WWYD - Other People's Kids

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I give up. The OP has changed her tune so many times on this thread. Parents don't care about kid's food issues, parents care but are exasperated, parents "back the OP's" tactic. etc...I'm still hung up on people considering sweet potato a vegetable.

And on a parting note...sweet potatoes are gross. I would have hid it in my napkin too.
 
I give up. The OP has changed her tune so many times on this thread. Parents don't care about kid's food issues, parents care but are exasperated, parents "back the OP's" tactic. etc...I'm still hung up on people considering sweet potato a vegetable.

And on a parting note...sweet potatoes are gross. I would have hid it in my napkin too.


Eh One of the Barbecue places cuts them thin and fries them.... OMG soooo good. Bleu cheese to dip them in
 
OP- I read your first post. It appears that you have since backtracked but as a parent I will give you my take on it.
You invited the kids over for a night of fun. Who cares if they eat a vegetable or not while with you? It was supposed to be a fun sleepover night. You could have made sundaes for dinner! If the parents are exasperated by her picky eating habits then it is up to them to change them. Not you. All you should do is what the parents have told you to do.
Be the fun Aunt. Do fun stuff with them. That IMO is your job. Not forcing them to eat stuff they don't like. Leave that kind of stuff for the parents. JMHO.
 
Who cares is the child didn't want to eat the sweet potatoes. I know I wouldn't eat them either. At my house we have a polite bite rule. Give it one polite bite, then if you don't like it, eat the rest of your meal. I would not force a child, especially not my own, to eat something they don't like. And rewarding or withholding other food sends the wrong message. i might address the lying. But seriously, you gave that kid little choice.
 

The list of food the child in th OP will eat look very much like my niece's food list. Hers is for what she considers a very good reason. She will not eat anything that isn't white! The first time she was offered fish sticks or chicken fingers they had to be broken open to show that the inside was white. She will eat cheese pizza but not the edges of the slices, only the middle. When visiting overnight she brings her own microwave mac & cheese and lives on it.

She was not always this way but developed the quirk when she was about four or five. She is now eleven and things haven't changed. If there is nothing she will eat on the table she is very polite refusing things but will go hungry first.

Of course, I should talk. As a child everything on the plate had to be segregated. Casseroles couldn't get past my eyes. Never ate eggs, still don't, because I couldn't stand the smell. Still won't eat a salad. Picky, picky, picky. There were a lot of nights I went to bed hungry because there was only one meal cooked for the family.
 
Kari is a VERY picky eater.


To this day, if we go some place new or I cook something different, I will make Kari try it. And I have to lay down the rules, you must chew it at least twice, and it must be swallowed. Then she make take the biggest drink possible to get the taste out of her mouth..


Who the heck is Kari? :confused3
 
Last thing I have to say about this thread as I've made my opinion crystal clear: dessert was fruit salad??? Why not substitute fruit salad for the sweet potatoes-vitamin C, fiber, anti-oxidants and so forth with less carbs and imho perhaps healthier.
I agree that I would've included the fruit salad as a part of the meal, not as a dessert.

Of course, I'm assuming that it's plain old fruit salad -- it could've been fruit salad encased in jello and mixed with mini-marshmellos, or it could've had a white chocolate sauce over it. In that case, it might've genuinely been a dessert.
Ms. Pete.... IMHO, you are so very very wrong and off-base. I know of children who have serious allergies... Chocolate is a very very common allergy. I would have way more than a chat-board disagreement with you if you ever, EVER, encouraged my child to eat chocolate peppermint cake.
Cool 'cause with all the kids who are at my horrible, unfair house eating my food CONSTANTLY, I don't have time to feed yours too. Plus, I really couldn't care less whether people out in cyberland agree or disagree; I'm aware that discipline and consistant parenting are rather out of style today.

And forget allergies -- that's a different topic altogether and doesn't play into this discussion. The child in question is simply a picky eater, not an allergy sufferer.
You invited the kids over for a night of fun. Who cares if they eat a vegetable or not while with you? It was supposed to be a fun sleepover night. You could have made sundaes for dinner!
If it was just one sleepover, I'd agree -- anything goes because it's a party! But the OP says she babysits frequently. I'm imagining a couple times a week, though I think I might've filled in what "frequently" means to me, and you can't allow a child to ignore nutition "frequently". Well, you can't do it without negative consequences for this child's future.
 
Those are entirely different situations - not even remotely in the range of what the OP was discussing here.. I really don't think there is any comparison at all.. This was not a safety issue - nor was it a question of watching an "R" rated movie.. In this instance, I would have addressed the lying immediately - but I would not have involved the parents unless it became a habit.. See the difference? :upsidedow

I'm not touching the "food" thing.. :rotfl::rotfl:
If you had quoted ALL of what I said you would see I agree with you that lying in this situation was not okay (see below). However, your earlier post sounded to me (perhaps I am misreading it) that you would be all over the lying because lying is never okay. That is just not something I would say to a child--life is just not that black and white. In fact, you specifically said a child should not feel it is okay to lie to a caregiver they feel is bullying them. The OPs situation is just sweet potatoes and does not warrant lying (but I do think she pushed the girl into feeling like that was the only good option), but gracious I HOPE my kids would do anything they needed to to get through, or out, of a true bullying situation with any caregiver until they could get to someone else and tell them what is going on and get help.
OP--I would tell the girl you babysit that you are aware she was lying to you and that this is unacceptable. Let her know in the future you will not push her to eat what she dislikes (but not provide other food beyond what is severed to everyone either, or only provide a healthy alternative--no chips) and you expect her to not lie to you again. As a first ofense I would speak directly to the girl (and the girl only). If she is dishonest in the future I would mention it to the parents to see if they have the same issue and how they deal with it.

I keep thinking of the scene from Anne of Green Gables. Does anyone else remember this?:confused3 Anne (10 years old) is very excited about the upcomming Sunday school picnic where she will eat ice cream for the first time. A borach she was admiring is missing and Marilla (Anne's gaurdian) is sure Anne lost it and tells Anne she cannot go to the picnic unless she confesses. Eventually, deseparte to go teh picnic Anne makes up a story about lookng at it on a bridge and dropping it into the river. Turns out the broach was in Marilla's room cuaght on a snawl the whole time. When Marilla realizes what happened she knows she has to do something about Anne's lie but she also fully understnads that she pushed the 10 year old into it.
Likewise, I do think the girl from the OP should not be lying about what she ate. However, I think the OP did push her into doing something by being unreasonabe about the food (remembering this is NOT her child nor the rules the child lives with at home).

OP--I think it is fine to cook what you are going to cook and not allow special snacks. If she chooses not to eat it and is hungry for one night she'll survive. Maybe she will try soemthign eventually (more likely if you do not push--you catch more flies with honey than vinegar), but I do not think it is fine to force her to eat anything (unless her parents decide to do that themselves at their house all the time and would like you to do so as well so things are consistent).


And, to the PP, the foods she eats are: chips, popcorn, plain white bread, and fried chicken (the chicken I made was baked and she even fussed over that because it wasn't what she was used to). So while it is technically more than chips, there will never be a dinner I make that she will willingly and readily eat unless it is only chicken fingers and chips.

You said she ate the fruit salad for dessert, right? :confused3 Fruit is food and actually healthier than any of the above other than popcorn (pretty high in fiber and also healthy--so long as you leave the bad stuff off). Are there breakfast foods she eats?:confused3 Those can be eaten at other times of day.
DS10 is picky. My rule for him is I will not cook extra meals, but he may make himself a PBJ (on whole wheat bread--it is all we buy) or instant oatmeal if he cannot find enough that he likes at the table (both of those options are simple for him to make and reasonably healthy). He takes that option a lot. In just the last 3 or so months though he has tried (tiny bites or even just licking to start) a number of new things and liked maybe 10%. He has added strawberries, honey dew melon and spetzle to his diet.
 
My issue with this is that she lied. If you were babysitting, especially a family member, and the child lied to you intentionally, would you tell the parents? That's really all I want to know, please.

Yes. Yes I would have told the parents the situation. Because I would expect that, were the situation reversed, my child's caregiver would report any breach of our rules (such as no lying) to me. HOWEVER, as the parent I would also want to know both sides of the story before the word "lie" was ever used. Sometimes what we see as a lie, a child sees as a tough decision. As the caregiver, I would have told the parents in a simple way what happened, and let the parent make the judgment call.

"I thought you should know what happened with your DD. She did not care for one of the foods I served her at dinner. Even though I knew she did not care for the sweet potatoes, I asked her to eat three bites and told her that if she chose not to eat three bites, she would not get dessert. Later I found her sweet potato in the trash wrapped in a napkin."

See how that is non-confrontational? It doesn't put any blame on the child, the parent, or the caregiver (yourself). Simply present the facts. Let the parent do the parenting.

Maybe in the child's home environment, politeness is stressed more so than food choices. The child then would not have wanted to be impolite and refuse food, so (being a child and lacking the ability to make complex, mature decisions) she would then decide to do the polite thing and make the sweet potatoes disappear. However, she would have known food choices are not a big deal so, while trying to be polite and at the same time make the food disappear, she did what seemed logical and hid it in the trash. Admitting she threw food away would be impolite, but so would lying, so when you asked her about it she was put on the spot and said she ate it.

Maybe in the child's home, honesty is more important than food choices. In that case, the child's trashing of the potatoes would not be a big deal but her ensuing lie would have repurcussions.

Whatever the situation, it is not your job to make a judgment call on someone else's child's behavior. As a parent, I would want to know what happened -- the whole story. I am willing to bet that the child's side of the story is quite different. You put that little girl on the spot. She did what she thought would make things ok and now you're going to rat her out as a liar to her mother.

Presenting your side of the events in a calm, unemotional, nonjudgmental way will help the child's mother decide on the appropriate course of action. Then you need to step back and look at your own behavior. If you hadn't pressured the poor kid to eat something that she expressed she didn't like, especially after she did eat the protein (chicken), and food issues are not pressed in her home, she would not have felt the need to hide the food. I believe she was trying to either please you, or shut you up. Either way, it failed miserably and she most likely feels pretty bad about it already. Then you put her on the spot by asking her if she ate it, when you knew she didn't. Most 9-yo's won't say, "Nope, I threw it away to get you off my back." By that point, she had already trashed the food and thought it was over, she didn't know how to proceed when further questioned.

At this time I'm not sure telling her parents would make much difference. The mother has undoubtedly already heard about it from her daughter and guess what? You're the bad guy in that story, not her. Any attempt by you to tell your side now will look like you are either calling the kid names or trying to defend yourself against a little girl. If it was right away, telling the parent would have been fine. Now? Just let it go.


It is ironic that the dessert in question was healthier than the refused food.
 
I give up. The OP has changed her tune so many times on this thread. Parents don't care about kid's food issues, parents care but are exasperated, parents "back the OP's" tactic. etc...I'm still hung up on people considering sweet potato a vegetable.

And on a parting note...sweet potatoes are gross. I would have hid it in my napkin too.

I agree with you on all points--particularly the sweet potatoes are gross thing. :rotfl: I'll happily eat beets but keep the sweet potatoes away, please.

I'm exasperated that the OP keeps backtracking.
 
Please. When you are a guest in someone's home and you refuse to eat what they prepare for you, you are rude. And lying? That's disrespectful.
Okay, now that's funny! My brother is a great cook; I was visiting his area a few months ago, and while we went out to eat several times, one night he invited me over for dinner. He made a pork roast. I don't eat pork - we had it growing up and I just don't like it. It was delicious :)
 
I just want to know how you can even really address the whole lying thing? The child in question DOES NOT like sweet potatoes. She was FORCED to eat them even though she does not like them. Yes she shouldn't have lied about eating them but maybe she felt she had no choice. She's a child. I don't let my kids live on Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets etc. but I am the parent and I make the rules for meals. The OP is the babysitter so to speak. She doesn't get to make the rules. She can of course have rules but forcing a child to eat what they do not like is imo innappropriate and as a parent I would be very mad.
Maybe the child was trying to be polite and didn't want to hurt the Aunt's feelings by telling her that her sweet potatoes are gross? Maybe they figured they could fake eating them and be done with it? Maybe the kid is a schemer? Who knows? I still think the OP should not have been forcing anyone's child to eat anything that they don't like. The OP knows the kid likes fruit. So serve fruit with dinner.
Sorry OP- I think you stepped over the line. What are you going to say to the parents. I forced your child to eat food she hates so she lied to me and said that she ate it but she really didn't. :confused3 Well I would ask my child why they lied and straighten that out (lying is not acceptable) but more importantly I would ask YOU what you expected the kid to do when you were forcing them to eat food that they hated. Sorry but that is cruel.
 
Does she not like sweet potatoes, or did she 'just' refuse to eat them? Yeah, yeah, I know - go back and read the seven pages I skipped :umbrella:

More on me+food: I didn't know until last year that I would like sweet potatoes or cauliflower. I'd never tried either one - and I'm old ;).
 
DisneyBlonde said:
If her parents aren't enforcing any type of mealtime rules with her, I think it's a waste of time for you to try to do so when she's with you. Also, I don't understand why you made something you knew she doesn't like...
Is it possible the OP made sweet potatoes because she, and other persons at the table, like them?
 
Is it possible the OP made sweet potatoes because she, and other persons at the table, like them?

Are you suggesting that everyone at the table needs to eat food because the OP likes those foods? It is okay to cook food to satisfy most people at the table. It is not okay to insist children eat those foods because the cook enjoys them.

I love casseroles and was raised on them and now that I am trying to add more whole grains into my diet I will make casseroles incorporating them in the dish. My DH will eat most of what I cook, but there are some dishes he won't even touch. If it has barley in it he eats something else. He won't even touch it It is :scared: to him. I am not insulted nor do I make a point of cooking it just top prove a point. Should I treat the children at my table any differently becasue they are children? And I can?

See, I think that is the difference here. The OP asked a child to eat something that she knew the child did not like. The child is a picky eater jet she ate the other foods on her plate so she was not defiant, she tried to please her Aunt. If the child's Mother was the one refusing to eat the sweet potato would the Aunt have refused to serve her a helping of fruit as a punishment. I think not.

Adults sometimes insist that children do or eat things that they would never push on an adult. Children may know that it is wrong to lie, and it usually is, but if they are forced into a position and cannot debate the position....well the sweet potato gets tossed and the kid is in trouble.
 
**Disclaimer: I have not nor will I go back and read the last 47,000 pages***


Seriously, OP, it's sweet potatoes. You said she didn't like them, right? So you knew she didn't like them, but from the tone of your 1st post ( see above!) tried to force her to eat them? Wow. I'm 39, I won't eat them, never had, and never will. Having grown up with food issues-not eating was a very easy way to play my parents-I can tell you pulling the force card is not good. Sounds to me more like a power struggle.

By the way, I ate cold hot dogs and Count Chocula till I was 7. I now eat a variety of things, and I was a very healthy child despite my limited menu. ( although I still eat Count Chocula Cereal!)
 
Are you suggesting that everyone at the table needs to eat food because the OP likes those foods?
Not at all. I was responding specifically to, "...Also, I don't understand why you made something you knew she doesn't like...".

The OP should not be expected to cater to one single diner's likes/dislikes. She did not make the meal for just the niece; at the very least, for her cousin's two children and herself.
 
See, I think that is the difference here. The OP asked a child to eat something that she knew the child did not like. The child is a picky eater jet she ate the other foods on her plate so she was not defiant, she tried to please her Aunt
I agree she's a picky eater (obvious from the OP's description ;)), but I disagree she ate the chicken to please her aunt. She ate it because it's (apparently) one of the few foods she will eat. Notice, the OP doesn't say anything about liking chicken thighs herself - she made them because she knows her niece will eat them.
 
Background: I don't have kids, but babysit my cousin's kids (ages 9 & 11) fairly regularly. The youngest is an extremely picky eater and her parents either cater to her or let her just skip dinner and eat what she wants,


How far can you go with setting rules (i.e. not giving dessert) to some one else's kids, especially if their parents feel it's not important? :confused3 I have no clue how to handle this!

TIA for any help.

I just saw this post-haven't read the others.
This issue is what really turned my DH against my Mom.
When my youngest was about 7 (picky eater) she would not give him dessert because he wouldn't eat everything on his plate when she was babysitting.
When we picked him up-he cried to us about it. It broke my heart-a grandma should SPOIL their grandkids-NOT make rules.

She NEVER babysat them again, and I have to say she ALWAYS made an issue about his picky eating habits.

(now grown) he's not close to Grandma at all.
 
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