WWYD Drinking while driving.

[NHdisneylover]

Oh my goodness, what a way to start orientation! "Welcome to our university! Now watch this video about the death of a college student. Don't let this be youuuuuuuuu!"
As for marijuana... yeah, it's illegal in a lot of states, but really it's not nearly as dangerous as alcohol. So I think a reminder that it is illegal is probably all that they can or need to do there.

It was at least on day 2 of orientation--but, yeah, a bit freaky.
As for marijuana--it IS legal in Colorado--but not on federally funded campuses. Seems many students were coming to Colorado unaware of that second bit--so that got repeated over and over.
I agree it is not as dangerous as alcohol--which might also be why other than letting kids know they could face charges for using on campus, there was NOT a talk about how to use that substance in a less dangerous manner.
DD spent all of her teen years in Europe and has been drinking wine with dinner for years, and able to order it or buy it out for almost 3 years before heading back to the US for college, so I hope between that and all the talking we have done she knows how to be safe, and also does not see it as such a big deal to HAVE to do if it puts her schooling at risk, etc.

I might be naive but my bigger concern is reminding her to assume motorists do not see her on her bike (she is sued to living where TONS of people bike and cars are good about paying attentio) not drugs (including alcohol).

Then my husband is getting kicked out of bro-ville b/c he would totally tell me something like this. He tells me dumb stuff his friends do all the time!

My husband too. I hear all kinds of stories about things that happen on his business trips--both that the other guys do and stupid things he (rarely) does and regrets. Why would it not be okay for him to tell me what he has been up to and seeing?

This thread really has me thinking.... so many people are saying, "No more carpooling. Don't get in a car with him again." And many are saying that yeah, it might be just one beer, but who knows what else he has had to drink because if he can't wait until he gets home to crack open a beer, he might have a serious problem.

And you guys are right... cracking open a beer before (or while??) driving is alcoholic behavior. ***I am not saying this man is an alcoholic. This one scenario does not automatically make him as an alcoholic.***

If that is the case and he is an alcoholic, I don't think the answer is to leave him high and dry. Because in that scenario, this man is still driving (while consuming alcohol?). He is on the road, and he is a danger to others. Not only that, but he is a danger to himself. And if I were in OP's husband's shoes and felt like this man might have a problem, I would feel responsible to help him get the help he needs.

I agree to a point. I said that I would not ride in his truck but still offer to drive him, specifically to hopefully keep a possible drunk off the road, and also just to not be totally hurtful or anything. Unless the person is a close friend and not just a co worker, I would not feel I had a right to offer more help than that, personally.

 

[LittleMissMagic]

I agree to a point. I said that I would not ride in his truck but still offer to drive him, specifically to hopefully keep a possible drunk off the road, and also just to not be totally hurtful or anything. Unless the person is a close friend and not just a co worker, I would not feel I had a right to offer more help than that, personally.

Well, I think one would need more "evidence" that this man is a possible alcoholic (and from this story alone, I don't necessarily believe he is) before offering assistance, and I was under the assumption that they were rather close friends, considering they spend a lot of time together. But that was just an extremist example for all of the extremists out there. I'm playing devil's advocate on both sides, now.

 

[bethy]

IN reality, one beer doesn't make anyone a danger behind the wheel. I don't even think one beer would affect even the lightest lightweight. However, the need to immediately drink begs a larger problem, IMO. If he can't wait to drink until he's home where else is he drinking? I'd keep the response simple "You know, Bob, if you're going to drink literally while you're driving, I can't drive with you. I'm not comfortable with that behavior. I'm happy to drive the carpool and happy to drive with you if you don't drink in the car while you're driving."

If I drink one beer in less than 30-45 minutes I can feel mild effects from it which means my judgement is impaired.

 

[EMom]

This thread really has me thinking.... so many people are saying, "No more carpooling. Don't get in a car with him again." And many are saying that yeah, it might be just one beer, but who knows what else he has had to drink because if he can't wait until he gets home to crack open a beer, he might have a serious problem.

And you guys are right... cracking open a beer before (or while??) driving is alcoholic behavior. ***I am not saying this man is an alcoholic. This one scenario does not automatically make him as an alcoholic.***

If that is the case and he is an alcoholic, I don't think the answer is to leave him high and dry. Because in that scenario, this man is still driving (while consuming alcohol?). He is on the road, and he is a danger to others. Not only that, but he is a danger to himself. And if I were in OP's husband's shoes and felt like this man might have a problem, I would feel responsible to help him get the help he needs.

I grew up with more alcoholics in my family than you can shake a stick at, and you get to the point that your Spidey sense tingles at certain things that other people wouldn't even notice. And yes, there are aspects of this story that make me think this guy could potentially have a drinking problem. I'm not saying he 100% does, but just from what I read, I would not get in a car with him driving because there is a decent risk there. People who have not had decades of experience with this issue just don't "see" what people with my background see. He ticks too many boxes for my comfort. As for helping him, I'm a little fatalistic on that point, again having been around far too many alcoholics in my lifetime.

And I am so thankful my DH doesn't give a rat's red hiney about the bro code.

 

[DawnM]

I do not feel that i am leaving someone "high and dry" due to not getting in the car with him while he is drinking.

You can offer help to an alcoholic, but until he is ready to receive it, help can't happen.

I have a cousin who has been in and out of rehab so many times, has lost his job, his business license, his driver's license, and has lost part of his family. He still drinks. HEAVILY. He is on a very destructive path and no one can fix it for him.

I would not risk MY life by getting in the car with him. I would state exactly why and offer to help, but I won't force anyone to get help as I have seen that it does not end well.

This thread really has me thinking.... so many people are saying, "No more carpooling. Don't get in a car with him again." And many are saying that yeah, it might be just one beer, but who knows what else he has had to drink because if he can't wait until he gets home to crack open a beer, he might have a serious problem.

And you guys are right... cracking open a beer before (or while??) driving is alcoholic behavior. ***I am not saying this man is an alcoholic. This one scenario does not automatically make him as an alcoholic.***

If that is the case and he is an alcoholic, I don't think the answer is to leave him high and dry. Because in that scenario, this man is still driving (while consuming alcohol?). He is on the road, and he is a danger to others. Not only that, but he is a danger to himself. And if I were in OP's husband's shoes and felt like this man might have a problem, I would feel responsible to help him get the help he needs.

 

[mom2rtk]

This thread really has me thinking.... so many people are saying, "No more carpooling. Don't get in a car with him again." And many are saying that yeah, it might be just one beer, but who knows what else he has had to drink because if he can't wait until he gets home to crack open a beer, he might have a serious problem.

And you guys are right... cracking open a beer before (or while??) driving is alcoholic behavior. ***I am not saying this man is an alcoholic. This one scenario does not automatically make him as an alcoholic.***

If that is the case and he is an alcoholic, I don't think the answer is to leave him high and dry. Because in that scenario, this man is still driving (while consuming alcohol?). He is on the road, and he is a danger to others. Not only that, but he is a danger to himself. And if I were in OP's husband's shoes and felt like this man might have a problem, I would feel responsible to help him get the help he needs.

You can't solve all of the problems in the world. It's not my job to become his chauffeur because he drinks when he shouldn't. If it was a one time deal and he was falling down drunk, I could see trying to find a way to keep him from driving. But driving him every single day? Uh, no.

 

[sam_gordon]

Only on the Dis would a single instance of having a single beer (either before driving or during driving) mean someone is a alcoholic.

He might be the biggest drunk around, but there is NO evidence to support that.

 

[Art 1]

Only on the Dis would a single instance of having a single beer (either before driving or during driving) mean someone is a alcoholic.

He might be the biggest drunk around, but there is NO evidence to support that.

IMO a grown man who drinks beer while driving is an alcoholic.

 

[luvsJack]

So now he must be an alcoholic?

One beer does not make one an alcoholic. Now if he had bought a 6 pack and downed it before he got home or even part of it, yeah maybe. But no one can look at one tiny snippet from someone's life, know they had one single beer and determine they have a drinking problem, that is just way more than any of us have the power to do.

If thats the case, then every person that drinks a glass of wine in the evening is an alcoholic. Being an alcoholic has nothing to do with where you drink or what you drink, its about being able to stop.

He drank a beer. He wasn't drunk. Now, if the OP's dh doesn't want to ride with him, his choice. But y'all are making this way more than it is.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

do you think those beers on ice right next to the cashier at the gas station are for you to take home and put in the fridge?

"Beers on ice right next to the cashier". That's funny. Ever been to Pennsylvania? You need three forms of ID and a written note (in blood) from your Mom to get beer here.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So now he must be an alcoholic?

Saying the driver is an alcoholic is unfair.

But, being unable to drive home without a beer is questionable behavior. Now, if this was the only instance in like 5 or 10 times or whatever, it's not that big of a deal. If it's a pattern, there's a question.

 

[sam_gordon]

Saying the driver is an alcoholic is unfair.

But, being unable to drive home without a beer is questionable behavior. Now, if this was the only instance in like 5 or 10 times or whatever, it's not that big of a deal. If it's a pattern, there's a question.

I'll agree with this. But, we don't know whether he could have driven home without the beer, or if it's a pattern.

I've been on work sites where when the job was done, a cooler of beer is provided to "celebrate". Everyone (who chooses to) has a cold one, then gets in their car and drives home. Does that mean they're all alcoholics? This is not a daily thing or even a monthly thing. If there's no beer, no one complains.

 

[CPanther95]

Someone texting while driving would make me find another ride.

A Chick-fil-A milkshake would be worse than a single beer. Neither has enough alcohol to impair his driving, but it's far more distracting trying to negotiate getting the whipped cream out of that dome lid than simply drinking from a can.

 

[Colleen27]

But, being unable to drive home without a beer is questionable behavior. Now, if this was the only instance in like 5 or 10 times or whatever, it's not that big of a deal. If it's a pattern, there's a question.

But everyone went straight to being "unable" to make it home without a beer. No one even considered that maybe he just wanted one that day (one, not six. that day, not everyday). Maybe it was unusually hot, maybe it had been a long day at work, maybe he knew if he had one at home he'd have a lecture from his wife to accompany it, maybe he was heading straight out again after getting home and wouldn't have time to sit down and unwind with a beer, maybe he just had a taste for it. The jump straight to extremes tends to happen a LOT on the DIS when it comes to talking about alcohol - post about alcohol in virtually any situation outside of adult-only events and you'll have someone suggest that you may have a problem because you "can't" get through whatever normal event you're talking about without drinking.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

In places where it's taboo to drink WHILE driving then yes, it is an indicator that there could be a problem - if the person couldn't wait an hour or so until he got home. That's just how it is for many people. Maybe not all.

But I think EMom described it well as many people, based on their life experiences, just have a spidey sense about it. YMMV

Sam, I think a celebration as you described is a different story altogether.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

And sorry if I missed it later in the thread, but based on the OP it sounds like they live in a state with an Open Container Law.

My DH and another guy have been car pooling to a job site together. Well actually my DH would drive he would throw in for gas. This guy just got a new truck this week so now they switch off everyday. Tonight while the guy was driving he cracked open a beer. My DH was like what are you doing? You can't do that. The guy downed the drink and was like it's fine.
It's really hard to find what would happen to the passenger in this scenario if they were pulled over.
My DH is telling him tomorrow if he can't waite an hour to get home to have a drink they will no longer be driving together.
So WWYD?

 

[TAX GUY]

My DH and another guy have been car pooling to a job site together. Well actually my DH would drive he would throw in for gas. This guy just got a new truck this week so now they switch off everyday. Tonight while the guy was driving he cracked open a beer. My DH was like what are you doing? You can't do that. The guy downed the drink and was like it's fine.
It's really hard to find what would happen to the passenger in this scenario if they were pulled over.
My DH is telling him tomorrow if he can't waite an hour to get home to have a drink they will no longer be driving together.
So WWYD?

OK, lets recap....

OP's DH and the other guy have been car pooling (read as this was not the FIRST trip). There is no mention of the previous commutes that the perp had a or multiple beers on the way to or from the job site. This sounds like the FIRST time, and I assume he was a little more comfortable since it was HIS truck.

Those details would NOT indicate the guy is an alcoholic nor that he can't control himself to wait to have a beer. There is NO indication this is a pattern (or assuming the DH always tells his DW of all the horrific law breaking things this guy does, he certainly would have disclosed this guy cracked a beer in DH's car or smelled of beer on the way home. None of those were disclosed. It's ok to put the pitch forks back in the barn. There's no need to jump to all these assumptions of this guy being a raging alcoholic that must drink all day long. If OP's DH feels by this one time that he needs to find alternatives for transportation, fine. I personally would think its an over reaction but those are MY feelings and ones I would be ok with. Even if there was a time or two in the future, I still wouldn't see cause for alarm. If it was daily and constant, then I'd have a different feeling. In this case, it was ONE beer in ONE instance.

 

[sam_gordon]

Sam, I think a celebration as you described is a different story altogether.

OK, I've got to ask, how?

 

[cjbcam]

Talked more about it with DH. This guy has chugged one back in the parking lot a few times before getting into DH truck. I asked if he thought he was an alcoholic. My DH says no they have worked and stayed at dry camps and he hasn't had a problem.
But I guess his wife won't let him have beer in the house. So maybe he has drank too much too often?

 

[Hrhpd]

Only on the Dis would a single instance of having a single beer (either before driving or during driving) mean someone is a alcoholic.

He might be the biggest drunk around, but there is NO evidence to support that.

Drinking while driving is illegal in 49 states. Only Mississippi allows a small amount to be consumed while driving.

As adults, we tell our teens over and over again to never, ever get in a car with somebody drinking and driving. As adults, I feel we should also walk the walk. What kind of example are we setting for our young drivers if we say, "meh, one beer while driving is ok?" Drinking while driving should never be ok. And while there were no teens in this one particular situation, the pervasive attitude that it is ok as long as it is just a beer and it is no problem getting in a car with somebody drinking will be noticed eventually by our new, young drivers.