WWYD? Pregnant teen at my DD's high school pestering my DD..........

[bumbershoot]

Am I the only one on the board that thinks it IS her business? It's HER daughter that Little Miss TeenMomToBe is giving get pregnant hints to.
....
To say it's none of the mother's business is just dead wrong to me. The girl has come to the mom with a problem, mom should help her learn how to deal with it.

I'm with you.

I didn't have anywhere *near* this problem, but a supposed friend was saying horrid things to me, and you bet your bippy I went to my mom and expected her to help! She called the other girl's mom, and it stopped completely. And thank goodness, because I was shy and nervous and had NO idea how to make this girl stop.

Growing up is a continuum. I don't believe in the "throw off the dock" method of parenting. I believe in helping until no help is needed, and watching the child's needs change and their requests change.

The OP's daughter is asking for help. The OP is allowed to help.

And I think the girl's mom should know what her daughter is talking about. I bet, if this girl had yet another friend whispering in her ear before she got pregnant, that the girl's mom would have LOVED to know what the other was saying...

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

It's all well and good to think she wants a friend, but if dd is as inexperienced in dealing with people as it sounds, no, I do not think a friendship (past being nice to her and speaking with her in class and at school) would be a good idea.

It's not a good idea to let a naive 14 year old get too buddy buddy with a pregnant 16 year old "woman". Sorry. That's how I see it. I think there is far too much trouble that could be caused by that.

You need some pregnant 16 year old talking to your 14 year old about how to easily get pregnant why???

So I wouldn't go for the buddybuddy/good friend/counselor thing here. Not for either of my daughters anyway.

 

[CurlyGirl]

Am I the only one on the board that thinks it IS her business? It's HER daughter that Little Miss TeenMomToBe is giving get pregnant hints to.

It's the OP's business to inform her daughter on the realities of being a teen mom, of waiting to have sex, about protection, etc. And it's the OP's business to teach her child how to stand up for herself and how to not bow to peer pressure. This is the perfect time to teach the peer pressure lesson to the child.

Yeah, she might be lonely and sad, that doesn't give her license to try and talk another kid into getting pregnant with her, does it? Her sad circumstance makes it okay preach about how great it is to "hook up" and get pregnant?.

Somewhere, on some other message board, there's the mom of a pregnant teen complaining that some teen in her pregnant DD's class was telling her DD about her college plans. She's probably writing how that hurt her DD's feelings since she's in this predicament and college is probably a long way off for her and how dare the girl try to entice her poor pregnant DD with thoughts of college.

OP - use this as a great lesson in NOT giving into peer pressure and teaching your DD how to be strong and tell a kid to back off.

This teen has enough to deal with being pregnant in a small town without having to deal with parents and counselors coming down on her.

Adding that keeping a friendship to within the classroom wouldn't be a problem for me. I wouldn't want the friendship to go beyond that.

 

[Wishing on a star]

PS: YES, i do am in the camp that feels that this girl is alone, somewhat scared, looking for all the 'positives' in her situation, trying to alleviate any negative attention, etc.... Looking for a friend.

But, clearly, for a 14 year old girl, your 14 year old daughter, it is, indeed, very inappropriate to think that she should be a friend, confidant, helpmeet, etc, to a young teen mother.

I really feel for this girl....

Just be sure that your daughter does NOT get caught up in any 'florence nightingale' type situation or feelings.

Your daughter might need your coaching and permission to draw some lines with this girl

Unassertive girls sometimes get caught up in the 'be nice and be friend' kind of thing. And, in this case, NOT a good idea.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

It's the OP's business to inform her daughter on the realities of being a teen mom, of waiting to have sex, about protection, etc. And it's the OP's business to teach her child how to stand up for herself and how to not bow to peer pressure. This is the perfect time to teach the peer pressure lesson to the child.


Somewhere, on some other message board, there's the mom of a pregnant teen complaining that some teen in her pregnant DD's class was telling her DD about her college plans. She's probably writing how that hurt her DD's feelings since she's in this predicament and college is probably a long way off for her and how dare the girl try to entice her poor pregnant DD with thoughts of college.

OP - use this as a great lesson in NOT giving into peer pressure and teaching your DD how to be strong and tell a kid to back off.

This teen has enough to deal with being pregnant in a small town without having to deal with parents and counselors coming down on her.

Talking about college plans is a far cry from telling a 14 year she should go out and get pregnant because it's easy. Besides the pregnant girl asked her a question, DD answered it.

I also said nothing about having counselors and parents come down on her.

 

[Coconut36]

It's all well and good to think she wants a friend, but if dd is as inexperienced in dealing with people as it sounds, no, I do not think a friendship (past being nice to her and speaking with her in class and at school) would be a good idea.

It's not a good idea to let a naive 14 year old get too buddy buddy with a pregnant 16 year old "woman". Sorry. That's how I see it. I think there is far too much trouble that could be caused by that.

You need some pregnant 16 year old talking to your 14 year old about how to easily get pregnant why???

So I wouldn't go for the buddybuddy/good friend/counselor thing here. Not for either of my daughters anyway.

I am not sure I understand your post. I think many of us said we felt the young girl was just reaching out to try to make a friend and responding to the OP asking if she should speak to the school counselor..not suggesting at all the DD should become best buds with this girl but that her behavior (aside from the "teen pregnancy is great/easy") isn't wildly inappropriate and worthy of her running off to complain to the school counselor about it. I can see talking to the counselor simply to suggest that the girl might benefit from a support group but not to "complain" about her.

Also..at 14 I would think the kid can handle themselves and it is most certainly a teaching moment for the parent regarding what the girl said but I also hope my children grow to be compassionate people and wouldn't be rude to someone who obviously was reaching out to them. There are ways to not exclude/ignore/be rude without becoming their best friend.

 

[MrsDuck]

This is how it sounds to me too. If your daughter continues to act disinterested in Susie's goings on Susie will probably get bored and move on to someone else.

This.

 

[CurlyGirl]

IMHO, the unfortunate fact here is that 14 years old is considered high school. ( Wasn't that way where and when I was in school)
And, yes some 14 year old kids are still young, un-assertive, etc...

At age 14, you're in 9th grade. 9th graders are freshman. High school is grades 9-12 (Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, Senior). What year is considered high school when you were growing up? Even when my mom was in school, 9th grade was high school.

 

[TwinsinCA]

I think you should encourage your daughter to ask for a change of seats. That might cut down on some of the chatter.

 

[Coconut36]

At age 14, you're in 9th grade. 9th graders are freshman. High school is grades 9-12 (Freshman, Sophomore, Junior, Senior). What year is considered high school when you were growing up? Even when my mom was in school, 9th grade was high school.

I was trying to figure that out too. Based on the age cut offs a high school freshman generally starts the year at 14 and ends it at 15.

Maybe the poster was equating 14 with an 8th grader..but they are generally 13 going in, ending the year 14 (again..in general. I have a summer birthday kid so he will enter and end the year the same age..8th grade he will enter at 13 and end at 13..turn 14 over the summer and go into Freshman year at 14).

 

[Tiger926]

Exactly what I suggested.

Yes, I know you did. Sorry, as I didn't meant to quote you above.

I'll edit that out.

I do agree that it's OP's job to talk to her daughter about this big subject, but not to talk to the other girl or a counsellor.

Tiger

 

[Buckalew11]

Years ago, JR High was 7th, 8th, and 9th. HS was 10th, 11, and 12th.

hot damn, I shoulda said, "Years ago, some schools had JR High and some had Middle School. It may have been a regional thing and it may not have been regional. Most of the time, if 9th grade was not part of HS, it was added to 7 and 8 and called JR High. Middle is usually 6, 7 and 8 OR 7 and 8."

 

[Uncle Remus]

Tell your daughter Susie's an idiot.

Here's how ya deal with idiots when they talk to ya:

http://gifsoup.com/view/2585013/bobbing-head.html

 

[CurlyGirl]

Talking about college plans is a far cry from telling a 14 year she should go out and get pregnant because it's easy. Besides the pregnant girl asked her a question, DD answered it.

Obviously you do NOT get what I was getting at. Here's one mother horrified that a girl told her DD that it's cool to get pregnant.

Somewhere else in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD, there is probably another mother who is upset that some RANDOM kid was talking about college to her prego DD who might've dreamed about college but will never get to go.

Where did I ever say it's the same or close!?

I also said nothing about having counselors and parents come down on her.

Never said you did.

 

[LuvsDragonflies]

I am not sure I understand your post. I think many of us said we felt the young girl was just reaching out to try to make a friend and responding to the OP asking if she should speak to the school counselor..not suggesting at all the DD should become best buds with this girl but that her behavior (aside from the "teen pregnancy is great/easy") isn't wildly inappropriate and worthy of her running off to complain to the school counselor about it. I can see talking to the counselor simply to suggest that the girl might benefit from a support group but not to "complain" about her.

Also..at 14 I would think the kid can handle themselves and it is most certainly a teaching moment for the parent regarding what the girl said but I also hope my children grow to be compassionate people and wouldn't be rude to someone who obviously was reaching out to them. There are ways to not exclude/ignore/be rude without becoming their best friend.

ITA, someone was saying that she should befriend the girl and possibly help her. Um, no. Being nice is good, getting to be a good enough friend to "help", no. Especially not since the dd is only 14 and admittedly not assertive.

 

[Poohforyou]

I really don't see what the issue is that would warrant a counselor and that's coming from someone with a young 7th grader. I'd save my counselor interactions for something that is really affecting my child. Either you raised your daughter to believe what this girl is telling her/doing is crazy and wrong or you didn't. A counselor isn't going to fix that now.

Just out of curiosity, what does your DD want you to do? In situations involving non-threatening issues I've always asked my DD how she'd like me to help her. Sometimes she hasn't wanted me to do anything and other times she has wanted me to intervene. I think getting your DD's input on how best to handle the situation would be your first step.

 

[CurlyGirl]

Years ago, JR High was 7th, 8th, and 9th. HS was 10th, 11, and 12th.

What the heck year did you graduate in? My mom graduated in like 1965 and 9th grade was freshman in high school. She went from K-5 in one school, then 6-8 in middle school, then 9-12 in high school. Both nephews are in the same type of "track" although one is out of state.

Maybe it's a regional thing?

 

[Tiger926]

ITA, someone was saying that she should befriend the girl and possibly help her. Um, no. Being nice is good, getting to be a good enough friend to "help", no. Especially not since the dd is only 14 and admittedly not assertive.

Nope, it's not the OP's daughter's job to counsel this girl at all. She doesn't even need to be her friend, but she does need to maybe switch seats (not sure if they have assigned seats?) or get up the courage to ask her to stop asking her to rub her belly or chat about her pregnancy.

I was 13 in grade 9, and was very, very shy. Highschool can be very traumatic for kids, but it is up to the OP's daughter to handle this in terms of it being a classroom peer issue. There has been no bullying, physical assault or cheating, which would all be examples of areas where the OP could get involved.

Knowing teens as well as I do, most kids would stop interacting once they noticed that the other person isn't really engaging them that much. This situation might naturally take care of itself within the next week.

Tiger

 

[luvmy3]

WWID? Nothing, its not like this is your dd's best friend and she's actually pressuring her to go have unprotected sex and get pregnant. She's not even a friend, according to you she's only an aquaintance who chit chats with your dd in some of your classes. Honestly if you are so worried that your dd is going to be too influenced by the "wildly inappropriate" things this girl is saying, maybe instead of calling a counselor for this girl, you should concentrate your efforts on your own dd

 

[CurlyGirl]

Honestly if you are so worried that your dd is going to be too influenced by the "wildly inappropriate" things this girl is saying, maybe instead of calling a counselor for this girl, you should concentrate your efforts on your own dd