WWYD: My daughter's college professor is constantly cancelling class

[gwynne]

Wanted to mention this because it relates to this thread. Last week at my dd's HS they must have been discussing teh FERPA waivers because she came home all annoyed (you know in that teen angst sort of way LOL) that alot of her friends were just going to sign it because they didn't care about. I think for kids today, its not always about controlling or helicopter parents, its just that they have the "whatever" attitude about things like this.
I told my dd that I wouldn't have her sign it, I trust her enough to share her info with me, and even though she is an adult, I'm the one paying the bill.

Agree.

Its funny how people can read the same words and come to different conclusions. I do get the feeling she will, but I totally know that I could be wrong

It is interesting how some see issues and some don't. But, personally some things are not funny to me.
I think it takes a ton of nerve for a Mom to call the Deans office to complain about her daughter's class. It takes even more nerve to decide to keep that a secret from her daughter, the student.
That was a huge indicator to me, but we all are different. I see great benefit from being respectful of boundaries. That said, if someone steps outside of what is basically reasonable, it's decent to at least own up to it and apologize. I think Mom is way over involved, and the phone call (and how she has chosen to handle it) is a good example.
This student is taking 300 level classes. Certainly by now she should be competent in handling basic day to day classroom issues herself, without over involvement from home.

 

[cabanafrau]

Its funny how people can read the same words and come to different conclusions. I do get the feeling she will, but I totally know that I could be wrong

So maybe there's some room to not try to denigrate another point of view as piling on. Differing points of view don't automatically correlate to negativity.

 

[Hikergirl]

So maybe there's some room to not try to denigrate another point of view as piling on. Differing points of view don't automatically correlate to negativity.

I think you have misunderstood what I meant by "piling" on. It was not directed at any posters in particular, or meant to denigrate anyone's opinion.
It was a comment on the fact that its 12 pages of the same thing over and over again, something the OP had even addressed in the beginning of the thread and a couple times throughout.

 

[cabanafrau]

Understood. You might consider using emoticons. They really help with the written word. We can't hear each others inflections.

Funny, for me emoticons are now useless. I use a junk laptop for the DIS and some other surfing and about a month ago now it had some kind of hiccup that shows me underlying coding but not the emoticons. At some point I'll get annoyed enough to take this home to DH to clean up again, but for now I'm entirely clueless when it comes to the emoticons.

 

[cabanafrau]

I think you have misunderstood what I meant by "piling" on. It was not directed at any posters in particular, or meant to denigrate anyone's opinion.
It was a comment on the fact that its 12 pages of the same thing over and over again, something the OP had even addressed in the beginning of the thread and a couple times throughout.

This illustrates perfectly people reading the same words and understanding completely differently. I've gone back and read your comments on the previous page & still wouldn't interpret the meaning to be about a cumulative discussion. To me piling on connotes a much different meaning.

 

[Hikergirl]

This illustrates perfectly people reading the same words and understanding completely differently. I've gone back and read your comments on the previous page & still wouldn't interpret the meaning to be about a cumulative discussion. To me piling on connotes a much different meaning.

Its not really something to interpret though, there is an exact definition for the term piling on. I never singled anyone out, and if you have read the thread and my other posts you could interpret that I agree with the fact that the OP needs to let her dd handle it, so it really would be odd if I was trying to denigrate such an opinion.

 

[Patch'sD]

I don't get the feeling that the mom will back off. She keeps justifying why she was involved in the first place. To me that makes it seem like she's going to continue being involved. Yes she did say she would let her DD handle it, but I'm not sure that will happen.

What happens a few years from now when a boss lets her know her work is substandard in not so kind words

 

[gwynne]

Its not really something to interpret though, there is an exact definition for the term piling on. I never singled anyone out, and if you have read the thread and my other posts you could interpret that I agree with the fact that the OP needs to let her dd handle it, so it really would be odd if I was trying to denigrate such an opinion.

I think a discussion board means...discuss. And that is what is happening. I've had a few discussions that I've walked away from, I didn't see the point in joining in. Discussing, as well as not discussing is always an option. No right or wrong with either.

 

[Hikergirl]

It was one silly comment, part of the discussion but I get it you all don't like to be called out. You can think piling on is discussing, but it really isn't. Carry on though..................

 

[cabanafrau]

Its not really something to interpret though, there is an exact definition for the term piling on. I never singled anyone out, and if you have read the thread and my other posts you could interpret that I agree with the fact that the OP needs to let her dd handle it, so it really would be odd if I was trying to denigrate such an opinion.

Off the top of my head you can pile on work, pile on excuses, pile on the information, etc. Or you can say political opponents are piling on this candidate or that candidate, which has a different meaning. IMO leaves room for interpretation.

To be honest, at this point I'm completely confused what you're attempting to say beyond telling everyone to stop discussing this. Not going back through the thread to try to discern your opinions. I merely looked back a page to try to figure out how I got confused by your referencing piling on -- except now I'm right back to not understanding how characterizing other people's discussion as piling on isn't meant to be offensive?

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Labeling me a helicopter mom, carrying the conversation over to your other happy place discussion board, calling me mommy, and even creating a spin-off on this board about helicoptering parents really wasn't the discussion I had in mind when I came here to vent and seek out advice over one issue.

There can be a lot of cruel people on here who don't take the time to truly offer suggestions and words of wisdom, but rather belittle and show disrespect.
It costs nothing to be kind. You have no idea what another family might be going through. Be kind anyway.

 

[cabanafrau]

It was one silly comment, part of the discussion but I get it you all don't like to be called out. You can think piling on is discussing, but it really isn't. Carry on though..................

So that's not denigrating?

 

[Hikergirl]

So that's not denigrating?

No, its pretty clear you took the piling on comment personally. I don't know why you did, I've explained myself but you are still being sensitive about it.

 

[cabanafrau]

Labeling me a helicopter mom, carrying the conversation over to your other happy place discussion board, and even creating a spin-off on this board about helicoptering parents really wasn't the discussion I had in mind when I came here to vent and seek out advice over one issue.

There can be a lot of cruel people on here who don't take the time to truly offer suggestions and words of wisdom, but rather belittle and show disrespect.
It costs nothing to be kind. You have no idea what another family might be going through. Be kind anyway.

Some of us can simply be in this single discussion and get piled on for no good reason. Disagreeing isn't unkind.

 

[gwynne]

Labeling me a helicopter mom, carrying the conversation over to your other happy place discussion board, and even creating a spin-off on this board about helicoptering parents really wasn't the discussion I had in mind when I came here to vent and seek out advice over one issue.

There can be a lot of cruel people on here who don't take the time to truly offer suggestions and words of wisdom, but rather belittle and show disrespect.
It costs nothing to be kind. You have no idea what another family might be going through. Be kind anyway.

Can you see where learning new ways to encourage your daughter (without doing it for her) might help? She needs to be competent in taking care of her day to day college issues herself. One easy technique is to ask her, "What are your options?" when she seems overwhelmed and unsure. Encourage her, but don't do for her. Help to see she has options, including the option to do nothing at this time. This is not about disrespecting you. It's about gradually teaching your adult daughter that she is able, and that she can manage her day to day life on her own.

 

[NewRVLady]

Labeling me a helicopter mom, carrying the conversation over to your other happy place discussion board, and even creating a spin-off on this board about helicoptering parents really wasn't the discussion I had in mind when I came here to vent and seek out advice over one issue.

There can be a lot of cruel people on here who don't take the time to truly offer suggestions and words of wisdom, but rather belittle and show disrespect.
It costs nothing to be kind. You have no idea what another family might be going through. Be kind anyway.

You know OP- you should have mentioned all the issues your DD has in the OP....hindsight

 

[Mkrop]

She didn't want to say anything at the time because she was afraid the professor would give her a bad grade. She also has anxiety that she takes medication daily for. She often appears timid and has trouble being assertive.

No, I don't think it matters what the reason is for cancelling class. The college is obligated to provide instruction. They should have a Plan B in place for situations like this. It is now over 4 weeks of classes cancelled the are supposed to meet twice a week. They are halfway through the semester.

I see myself trying to navigate this in the future with younger DS who too suffers from anxiety. But I would encourage her to email, that is the beauty of that technology, she doesnt have to face anyone just yet. She should try that first. As you said baby steps!

Can you see where learning new ways to encourage your daughter (without doing it for her) might help? She needs to be competent in taking care of her day to day college issues herself. One easy technique is to ask her, "What are your options?" when she seems overwhelmed and unsure. Encourage her, but don't do for her. Help to see she has options, including the option to do nothing at this time. This is not about disrespecting you. It's about gradually teaching your adult daughter that she is able, and that she can manage her day to day life on her own.

This is good advice!

 

[Mkrop]

Labeling me a helicopter mom, carrying the conversation over to your other happy place discussion board, and even creating a spin-off on this board about helicoptering parents really wasn't the discussion I had in mind when I came here to vent and seek out advice over one issue.

There can be a lot of cruel people on here who don't take the time to truly offer suggestions and words of wisdom, but rather belittle and show disrespect.
It costs nothing to be kind. You have no idea what another family might be going through. Be kind anyway.

Hugs, it is never fun dealing with all of that.

 

[Marlyn]

I'm sorry I was being Satirical. Sorry for the confusion

Oh, thank god. I assumed you were joking, but I'm from Canada and who knows, maybe you do things different south of the border. My one son does attend a US university though, so I figured it couldn't be a real thing.

 

[Flight]

You know OP- you should have mentioned all the issues your DD has in the OP....hindsight

No she shouldn't.

There is no obligation to post every item of an inquiry. I have seen this before. "Oh, why are you only now telling us this detail." Sometimes it is used to bring doubt to the posters credibility. "You never told us that before, so why should we believe you now." Baloney. We briefly post here for information, advice, amusement. During the process of discussion, new information and ideas come out.

More importantly, it is nothing to do with the questionable policies of the university, which is what this thread is about (or should have been).