WWYD, if anything?

[luvsJack]

Agree. Just because the conversation sounds platonic, doesn't mean her intentions are platonic. I think you probably suspect that, which is why you are really bothered by her calls. Ask yourself if it was Joe calling your DH every day, would it bother you so much?

She has already said that it would bother her just as much if it was a male friend calling as often as this woman calls. Not every single woman is out to steal someone’s husband.

 

[Pink Partridge]

She calls every single day. Saturdays and Sundays included. To gossip. I wouldn't use the word "insecure" to describe people's concerns.

It's flat out weird for a co worker to call daily to talk after work hours about non-work issues. It's highly inappropriate and in some work environments would be grounds for HR to get involved. Male or female. The gender of this daily caller is not relevant to me.

Weekends? To gossip? Never. I think something is wrong with the OP's husband to even entertain this.

 

[Sabeking]

Slightly different situation but I have a coworker that used to call me and text me every weekend about work nonsense; nothing important. I really began to get irritated. The last thing I want to do on the weekend is talk shop. I never said anything but started to ignore the calls and texts. Eventually she quit. So, I said something without really having to say something. If your husband doesn’t like confrontation this may be one way to handle it.

 

[Ensusieasm]

She has a thing for him. He enjoys the attention. You haven't said anything about it, so they think it's all good. He's answering her calls because he *wants* to.

Bingo!

 

[Southernmiss]

It would be a fast 'oh hell no' for me.

Can't believe others would let this go on so long at the expense of family time and the marital relationship.

Work wife needs a life outside of op's husband.

 

[NYCgrrl]

She calls every single day. Saturdays and Sundays included. To gossip. I wouldn't use the word "insecure" to describe people's concerns.

It's flat out weird for a co worker to call daily to talk after work hours about non-work issues. It's highly inappropriate and in some work environments would be grounds for HR to get involved. Male or female. The gender of this daily caller is not relevant to me.

Weekends? To gossip? Never. I think something is wrong with the OP's husband to even entertain this.

What work environments or industries would this be grounds for HR to be involved in the manner you suggested and for the reasons stated by the OP? Working for the CIA maybe?

 

[low-key]

What work environments or industries would this be grounds for HR to be involved in the manner you suggested and for the reasons stated by the OP? Working for the CIA maybe?

Our the FBI ( did they say anything about the President )

 

[Pink Partridge]

What work environments or industries would this be grounds for HR to be involved in the manner you suggested and for the reasons stated by the OP? Working for the CIA maybe?

Many work environments frown upon workplace gossip. Now factor in this woman is calling daily (including Saturdays and Sundays) to gossip about her co-workers?

The OP's husband is ok with the 7 day a week gossipy calls. But it is absolutely the type of person I would quickly establish a strictly professional relationship with.

 

[sharona]

Give me a break!! As soon as I read the OP I knew this would all be blamed on the ‘bizarre’, ‘lonely’, man stealing woman. Or, if we’re blaming the man, it’s because he can’t fight her off.

They’re friends. They like to talk outside work. I wouldn’t want someone calling 24/7 and neither would my husband but he has friends that are gots and I have friends who are guys..no big deal.

Honestly, it sounds like there are a LOT of very insecure people on this thread who should be looking at their own relationship first, before offering advice on anyone else’s.

Because a man and woman can’t possibly just be friends? Really?

I believe men and women can be platonic friends but I’ve also seen some work friendships among coworkers turn into more and cause marital issues. It really doesn’t matter if she’s just a friend or just a coworker or if she’s happily married, single, lonely or whatever - calling on weekends and every night after work is way too intrusive. If he’s not discouraging it then that is the same as encouraging it to continue.

 

[fortwildernessishome]

Give me a break!! As soon as I read the OP I knew this would all be blamed on the ‘bizarre’, ‘lonely’, man stealing woman. Or, if we’re blaming the man, it’s because he can’t fight her off.

They’re friends. They like to talk outside work. I wouldn’t want someone calling 24/7 and neither would my husband but he has friends that are gots and I have friends who are guys..no big deal.

Honestly, it sounds like there are a LOT of very insecure people on this thread who should be looking at their own relationship first, before offering advice on anyone else’s.

Honestly, it sounds bizarre to me!! I truly can't imagine having anyone in my life call me EVERY SINGLE day!!! And text in addition to the phone calls!!! Seven days a week!!! Yikes!!! I just can't wrap my brain around it!! I have gone through periods of time that my Mom and I spoke everyday, but a co-worker!?!?

If I worked all day, the very last thing that I would want to do at night, would be to talk to a random co-worker about mundane things, like a trainee coming in 15-minutes late!! UGH!! Its hard to imagine what would provoke a co-worker to do that, but I find it equally hard to imagine why your husband would allow it to happen.

My husband and I lead busy and fulfilling lives and there is no way that I would find enjoyment in talking to a co-worker every single night!!!

I was the poster that called the situation bizarre! I truly can't think of a better word to describe it!! To call a co-worker every single day after you have been together all day at work is, well, BIZARRE!! I simply can't imagine doing that or having someone do it to me!!

I am blessed to have a lot of friends. Both girls and guys. My husband also has lots of friends of both sexes. Heck, when my boys were little and I was a stay at home Mom, there were two stay at home dads in my little town. My oldest was best buddies with one Dads kid and my youngest was best friends with the other Dads kid. The three of us spent lots of time together all summer taking our kids all over the state, to the beach, the mountains, amusements parks etc, etc. As much fun as I had hanging out with these two men, and I really did have fun, I wouldn't have wanted to talk to them at night, let alone EVERY night!!! Occasionally we needed to touch base on where and what time we were meeting the following day, but a 30-second phone call took care of that (this was pre-phone texting days!) and that was maybe one night a week.

I am in no way insecure and have been happily married for 32 years, but I stand by my statement that I find it totally bizarre that a co-worker would call someone every single day, and equally bizarre that the co-worker on the receiving end of the calls would continue to take the calls. So ya, I would find this a pretty big deal!!!

I know you didn't quote me, but you added bizarre and that was my description! Personally, I can't think of a better word to describe the situation!!

 

[MamaBelle4]

I'll be honest, I'm trying to wrap my head around anyone thinking this is okay. (Not the posters, the people involved).

I don't know who I'm more irritated by, the husband who knows this is disrupting his personal life or the coworker who ought to have some set of boundaries.

I call my sister and my mother a couple of times a week. Usually my mother in law about once a week. My BFF and I text frequently.

I can't imagine calling any of them daily and asking them to dedicate a portion of every day to whatever is floating around the top of my mind. Because that is what she's doing. Every time she calls about something mundane and unimportant while you're eating dinner, she's commandeering a portion of your day. Your husband answering the phone is allowing it.

I agree with Cabanafrau (apologies if I misspelled your name), you need a serious heart to heart and he needs to set boundaries.

No reason for her to be upset by your husband saying, "While I enjoy talking to you, it is starting to disrupt our plans when you call everyday and on weekends. If it is something that absolutely cannot wait, fine, but if not, tell me about it at work the next day." Or, if she's lonely and friends with both of you, plan monthly get togethers like a coffee out or something.

But I couldn't let this stand myself. I have far too little time with my DH as it is and my children and I aren't sharing him to alleviate a coworker's boredom or loneliness.

 

[sonnyjane]

I totally get it and I'd be annoyed too.

I think I'd ask my hubby to just simply not answer her calls.

This. I think you’re irritated with the wrong person. We teach people how to treat us and your husband has taught this woman that calling him everyday is a-okay.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

About 15 years ago, when I was in college and had been dating a guy for a few years, I remember posting a thread like "Can men and women be "just" friends?" And like your thread, the replies were mixed. Well...let me tell you--my boyfriend at the time was getting WAY too chummy with a female coworker and I dropped that relationship like a stinky sock. So I'm definitely of the belief that men and women typically aren't "just friends" and that there is usually an attraction by one person or the other--even if they don't act on it or acknowledge it.

My husband does take some work calls in the evenings or on weekends--but only if they are critical in nature or have big sales implications. Neither one of us takes work calls to chit chat or shoot the breeze.

Like others, I can't imagine in an era or email and text, anyone calling me with that frequency, let alone a co-worker. It's truly bizarre.

Your husband, whether he says so or not, is enjoying the attention. Otherwise he'd let some of the calls go to voicemail or tell her honestly that he likes work-life balance and doesn't want to deal with work outside of work unless it's an emergency. There are ways for him to fix this "issue" without hurting her feelings or creating a major workplace conflict, but he's choosing not to do so because he's enjoying it to some degree.

And I don't think the situation would bother you quite so much if it were a male calling him.

You didn't say--is this co-worker married or in a relationship?

 

[disykat]

It's going to a whole lot more awkward and uncomfortable the longer she thinks he's her new best friend. He needs to nip it in the bud now. Pretty easy to just not answer her calls. If she asks why he isn't answering he simply answers he's busy with his family.

 

[HollyHobbie111]

OP here. I can assure you all that there is nothing more than her calling to chit chat about work. She is very much an extrovert. She is not lonely, doesn’t have anything horrible going on in her life and she isn’t interested in him nor is he interested in her. They are work friends. I really do like her. I really wouldn’t if I thought at all that there were any feelings there besides friends. I can see how looking from the outside it might seem that way. I definitely would feel the same way if a male co-worker were calling him every night. It is just getting old. And like another poster said, she doesn’t know her boundaries. He doesn’t seem super enthused when she calls so I wouldn’t say he enjoys these daily phone conversations. He sometimes even huffs or rolls his eyes. He is just a very nice person who doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I AM a little annoyed with him though that he doesn’t just let it go to voicemail. I agree with SonnyJane...we teach people how to treat us and he IS teaching her that it is okay to call everyday.

Yesterday on the way home from work, we were talking about being tired from the work day and he brought it up. He said that he realized that I was a little ticked at him about the calling situation. He said that he was going to start letting her calls go to voicemail and she could either leave a voicemail or not. Hallelujah!! Just what I had already suggested. So we will see if he follows through with that. No call last night. I was disappointed. I wanted to see if he let it go to VM. This is the first day in several weeks that she hasn’t called.

Speakerphone—this is just a habit we have gotten into. We are usually both talking to whoever is on the phone...our son, daughter, MIL, FIL...so we just put it on speaker phone so we both can talk to them. We never do this in public. That drives me crazy too, when someone does that in public. We really don’t talk on the phone very much. Just when we do, we both talk. I’m definitely a text kind of person. I rarely answer my phone unless it is one of the above. I don’t normally talk to her when she calls, mainly because I’m not happy that she has called again. I will only chime in if she asks something that I need to answer which is very rare because my work is very different than their work and I know very few of the people that they work with. She would be just fine talking to both of us. She is just very outgoing and loves to talk—-too much!

Info someone asked for...she is married and has grown children just like we do. She seems very happy and secure in her marriage.

 

[elaine amj]

My DH uses speakerphone ALL the time. He prefers we all do - he is wary of holding the phone too close to his ear all the time because of all the chatter out there about it causing health problems.

Our whole family is used to listening to all his conversations. And he is on the phone ALL day - mostly with various companies and stores or errand-type things. It is surprisingly not as disrupting as it sounds.

OP - glad your DH is acknowledging your irritation and is willing to try to limit the problem. My DH had a bunch of chatty coworkers too - they called all night and all weekend about everything - some important and some unimportant. Seemed like the office culture was just endless calls and texts. I thought it was nuts - and I’m a chatty person.

 

[luvsJack]

OP here. I can assure you all that there is nothing more than her calling to chit chat about work. She is very much an extrovert. She is not lonely, doesn’t have anything horrible going on in her life and she isn’t interested in him nor is he interested in her. They are work friends. I really do like her. I really wouldn’t if I thought at all that there were any feelings there besides friends. I can see how looking from the outside it might seem that way. I definitely would feel the same way if a male co-worker were calling him every night. It is just getting old. And like another poster said, she doesn’t know her boundaries. He doesn’t seem super enthused when she calls so I wouldn’t say he enjoys these daily phone conversations. He sometimes even huffs or rolls his eyes. He is just a very nice person who doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. I AM a little annoyed with him though that he doesn’t just let it go to voicemail. I agree with SonnyJane...we teach people how to treat us and he IS teaching her that it is okay to call everyday.

Yesterday on the way home from work, we were talking about being tired from the work day and he brought it up. He said that he realized that I was a little ticked at him about the calling situation. He said that he was going to start letting her calls go to voicemail and she could either leave a voicemail or not. Hallelujah!! Just what I had already suggested. So we will see if he follows through with that. No call last night. I was disappointed. I wanted to see if he let it go to VM. This is the first day in several weeks that she hasn’t called.

Speakerphone—this is just a habit we have gotten into. We are usually both talking to whoever is on the phone...our son, daughter, MIL, FIL...so we just put it on speaker phone so we both can talk to them. We never do this in public. That drives me crazy too, when someone does that in public. We really don’t talk on the phone very much. Just when we do, we both talk. I’m definitely a text kind of person. I rarely answer my phone unless it is one of the above. I don’t normally talk to her when she calls, mainly because I’m not happy that she has called again. I will only chime in if she asks something that I need to answer which is very rare because my work is very different than their work and I know very few of the people that they work with. She would be just fine talking to both of us. She is just very outgoing and loves to talk—-too much!

Info someone asked for...she is married and has grown children just like we do. She seems very happy and secure in her marriage.

Looks like it may work itself out! Good!

I have to say that I am very glad you are secure enough in your marriage and have the trust in your husband to not let some of these comments sway you to think more is going on than there is. Good for you!!

 

[luvsJack]

She calls every single day. Saturdays and Sundays included. To gossip. I wouldn't use the word "insecure" to describe people's concerns.

It's flat out weird for a co worker to call daily to talk after work hours about non-work issues. It's highly inappropriate and in some work environments would be grounds for HR to get involved. Male or female. The gender of this daily caller is not relevant to me.

Weekends? To gossip? Never. I think something is wrong with the OP's husband to even entertain this.

It’s inappropriate for co workers to be friends outside of work? I have several friends at work that I talk to outside of work. We meet for dinner. Have phone conversations and they call or text to check on me on the weekends when dh is gone. What on earth could be inappropriate about it?

The constant, every day calls can be irritating whether it’s a co worker or a friend outside of work.

 

[Pink Partridge]

It’s inappropriate for co workers to be friends outside of work? I have several friends at work that I talk to outside of work. We meet for dinner. Have phone conversations and they call or text to check on me on the weekends when dh is gone. What on earth could be inappropriate about it?

Do you have one work friend that calls you 7 days a week to gossip about work?

If so, that's pretty inappropriate.

If not, your situation isn't relevant to this conversation.

 

[Pink Partridge]

I also can't imagine having the time to talk on the phone with a co-worker every single day. Saturdays and Sundays included? No way. I value my time with my family way too much to be on the phone gossiping about work on a Sunday. That actually sounds downright depressing.