WWYD - Other People's Kids

[jrmasm]

Would you spank another person's child?

I would not spank ANY child.

I will not put something into my mouth that I do not like. That is life

That's fine. I'm assuming that as an adult you've learned to deal with this siutation in a polite manner. A question, if you were served something that you had never tried before would you taste it? What about something that you hated as a child but hadn't tried in a very long time? Would you try it?

 

[RobinFabulous]

Boy Robin, what ticked you off today? This is the second thread I have seen you get testy in.

Anyways, I have a 1 bite rule in my house, which is also includes the kids enrolled in my daycare. No seconds until you have at least taken 1 bite of the other items. I see nothing wrong with having a child taste something and show respect for the rules set forth.

The OP also said that the child's parent lets them eat whatever she wants. So of course she is not going to like/try other items. Plus we have the issue of disrespecting the OP with lying and hiding. Not cool in my book.

Am I testy? lol ;-)

But seriously do you have any kids ith food allergies/sensativities?

It's hard to be a kid. I would really hate knowing that my child stayed with someone that didn't agree with my parenting. Why force a child to eat food they don't like? I think they have different tase buds and most of the time if you leave it alone they'll gorw into it.

I agree they lying should be addressed with the child's parent. I just don't think food is worth battling over.

FWIW I have a TREMENDOUS amt of respect for anyone that does daycare, if it wasn't for those hardworking devoted people a lot of parents couldn't work everyday.. (Especially in my case with my special needs child, I KNEW he was in good hands or I could have never worked)

 

[Irish9697]

Your cousin's daughter sounds much like my daughter in her eating habits. If I always made meals of things that I know she likes and will eat, we would all be eating Tyson chicken nuggets, peanut butter sandwiches, cottage cheese, milk and juice constantly. I don't know about anyone else, but that's not a diet I want to have.

I did not begin foods with my daughter any differently with my son, but somehow, he eats a wide range of things and she eats almost nothing. My son has a few things he says he truly doesn't like...while I am not sure I truly believe him (I think he has just said he doesn't like them for so long that he's convinced himself that he doesn't when I really don't think he has a memory of ever eating it), I am generally okay with him not eating those things because they are few and far between and there are so many other things he'll eat. My daughter on the other hand declares that she doesn't like all kinds of things before she's ever even eaten a bite. And, then when told to taste things, she takes the most miniscule of teensy tiny, itty bitty nibble and says it makes her gag. I just don't "buy" it from her. I want her to eat better and a more varied diet. I do make her a separate dinner about twice a week -- generally it's a night when we all kind of eat what we want, but the other nights, she has to attempt to eat what we all eat. Now, if my main course is something that I know is a long-shot for her (like a salad or something very spicy), then I often substitute something in the meal. Like, baby carrots and natural style applesauce in place of the salad or maybe plain chicken wings if we're having spicy bbq wings.

If she doesn't eat her dinner, I generally do not allow her to get anything else that night. If she makes a good attempt but doesn't fill up, I will let her have some cereal (cheerios, kix or rice krispies)...but nothing more elaborate than that.

My kids stay with my sister in law one day a week this summer and my parents keep them about one night a month and I am a huge fan of them exerting their influence/power (ya know, sometimes it's other relatives that have the "power" with the kids to make them realize trying isn't so bad) with my daughter and having her try new things with them. I'd be very upset with her if she didn't attempt to comply with their wishes and deceived them by throwing food away (she's done this to me at home before), so I don't think what you did was wrong. But, it also sounds like her parents are unwilling to fight the food battle themselves with her right now, so your attempts aren't going to probably make her change on their own. Continue to make meals in which you know she will enjoy one part of it. If she eats the rest, great, if she doesn't, definitely encourage her to try, but don't sweat it if she doesn't.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I will not put something into my mouth that I do not like. That is life

Same here....

Another person's warped control issues END when it comes to what I put in my mouth/body.

It is NEVER acceptable to make a control issue out of food.
Period.

 

[jrmasm]

Bull....

One should NEVER have rules that others must eat anything... PERIOD.

That is just soooo wrong.

This attitude is exactly why I read on this board every day that people's kids only eat chicken nuggest and mac and cheese.

No one is suggesting that a kid be forced to eat an entire plate of something.

 

[RobinFabulous]

Boy Robin, what ticked you off today? This is the second thread I have seen you get testy in.

Anyways, I have a 1 bite rule in my house, which is also includes the kids enrolled in my daycare. No seconds until you have at least taken 1 bite of the other items. I see nothing wrong with having a child taste something and show respect for the rules set forth.

The OP also said that the child's parent lets them eat whatever she wants. So of course she is not going to like/try other items. Plus we have the issue of disrespecting the OP with lying and hiding. Not cool in my book.

AND PS how old are these kids and what size are the bites? This is a 9 year old, who had probably had sweet potatos before... this was 3 bites.... Maybe the battle wouldn't have been so bad if it was one bite...

 

[MrsPete]

I will not put something into my mouth that I do not like. That is life

As an adult you have more leigh-way in what you do / don't have to eat. There are occasions when adults still have to eat something they don't like: Medicine is obvious, but there are other circumstances too. Suppose you're a guest at a business dinner -- an outing that really matters to your career or your husband's career -- and there on the plate is a food you really don't like. You don't have to eat it all, but you do have to choke down a little bit out of politeness, especially if the boss' wife cooked it!

It's different for a child. It's important that a child eat a balanced diet while he's growing, and sometimes that means pushing a child to eat more vegetables, drink more milk, etc. That doesn't mean it has to be a battle.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Now, if my main course is something that I know is a long-shot for her (like a salad or something very spicy), then I often substitute something in the meal. Like, baby carrots and natural style applesauce in place of the salad or maybe plain chicken wings if we're having spicy bbq wings.

My kids stay with my sister in law one day a week this summer and my parents keep them about one night a month and I am a huge fan of them exerting their influence/power (ya know, sometimes it's other relatives that have the "power" with the kids to make them realize trying isn't so bad) with my daughter and having her try new things with them.

But, it also sounds like her parents are unwilling to fight the food battle themselves with her right now, so your attempts aren't going to probably make her change on their own. Continue to make meals in which you know she will enjoy one part of it. If she eats the rest, great, if she doesn't, definitely encourage her to try, but don't sweat it if she doesn't.

Words of wisdom!!!!

 

[scottishduffy]

I understand your frustration. I have a 14 yr olf nephew, Gio, who still only eats very few items. Mac and cheese, chicken fingersm pizza, hot dogs....

It really annoyed us how his mom still fed into this and cut up his food for him. She was constantly complaining how little he ate and how picky he was. Yet when we went to restaurants we always had to make sure it had 'kid foods' for Gio. It only really bothered us when Gio would show interest in other foods and ask us "What is XXXXX food?" and his mom would instantly chime in to say "Oh honey, don't worry you won't like it". Every time. I don't know why this bothered us but it did. Getting a 13 yr old a kids menu and cutting his food just seemed wrong.

So since hubby and I see him a lot we took a very gentle approach. Hubby and i would always order items we hadn't had before when eating out with them. Then make small talk about the meal. Gio would usually be interested and join in the chat. One day him and hubby were talking about travel and education and hubby basically had a chat with him about how trying a cultures food is really the best way to educate yourself about a country. So, Gio went for it and tried a new dish he really loved (per hubby's recommendation). From then on we always have been able to get him to eat more.

When we take him out we take him somewhere without a kiddie menu, but with a wide range of stuff. When i cook i try to use ingredients i know he likes, but prepared a bit differently. He knows we are trying to expand his palate and it has kinda become our thing. We talk to him about cool restaurants we want to take him to and get him excited ahead of time. He has expanded to eat smoked fish, ribs, all types of pastas and sauces,lamb, sushi, cheeses of all kinds, escargot, and several veggies. I almost regret having to share my sushi with him now..... of course now he eats like a pig and we are trying to work on table manners (which he also sorely lacked).

We did this all very gently with him. We never forced him to eat anything. Whenever we took him to a new restaurant we made sure it had stuff he could eat, just not a kids menu. Usually he ordered something safe and would try what we ordered, and then like it, and we would trade plates. Sometimes he wouldn't try stuff.... and that was fine too. We always honestly describe all foods (textures, taste, if it is generally liked/not liked by most people) and he took to it. He realizes tasting a food he does not like it not fatal.

This CAN'T be forced on an older kid. You just gotta try to find a way to make them want to try other things. Thankfully for us Gio's love of anthony bourdain and andrew zimmern gave us an intro. His mom still only buys kid foods at home, but he thankfully has a much more diverse palate and is *willing* to try new items.

 

[RobinFabulous]

As an adult you have more leigh-way in what you do / don't have to eat. There are occasions when adults still have to eat something they don't like: Medicine is obvious, but there are other circumstances too. Suppose you're a guest at a business dinner -- an outing that really matters to your career or your husband's career -- and there on the plate is a food you really don't like. You don't have to eat it all, but you do have to choke down a little bit out of politeness, especially if the boss' wife cooked it!

It's different for a child. It's important that a child eat a balanced diet while he's growing, and sometimes that means pushing a child to eat more vegetables, drink more milk, etc. That doesn't mean it has to be a battle.

But what happens to the kids like my oldest DD that is made sick by that milk?

My child is very food sensative.... I've tried the eat so many bites. She's tried... Usually on bite three she manages to vomit on her plate... Now it's one bite.... FTR she is newly 11, and tiny, but healthy.. She just knows what she can/cannot eat. I try to make better choices for her by making the things she can eat healthier (i.e. wheat pasta, whole grain bread, low sugar real fruit preserves)

 

[Wishing on a star]

As an adult you have more leigh-way in what you do / don't have to eat. There are occasions when adults still have to eat something they don't like: Medicine is obvious, but there are other circumstances too. Suppose you're a guest at a business dinner -- an outing that really matters to your career or your husband's career -- and there on the plate is a food you really don't like. You don't have to eat it all, but you do have to choke down a little bit out of politeness, especially if the boss' wife cooked it!

It's different for a child. It's important that a child eat a balanced diet while he's growing, and sometimes that means pushing a child to eat more vegetables, drink more milk, etc. That doesn't mean it has to be a battle.

Once again, I completely and totally disagree with Ms.Pete.

I don't care if it is the bosses wife..
Anybody who is looking at my plate, looking to make an issue of how much of what I ate, or didn't eat, has some SERIOUS problems.

How ridiculous to think that my husband's professional future would depend on whether or not I ate his wife's really gross Crab/Carrot salad.

 

[MrsPete]

What about something that you hated as a child but hadn't tried in a very long time? Would you try it?

My husband's mother died when he was a teen, and as a result he grew up eating lots of frozen convenience foods, etc. He told me when we got married that he "didn't like" a number of foods . . .

Then came a day when my mom asked me to make brussell sprouts for Thanksgiving -- that was one of his "forbidden foods". I made them with a mustard-pecan sauce, and he decided to taste "just one". I had to make him STOP eating them because I wasn't going to have enough to take to the family meal, and he only agreed to stop when I promised to make him a full bowl of his own as soon as possible.

Since then he's opened his mind to some of these "forbidden foods". He now likes spinach, cabbage, corned beef, chicken livers, soft boiled eggs, and any number of foods he THOUGHT he didn't like -- foods he barely remembered from childhood, but foods he THOUGHT he didn't like.

We are raising a generation of kids who eat like this. Chicken nuggets, french fries, mac-and-cheese, etc. is not a nutritious diet, and we're not doing our children any favors by treating them like miniature adults and allowing them to choose not to learn to eat properly.

 

[MrsPete]

But what happens to the kids like my oldest DD that is made sick by that milk?

My child is very food sensative.... I've tried the eat so many bites. She's tried... Usually on bite three she manages to vomit on her plate... Now it's one bite.... FTR she is newly 11, and tiny, but healthy.. She just knows what she can/cannot eat. I try to make better choices for her by making the things she can eat healthier (i.e. wheat pasta, whole grain bread, low sugar real fruit preserves)

I was under the impression that this discussion was about kids CHOOSING not to eat something . . . not kids with allergies or real medical issues.

 

[MrsPete]

Once again, I completely and totally disagree with Ms.Pete.

I don't care if it is the bosses wife..
Anybody who is looking at my plate, looking to make an issue of how much of what I ate, or didn't eat, has some SERIOUS problems.

How ridiculous to think that my husband's professional future would depend on whether or not I ate his wife's really gross Crab/Carrot salad.

Actually, I used that example because I was actually in that situation a couple years ago!

One of my husband's supervisers held a Christmas party at his house every year, and it was QUITE the highpoint of his wife's life. Her children were grown, she'd never worked outside the home, and she SIMPLY LIVED to put on this big show every year. It was of the UTMOST IMPORTANCE to the boss and his wife that everyone came to the party and had a good time.

Ridiculous or not, sometimes we find ourselves in these situations. I choked down that chocolate/peppermint cake because I knew it was expected. I didn't eat the whole thing, and I complimented the hostess on everything -- even the cake.

 

[shortbun]

While I am really not wishing to flame you, it's just not your job to change this girl's eating habits. Put the food on the table, make sure there is something she likes and leave it at that. Battles over food are harmful AND putting sweets on a pedestal sends the wrong message too. I refuse to fight with children over food. My parents did it and all three of us have eating issues. I have advised my 20yo neice that someday some cute guy is going to take her to his mother's house for dinner and she will be embarrased if she can't at least try what his Mom puts on the table. She eats chicken, cheeseburgers and mac and cheese-almost solely. The 6yo we vacationed with last week eats only pasta with butter, hot dogs, cantelope and grilled cheese. At least he has fruit in his repertoire. His mother rolls with it. His Dad wants to have a fight with him-in a restaurant. My son began referring to dinners with them as 'dinner and a show.' Leave it alone.

 

[RobinFabulous]

I was under the impression that this discussion was about kids CHOOSING not to eat something . . . not kids with allergies or real medical issues.

My oldest DD wasn't diagnosed with lactose sensativity until age 9.... How do we know/not know that this child doesn't have a sensativity to something?

 

[robinb]

I guess things are different now. When I was a child, it was normal practice to be made to eat vegetables. If no one had forced me to eat my vegetables (several bites worth) I doubt I would have grown out of that.

Maybe, maybe not. I HATED vegetables when I was growing up. I recall liking CANNED beans and peas and canned only. No fresh or frozen for me ... *yuck*. And mushrooms? Don't even get me started. I was still removing mushrooms from my pizza and "flinging" them across the table in an attempt to hit my friend's plates when I was in college.

I am now an adult and eat just about everything (except the dreaded beets mentioned before and oysters/clams which I am allergic to). I love vegetables and especially mushrooms! Fresh is best and I belong to a Community Shared Agriculture program that delivers my box of fresh organic veggies to my local farmer's market every week. I even eat and enjoy very odd and strange stuff that you probably wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole: raw fish, fried shrimp heads, sweet breads, escargot, squid, whole Greek grilled baby octopus, veal, foie gras and the like. I had also tried (and will not eat again) things like menudo, calf brains & chicken feet.

Just because a child does not like/eat vegetables when they are little does not mean that they will be a picky adult. I am curious at how many kids who grew up to be "well done steak with the sauce on the side" picky adults were forced to eat stuff they didn't like when they were children.

 

[hentob]

I would not spank ANY child.

Well, we agree on something

A question, if you were served something that you had never tried before would you taste it? What about something that you hated as a child but hadn't tried in a very long time? Would you try it?

Oh yes. As an adult, I am a VERY adventurous eater. Again, the beats And most organ meats are not my cup of tea, although I am in LOVE with Pâté

As a child, I was not a person that went off the beaten path when it came to food

Fastforward….I am now somewhat of a Foodie. For the most part, our children go with us when we go to eat. They try things because they are curious, not because they are forced.

IMO, once you start the “If you eat this, you will get that” game, you have already lost A gentle “Wow, this is great—How "bout a bite” goes a long way. If they don’t want to eat it, who cares? Maybe next time

 

[daisax]

Put food on the dish. They eat it or they don't.

Have a bowl of fruit for dessert.

 

[NMAmy]

Hi OP,
You seem to have made an error, so I will help clear up any confusion for you: You are not the parent of these children.

It does not matter if her mother gives her potato chips; you are not her mother and it is not up to you to right the parenting wrongs of this child's parents.

Not a surprise that I agree with LizzieBennett. Great name!

To the OP: I've often cared for my nephew and niece and now for my great nephew and nieces. While I often prepare them foods that they might not eat at home, I never force them. They often see DH, DD, and I eating them and give them a try out of curiosity. But, like with ANY guest in my home, they're not forced to try anything. It's not my job to make sure they eat certain foods--that's their own parents' job.

As for the lying--it seems as though by assuming the parent role with food, you've encouraged your niece to push your boundaries by lying about the food in the napkin. I don't see that you have the option to punish her for this because you're not her parent. If you feel strongly about it, I'd talk to her mother. Me, personally, I'd blame myself for overstepping and let it go.

I think it all boils down to this: This is not your battle. Let her parents handle the kid's eating habits.