WWY Have Done. . .

[mill4023]

No, those are the words on the invitation so that's what I said. Any bar at a party is a major clue to me that it is intended for adults only.

Huh?
Do you not take kids to restaurants that serve alcohol?
I've been to numerous weddings. All of them have had a bar and all of them have welcomed the whole family. I have no problem with an adults only event, but that shouldn't be communicated with "clues". It should be stated clearly so nobody has to guess at your intentions.

Addressing an invitation to Mr. and Mrs. is not clear. Plenty of people send things addressed to the adults in the house, whether or not it's intended to include or exclude the children.

 

[Robbi]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

In theory that is true. However reality of the situation is that it is necessary.

 

[turkeymama]

Huh?
Do you not take kids to restaurants that serve alcohol?
I've been to numerous weddings. All of them have had a bar and all of them have welcomed the whole family. I have no problem with an adults only event, but that shouldn't be communicated with "clues". It should be stated clearly so nobody has to guess at your intentions.

Addressing an invitation to Mr. and Mrs. is not clear. Plenty of people send things addressed to the adults in the house, whether or not it's intended to include or exclude the children.

Of course they have been to restaurants with bars. Don't be ridiculous. That is entirely different than taking them to a party where the hours listed for said party are the same hours an actual bar would be in operation. I would not take my child to a nightclub or an actual bar. When the invitation indicated the party would last until 2 in the morning, I would know the atmosphere would be different than an average birthday party for family. But then again, as I've said in other posts, we must be accustomed to different social norms. We don't commonly have parties with large amounts of alcohol, kids or no kids. And parties I've been to with bars were not for children.

ETA: I am almost 40 years old and I've only been to two weddings where alcohol was served at the reception. We just do things different here I guess. Not right or wrong, just different.

 

[mill4023]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

Nonsense. The envelope tells the postal service who to deliver it to.
If, as the OP said, kids are usually included in parties, it certainly should have been made clear that this party was different from the norm and was adults only.

 

[sam_gordon]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

I've mentioned before I've received invitations to events addressed to just DW & myself. However, our kids WERE invited.

 

[Squirlz]

In the beginning of my thread. I explained that because I'd addressed the invitations to Mr. & Mrs. only that I thought that sufficed. With the advice here today, I've the understanding this is not sufficient. Now in planning the 60th surprise party, I will be clearer.

The Hall has a Max. of 200 people. Our celebration just over, Half the Max.

Wait a minute...this happened TEN YEARS AGO?!?

 

[snapppyd]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

If that were the case these misunderstandings would not be happening.

 

[Robbi]

As someone else posted, social norms vary, I guess. Here, we know that the names on an envelope are the only ones invited. If kids names are not on the envelope and they don't receive their own invitation, then they're not invited.

 

[Missy1961]

The OP said the invitations had only the invited couple's printed on the envelope. If someone's name is not on the envelope, they're not invited. It shouldn't be necessary to add "Adults Only" or "No Children".

This wasn't a wedding with an outside & an inside envelope. It was a birthday party invitation with one envelope. And I'm sure many people didn't even look at the envelope. And some threw it out so even if they looked at it, they wouldn't have a reminder and since kids were usually invited to family functions they would have brought the kids without a second thought.

 

[KimR]

ETA: I am almost 40 years old and I've only been to two weddings where alcohol was served at the reception. We just do things different here I guess. Not right or wrong, just different.

Now this is funny. I was wondering where you lived that children were not included in parties that served alcohol - that concept is entirely foreign to me. Then I read that you live in the south - we are in GA which is about as South as you can get. I swear, the more I read here, the more convinced I am that I live in an alternate universe. Do you live in a more rural area - maybe that is the difference?

 

[Robbi]

This wasn't a wedding with an outside & an inside envelope. It was a birthday party invitation with one envelope. And I'm sure many people didn't even look at the envelope. And some threw it out so even if they looked at it, they wouldn't have a reminder and since kids were usually invited to family functions they would have brought the kids without a second thought.

This is how it's done here:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Miss Katy Smith
Master John Smith, Jr.
123 Main St.
Anywhere, USA 12345

Or Mr. and Mrs. Smith get an invitation and the kids get their own.

 

[turkeymama]

Now this is funny. I was wondering where you lived that children were not included in parties that served alcohol - that concept is entirely foreign to me. Then I read that you live in the south - we are in GA which is about as South as you can get. I swear, the more I read here, the more convinced I am that I live in an alternate universe. Do you live in a more rural area - maybe that is the difference?

I live in the northern part of Louisiana (I specify the part because we are waaaay different than south Louisiana). We are not exactly what I would call rural, but we are not a metropolitan center either. There are certainly towns more rural than we are here, but yes, we are very conservative. I had a very conservative upbringing to boot. I guess this may have something to do with the size of the cities we reside in? Are you close to Atlanta maybe? I'll admit, as many times as I've been to Georgia, I can't think of all the cities that are larger than the city I live in. The only "big" city in northern Louisiana would be Shreveport anyway, and that's a stretch.

 

[turkeymama]

This is how it's done here:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Miss Katy Smith
Master John Smith, Jr.
123 Main St.
Anywhere, USA 12345

Or Mr. and Mrs. Smith get an invitation and the kids get their own.

This is how I've seen things addressed as well. OR,

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith, and family

And even still, sometimes we get this:
The Smith Family

 

[Robbi]

I live in the northern part of Louisiana (I specify the part because we are waaaay different than south Louisiana). We are not exactly what I would call rural, but we are not a metropolitan center either. There are certainly towns more rural than we are here, but yes, we are very conservative. I had a very conservative upbringing to boot. I guess this may have something to do with the size of the cities we reside in? Are you close to Atlanta maybe? I'll admit, as many times as I've been to Georgia, I can't think of all the cities that are larger than the city I live in. The only "big" city in northern Louisiana would be Shreveport anyway, and that's a stretch.

We live in south Louisiana now and we've never been to a wedding around here that's not open bar.
The only 2 weddings I've attended w/out open bars were a pay as you go bar in Boston and no alcohol at all in Birmingham.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

I agree that I wouldn't have known just from how the envelope was addressed that it was suppose to be an adults only party. Even seeing the hours of the party and that a bar would be involved wouldn't have clued me in that kids weren't invited.

I think if it is adults only it needs to say exactly that on the invitation. ADULTS ONLY.

I have never left my kids with a sitter so if it was something kids couldn't attend I would not have attended myself.

I was invited to attend both of my friend's son's weddings and the envelope was only addressed to me. But it was not an adults only wedding.

I would not have turned the folks away once they got there. I would have told them in no uncertain terms that they were not suppose to have the kids there but I don't think I would have turned them away. Especially if it was my DH's family.

 

[turkeymama]

We live in south Louisiana now and we've never been to a wedding around here that's not open bar.
The only 2 weddings I've attended w/out open bars were a pay as you go bar in Boston and no alcohol at all in Birmingham.

Yep, it is just humorous to me how different the two parts of our state really are. And really, it's more than the north and south, right? I try to tell friends from other states that we aren't all cajun and we don't all sound like "swamp people", even the people that live in south louisiana. I guess now, people will think all of us from the northern part of the state act like the Duck Dynasty people (and they don't even act like that in real life).

Anyway, I could explain why things are the way they are up here, but it would lead the discussion to religious denominations I'm sure you know what I mean.

 

[DizBelle]

Something tells me that even if you had put "Adults Only" and "No Children" on the invitation in bold print at the top, they still would have brought their children thinking "Surely, they didn't mean MY children."

 

[sam_gordon]

Something tells me that even if you had put "Adults Only" and "No Children" on the invitation in bold print at the top, they still would have brought their children thinking "Surely, they didn't mean MY children."

I was under the impression this was more than one group bringing children. Maybe I'm wrong. I agree a few might ignore the "Adults Only" indication, but I bet you at most it's 1-2 families.

IMO, if the invitation plainly states "Adults Only" or "No Children", the host is justified in turning them away.

 

[Pigeon]

ETA: I am almost 40 years old and I've only been to two weddings where alcohol was served at the reception. We just do things different here I guess. Not right or wrong, just different.

I'm in my 50s and have yet to be to a single wedding where there wasn't an open bar. And most of the weddings were kid-friendly.