WWYD - Other People's Kids

[luvmy3]

I wouldn't force anyone to eat something they did not like.

 

[2RGR8]

WOW! What a can of worms that question opened! Since advice - and not criticism was asked for - I can only offer the following: When my girls were small, if I made something new they hadn't tried, or we were out to dinner and there was something on my plate I thought they would like, I would ask them to take one bite and try it. It was completely their choice. Sometimes they'd go for it - sometimes not. Sometimes they'd try something and then eat all there was of it. Other times they'd try something and couldn't get it out of their mouth fast enough! As for withholding dessert if dinner is not eaten (or any other treat for that matter), I personally think that is a bad idea. Further down the road that will lead to thinking food is a reward and that can lead to over-eating and obesity. As for your niece only eating potato chips - my response to that is stop buying potato chips. Good luck!

 

[RobinFabulous]

Yes, I would normally agree that tasting is one bite, except her idea of a taste is touching it to her tongue. Not even a full bite.

I guess things are different now. When I was a child, it was normal practice to be made to eat vegetables. If no one had forced me to eat my vegetables (several bites worth) I doubt I would have grown out of that. I don't mind her not eating other things, but I really do believe that vegetables are important.

Also, I didn't make them knowing she didn't like them. She had never had them before and her sister loves them.

But I was really hoping this post would focus more on her lying about them and whether or not parents should be told...sorry to get everyone hung up on the food topic.

When you were a child there weren't as many cases of food allergies, either. FTR I hated veggies as a small child, then I was a vegetarian for many years. I like a lot of things as an adult that I thought were icky as a child, things that even had I been forced to tase, would have still hated....

 

[ols386]

Background: I don't have kids, but babysit my cousin's kids (ages 9 & 11) fairly regularly. The youngest is an extremely picky eater and her parents either cater to her or let her just skip dinner and eat what she wants, which is generally just potato chips. Whenever they're at my house, I try to make her eat more and do not make her something different for dinner. Which, in turn, creates a lot of stressful moments.

This weekend, they spent the night and I made chicken drumsticks (which she eats) and sweet potatoes (which she doesn't). I told her she at least needed to eat a good three bites of her sweet potatoes before she could have dessert. When I return from filling water glasses, half of her potatoes are gone, but so is her napkin. I ask her about it, and she said she dropped some chicken on the floor and just put it in her napkin. I ask to see and she gets very snappy and says she's just going to throw it away. When she's not looking, I dig it out of the trash and lo and behold, it's filled with sweet potatoes.

So here's my question: I didn't call her out on it at all. She was so cranky and moody already, and our nights together are always supposed to be fun "Disney party" nights. Should I say something to her? Her parents? How far can you go with setting rules (i.e. not giving dessert) to some one else's kids, especially if their parents feel it's not important? I have no clue how to handle this!

TIA for any help.

Maybe you could mention it to the parents, and ask how they would like for you to handle it.....maybe they don't expect you to handle it at all, but I'd ask them about it.

 

[hentob]

Please. When you are a guest in someone's home and you refuse to eat what they prepare for you, you are rude.

I think it is rude to prepare something that you know your "guest" does not eat And then to withhold other items until they eat the food they don’t like

As an adult, I don't put things on my plate that I don't like. I eat just about anything, but red beats make me want to vomit. I would NEVER eat a red beat, I don't care who is serving them. Is that rude not to want to vomit?

Now, I would never mention that I don't like them, I would just give a polite "No thank you" and then rave about the other menu items



I think the fact that the little girl hid the uneaten food was wrong. But she is nine and was most likely desperate for dessert.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I honestly don't see the point of forcing a child to eat a food that they do not like.

Same here.

If you want to try and get her to eat more healthy, perhaps you can come up with a better strategy. Have her help pick things out and give you a hand in preparing the veggies.

 

[jrmasm]

Yes and that's fine for your own children/grandchildren..... but not other people's children

If the OP can't set rules in her own home then she shouldn't be caring for these children.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yes, I would normally agree that tasting is one bite, except her idea of a taste is touching it to her tongue. Not even a full bite.

Wow.... so what???? The fact that you are getting defensive and spitting-hairs and using semantics to justify making someone else's child eat something is a huge huge red flag here.

I guess things are different now. When I was a child, it was normal practice to be made to eat vegetables.

This comment fully explains where all of these 'eating issues' are coming from. Another red flag...

YIf no one had forced me to eat my vegetables (several bites worth) I doubt I would have grown out of that. I don't mind her not eating other things, but I really do believe that vegetables are important.

First, children have different taste-buds and taste-preferences than adults. I would COMPLETELY disagree that person will not eat anything unless they are 'forced' to eat them as a child, when as a child, they may find the taste to be very very unpleasant.

Secondly, YOU may feel that vegetables are just soooo important, and not care if one doesn't eat other things... but that does not make it right for you to enforce your beliefs and preferences on somebody else's child.

You may be saying that you weren't trying to bring up the 'food' and 'eating' issues.... But, very very clearly, they ARE the important issues here.

 

[kwelch10377]

Please. When you are a guest in someone's home and you refuse to eat what they prepare for you, you are rude. And lying? That's disrespectful.

The lying is disrespectful, not eating something they have prepared is not. I am a very picky eater and while most people know that some do not. If I go over someones house and they make something that I do not like I am not going to force myself to eat it.

 

[hentob]

When I was a child, it was normal practice to be made to eat vegetables. If no one had forced me to eat my vegetables (several bites worth) I doubt I would have grown out of that.

I know MANY people that, as children, hated veggies (including myself), and now eat them daily(minus the dreaded beat)

I don’t think being FORCED to eat things you don’t like has any bearing on what kind of an eater you will be as an adult.

I also don't think you should push this issue. You are not the parent.

 

[jrmasm]

I think it is rude to prepare something that you know your "guest" does not eat And then to withhold other items until they eat the food they don’t like

I really don't see that the OP went out of her way to get this child. She was trying to prepare a well balanced meal I imagine. Your plate will not always only contain items that you love. That's just life.

Taking a taste wouldn't have killed the kid.

 

[Cinders Mum]

ok, so the kid was given food the OP knew the kid didn't like, and then proceeded to tell the kid she had to have at least 3 bites of that food before she could get anything else. Why do you think she lied about it? She clearly did not feel comfortable or confident enough to say to you straight up that she really could not eat another bite of that food stuff that she hated. I am not surprised she hid it in her napkin. That was an impossible position to put her in, and one that no one was going to win.

I understand trying to encourage more healthy eating, but i'd encourage it in a more relaxed and easy going environment, rather than turning the dinner table into a battleground. Just my thoughts.

 

[RobinFabulous]

If the OP can't set rules in her own home then she shouldn't be caring for these children.

To me rules are No running in the house, no throwing things, etc. No PG13 movies, betimes at 8 o'clock....

This isn't even really worth fighting over. She's a child. She ate the chiken, leave it at that. It's not like she threw her plate on the floor and refused to eat anything


Would you spank another person's child?

 

[ols386]

Wow.... so what???? The fact that you are getting defensive and spitting-hairs and using semantics to justify making someone else's child eat something is a huge huge red flag here.

This comment fully explains where all of these 'eating issues' are coming from. Another red flag...

First, children have different taste-buds and taste-preferences than adults. I would COMPLETELY disagree that person will not eat anything unless they are 'forced' to eat them as a child, when as a child, they may find the taste to be very very unpleasant.

You may be saying that you weren't trying to bring up the 'food' and 'eating' issues.... But, very very clearly, they ARE the important issues here.

Red flags? What in the world does that mean?

 

[ameraumi]

Boy Robin, what ticked you off today? This is the second thread I have seen you get testy in.

Anyways, I have a 1 bite rule in my house, which is also includes the kids enrolled in my daycare. No seconds until you have at least taken 1 bite of the other items. I see nothing wrong with having a child taste something and show respect for the rules set forth.

The OP also said that the child's parent lets them eat whatever she wants. So of course she is not going to like/try other items. Plus we have the issue of disrespecting the OP with lying and hiding. Not cool in my book.

 

[hentob]

Your plate will not always only contain items that you love. That's just life.

I will not put something into my mouth that I do not like. That is life

 

[Wishing on a star]

If the OP can't set rules in her own home then she shouldn't be caring for these children.

Bull....

One should NEVER have rules that others must eat anything... PERIOD.

That is just soooo wrong.

 

[TomLovesBecky]

You crossed the line. It's a mistake to play food games with kids, anyway. How would you like it if someone forced YOU to eat something you found disgusting? It can lead to problems with food down the line, food control issues, anorexia, etc. If her PARENTS want to address the issue with her, they have that right whether it's a good idea or not. You are the babysitter/cousin and as such have no right to try to go there with this girl, IMO. I would be pretty ticked if a relative of mine, or just a plain babysitter, tried to make rules like that and force my child to eat something to gain a dessert (which she would have to watch her brother eat in front of her if she didn't comply). I think it would be okay to REQUEST that she try a bite. If she says she doesn't like it, I seriously don't see how it's your place to force it on her.

 

[MrsPete]

Some children are very fussy about what they will /won't eat, and it changes on a whim -- they SAY, "I don't like ____" when they really mean, "I'd rather have candy or potato chips". Catering to this behavior is a recipe for disaster. Instead, it makes sense to serve a balanced meal and insist that the child TRY a little of everything that's offered. A couple bites of a non-preferred food isn't going to hurt anyone.

Requiring a child to eat a little of everything on her plate is NOT punishment, nor is it food games. It's showing the child that she can eat something that isn't her favorite, and it's teaching the child common courtesy.

I would suggest that the meal in question should've included a green vegetable (sweet potatoes are actually a starch). We have a whole generation of young adults who've been raised on meat and starches, and when their youth is gone we're going to see a great number of diseases at younger ages. This could've been prevented if they'd had more fruits and vegetables and fewer French fries as children.

The difficult thing, of course, is that while this isn't the OP's child, she does care for the child on a regular basis. She has to have control over what goes on in her house.

I'd suggest that you talk to your sister, cousin (who is the mom? I forget.) and establish rules for meals IN YOUR HOUSE. A 9-year old can understand that one family has this set of house rules, while another family has that set of house rules. I remember clearly that as a child I understood that in my family we had milk or Kool Aid along with meals -- soda was an occasional treat and was never served with meals. In one of my aunt's houses, the rule was one glass of soda with meals and after that it was water. In my other aunt's house it was anything goes. We cousins all understood that the rules varied, and we never fussed about it.

I'd also suggest not having potato chips, etc. in the house -- at least for a while, or at least don't have them sitting out available to the children. Don't "enable" the child by having the junk food out. You might skip dessert altogether, and certainly you should not allow her to fill up on snacks between meals.

The lying is another issue altogether. You gain nothing by trying to go back and fix what's already done, but now that you KNOW she'll try this, I'd head it off at the pass by trying NOT to leave the table once you all sit down.

 

[tzolkin]

The problem with telling a child that they must eat three bites of veggies or they can't have dessert is that you have to follow through. You either have to wait/insist that the veggies are eaten or you must refuse to give that one child dessert while everyone else is having some. Neither of those are something I'd be willing to do with a child who is not mine.

My oldest daughter would never eat vegetables unless we tell her she must eat a certain number. I do think it's important for kids to try foods.

However, I would not venture into that area with other people's kids. The main reason is consistency. My children will try/eat vegetables with no issues because we have been consistent over time. If the child's parents don't insist that she tries things, you're not going to get her to do it without a battle and the child will dread eating around you.

I would not let the child eat chips or make a separate meal for them though. I would make something that I knew they liked (you made the chicken) and if that's the only thing they eat than that's fine.


Since you asked about the lying... Telling the parents is up to you. I would want to know if my child did that, but telling them about the incident may start an argument about you trying to get the child to eat something she doesn't like. (You said that's not their parenting method, so they may be angry that you did something they normally would not.) I would have addressed the lying with the child at the time. I don't think I would bring it up after the fact unless a similar incident occurs.