WWYD: My daughter's college professor is constantly cancelling class

[leebee]

I think we've all pretty much answered the OP's original WWYD question: We'd make suggestions to the daughter for how she should handle this situation herself.

Extrapolating from your last post, OP (#218, sorry I didn't quote it), is there a reason that your daughter doesn't have a counselor (psychological, not academic) at school? If she's taking a 300 level course, she must be at least a sophomore, if not a junior, I'm guessing. She clearly needs someone to help her figure out how to stand on her own and make these decisions, to help her manage her anxiety, etc. She's away from "her" counselor for 9 or 10 months of the year. Maybe she should start seeing someone more regularly, at school, to help her with all this. Having someone to talk to over college breaks is very different from having someone to support her with the changes that occur in her day-to-day life at school.

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm sure the OP and her dd are doing the best they can, this is new territory for them, it will take some trial and error. I think you guys are just piling it on, the OP even said at the beginning of this thread she was backing off and going to encourage her dd to take care of it.
OP, I'm sure you and your dd will learn from this experience and grow from it. As parents, we've all had moments where we've become too involved, even if some aren't so quick to admit it.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Sure, she could definitely stand to see someone year round. Initially, we thought by starting new with someone might be more difficult than just trying to make it on her own with the medication and visits when she is here at home. She comes home for breaks, and the semesters seem to go by pretty quickly.
He has been good to her over the past 6 years and there is a noticeable improvement in the short-term after each visit. We haven't done our due diligence in exploring options while she is away. I don't know if this particular situation with the professor not showing up warrants us pressing the panic button.

 

[LisaR]

I don't think there is a college around nowadays that doesn't offer psych services. If they don't, or she doesn't want to use the college resources, she needs to get herself a psychologist in town so she can continue with those 1.5 hour weekly meetings. If she had a lot of anxiety living at home, taking medication, and seeing someone, it makes sense that her anxiety is going to skyrocket now that she isn't living at home and isn't seeing anyone. Get her some services NOW!

My DD was a straight A student through high school including dual enrollment and college freshman year. I always felt like I was the only parent in the world who hoped her kid would not get an A. Life isn't perfect and neither is she and she was getting far too wrapped up in that perfect GPA. First semester of sophomore year she got a B. She was so upset, but as I pointed out for those couple days when she was acting ridiculous over a B, "Look at that, the sun is still shining, you still have friends, your parents still love you, and life still goes on even though you got that dreaded B. Amazing, isn't it?" It was the best thing to happen to her. She was putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on herself and making her anxiety so much worse. It might not be a bad thing for your daughter to struggle with a class. My DD is going to get a B in one class this semester and her reaction is night and day compared to before. 98% of my DD's anxiety comes from unrealistic expectations she has put on herself. I learned one of the best things that can happen to her is for her to "fail." (Failure to her and failure to the rest of the world have two different meanings, but that's what you get when you combine a Type A personality with anxiety). She found out that when she didn't get the best score or the job she wanted, life still goes on and she will be just fine. FTR, my son didn't inherit any of her issues and he is perfectly content with a C! lol

 

[leebee]

I don't think there is a college around nowadays that doesn't offer psych services. If they don't, or she doesn't want to use the college resources, she needs to get herself a psychologist in town so she can continue with those 1.5 hour weekly meetings. If she had a lot of anxiety living at home, taking medication, and seeing someone, it makes sense that her anxiety is going to skyrocket now that she isn't living at home and isn't seeing anyone. Get her some services NOW!

My DD was a straight A student through high school including dual enrollment and college freshman year. I always felt like I was the only parent in the world who hoped her kid would not get an A. Life isn't perfect and neither is she and she was getting far too wrapped up in that perfect GPA. First semester of sophomore year she got a B. She was so upset, but as I pointed out for those couple days when she was acting ridiculous over a B, "Look at that, the sun is still shining, you still have friends, your parents still love you, and life still goes on even though you got that dreaded B. Amazing, isn't it?" It was the best thing to happen to her. She was putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on herself and making her anxiety so much worse. It might not be a bad thing for your daughter to struggle with a class. My DD is going to get a B in one class this semester and her reaction is night and day compared to before. 98% of my DD's anxiety comes from unrealistic expectations she has put on herself. I learned one of the best things that can happen to her is for her to "fail." (Failure to her and failure to the rest of the world have two different meanings, but that's what you get when you combine a Type A personality with anxiety). She found out that when she didn't get the best score or the job she wanted, life still goes on and she will be just fine. FTR, my son didn't inherit any of her issues and he is perfectly content with a C! lol

Sounds like my daughter. She put so much academic pressure on herself, caused herself so much anxiety and distress about not being perfect. She finally got that B and you'd have thought the world was going to end. THEN she got a C+ (not a good choice of class for her AND the BadBoyfriend was in it- he's gone now ) and realized it'd be OK. Even with this "failure" and a couple other B+ grades, she still managed to graduate summa cum laude!

 

[PlutoPony]

I don't think there is a college around nowadays that doesn't offer psych services. If they don't, or she doesn't want to use the college resources, she needs to get herself a psychologist in town so she can continue with those 1.5 hour weekly meetings. If she had a lot of anxiety living at home, taking medication, and seeing someone, it makes sense that her anxiety is going to skyrocket now that she isn't living at home and isn't seeing anyone. Get her some services NOW!

The availability of campus counseling/psych services was mentioned repeatedly in the parent portion of new student orientation. They really emphasized the many options offered and asked parents to convey the message to the students as well. The cost is part of the students services fee and thus there's no additional charge. They also made the point that FERPA (Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act) does not apply to mental health services and that a student allowing/assigning FERPA rights to their parents (so they could receive educational info from the university) did not extend that same right of disclosure on mental health issues.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I'm sure the OP and her dd are doing the best they can, this is new territory for them, it will take some trial and error. I think you guys are just piling it on, the OP even said at the beginning of this thread she was backing off and going to encourage her dd to take care of it.
OP, I'm sure you and your dd will learn from this experience and grow from it. As parents, we've all had moments where we've become too involved, even if some aren't so quick to admit it.

I agree. Many people are now just gleefully picking apart every thing the OP writes.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't think there is a college around nowadays that doesn't offer psych services. If they don't, or she doesn't want to use the college resources, she needs to get herself a psychologist in town so she can continue with those 1.5 hour weekly meetings. If she had a lot of anxiety living at home, taking medication, and seeing someone, it makes sense that her anxiety is going to skyrocket now that she isn't living at home and isn't seeing anyone. Get her some services NOW!

My DD was a straight A student through high school including dual enrollment and college freshman year. I always felt like I was the only parent in the world who hoped her kid would not get an A. Life isn't perfect and neither is she and she was getting far too wrapped up in that perfect GPA. First semester of sophomore year she got a B. She was so upset, but as I pointed out for those couple days when she was acting ridiculous over a B, "Look at that, the sun is still shining, you still have friends, your parents still love you, and life still goes on even though you got that dreaded B. Amazing, isn't it?" It was the best thing to happen to her. She was putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on herself and making her anxiety so much worse. It might not be a bad thing for your daughter to struggle with a class. My DD is going to get a B in one class this semester and her reaction is night and day compared to before. 98% of my DD's anxiety comes from unrealistic expectations she has put on herself. I learned one of the best things that can happen to her is for her to "fail." (Failure to her and failure to the rest of the world have two different meanings, but that's what you get when you combine a Type A personality with anxiety). She found out that when she didn't get the best score or the job she wanted, life still goes on and she will be just fine. FTR, my son didn't inherit any of her issues and he is perfectly content with a C! lol

I used services in school on campus.

One on one was LIMITED to 10 sessions. After that we were passed on to group counseling.
I found the group counseling to be horrible as it seemed
Like a session to see how depressed we could make each other. I didn't find it helpful or uplifting. I felt worse at the end than I did when I showed up. I ended up quitting.

It may be worth checking out, but for something long term, OP's daughter may need to be referred off campus. This depends on her counseling centers rules.

 

[cabanafrau]

I'm sure the OP and her dd are doing the best they can, this is new territory for them, it will take some trial and error. I think you guys are just piling it on, the OP even said at the beginning of this thread she was backing off and going to encourage her dd to take care of it.
OP, I'm sure you and your dd will learn from this experience and grow from it. As parents, we've all had moments where we've become too involved, even if some aren't so quick to admit it.

I agree. Many people are now just gleefully picking apart every thing the OP writes.

Actually I think the new interest in the thread was generated by new responses from the OP, responses which don't indicate a firm commitment to the intent of backing off.

It gets so tedious to continually read comments here about piling on, picking apart or posters who only jump into threads to post some inane comment like, "and we're off" simply because something is being discussed. It's a discussion board. People have differing points of view. I think if you just want to put things out to the web without truly conversing interactively they call it a blog.

 

[Hikergirl]

Actually I think the new interest in the thread was generated by new responses from the OP, responses which don't indicate a firm commitment to the intent of backing off.

It gets so tedious to continually read comments here about piling on, picking apart or posters who only jump into threads to post some inane comment like, "and we're off" simply because something is being discussed. It's a discussion board. People have differing points of view. I think if you just want to put things out to the web without truly conversing interactively they call it a blog.

This thread is more of a pile on than a discussion but I don't blame the OP for that. She's come back and responded and I must have missed where in her responses she said she plans to pursue this further. I have seen her mention that she will encourage her dd too.

 

[cabanafrau]

This thread is more of a pile on than a discussion but I don't blame the OP for that. She's come back and responded and I must have missed where in her responses she said she plans to pursue this further. I have seen her mention that she will encourage her dd too.

Has she come out an stated she's going to pursue it further? No. Is she laying out rationalizations why she should be involved, overseeing and monitoring via the emails -- including referring to a wasted bus trip as putting mom over the edge? Doesn't hurt for mom to hear some reinforcement of the idea she needs to stay back and let her DD work it out.

 

[Patch'sD]

Parent professor conference? Is that an actual thing or are you being funny? I have two kids in university and I've not heard of anything like that. I would feel awkward going to such a thing.

I have one child who attends university in another country, and one who goes locally and lives at home. Even with the one who lives at home, I only know whether or not he goes to class but not what actually happens when he's at class. The only way I know whether or not he goes is if his truck is parked in front of the house or not. As for the one in another country....couldnt tell you what's going on, except what he tells me. I pay the bills...that's all I'm involved with,

I'm sorry I was being Satirical. Sorry for the confusion

 

[gwynne]

I'm sorry I was being Satirical. Sorry for the confusion

Understood. You might consider using emoticons. They really help with the written word. We can't hear each others inflections.

 

[RangerPooh]

Is this really an issue? Are parents really calling? I do not remember signing any form for my son's school, except for an emergency notification form that he filled out when he was in the dorms. He is in off campus student housing now and I believe we are listed as emergencies contacts but we didn't sign anything. I would not even consider calling my son's school though and maybe that's why this idea is so foreign to me. I guess I'm old school, when my kids move out they are adults, if they need something they will ask for it but mostly it's just advice.

Yes! Every semester I get a few phone calls from parents wanting to discuss their child's grades or future classes. Some advisors have had parents attend advising meetings in lieu of their student! Some parents are concerned about their struggling student and just want to talk, to know what possible plan B options might be. I've worked with plenty of well meaning parents as well as the hovering type.

 

[Hikergirl]

Has she come out an stated she's going to pursue it further? No. Is she laying out rationalizations why she should be involved, overseeing and monitoring via the emails -- including referring to a wasted bus trip as putting mom over the edge? Doesn't hurt for mom to hear some reinforcement of the idea she needs to stay back and let her DD work it out.

We have no idea what kind of relationship her and her daughter have. I think using the terms overseeing and monitoring may not be fair. Her daughter may just have no problem sharing the info with her, on her own. Does the OP force her too? Maybe, maybe not.

The OP is frustrated, and IMO rightfully so, I'd be annoyed too. My dd would also be annoyed, likely annoyed enough to vent to me, even showing me the emails, and I know for sure she'd ***** to me about having to trek over to another campus by bus only to find when she got there class was cancelled. I would tell my dd to work it out, but it wouldn't change my feelings about the situation. I would be mad on her behalf, I wouldn't act on it, but I'd still be mad. I get the impression that the OP feels the same, still frustrated and venting but still willing to back off and let her dd handle it.

 

[wvjules]

I don't get the feeling that the mom will back off. She keeps justifying why she was involved in the first place. To me that makes it seem like she's going to continue being involved. Yes she did say she would let her DD handle it, but I'm not sure that will happen.

 

[NewRVLady]

edited-question answered

 

[Hikergirl]

Wanted to mention this because it relates to this thread. Last week at my dd's HS they must have been discussing teh FERPA waivers because she came home all annoyed (you know in that teen angst sort of way LOL) that alot of her friends were just going to sign it because they didn't care about. I think for kids today, its not always about controlling or helicopter parents, its just that they have the "whatever" attitude about things like this.
I told my dd that I wouldn't have her sign it, I trust her enough to share her info with me, and even though she is an adult, I'm the one paying the bill.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't get the feeling that the mom will back off. She keeps justifying why she was involved in the first place. To me that makes it seem like she's going to continue being involved. Yes she did say she would let her DD handle it, but I'm not sure that will happen.

Its funny how people can read the same words and come to different conclusions. I do get the feeling she will, but I totally know that I could be wrong

 

[NewRVLady]

It's a 300 level course in her major. She is very academic focused. She isn't your typical young adult at college who likes to get involved in clubs, parties, social events, etc. You can find her at the library or studying. She places her own pressures with maintaining a high GPA.

so she is a Junior?
Or is she taking upper level classes as a freshman?

See I an confused-I looked at other threads and back in nov you were asking advice for tuition-that your child was accepted for University Fall 2016
So is she switching schools?
http://www.disboards.com/threads/can-you-negotiate-college-tuition.3465320/