WWYD - Kids Education

[PAMOMOF2]

Getting married in December and stumbling upon the upcoming move in with my soon to be husband – We are talking about this constantly and we just can’t come to a solid answer. The issue is that he owns a home, a home that he recently refinanced and can’t sell without taking a loss, I don’t own a home, I’ve been renting for years. We live 30 minutes apart, but he’s in a different school district. I really like the school district my kids go to, it’s a great school, I love the teachers, the parental involvement is high and they are learning so much. The district he resides in doesn’t appear to be so great, they seem to be having tons of issues this school year due to rushing to build a new school, having many bussing issues, lacks a PTO and just don’t seem to have it together – so now, we’re in a bind, because I don’t think taking a gamble with my kids education is a wise move, whereas he thinks that we should just move and everything will work itself out and the kids will be fine. Maybe I’m too protective and afraid of the kids not doing well in school..There are not any private schools in the vicinity, so that’s not an option. I love this man dearly, I love his (our) house, but I’m just not sure of gambling with their education..what would you do in this situation?

 

[hentob]

he thinks that we should just move and everything will work itself out and the kids will be fine.

How does he think things "will work itself out"

How old are your children? What does THEIR father say?

 

[golfgal]

Tough choice but I would sell the house and find one in the better school district. Even if he refinanced the "loss" from that isn't all that much and in the long run a house in a good school district is going to appreciate more then one in a not so good district.

One thing we have in our state is statewide open enrollment where any kid can go to any school as long as there is room. If you had that option you could move AND keep your kids in the same schools.

Have you toured the other schools are are you mainly going by what you have heard? Sometimes hearing one thing is only one person's perception of what happened and might not be the reality for everyone else.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Since he can't sell his house for a profit I would rent his house out and have him move in with you. Sorry but I would not sacrifice my children's education. That kind of stuf doesn't "work itself out."

Welcome to the Dis.

 

[Bethenny]

My kids' education/well-being would come first, period. Even if it meant taking a loss on a house or postponing a marriage. What was the mortgage situation before he refied? Did he discuss that with you? Before becoming engaged, what did you discuss about housing plans? Seems, this should have all been ironed out before you got engaged.

 

[PAMOMOF2]

Their father says nothing – he has no say when he walked away years ago.

The kids are in 5th grade and 1st grade

Sorry that this was my intro post – I’ve been reading the board for years and figured what better place to get TONS of advice! I’ve seen so many other people post and given great advice, I thought I’d give it a whirl…

I’ve tried to contact the Principal to schedule a tour, but she is not very responsive.

Bethenny – I know it should have all been ironed out; he made his house decisions prior to me being a part of his life and I’m not up to par with his mortgage situation, just that he owes more than he thinks he can get from it and he doesn’t have the best credit, due to his being basically blown up in Iraq and having to default on numerous things while he was in Walter Reed for 5+months (again, this was before we met, but the issue still are around today). I knew going into our relationship this information, but my love for him, overshadowed the financial woes he faced – so while I’ve got stellar credit, him, well not so much – so that’s another issue..

they don't have a PTA/PTO...

Thanks for the welcome – hope to become more active on these boards!

 

[dis-happy]

Before anything else, I'd make an appt. to tour the new school, meet with the administration, perhaps attend a PTA meeting and really get a feel for what's going on there. More information will give you what you need to make a decision.

 

[Bethenny]

Well, since you asked, if he recently refied and this was before you met him, I might suggest you're getting married too soon. If it was just you, that would be fine. But you're talking about uprooting your children for a person you've only recently met.

 

[MushyMushy]

Since he can't sell his house for a profit I would rent his house out and have him move in with you. Sorry but I would not sacrifice my children's education. That kind of stuf doesn't "work itself out."

Welcome to the Dis.

I like this idea.

And I agree, their education comes first. There's no way I'd move my kids to a subpar school district.

 

[PAMOMOF2]

Well, since you asked, if he recently refied and this was before you met him, I might suggest you're getting married too soon. If it was just you, that would be fine. But you're talking about uprooting your children for a person you've only recently met.

Recently = 2 years ago, time sure does fly. We've been together a year and a half and knew each other for another year prior to that, but at that point, I was a friend, not concerned with his fiscal/mortgage matters. But thanks Bethenny for your thoughts on the matter, much appreciated.

 

[RadioNate]

If he can't sell the house then he needs to rent it out and move into your area. You guys can rent a new house together if your house isn't sufficient. I just wouldn't put the kids in a subpar school.

And if he really is 'the one' and going to be your husband and treat your kids as his own he shouldn't have a problem with that.

 

[luvmy3]

Since he can't sell his house for a profit I would rent his house out and have him move in with you. Sorry but I would not sacrifice my children's education. That kind of stuf doesn't "work itself out."

Welcome to the Dis.

 

[LuvLDM]

I think renting out his house & getting a place in your current school district is a great idea

 

[Bethenny]

Recently = 2 years ago, time sure does fly. We've been together a year and a half and knew each other for another year prior to that, but at that point, I was a friend, not concerned with his fiscal/mortgage matters. But thanks Bethenny for your thoughts on the matter, much appreciated.

Well I wouldn't say 2 years is recent, but fine. I think renting the house sounds like a good idea, if possible. What does he say about all this?

 

[princessmom29]

What about aplying for a transfer for the kids to the school you want them in? It is not that hard to get here, if you know how to go about it. If your target school has any program not offered at the school you are districted for and your child wants to participate then the transfer must be granted unless the school you are looking to go to is at capacity. This includes any type of art, music, dance, theater, ect. your child wants to participate in that is not offered at their home school. I am pretty sure most states have this kind of setup to ensure equal access to services.

 

[diznygirl]

If he can't sell the house then he needs to rent it out and move into your area. You guys can rent a new house together if your house isn't sufficient. I just wouldn't put the kids in a subpar school.

And if he really is 'the one' and going to be your husband and treat your kids as his own he shouldn't have a problem with that.

I agree - their education should be a concern to him as well.

You might want to ask like a previous poster suggested about a transfer. If you move into his house ask for a transfer to their current school district so you don't have to switch schools. Worth a try.

But since you already have the benefit of a good school district, I wouldn't switch to a lower-rated one. That wouldn't make any sense.

 

[luvsJack]

Before I made a decision I would tour the school and sit down with the administration to find out what they plan to do about the problems. Hearing the issues second hand may be making mountains out of molehills. And things could be on the verge of turn around. Many schools with problems make administration changes and go through many changes during one year to make things better the next year.

While you are at it go ahead and find out the policies on transfering to a school out of your district. Here you can transfer but only if the school you are going to isn't in danger of being filled and you have to pay some fees.

Then once you have a true view of what your options are, you need to sit down with your soon to be husband and have a discussion about it.

I wouldn't put anything else above my children's education either but you want to make sure you are getting the whole, true story too.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since he can't sell his house for a profit I would rent his house out and have him move in with you. Sorry but I would not sacrifice my children's education. That kind of stuf doesn't "work itself out."

Welcome to the Dis.

MTE....

If he would not agree, we would not be getting married. I would postpone or call off wedding until he sold the house.

 

[NotUrsula]

What about aplying for a transfer for the kids to the school you want them in? It is not that hard to get here, if you know how to go about it. If your target school has any program not offered at the school you are districted for and your child wants to participate then the transfer must be granted unless the school you are looking to go to is at capacity. This includes any type of art, music, dance, theater, ect. your child wants to participate in that is not offered at their home school. I am pretty sure most states have this kind of setup to ensure equal access to services.

Sort of OT, but no, not really, at least not just because you want to. 34 states have inter-district transfer laws, but most of them, including mine, have strict restrictions on what constitutes a good enough reason to transfer. Not having access to a particular dance class usually doesn't qualify. In most cases that I am familiar with that are not related to desegregation goals, the only children who qualify are those who have certain kinds of disabilities, or those who have really unusual transportation hardships.

Intra-district transfers are usually a bit easier to get, but the OP is talking about changing districts, not just changing schools within the same district.

 

[HelenePA]

If the OP is in PA her children can only go to school in her district for free... she CAN see if she can send her kids back to her old district if she moves but she will have to pay tuition... at least that's how it works in my PA county... good luck!