WWYD? Pregnant teen at my DD's high school pestering my DD..........

[Tiger926]

I don't believe we're better than Susie. I was responding to all of the posts that were made in Susie's defense --- trying to stick up for my child who has made good choices so far and would like to continue to do so.

I'm not worried about Susie's influence on my daughter -- I'm confident that my daughter has a good head on her shoulders and will make good choices. I'm just annoyed by the fact that she's trying to make this *planned* teen pregnancy appealing to other young girls.

In some posts, I'm criticized for not wanting to help Susie, and in others, I'm criticized for butting in.

I know Susie's life will not be "wonderful". I mentioned that because that's what SHE says to my DD -- how great it is to be a young mom living off the system.

But as a teacher do you not hear ridiculous things everyday? Susie has no idea what her life is going to be like, so she has no choice but to convince herself and others that it's going to be great. Susie's world is about to change forever, so if your daughter is a child who makes positive choices, then you have nothing to worry about. I'm sure your daughter knows that Susie's choice to get pregnant was not a good one, and so you discuss that with your daughter and move on.

When you read all of your posts though, it really does sound like you are bothered by the very existence of Susie and her bad choices and the possible influence it may have on your daughter. I don't think you need to worry about such things, as it sounds like your daughter is not anywhere in the same life station as Susie.

Hopefully you and your daughter have had some good discussions about this in terms of positive choices, consequences of actions, etc.

Tiger

 

[CurlyGirl]

I graduated in the heck year of 1983. I did not say I went to school with those grade divisions, I said years ago it was divided that way--should have said in "some areas".

Well with all those years ago, you made it sound like you graduated in the 1800's! That's why I asked!

 

[CurlyGirl]

But as a teacher do you not hear ridiculous things everyday?

I'm not a teacher but I hear ridiculous things coming from teens mouths all the time! Between my nieces and nephews, the neighbors kids, the kids at the mall ... there's a whole lotta crazy talk going on out there!

 

[Caropooh]

What the heck year did you graduate in? My mom graduated in like 1965 and 9th grade was freshman in high school. She went from K-5 in one school, then 6-8 in middle school, then 9-12 in high school. Both nephews are in the same type of "track" although one is out of state.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

I went to school in Southern California, graduated high school in 1979. Our elementary school was K-6, junior high school was 7-9 and high school was 10-12. I live in Washington state now and up until 6 years ago our district was the same way. (K-6, 7-9, 10-12)

 

[luvflorida]

Another one here that went to a high school that was 10th, 11th and 12th grades.

I graduated high school in 1973. Yeah, I'm old. I grew up in Maryland and all the schools were set up the same way. Elementary school was K-6. Junior high was 7th-9th grade and high school was 10th-12th.

 

[Hannathy]

Where I grew up and graduated we had Jr Hi which was 7,89th grades and sr. Hi which was 10-12. Now we were also the baby boomers and busting the seams so they came up with the ingenious idea to build a new school and call it an intermediate school. So I had the pleasure of going to 7,8, 9th in jr hi then they opened the new school so I went there 10th then Sr hi for 11-12.

So now the schools are Jr hi 7-8 intermediate hi 9-10 and Sr. hi 11-12

where I live now the High schools are 9-12

 

[lisateaches]

I think pestering is the right choice in words. I think you are doing what you should be doing by listening and talking to your daughter. If it gets worse or your daughter feels cornered, then you may need to have your daughter take a more serious "stance". Maybe more obvious ignoring if it gets anymore inappropriate. As far as the person that commented about you feeling better, well, I think we all feel that are choices are better. I do not want my daughters to make a choice to get pregnant as a teen because of the welfare. Therefore, if my daughters were not making those choices and others were, I'd feel my daughters were better based on our personal values. It doesn't mean in the grand scheme of things they are better, but the coin of "good girl" and "bad girl" were coined for a reason. I'm sure people will disagree with me because we have the right to express our feelings. Thankful for that.

 

[Luv'sTink]

It never ceases to amaze how many parents think once your child reaches high school it is time to stick your head in the sand and pretend like that they no longer need a parent.

I could have sworn we as parents are responsible for our children until they reach the age of 18.

Oh and while we are on the subject, someone want to tell the school that I do not need to sign all those class room rules that were sent home from each high school class my son attends because it's none of my business what he does in school or life at 14, thanks so much!

P..I wouldn't go to the counselor I would talk to your daughter about it not being a good idea to have a child while still a minor.

 

[spacemountainmom]

You really don't want to know what 14 year olds are talking about. I work in a middle school and have been asked some VERY inappropriate questions by the students and I am a 43 year old woman.

I've pretty much heard anything you can imagine. Your kids are hearing it too, much more I am sure. You can only trust in the fact that you've raised your kids to not fall prey to the bad stuff.

 

[hambirg]

My DD is 14 and a freshman in high school in our small town. She is somewhat of a "late bloomer" -- she doesn't wear makeup, has never had a boyfriend, she's bookish and quiet. There's a pregnant sophomore in a couple of her classes, and she sits next to the girl ("Susie") in one of her classes. Since this is a small town, and I'm a teacher, DD and Susie know each other. They're not friends, but they are acquainted.

Susie is constantly talking to DD about her pregnancy. She asks if DD wants to feel the baby kick (she doesn't). She gushes about how awesome it will be to stay home and be with the baby when it's born. She asks opinions on baby names.

When DD told me about this, I sympathized with Susie a bit. Especially since I know her. I told DD to be nice, since Susie is probably actually scared and maybe a little embarrassed, and is trying to make up for that.

But then this week, Susie asked DD if she wanted a baby. DD responded that she would like to be a mother, but not until she has finished college and gotten married. Susie said it's so much easier to be a younger mom, and that welfare pays for so much, and there are so many boys that DD could "hook up with" if she wanted to get pregnant.

Remember -- my DD has never even held hands with a boy! Should I say something to school counselors? DD isn't assertive enough to tell Susie to back off. But I think she's being wildly inappropriate!

I think that's your problem right there.

ETA- I just asked my DD15 what she would do. She said she would tell "Susie," "Hell no! I don't want to :rhymes with buck: up my life." There's no reason your DD14 can't express her own feelings about it. If she's not assertive enough now, she's not going to magically learn to be at 18. JMHO

 

[YodaGirl]

I think that's your problem right there.

ETA- I just asked my DD15 what she would do. She said she would tell "Susie," "Hell no! I don't want to :rhymes with buck: up my life." There's no reason your DD14 can't express her own feelings about it. If she's not assertive enough now, she's not going to magically learn to be at 18. JMHO

 

[EMom]

I think that's your problem right there.

ETA- I just asked my DD15 what she would do. She said she would tell "Susie," "Hell no! I don't want to :rhymes with buck: up my life." There's no reason your DD14 can't express her own feelings about it. If she's not assertive enough now, she's not going to magically learn to be at 18. JMHO

Yeah......At 14, I would have tried to be polite at first, saying pretty much what the OP's DD did. (Want to go to college first, etc.) If she kept in yakking at me, trying to convince me of the benefits of hooking up, getting knocked up, etc., then I'd have gotten irritated and told her I didn't live off welfare the rest of my life and that I intended to do better than that. Most of the DISers would probably say that was mean. I'd say it was what you get for talking up all the "positive" aspects of getting pregnant at 14 and how great it is to live off welfare and NOT taking the hint when someone politely tries to tell you they have another life plan.

 

[YodaGirl]

You really don't want to know what 14 year olds are talking about. I work in a middle school and have been asked some VERY inappropriate questions by the students and I am a 43 year old woman.

I've pretty much heard anything you can imagine. Your kids are hearing it too, much more I am sure. You can only trust in the fact that you've raised your kids to not fall prey to the bad stuff.

I agree.

I was a seventh grader in 92-93. Even then people were talking about sex.

 

[Poohforyou]

OP, no one here is saying a 16 yo getting pregnant and encouraging other girls to do the same is appropriate. What many of us are saying is that Susie's condition is not a concern of yours but how it impacts your daughter is.

If your daughter is unable to stand up for herself that is something you seriously need to work on. This isn't the last wildly inappropriate situation she'll find herself exposed to. You aren't doing her any favors by not arming her with the tools necessary to survive HS.

I graduated in 1980 and there were kids back then doing wildly inappropriate things. It isn't anything new. Oh, and our schools were k-6, 7-8, 9-12.

 

[OceanAnnie]

Now, based on these responses, I see that my instincts were right...

Lots of judgment and condescending statements in these responses. Why the sarcasm?

You do feel that you and your daughter are better than Susie, and that is exactly why you wanted to run to the counsellor, IMHO. You are worried about your daughter and the influence Susie may have on her. Why not go to the counsellor in order to help Susie? Why are you both putting down and gossiping about Susie?

Clearly you don't know much about teen pregnancies...most of them do not have "wonderful" lives...on the contrary. Reality is going to hit her hard when that baby is born, and based on my vast experiences with teen parents, that dad is probably going to run for the hills, and she will be left alone to care for that baby. She may have to go on assistance, children's protective services might be involved, etc. Even if her parents are involved, reality is going to be a heavy burden for them, and the family dynamic in that household is going to change forever once that baby is born.

A wonderful life it more than likely is not going to be, due to a baby having a baby...

I think your world was infringed upon a bit by Susie's world, which clearly is vastly different. You have made the point that your daughter is innocent, very smart and a late bloomer. Why? Because I think you are worried about Susie's influence on her. If not, then I apologize, but I can't figure out any other reason for a parent to have these kinds of responses towards the situation as you have presented.

Susie's "wonderful" life is going to change forever in a few weeks when that baby is born, and that is what you as a mom should be discussing with your daughter.

Tiger

Susie already has a plan. She is going to live off of benefits. It sounded like she was bragging about it from the way the OP described it. People are going to judge that and not too favorably. Especially in light that Susie is encouraging others to do the same.

I don't believe we're better than Susie. I was responding to all of the posts that were made in Susie's defense --- trying to stick up for my child who has made good choices so far and would like to continue to do so.

I'm not worried about Susie's influence on my daughter -- I'm confident that my daughter has a good head on her shoulders and will make good choices. I'm just annoyed by the fact that she's trying to make this *planned* teen pregnancy appealing to other young girls.

In some posts, I'm criticized for not wanting to help Susie, and in others, I'm criticized for butting in.

I know Susie's life will not be "wonderful". I mentioned that because that's what SHE says to my DD -- how great it is to be a young mom living off the system.

I understood exactly what you stated.

Susie was the one bragging about how great her life is going to be and encouraging the OP's DD to do the same. And the OP is wrong to have a reaction to that?

That's crazy talk.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Op - Prepare your daughter for the world, don't try to prepare the world for your daughter.

There are a million Susies in the world. Your daughter will be influenced, pressured and tempted for the rest of her life. Use every one of the situations that you are aware of as a teaching experience so she has the morals to make the right choice when the situations you are not aware of come around.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think that's your problem right there.

ETA- I just asked my DD15 what she would do. She said she would tell "Susie," "Hell no! I don't want to :rhymes with buck: up my life." There's no reason your DD14 can't express her own feelings about it. If she's not assertive enough now, she's not going to magically learn to be at 18. JMHO

That would have been my older dd's response.

My youngest dd is also a freshman in HS this yr. However her responses would be more like, I am NEVER having children, ever.

Pregnancy is the least of my worries. My dd currently has to listen to the "daily who is high or drunk report" in health class.

Interesting enough there are NO pregnant kids in my dd's HS AND she had NONE in middle school. Frankly I am amazed.

 

[MichelleVW]

It never ceases to amaze how many parents think once your child reaches high school it is time to stick your head in the sand and pretend like that they no longer need a parent.

I could have sworn we as parents are responsible for our children until they reach the age of 18.

Oh and while we are on the subject, someone want to tell the school that I do not need to sign all those class room rules that were sent home from each high school class my son attends because it's none of my business what he does in school or life at 14, thanks so much!

P..I wouldn't go to the counselor I would talk to your daughter about it not being a good idea to have a child while still a minor.

Lol...no one is saying that she shouldn't listen to her daughter. But we are saying it's not a big deal to get all flustered about it. The OP's DD may be just amazed at the things the ding dong girls says and wants to share a laugh with her mom about how dumb this girl appears to be. I live in small town conservative Bible belt Texas and my DD's are military brats who are very liberal. My youngest used to come home and tell me all about the heated debates she had with her friends in class about homosexuality, abortion, etc....maybe the other kids parents were bothered because she had a difference of opinion?

I think that's your problem right there.

ETA- I just asked my DD15 what she would do. She said she would tell "Susie," "Hell no! I don't want to :rhymes with buck: up my life." There's no reason your DD14 can't express her own feelings about it. If she's not assertive enough now, she's not going to magically learn to be at 18. JMHO

Exactly...that's what my girls would have done!

 

[Swan4Me]

My kids never had to face this either-no pregnant kids at their HS either
I would encourage her to find other friends at school

Back in the olden days when i was in HS-a pregnant girl had to leave school and be home tutored

 

[Tuffcookie]

Am I the only one on the board that thinks it IS her business? It's HER daughter that Little Miss TeenMomToBe is giving get pregnant hints to.

Yeah, she might be lonely and sad, that doesn't give her license to try and talk another kid into getting pregnant with her, does it? Her sad circumstance makes it okay preach about how great it is to "hook up" and get pregnant?

As a mother, that would bother me. I wouldn't go to a counselor, but I WOULD talk to my daughter to explain what she's done isn't "okay" or "right" and I would talk to her about how to shut the girl down when she talked about it by changing the subject and making it clear that's not how she wants to live her life.

To say it's none of the mother's business is just dead wrong to me. The girl has come to the mom with a problem, mom should help her learn how to deal with it.

I have not read all the pages of this thread but I agree with the above.

While I feel sorry that the pregnant girl is in this predicament, she has no business encouraging another girl to follow suit!

I WOULD BRING IT TO THE ATTENTION OF THE COUNSELLOR!

TC