other didn't make sure they had enough water, would shut them outside, etc.
Would you say anything to him when she's gone about it (I've pretty much reconciled myself to not say anything unless he asks about her)? I'm not interested in him in the least, before anyone gets the wrong idea. I've got a boyfriend who I'm completely in love with and my roommate is absolutely not my type.

I have a ton of roommates experience under my belt (shared dorm rooms, houses, and apartments with over 25 between college & post-college before I moved in with my DF!! ). I say STAY OUT OF IT. It sounds like she's not abusing the dogs, she's just not paying attention to them. The dogs will survive. & if you are worried about her being fake about the dogs-not your problem. He'll figure it out on his own and decide himself if it matters that much. If I were you, I would just check on the dogs' food and water myself & continue to pay attention to them as you usually do. If your roommate ever asks about it, of course be honest, but otherwise I'd just go about your regular business.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

happygirl, yeah after talking to her a little I can see that that's what she would want but it bothers me more to think about losing the dogs (because I really do love them) than to think about losing the place to live. Places around here are easy enough to find. diznygirl, that's a good suggestion.

Well if you don't care about getting booted out then I suppose you can say something.

However once you do you will have that weird thing where you will appear jealous. Now I know you are only thinking of the dogs however I am sure that it will twist into that somehow.

 

[Ilivetogo]

Ask him if he gave her permission to lock them up downstairs while he is out. Tell him you miss having the dogs around, but you wanted to check with him first before letting them out yourself.

That should be enough.

I also like this idea. A simple and innocent inquiry on your part. I'm like you ... I'd rather that he knows they're locked up, etc.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

Okay, I'll stay out of it unless directly asked or if I ever see her do anything that's actually abusive to the dogs. Then, there will be an immediate phone call to him. One of them has already escaped for an hour due to something that was completely her fault and I didn't say anything at the time except "I thought you took him out on his leash" to which she replied "I did but when I came back in the door wouldn't close but I thought it was closed enough that he couldn't get out since I couldn't get it open." I definitely thought it was a pretty stupid statement (considering their sizes and strengths and the fact that it's a sliding glass door) and she should have come and gotten one of us if she couldn't get the door closed instead of just leaving it like that but I didn't say a word.
And even though diznygirl gave a good suggestion, locking them downstairs is actually locking them downstairs with me so it doesn't actually work in this situation.

 

[happygirl]

happygirl, yeah after talking to her a little I can see that that's what she would want but it bothers me more to think about losing the dogs (because I really do love them) than to think about losing the place to live. Places around here are easy enough to find. diznygirl, that's a good suggestion.

I think you like the dogs but I think you like him as well.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

happygirl, no I'm really not interested in him in the least in that way. He's a sweet guy but he's like a big brother to me, not a romantic interest. He's had a couple of other girls home since I've lived here and I liked both of them. Actually, I like this woman for the most part. It's only the thing with the dogs and the fact that she seems a little controlling that bother me.

 

[aristocatz]

happygirl, no I'm really not interested in him in the least in that way. He's a sweet guy but he's like a big brother to me, not a romantic interest. He's had a couple of other girls home since I've lived here and I liked both of them. Actually, I like this woman for the most part. It's only the thing with the dogs and the fact that she seems a little controlling that bother me.

I understand I've lived with alot of guys (I'm a girl) & many became like big brothers to me & we tended to really look out for each other when we lived together.

I think you are going the right route. IF she does anything abusive to the dogs, I would be on the phone with your roommate ASAP, otherwise let it run it's course but continue to love the dogs the way you usually do.

 

[happygirl]

happygirl, no I'm really not interested in him in the least in that way. He's a sweet guy but he's like a big brother to me, not a romantic interest. He's had a couple of other girls home since I've lived here and I liked both of them. Actually, I like this woman for the most part. It's only the thing with the dogs and the fact that she seems a little controlling that bother me.

Okay, He will figure out on his own. my guess is sooner then later

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I understand I've lived with alot of guys (I'm a girl) & many became like big brothers to me & we tended to really look out for each other when we lived together.

I think you are going the right route. IF she does anything abusive to the dogs, I would be on the phone with your roommate ASAP, otherwise let it run it's course but continue to love the dogs the way you usually do.

Thank you, aristocatz. If anything, he was the one that originally made a pass at me and I'm the one who shot it down. He was overseas for two weeks and when he came back, he asked me if I missed him. I knew exactly who he was talking to but asked if he was talking to one of the dogs. I felt like that was the best way to defuse the situation. And when he said that he was talking to me, I told him I had had plenty of company while he was gone. Since then, we've settled into the big brother/little sister thing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would let it sound like an innocent remark "Oh, it's so nice of insert GF's name here to put the dogs downstairs with me after you leave for work. She must know I love having them around".

I wouldn't be able to let a friend go on thinking that his Miss Wonderful was so wonderful. And yes, I've done it with guy friends and with girl friends. And yes, they've gotten amd at me. And yes, they have gotten over it. I do generally try to underplay it though...make it seem like a compliment when it's really a statement of warning...it's all in how you "spin" it.

 

[aristocatz]

Thank you, aristocatz. If anything, he was the one that originally made a pass at me and I'm the one who shot it down. He was overseas for two weeks and when he came back, he asked me if I missed him. I knew exactly who he was talking to but asked if he was talking to one of the dogs. I felt like that was the best way to defuse the situation. And when he said that he was talking to me, I told him I had had plenty of company while he was gone. Since then, we've settled into the big brother/little sister thing.

Smart girl, not getting involved with him Do you live with just him or do you live with other people as well?

When I was in my early 20's, I made a few mistakes with one or two roommates & realized it was better to not get involved because it only leads to trouble......Of course, then I ended up meeting my DF as my roommate 2 years ago! I broke my own rule, but I don't think it always works out that well!!!!

I'll tell you though, some of my best friends were/are those who I met as roommates. You really get close to people in those situations, friend-wise. Hang on to this friend & if he figures out on his own that this girl is not right for him (if she isn't), be there for him then. Right now I think if you stepped in it might just cause tension & defensiveness from him.