WWYD, if anything?

[DuskKodesh]

If it doesn't bother your husband then it just sounds like he enjoys hearing from his friend or he wouldn't answer the calls. And honestly that's good. It's good for people to have friends they talk to. It's weird he had to put it on speaker... I mean you should trust him, but if he didn't wish to chat he'd not answer. If you really feel this is infringing on your together time then the answer is clear. You and your hubs have to have a heart to heart about it with no distractions. Find a good compromise like maybe he could tell her no calls or chat after a certain hour? Or none on certain days? But it's a conversation between you two.

 

[cabanafrau]

Your husband wants to talk with her. Or else he wouldn't.

That's possible. It's also possible he's the type of person to avoid confrontation or upset, so has simply been contending with the calls as the path of least resistance. Once the wife began to push back he was caught between the two and is relying on his wife understanding his dilemma and riding it out.

 

[gillep]

Unfortunately as annoying as it is to you, it seems to not bother DH much. It is up to DH to set the boundary. By taking her calls and chatting with her, he is encouraging the behavior. It is obvious there is nothing romantic going on, it's just an annoyance.

You need to sit DH down and tell him this needs to change and that she is infringing on family time and it's disrespectful to you. Then, it is up to him. He can either 1. ignore some of her calls and see if it stops her (unless he is "on call" and required to answer work calls) 2. Confront her and tell her that he would appreciate it if she only contacts him with work emergencies when he is off the clock or, 3. do nothing and the calls will continue. It seems he is not willing to ignore the calls and let them go to vm, which makes me wonder if he is required to answer work calls.

I agree with this. This is a problem with your husband and he either needs to set a boundary, or not. My husband is bothered by co-workers all the time, I have gotten used to it but in his industry it is pretty much expected that you be available.

 

[Magical2017]

She is definitely overstepping bounds with daily phone calls. I would be annoyed, regardless of the gender of the caller.

 

[Darcy03231]

If its bothering you, it's going to effect your relationship with your husband in the long run. Your resentment will continue to build and that's never a good thing in a relationship.. He needs to put a stop to it. I would pick a time to sit down with him and calmly let him know how you feel about these phone calls. By continuing to take these calls he's putting her feelings over yours - and I would point that out. Feelings don't have to be right or rational, they are what they are. Hopefully, when he finds out how much this bothers you he'll end the calls. If he doesn't, you know where you stand.

 

[ronandannette]

I am a long time diser, yad, yada, yada. I have an issue I would like to get input on. Maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill. My husband and I work for the same company. On our campus, there are two buildings. For many years, we worked in the same building. Didn’t really see each other much. Several months ago, he moved to a different job. They kind of created a couple of new positions and he and another lady that we work with were moved to those positions. We both knew her very well even though she worked in the building next door. Now they are both in a tiny office together connected to another tiny office that their boss is in. So, I really like this lady but she is kind of getting under my skin lately. She calls my husband EVERY night after work and even on Saturdays and Sundays. I know that the phone calls are very platonic because my husband puts all of his calls on speaker, including hers. Her conversations are always about work but are 95% just shooting the bull. Things like...you won’t believe what so and so did...let me tell you what so and so said to me as I was leaving work. My husband’s job starts and ends about an hour before hers so she feels the need to catch him up. She trains on the weekend and called him last Saturday to tell him that her trainee was 15 minutes late. Most of what she calls for could be discussed the next day at work. I know that they are just friends but to be honest, even if a male friend called him every, single day it would seem weird to me. She also texts him frequently. Even though I have kept my mouth shut, he knows that it annoys me and if the roles were reversed he wouldn’t like it at all. He is a very sweet person and doesn’t want to hurt her feelings or make her mad. The only time I have said anything is when I told him that he could just not answer sometimes and maybe she would get the hint. He just won’t do that. It is really beginning to get under my skin. Would you just let it go and not say anything else and deal with her calling every single day, or would you press the issue? It makes me feel disrespected because first of all she shouldn’t be calling my husband every day, and second because I feel like he could at the very least dissuade her from calling by not answering her calls all the time. We are very open with our phones, texts, e-mails, etc. Am I making too much of this? I feel like maybe I am but then I also think if I were getting calls from a man I work every day, he wouldn’t like it either. I just can’t let it go!! What are your thoughts?

There you have it. This is on your husband and you're at his mercy here. He's fine with it and fine with you not being fine with it. No way would either my DH or myself be answering work calls after-hours, and in general, we wouldn't be answering friends that called that often for nothing other than chit-chat either. We're on the same page that way and sadly it doesn't seem like you and your DH are. Don't intervene directly with the co-worker; given your situation there it wouldn't benefit anybody for the two of you to go to war.

 

[kaytieeldr]

There is no reason for her to contact him outside of office hours unless there is an emergency on a joint project.

Yep! Even the late trainee? Unless OP's husband is directly responsible for trainees, that call should have gone to their manager.

You're not required to answer every call that comes on your phone.

Exactly, and this bears repeating: "You're not required to answer every call that comes on your phone". Ever. Especially your personal phone. Company-provided phone combined with literally being on call, okay, different.

Maybe they could set up an in-office meeting, daily or a couple of times a week, where she can tell him.the things she calls about?

 

[soccerdad72]

Talk to your husband about it.

 

[HollyHobbie111]

I appreciate all of the input. Makes me feel better. I was afraid that I was overreacting. Just to answer a question or two...he is never on call for his job and he doesn’t have to answer work calls. He DOES answer if anyone calls but it isn’t because he has to. Also, he didn’t HAVE to put his phone on speaker. We just both always do because most of the time we are talking to our kids, parents, etc. together, or we are busy cooking, playing on the iPad, etc. I guess it is just habit. I wouldn’t get upset if he didn’t put it on speaker phone. I just mentioned that to say that I know it isn’t anything but platonic.

I think Cabanafrau said it better than I did.

That's possible. It's also possible he's the type of person to avoid confrontation or upset, so has simply been contending with the calls as the path of least resistance. Once the wife began to push back he was caught between the two and is relying on his wife understanding his dilemma and riding it out.

He IS the type of person to avoid confrontation. I don’t say anything about it, except for the one time I told him to just not answer the phone but I’m sure my facial expressions or subtle actions when she calls show how I feel. A couple of nights ago, he said that he was sorry that she called all of the time but he doesn’t want to say anything to her to make her mad so that things are uncomfortable at work. I do get that so I don’t expect him to tell her to stop calling but I do want him to at least not answer every single call. She can leave a message. I guess I am just going to have to spill it instead of waiting on him to do something. He is just too nice sometimes. I just wanted to make sure, through other‘s eyes, that I wasn’t being a baby or getting all in a lather over something I shouldn’t. I don’t like confrontation even more than him.

Side note: I was watching a show or something several weeks ago and a girl went on her boy friend’s phone and blocked another woman’s phone number. Kind of wish I could do that.

 

[Carol_]

Turn his ringer off accidentally. Turn it back on in the morning.

 

[cabanafrau]

I appreciate all of the input. Makes me feel better. I was afraid that I was overreacting. Just to answer a question or two...he is never on call for his job and he doesn’t have to answer work calls. He DOES answer if anyone calls but it isn’t because he has to. Also, he didn’t HAVE to put his phone on speaker. We just both always do because most of the time we are talking to our kids, parents, etc. together, or we are busy cooking, playing on the iPad, etc. I guess it is just habit. I wouldn’t get upset if he didn’t put it on speaker phone. I just mentioned that to say that I know it isn’t anything but platonic.

I think Cabanafrau said it better than I did.

He IS the type of person to avoid confrontation. I don’t say anything about it, except for the one time I told him to just not answer the phone but I’m sure my facial expressions or subtle actions when she calls show how I feel. A couple of nights ago, he said that he was sorry that she called all of the time but he doesn’t want to say anything to her to make her mad so that things are uncomfortable at work. I do get that so I don’t expect him to tell her to stop calling but I do want him to at least not answer every single call. She can leave a message. I guess I am just going to have to spill it instead of waiting on him to do something. He is just too nice sometimes. I just wanted to make sure, through other‘s eyes, that I wasn’t being a baby or getting all in a lather over something I shouldn’t. I don’t like confrontation even more than him.

Side note: I was watching a show or something several weeks ago and a girl went on her boy friend’s phone and blocked another woman’s phone number. Kind of wish I could do that.

This is why my original suggestion was a heart to heart. That may very well mean you tell him your unhappiness and frustration and he says, I get it, but here's my worry or hesitation with doing that. Then you can try together to come up with a solution you both can live with. To me this isn't a situation where I would give my husband an ultimatum at this point, so it may not simply be that the answer is he puts a stop to it or else.

Personally one of the things that would send me around the bend would be the speakerphone. There are times it's a useful feature, but for me those times are limited. It grates on my nerves to use speakerphone and I would go bonkers listening to someone else on speakerphone on a daily basis. That's something you absolutely can ask him to stop without overstepping his boundaries. Maybe that will help mitigate the irritation for you somewhat.

Maybe you can also negotiate that you need to have the ability to say, I really would appreciate it if you just didn't answer tonight/right now if you're really finding it on your last nerve or perhaps even the two of you were having an enjoyable conversation yourselves. It's very common for a lot of people to routinely call, text, fb message my husband on virtually a daily basis to help them with computer or tech issues. Sometimes I have minor computer issues pop up myself that I push to the backburner, thinking I'll wait for a convenient time to ask for his help. There have been times when he winds up answering so many other requests that I wind up with a list of questions and issues and finally get irritable because I feel like I've waited my turn patiently long enough and I feel like my number isn't going to be the next one served unless I'm the squeaky wheel. That's not a happy time for either of us so now I try and use patience but not let things wait much more than a week so that I'm not feeling irritable about the whole situation. He's started failing to respond to certain steady "customers" for a few days at a time, for his sake and mine. Most of the time we find a happy balance. It wouldn't be happy if I flat out demanded he quit helping anyone because that's part of who he is.

 

[ramee]

I agree about the speakerphone feature being annoying. I usually don’t want to hear other people’s conversations.

Do you chime in on these calls? You said you knew her fairly well. Maybe she enjoys talking to both of you. She sounds like she doesn’t have much of a personal life, and these calls may fulfill that.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

She calls my husband EVERY night after work and even on Saturdays and Sundays. I know that the phone calls are very platonic because my husband puts all of his calls on speaker, including hers. Her conversations are always about work but are 95% just shooting the bull. Things like...you won’t believe what so and so did...let me tell you what so and so said to me as I was leaving work. My husband’s job starts and ends about an hour before hers so she feels the need to catch him up. She trains on the weekend and called him last Saturday to tell him that her trainee was 15 minutes late. Most of what she calls for could be discussed the next day at work. I know that they are just friends but to be honest, even if a male friend called him every, single day it would seem weird to me. She also texts him frequently.

I appreciate all of the input. Makes me feel better. I was afraid that I was overreacting. Just to answer a question or two...he is never on call for his job and he doesn’t have to answer work calls. He DOES answer if anyone calls but it isn’t because he has to. Also, he didn’t HAVE to put his phone on speaker.

Honestly, it sounds bizarre to me!! I truly can't imagine having anyone in my life call me EVERY SINGLE day!!! And text in addition to the phone calls!!! Seven days a week!!! Yikes!!! I just can't wrap my brain around it!! I have gone through periods of time that my Mom and I spoke everyday, but a co-worker!?!?

If I worked all day, the very last thing that I would want to do at night, would be to talk to a random co-worker about mundane things, like a trainee coming in 15-minutes late!! UGH!! Its hard to imagine what would provoke a co-worker to do that, but I find it equally hard to imagine why your husband would allow it to happen.

My husband and I lead busy and fulfilling lives and there is no way that I would find enjoyment in talking to a co-worker every single night!!!

 

[_19disnA]

The husband and this woman are co-workers and sit next to each other at the office according to the OP, so they can talk with each other all day at work. Having her call him at home DAILY to chit/chat is a bit bizarre and makes no sense to me.

 

[caytlyn]

She has a thing for him. He enjoys the attention. You haven't said anything about it, so they think it's all good. He's answering her calls because he *wants* to.

 

[aejammers]

She has a thing for him. He enjoys the attention. You haven't said anything about it, so they think it's all good. He's answering her calls because he *wants* to.

Agree. Just because the conversation sounds platonic, doesn't mean her intentions are platonic. I think you probably suspect that, which is why you are really bothered by her calls. Ask yourself if it was Joe calling your DH every day, would it bother you so much?

 

[sharona]

If she’s on speakerphone that’s the perfect opportunity for you to call out from the doorway “honey I need your help with x” and give him the out to end the call. He can say “I have to go, we can discuss this tomorrow at the office”. A few of those and she’ll get the hint.

Or, if you start to suspect she’s after more, “honey get in here It’s your turn to xxx”.

 

[NYCgrrl]

Saying this with respect for the OP's feelings and concerns but the situ at described would be much ado about nothing for me.
Office gossip during downtime can happen at work (be careful there), at the local watering hole or eatery, and yes, on the phone.

 

[kimblebee]

If 95% of the calls aren't work related, it sounds like she is trying to strike up a relationship or flirt with him even if he doesn't see it that way. Is she married? Seems her husband would have a similar issue about all of these calls. If she isn't married, she shouldn't be constantly calling a married man. Calling him DAILY as you indicated is inappropriate.

Cell phones have caller ID, so your husband could simply not answer the calls and perhaps she will get the message. If not, he needs to be more direct with her. He could simply tell her they are co-workers and he doesn't see the need to constantly discuss the office when at home. This way he doesn't come off as accusatory about her intentions.

Your husband wants to talk with her. Or else he wouldn't.

Agree. Just because the conversation sounds platonic, doesn't mean her intentions are platonic. I think you probably suspect that, which is why you are really bothered by her calls. Ask yourself if it was Joe calling your DH every day, would it bother you so much?

She has a thing for him. He enjoys the attention. You haven't said anything about it, so they think it's all good. He's answering her calls because he *wants* to.

If she’s on speakerphone that’s the perfect opportunity for you to call out from the doorway “honey I need your help with x” and give him the out to end the call. He can say “I have to go, we can discuss this tomorrow at the office”. A few of those and she’ll get the hint.

Or, if you start to suspect she’s after more, “honey get in here It’s your turn to xxx”.

Give me a break!! As soon as I read the OP I knew this would all be blamed on the ‘bizarre’, ‘lonely’, man stealing woman. Or, if we’re blaming the man, it’s because he can’t fight her off.

They’re friends. They like to talk outside work. I wouldn’t want someone calling 24/7 and neither would my husband but he has friends that are gots and I have friends who are guys..no big deal.

Honestly, it sounds like there are a LOT of very insecure people on this thread who should be looking at their own relationship first, before offering advice on anyone else’s.

 

[luvsJack]

She has a thing for him. He enjoys the attention. You haven't said anything about it, so they think it's all good. He's answering her calls because he *wants* to.

Because a man and woman can’t possibly just be friends? Really?