WWYD? Roommate Question

[BeachGirlFLA]

Disney Doll, thanks....I couldn't think of a way to make a remark like the one diznygirl made with the way things are set up but that one's absolutely perfect.
Aristocatz, it's just me and him. The other reason I didn't get involved with him is that like I said before, I have a boyfriend and my roommate is fully aware of that and asks me tons of questions about my relationship with him.

 

[DisneyBlonde]

Ask him if he gave her permission to lock them up downstairs while he is out. Tell him you miss having the dogs around, but you wanted to check with him first before letting them out yourself.

That should be enough.

that's what I'd do. I wouldn't be able to not say anything...

 

[RadioNate]

I think you like the dogs but I think you like him as well.

That is also the impression I got.

OP unless you want this guy to think you are into him I wouldn't say anything. You risk sounding jealous and like you are looking for petty reasons to not like the girlfriends. I believe you when you say is isn't that way BUT it very much comes across as that and I think it will to him too!

She isn't abusing the dogs, she just isn't a dog person. I'm not a dog person at all and my DH (who is) knows this. He'll learn with out you busy bodying your way into the situation.

As long as she isn't hurting or abusing the dogs behind his back then there is nothing to be said.

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree with the others - she's not abusing the dogs, she's just not that into them. Heck, when DH and I were dating, I actually got him to believe that I liked camping! Now that we are married (and have been for 14 years), we rent an air conditioned cabin with a full bath and kitchen. I feel a little bad that I talked him into that $500 tent, but the kids enjoy it. He was in a band, and I spent many late nights sitting in NYC bars, pretending to love being out at 2 am on a Thursday night. He wouldn't even think to ask me to attend one of his 9 pm volleyball games!

 

[DisneyBlonde]

The point is not that the dogs aren't being abused but that she's misrepresenting herself...being sweet to the dogs when roommate is around and being indifferent towards them when he's not. She's misleading him.

 

[disykat]

Unless she's misrepresenting herself about other things and/or mistreating the dogs I don't see it as a big deal.

I love my dog to the point of being made fun of by my friends sometimes for it.

However, right now we are pet sitting. I'm am not attached to these dogs the same way. Sometimes I play with them and love on them, other times they're in my way and I stick them outside. I'm certainly not abusing them. I don't feel like fussing over them at times and ignoring them at others is that unusual.

 

[Darsa]

Newp, doesn't really sound to me as though there's any love interest there, other than love of the doggies

I hope this works out and he realizes that she's not a dog person!

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

I also realize I don't understand people who aren't dog lovers because I have always been a dog lover. I was the type of kid who would have someone tell me their dog didn't like strangers and ten minutes later would have the dog snuggled up on my lap and that never changed as an adult. My mom described it as "you have never seen dogs as inferior creatures but just furry humans that can't speak English." My first reaction to someone who doesn't like dogs is that there's something wrong with them (I know it's not true but it's a bias that I have.) That's why I came here to ask you guys the question rather than asking the people in my life who I already know are dog lovers.

 

[ols386]

If it were me, I'd certainly tell him about how the girlfriend acts towards the dogs when he leaves. I can't stand people who mis-treat animals, especially dogs, and on top of that, the g/f isn't being honest with him. I just wouldn't be with someone who I knew mis-treated my dogs....but that's just me.

 

[Nie0214]

If there's one thing I've learned about relationships in my short lifetime, it's don't get involved in other people's relationships.

I'd say nothing. If he's really into this girl, he won't believe you. If he's not, he might think you've kindled a flame for him.

Just butt out.

 

[wall*e2008]

I would keep my mouth shut. It is not your place to get between them.

 

[RadioNate]

If it were me, I'd certainly tell him about how the girlfriend acts towards the dogs when he leaves. I can't stand people who mis-treat animals, especially dogs, and on top of that, the g/f isn't being honest with him. I just wouldn't be with someone who I knew mis-treated my dogs....but that's just me.

But she isn't mistreating them. She just isn't all crazy lovey to them. OP correct me if I am wrong but you are presenting an indifferent person not an abusive person.

She locked them downstairs, which I assume is a safe environment for the dogs. She isn't beating them with sticks or anything.

They have food/water she just isn't "babying" them.

There is nothing wrong with or weird about not being a dog person. I don't really like dogs, I certainly don't want to own one BUT I wouldn't mistreat a dog. I'm not going to hit or kick or hurt a dog. I even let my neighbors dog out when they are running late coming home from work. Some people aren't comfortable around dogs.

Maybe the girlfriend has never owned a dog, didn't grow up with dogs, so she is uncomfortable caring for them on her own and the roommate told her to keep them downstairs. The fact is that no one knows what they discussed in private.

 

[aristocatz]

There is nothing wrong with or weird about not being a dog person. I don't really like dogs, I certainly don't want to own one BUT I wouldn't mistreat a dog. I'm not going to hit or kick or hurt a dog. I even let my neighbors dog out when they are running late coming home from work. Some people aren't comfortable around dogs.

Maybe the girlfriend has never owned a dog, didn't grow up with dogs, so she is uncomfortable caring for them on her own and the roommate told her to keep them downstairs. The fact is that no one knows what they discussed in private.

I agree. I used to not be a "cat person." I would always ignore them at friends' houses & even if former roommates had them. I even downright disliked one I used to live with-just an annoying troublesome cat. I always grew up around dogs & was more partial to them....then one of my friends adopted 2 kitten sisters & I fell in love with them Got to watch them grow up and just became hooked. Now I have two cats of my own & I just couldn't live without them!

Maybe this girl will warm up over time or maybe not. I agree with the poster I quoted. I don't think the OP was saying she mis-treats the dogs in any way. She just doesn't pay much mind to them. I'm sure the dogs get plenty of attention and affection from the OP & from the OP's roommate.

 

[okeydokey]

I would stay out of it.

What's so bad about her not loving dogs. If they were to get serious would he end it if she admitted she wasn't a dog person? If she tolerates the dogs and they are both satisfied with that arrangement then it should work out fine.

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

She's not mistreating them...or at least I haven't seen her do so so I'll assume she's not. She's just definitely indifferent. And yes, they get plenty of attention from my roommate and myself. My roommate has even teased me about "stealing" his dog (the one that sleeps with me every night now.) They get extremely jealous both of each other and when my boyfriend comes to see me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my former roommate used to give me a hard time about my boyfriend because in her opinion, he didn't do enough for me. Since I absolutely adore him, all that did was make me dislike her (and he does a lot for me....just not the things she thought he should.) I don't want to be like she was so I will stay out of it. Besides, with some of the things she has done to try to change his life in the week she's been here she might end up pressuring him to give up the one that I'm closest to if she pushes him into making me leave (j/k, mostly.) Since she's been here, she's had a carpet cleaning person and maids in to clean up his house without asking him first....which to me, seemed really nice but when I brought it up to one of my guy friends, he said that he'd those things as major warning flags since they've only been seeing each other for three months.
OTOH, I kind of had been thinking of it this way. She has a son. What if he was pretending to be a kid person and he wasn't or pretending to like her son and he didn't? To him, the dogs are like his kids.

 

[ols386]

But she isn't mistreating them. She just isn't all crazy lovey to them. OP correct me if I am wrong but you are presenting an indifferent person not an abusive person.

She locked them downstairs, which I assume is a safe environment for the dogs. She isn't beating them with sticks or anything.

They have food/water she just isn't "babying" them.

There is nothing wrong with or weird about not being a dog person. I don't really like dogs, I certainly don't want to own one BUT I wouldn't mistreat a dog. I'm not going to hit or kick or hurt a dog. I even let my neighbors dog out when they are running late coming home from work. Some people aren't comfortable around dogs.

Maybe the girlfriend has never owned a dog, didn't grow up with dogs, so she is uncomfortable caring for them on her own and the roommate told her to keep them downstairs. The fact is that no one knows what they discussed in private.

Anyone who isn't a dog person is evil!

No, I'm just kiddin'. I understand what you are saying.

But I do think that g/f isn't being honest with the guy, and that stinks. But I guess eventually, he'll figure it out.

 

[happygirl]

She's not mistreating them...or at least I haven't seen her do so so I'll assume she's not. She's just definitely indifferent. And yes, they get plenty of attention from my roommate and myself. My roommate has even teased me about "stealing" his dog (the one that sleeps with me every night now.) They get extremely jealous both of each other and when my boyfriend comes to see me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my former roommate used to give me a hard time about my boyfriend because in her opinion, he didn't do enough for me. Since I absolutely adore him, all that did was make me dislike her (and he does a lot for me....just not the things she thought he should.) I don't want to be like she was so I will stay out of it.
OTOH, I kind of had been thinking of it this way. She has a son. What if he was pretending to be a kid person and he wasn't or pretending to like her son and he didn't? To him, the dogs are like his kids.

That is up to them. He will either catch on quick or not. I know it's hard on you. It's really okay if she not a doggie person. and he is opposite attrack sp?

 

[aristocatz]

She's not mistreating them...or at least I haven't seen her do so so I'll assume she's not. She's just definitely indifferent. And yes, they get plenty of attention from my roommate and myself. My roommate has even teased me about "stealing" his dog (the one that sleeps with me every night now.) They get extremely jealous both of each other and when my boyfriend comes to see me.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my former roommate used to give me a hard time about my boyfriend because in her opinion, he didn't do enough for me. Since I absolutely adore him, all that did was make me dislike her (and he does a lot for me....just not the things she thought he should.) I don't want to be like she was so I will stay out of it. Besides, with some of the things she has done to try to change his life in the week she's been here she might end up pressuring him to give up the one that I'm closest to if she pushes him into making me leave (j/k, mostly.) Since she's been here, she's had a carpet cleaning person and maids in to clean up his house without asking him first....which to me, seemed really nice but when I brought it up to one of my guy friends, he said that he'd those things as major warning flags since they've only been seeing each other for three months.
OTOH, I kind of had been thinking of it this way. She has a son. What if he was pretending to be a kid person and he wasn't or pretending to like her son and he didn't? To him, the dogs are like his kids.

They have only been dating for 3 months and she is hiring carpet cleaners and maids??? Yikes! Your guy friends are right-major red flags!!!

 

[BeachGirlFLA]

They have only been dating for 3 months and she is hiring carpet cleaners and maids??? Yikes! Your guy friends are right-major red flags!!!

Are you serious or joking? Because, I can still see it as a nice thing to do....but I kind of can see their point a little bit (probably less than I see it as being a nice thing to do....like a hostess gift if you're staying somewhere for a while. OTOH, I can't imagine doing that for my boyfriend and we've been together for two years and known each other for five.)

 

[Nie0214]

Are you serious or joking? Because, I can still see it as a nice thing to do....but I kind of can see their point a little bit (probably less than I see it as being a nice thing to do....like a hostess gift if you're staying somewhere for a while. OTOH, I can't imagine doing that for my boyfriend and we've been together for two years and known each other for five.)

I agree that's a red-flag. It's basically screaming "High maintenance-can't be laid back-needs to control the little things".