WWYD - Kids Education

[bumbershoot]

Anyway, OP asked advice on the school issue with her kids, not her relationship.

In the poll:

What would you do
Go ahead and move
Not move

Not moving, when she has planned to move, would impact her relationship. Hopefully he'd be understanding, but given what she has actually said (different priorities, not knowing everything about his financial situation, etc) I'm not 100% convinced that he would be. So...it's advice on relationship.


My mom married a man who professed deep love for her. She, when she finally REALLY thought about it years later, married him b/c of finances, because she was tired of being IT for us, because she wanted a man around. They had a breakup for awhile, and in that time apart he leased a Porsche. They got back together. The Porsche kept breaking down. He made the decision to not make the payments for the time the car was in the shop. They married. Then they got sued by Porsche. My mom included b/c they were married by then. Woo! She didn't KNOW he'd been doing this, not paying the lease during the garaged time...

People have the right to have finances splayed open in front of them before marrying or even moving in. This fiance needs to show it all to the OP, to be 100% honest, too honest even, really let her know what's going on, the value of the home, etc. She shouldn't have these areas of no knowledge.

Regardless of what he did before you started dating, by the time you are ready to get married you should know every single piece of info about his finances, including having seen his credit report. You should know exactly how much he owes on that house. If you can't ask him, or if he refuses to share, you're not ready to marry him.

Aside from that, though. I wouldn't move into his home with the kids and just 'hope for the best'. I'd rent the home and both of us buy elsewhere (whether in your current district or another one that is comparable) or both of us live in the current apartment until the house is able to be sold.

Yep.

 

[Anne MN]

I was not seeking advice on my relationship, but thank you for your comment.

He refinanced when the market was good and it was a wise move at that point in time, i'm sure he's not alone in that he refinanced and the market tanked, so now he'd have a loss to sell. So Mystery Machine, his intelligence is not in question here.

His finanicial woes is all on Chrysler - after having his fuel truck attacked in Iraq, losing his friend in the accident, being put back together at Walter Reed, they didn't want to help him, he asked for reduced interest, reduced payments, they refused so they repo'd his car - they are the ones who screwed him and his credit...Someone nearly dies for their country and his intelligence is questioned..

thanks for the advice everyone..

Is he still serving?
I know that while he was deployed he is able (with paperwork) to get intrest rates dropped to 6% and other things- servicemembers relief act.
I am not positive, but if this was going on while in Walter Reed- someone in his unit SHOULD have been able to fix it- I know that they are in a different "code" ( not in garrision) there are a lot of rules that if you contact a creditor that you are deploying they have to follow (I know that there was a story a little while ago about someone who was deployed that had their vehicle reposesed while they were in Iraq)

 

[Magic Mom]

Since he can't sell his house for a profit I would rent his house out and have him move in with you. Sorry but I would not sacrifice my children's education. That kind of stuf doesn't "work itself out."

Welcome to the Dis.

This.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

I wouldn't remove my kids from a good school and move them to a lousy one. The man you marry should value your kids as you do and want the best education for them. I would rent his house out and have him move in with you, or postpone the marriage and moving in together till he can sell his house.